Spouse Of A Crossdresser

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Coping2014, Jess76, and other SO’s,

This information may be of some interest to you.

It may also answer some of your frightening fears and questions.

Your husband is probably as frightened about his crossdressing as you are about learning about it.

TriEss-My Husband is a Crossdresser.

http://www.triesslasvegas.com/Documents/Tri-Ess_My_Husband_Crossdresser.pdf

Helping Wives of Crossdressers to Understand and Cope

http://www.crossdressflorida.com/page2.html

11 Common Questions From A Spouse

http://www.lightinthecloset.org/11questions.html

I hope this is of some help and comfort.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Crossdresser’s SO’s,

These links are strictly for Crossdresser’s and their families.

TriEss What is TriEss http://www.tri-ess.org/docs/whatis.html

TriEss CDSO http://www.tri-ess.org/spice/CDSO/CDSO.htm

Listserves are designed as a forum for all genetic women involved with crossdressers.

Subscription is free and is limited to female spouses or partners of any crossdresser, regardless if crossdresser is Tri-Ess member or not.

A Crossdressers Secret Garden-SO Information

Some very helpful articles.

http://cdsecretgarden.femmegetaway.com/soinfo.html

I hope that this will help provide you with some comfort about your spouse.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest coping2014]

Eve,

Your words were actually quite helpful! This paragraph in particular:

"I believe the best answer is boundaries and respect. As a wife of a CD you have the right to set boundaries. I am sure some CDs on this site will disagree with me, but in my life the mutual respect between us works, and it works very well. You have the right to set boundaries, but do it with love and understanding, not fear and prejudice. But I advise you set the boundaries that YOU need in order to be able to cope, and take it from there. I might be wrong, but if you set caring boundaries that support your needs, define what you expect from him, yet leave the door open for growth, development and negotiation between both of you, then you will be set on a mutually inclusive course of action."

I have really wondered about limits - as I wouldn't want him telling me "what I can and can't do" but as you stated if its done as more a caring conversation and the door is left open for growth then at least we both know we are working the process. And we have been doing that. I guess I don't really have an issue with the lying in our situation. I don't consider it that plus I know my husband and he really HATES lying and doesn't tend to himself- or at least not the I have ever noticed over our years together. I just hope that because it doesn't start because it is such a difficult subject. My fear is that he won't share cause he doesn't want to push me over the edge and in turn he will go back into hidding about it and eventually resent me. I have let him know this so I told him that I really hope that even if we can't resolve all this (not that this is the result what I want - but I'm a realist so I look at all the outcomes) I want to be friends - I don't want anger and frustration to eat away at what we have I want to always be able to communitcate. I just wonder that once he explores this side of himself more he may want more than I personally can handle in a marriage and if that does happen I want to be able to still have a relationship and not have a ton of anamosity between us.

This last week was lots of ups and downs. Thought we were doing good communicting then the next day I broke down emotionally and just didn't know what I could take. Then I decided that I needed to just give him what he needs and see where we go I guess. I am always waiting for the other shoes to fall - will he want to transition, will he hide things from me, am I not enough, will this new side of him go away when the guilt of the issue is resolved (by that I mean he was never been a touchy feely type of man - no public displays of effection, etc. - but since he has told me he can't seem to quite touching me. kisses, holding hands, touching my face, back, cuddling etc. I LOVE IT but am also worried its just him buttering me up because he wants more from me. (can you tell I have trust issues ? lol) I just wish I could read his mind! It would sove a lot of issues. ANY way - on to this weekend. On friday I was at a yard sale and it had womens clothing I thought would work for him so that evening I took him back there with me and we bought a few things and then this Sunday we headed out of town to do some other shopping for him. I helped him as best I could I think I have done more research online than he has about what he should be doing I think he was surprised at what all I did know. So now he has some stuff to work with for now to see how things develop. I guess we will see - I can't change the results of what will be I just hope that I am still apart of his future in more a position than just friends - time will tell.

Thanks for your works they did help!

Coping 2014

[Guest coping2014]

Vivianmichael,

Thank you - I just wrote in my original post a response but it has yet to post that I wouldn't be were I am if it wasn't for all the members support on here! SO thanks again! It's a good day and hopefully we can have a nice visit this evening as well. Your support means a lot so I can't thank you enough for it!

Coping2014

[Guest Eve Caillard]

I am glad some of what I said was helpful. Thank you for your kind response!

I know my wife had the same fears of "where will it end?" In fact, as a CD, I actually have a very clear feel of where I am and where I want to go, and it is nowhere near the original worst fears of my wife. And I told her so. Because we talked, she knows where I stand and I understand the boundaries that keep her comfortable. Try not to imagine the worst and instead keep communicating. I suspect a lot of us who are CD are not up for transitioning. I certainly would not - I am a man and happy to be one; I just need to escape the role from time to time because it genuinely conflicts with, and hurts the nurturing, gentle side I have in me. I don't CD to "express my feminine side" because I am already fairly feminine (brain-wise, not camp or anything). I cross dress to get away from being male. The female clothes kind of 'role-play' the maleness away, and brings me peace for a while. This is my personal situation and may not apply to others on this site.

Obviously, I am unable to say what will happen in your case, but remember your husband loves you and will (I very much hope, if he is like me) will indicate where his limits lie. I'd suggest trust him - he knows what he wants and needs and will likely balance it against your needs and practicality. In this, I hope I will be right - however, it is just a personal opinion so please take it as such.

Good luck,

Eve

[Guest KatyDesire]

Coping,

all I can say is that your husband is incredibly lucky to have someone like you around, who will try as hard as you are doing to help him. It is incredibly hard for both parties.

For men, the thing that brings on the biggest shame is to be weak. We are socialized and brought up that way. For him to have admitted to you that he is a cross-dresser was certainly one of the most difficult things he has done. Trust me - been there. I have been in the army. Boot camp was a walk in the park next to admitting this to anyone. Give me combat any time!

However, now that he has come out with it, he no longer has to put on the old mask. He can afford to be more caring, more loving. In other words, 'softer'. So I really don't think that he is trying to butter you up. I think this has been such a relief, that he can now let his true feelings show without bottling them up - you have given him permission to show his 'weaker' side. Society has decreed that 'real men' never show their feelings, and certainly don't willingly hold hands or show any but the most basic affection. Which is all BS, but that's how things are.

I am not a therapist, and I don't know you. But I think you are discovering how much more of a wonderful man you have married than you had thought. And if he doesn't appreciate what you are doing for him, then he needs a good clip around the ear!

When I read posts from people like you, it gives me joy and hope.

your story sounds so much like mine when I admitted to my wife that I was CD - after 35 years of marriage. I know it was really hard for her.

My thoughts may not be very helpful, but I am with you in spirit.

By the way - if you haven't found it already, "My husband Betty" is a great read on this subject.

You have loads of support here - lots of shoulders to lean on. Please lean on them as much as you need.

My biggest hugs to both of you (which, by the way, I could never have done before I accepted myself as CD!)

[Guest coping2014]

SO FRUSTRATED! Thanks everyone for the continued inspiration. As I just heard another member descibe it it's an emotional rollercoaster. I have been up and down and then up and down again - and in such a short time frame. He told me I broke down - I reseached and rallied my spirits and wanted to move forward talked with him and was in a good place. Learned some new things and then BAM! Emotions over came me and I was all jealous and deperessed again. then I read your posts and I know it is a long journey and I want to keep lines open - I go to him after hearing our conversatons of limits (sharing comfort zones and how we can respect eachother rather than a you can and you can't!) we went for a drive - I had this converstatoin in mind as we set out driving it took some time to get to it but we did get there and we set some things that we both asked for - my main one is at this moment I don't want it in our bed (I'm just not ready for it but stated that we could talk again about it later) He knows this is an issue for me and KNOWS I have trust issues so I felt we were quite clear on what we both wanted - we even shared it back to one another so we were sure.. THEN we go home have a nice dinner with family all our kids were home - I was so happy! He and I were in a good place and with everyone home I was grinning ear to ear. Hubby went to bed I visited with kids a little while more then headed to bed too. He snuggled up like he has been lately (I do love that and hope it doesn't go away) that all lead to a little foreplay and he completey smacked me with a brick and started talking about wearing panties and such and making me very uncomfortable. I just tried to ignore it and get past it hoping that my lack of communication would be signal enough (wrong) then (sorry I'm trying to not be graphic) I could tell he was pushing things again and I could tell that is was exciting more and stimulating the entire experience -FOR HIM - me on the other end wanted to roll over and cry - it's my greatest fear that our current relationship and what I had imagined in our future will die and he will change and want to transition from MTF. THere is nothing wrong with this and if that is what he want I want to be there to support him and help him along the way. BUT if that is the case my life with change too and I will want to have a realtionship with someone that is what I want from like. I keep feeling like what I want is getting thrown out the window!

His actions last night made me feel so betrayed and it makes all his comments seem empty and hallow... I pushed myself to accept more than I was ready for because I had convinced myself that I wanted to give him everything he needed so he could understand and make sense of the journey that he's on. I TOLD him that I wasn't any less scared and freaked out than I was the day he came out to me but that I was accepting that what will be will be and I would rather just know what was happening to us than wonder. Then he broke the boundries that we set only hours before! I'm so mad at him - at first it was sad but that has passed and I'm just TICKED!

Now I'm sitting here all day just waiting for the work day to be over so we can talk again. My mind is going crazy and I know he has appologize but it is hard to believe him when he just disregarded every thing we just discussed about respect and bounderies.

I just don't know where this is going to go.....

Coping2014

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Oh dear, Coping. I read your post and it all seemed to be going well until the "panties". You set your boundaries, he accepted them then he tries to change them - so I understand. I hope you were clear to him. I don't know what to say. All I CAN say is for myself, I would not act like that. Because in my personal experience CD in marriage is all about respect and boundaries. My wife, although uncomfortable with CD at least knows she will not face this sort of thing, and we are relaxed enough to joke about it all. That's because I have no desire to cross the boundaries we agreed and she knows that will be the case. But in your case, I just feel really sad that he behaved this way - he seems either very selfish, or he genuinely does not understand the effect his actions are having. Perhaps others here can help with better advice than mine.

Remember, you have friends here to help you. If you need to ask me anything, feel free to do so.

Eve

[Guest KatyDesire]

Hey, I would be just as annoyed if that had been done to me. Its easy to give him loads of sympathy etc. But you also have a life and you are also going through a tough time.

He is just testing boundaries, as are you. Again, I am not a therapist. But my advice - for what its worth - and I think the other ladies here should perhaps join in - would be to sit him down, and tell that (1) that was not OK, and you see that as going against your agreement; (2) that you are having as tough a time as he is, if not even tougher; and (3) although you find his "new" personality really good, this sort of thing does not do it for you, and is a major turn-off.

One swallow does not a summer make, and one discussion is not going to solve all the problems. The discussions need to be on-going. Perhaps arrange a regular weekly discussion - maybe over a cup of coffee in a coffee shop, or at a picnic place somewhere? You have discussed the boundaries, now is perhaps the time to construct the fence along the boundaries. Later, when you are both more comfortable, you might, together, decide to move the fence. But that is for later. Much later. Now is the time to establish the ground rules.

Don't be afraid to speak your mind. Be assertive, but there is also no need to get into a screaming match. You two clearly have loads in common, and a wonderful relationship. There is no reason to give that all up. You have come across a rocky patch of road. But as the Chinese are said to have said : "this, too, shall pass".

Keep us up to date. We are all on the side of your relationship - not just you or him. My reading is that you are both great people. Its just terribly hard to talk and work through something like this.

But, trust me, for such a short time you are doing great!

[Guest coping2014]

vivianmichael,

He appologized and we had a few LONG discussions after that it is very hard for me to want to have sex with him right now. I'm dealing with so much emotionally and he can't understand that I can't just shut off my brain and just "do it" - I can' be fine and then he does one little thing that makes me think of the CD and my mind goes back to the time I saw him completly dressed and I get turned off and can't or don't want to - I CAN"T seem to will myself passed this issue! I mean we are having some great conversations - we are connecting in ways I really never thought possible and yet we go to bed and I think we may and the does something like caress my hand and then I feel his fingernails (which I believe he is growing out to polish) and the moment I feel that my brain goes into overdrive and I get all anxious and messed up! it's like a switch that gets flipped and I can't control the feelings and thoughts that come into my head! I HATE IT - I want to have sex with my husband and I can't even seem to do that anymore! I dont' know why it's happening but I can't control it and I really hope to get passed this feeling because right now it is consuming me and it's making me very sad.

Coping2014

[Guest Jamie_cd]

In regards to your sex life, I ran into the same issue with my wife. She finds painted nails or womens clothes to be a huge turn off so we've set limits as well. Basically it comes down to her not wanting to see me in anything feminine so I only dress in private when she and our daughter are not home. You will find a way that works for both of you.

[Guest KatyDesire]

Hi Coping.

I think that he needs to accept that this is all much too fast for you. Perhaps the place to start might be that you don't want to have this in your face until and unless you are completely comfortable with it.

My very humble suggestion is that, for now, you both agree on a compromise something like: you accept that this is who he is, and from time to time may even help him buy stuff. In return he agrees not to dress in front of you, and not to make anything obvious, like growing nails or shaving chest. You then negotiate a regular time when he can dress, like maybe you could regularly go to a movie on a Saturday afternoon with a girl friend, so that he has the house to himself.

You might then agree to regularly renegotiate the conditions.

In the meantime the 2 of you need to be communicating regularly and helping each other through the problem. Regular quiet chats in a neutral place, when you can both have a chance to express the difficulties you are experiencing and try to find a way through the issues that arise.

It sounds to me like you are making great progress with your communicating. The sex can wait for now. You have a life time to catch up on that. Don't put yourself under pressure. Just a quiet cuddle before going to sleep can be very comforting, and without the stress of having to perform.

Also, I would very strongly recommend that he regularly gets on to this site, as you have.

For folks who can't get to a regular therapist, there are really a lot of people here who have both of your best interests at heart.

Wish I could be there for you in person. It's really tough, but once you get through it, as hard as it is to believe, your lives will be enriched in a number of surprising ways.

Please keep writing. There are lots of broad shoulders here for you to cry on.

[Guest ashleynikole]

I 2nd the communication. Also make sure the communication is clearly expressed and that both parties understand completely what the other is expecting and what is expected to be done and when or not done and when. This is important, as I wasted almost 3 months of my relationship trying find a happy middle ground between (boy name) and Ashley and my spouse simply wanted to date Ashley to see if she was someone she could live the rest of her life with. The expectations were not clearly communicated and then the communication was not completely understood, so please definitely, communication is the most important and make sure you dot your i's and cross your t's when you do communicate.

[Guest Michael Keeler]

I came out of the closet 2 weeks ago after 3 years of denial to myself. My wife is having a very hard time with this and at one point she was ready to leave me. I am at a lose as what to do. We have agreed to seek marriage consoling, bot I am still worried that I will lose her. She has told me that she still loves me. I could really use some advice.

[Guest Michael Keeler]

I told my wife 2 weeks ago that I was a cross dresser. A fact that I was just now able to amit to myself. She is having a really tuff time with this, and has thought about leaving me. We have both agreed to talk to a marriage counselor, but I am still afraid that I will lose her. I am also feeling a lot of guilt over this. I feel that if I had never came out of the closet that none of this would ever have happened. I need some advice as to what to do.

[MaryEllen]

Unfortunately, once the door is opened, there's no closing it. Talk to the marriage counselor and try to find some common ground you both can live with. I'd also recommend doing counseling with a gender therapist.

MaryEllen

[Guest AliciaDB2014]

Hi Michael,

I am the spouse of a crossdresser and a male-to-female transgender. It took a lot for my wife to tell me the truth and we actually discovered together that the CDing went further than just enjoyment of the clothes and the way he felt in them. At first, yes, it was shocking. Not bad, just surprising. I don't know how to explain it, because every couple is different. We talked, a lot. There were a lot of questions, some that went unanswered because even my wife didn't have answers to them. I think the most important thing is to not make any rash decisions. Find someone who you can talk to, together and separately. There is also a board here for spouses, you might want to encourage your wife to join in with us over there. This is a safe place, judgment free, where she can express how she is feeling openly and find other spouses who are or have gone through the same thing.

Alicia

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi Michael

Good luck. I immediately came out to my wife after weirdly rediscovering cross-dressing at 52 or 53 or thereabouts. Now we have been married since 1982. So it was a shock to her. But she took it on board with good grace but a lot of discomfort.

Through my experience I guess two things apply: she wants to know you are 'her man' and she'll always have access to the male that is you, and you will be her "knight in shining armour". And secondly she will want to set behaviour boundaries on you that preserve her dignity. She will want to make sure she will not be embarrassed by you in any way. Now both of these are her right, and must be respected because that's the contract you made when you were married. She will also need to know that you have proper and good reasons for not telling her earlier - and be honest. Lack of truthfulness and trust hurts her.

Getting counselling is a good idea. Go for it. Show her that your love and masculinity for her is undiminished, and accept her boundaries and controls. Then work from there. But always with respect for her.

Maybe because many of us are a bit different from most men, women are unsettled by our inner femininity when it surfaces and disrupts the man they married and like to have around. For instance I can't be the "man in charge" for my wife because I am too nurturing and 'soft'. So she's already used to a kind of masculine flop. I think that helped her understand why I cross-dress.

So give her time, giver her space and most of all, respect her for who she is. And I'm sure in the long run it will turn out well.

My wife, though she does not like my cross-dressing, will still crack jokes about it and we will have a laugh.

Good luck

Eve

[HeatherAnne13]

Hi Michael

Good luck. I immediately came out to my wife after weirdly rediscovering cross-dressing at 52 or 53 or thereabouts. Now we have been married since 1982. So it was a shock to her. But she took it on board with good grace but a lot of discomfort.

Through my experience I guess two things apply: she wants to know you are 'her man' and she'll always have access to the male that is you, and you will be her "knight in shining armour". And secondly she will want to set behaviour boundaries on you that preserve her dignity. She will want to make sure she will not be embarrassed by you in any way. Now both of these are her right, and must be respected because that's the contract you made when you were married. She will also need to know that you have proper and good reasons for not telling her earlier - and be honest. Lack of truthfulness and trust hurts her.

Getting counselling is a good idea. Go for it. Show her that your love and masculinity for her is undiminished, and accept her boundaries and controls. Then work from there. But always with respect for her.

Maybe because many of us are a bit different from most men, women are unsettled by our inner femininity when it surfaces and disrupts the man they married and like to have around. For instance I can't be the "man in charge" for my wife because I am too nurturing and 'soft'. So she's already used to a kind of masculine flop. I think that helped her understand why I cross-dress.

So give her time, giver her space and most of all, respect her for who she is. And I'm sure in the long run it will turn out well.

My wife, though she does not like my cross-dressing, will still crack jokes about it and we will have a laugh.

Good luck

Eve

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, Heather. I see you're having some difficulty with the "quote" feature. Just be sure to put your cursor under the quote box so you can add your text to the post. If you repeat the one above, i'll delete this one for you.

Carolyn Marie

[HeatherAnne13]

This made me cry alot.......today is my first day on this site. My husband came out to me a long time ago and I have struggled with his cd since. At first it was just panties, my panties and I didn't like that. Then it was thigh highs too,etc. He also purged many times, I liked those times best. I was coaxed into playing with him after a awhile. Which at times was fun. I always missed the man I married. His cd to me seems more sex oriented. Well any way this is my struggle. ...

one weekend I went away to my mom's house with our children. The girls stayed at my mom's house for a few days on a vacation. He had told me that while we were away he was on Craigslist and ended up bringing a man, a stranger into our house without my permission or know how and dressed for him. He swears to me that nothing happened he wouldn't let let that he just need to feel pretty. Well at one point some touching did occur. Well after many days of worries and promises I did not leave him. One of his promises was that he would never again go on Craigslist. Well that promise was broken. Along with many others. I am at crossroads as to leave him or not. It has been 7 months since I found out that he was still chatting with other men looking for attention. I have pushed him out of my heart but can not leave him and I do still love him but I fear that he will only lie and cheat again. Your words "Through my experience I guess two things apply: she wants to know you are 'her man' and she'll always have access to the male that is you, and you will be her "knight in shining armour". And secondly she will want to set behaviour boundaries on you that preserve her dignity. She will want to make sure she will not be embarrassed by you in any way. Now both of these are her right, and must be respected because that's the contract you made when you were married. She will also need to know that you have proper and good reasons for not telling her earlier - and be honest. Lack oftruthfulness and trust hurts her." Just made me ball because he doesn't not do any of those things. I am heart broken and I fear the failing marriage he has created.

[Carolyn Marie]

Hello Heather Anne, and welcome to the Playground. I am sorry you had to wait so long for your post to be approved. Such a delay is not usual, and I hope doesn't happen again.

I am also sorry that you've had the experience with your husband that you've had. I don't think its fair what he did, and I doubt many others would think so, either. It is true that there isn't anything that a CDer should be ashamed of in being CD, but being married has a set of responsibilities and obligations, and honesty and faithfulness are two very big ones. Those are lines he should not have crossed, and you are, IMO, entitled to feel betrayed.

There are therapists who specialize in gender issues, and I hope that you and your S/O can find one, or a marriage counselor, to see if there is a way to salvage your relationship.

It is not easy to be the wife or partner of a CDer or a trans person. I saw the pain and confusion and fear in my wife's eyes in the days and weeks after I came out to her. We have stayed together and grown stronger as a couple, but we are the exception rather than the rule. I know what she went through. I have an idea what you're going through. My heart goes out to you.

When you wish, please do post in the Introductions Forum, so more folks can meet you and say hello. You are among friends here.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[CiCi_73]

Hi Heather,

I am really sorry to hear that this has been your experience. I know that it was really hard on my wife when I finally worked up the courage to tell her what was going on with me. She definitely felt hurt and betrayed by the years of me keeping this from her. I tried to explain to her as best as I could about how intensely I felt the shame (Society's shame) at what I thought I was (some kind of pervert). We love each other. We always will. But as I've been allowed to explore myself and what all this means to me, we've realized that staying together as husband and wife is not going to work. I am sad about this, but she, and you, deserve to have a man in your life that you can trust, and who is able to fulfill his end of the marital contract. I second Carolyn Marie on the counselor if you feel you want to try and work through this with him. But I can tell you from my experience that the CD was just the tip of the iceberg for me, and my gender issues go a lot farther than "I just like to where pretty clothes."

I wish you all the best, my heart goes out to you (and all the spouses). If there is anything I can tell you of my own experience that you might find helpful, just ask. I'll be glad to share

Hugs,

Courtney

[robinmaybe]

I've never been in a serious long term relationship so my opinion in these matters won't carry much weight, but I do have a few thoughts that might be helpful. First of all it's great that you care enough about your partner to trying and learn more about crossdressing. That shows a lot of compassion, understanding and maturity on your part. Secondly, I'm not sure if you already know this but there is a forum on this site that was create for significant others of crossdressers. You might want to check that out if you already haven't. One thing I would suggest is that you look for aspects of his appearance that you can both agree upon. For example there are a lot of men's clothing made from softer fabrics which he might prefer to the clothes he has now. He won't like them as much as women's clothes but it will still be an improvement for him without creating an issue for you. In a similar vein mainstream gender roles have changed a great deal in the past few years and many things that were once considered exclusively feminine are now possible for both genders. For example body shaving, ear piercing and manicures are now considered by many to be acceptable for men, women and everything in between. If you could find things like these that are acceptable for both of you it would be a good way to show him that you respect how he feels and want him to explore his feminine side as much as is possible within the boundaries you have set up to protect your feelings. A second thing I would suggest is doing your best to figure out exactly why he wasn't open with you about his crossdressing. When you do this try an avoid morally charged words like "lying" and "deceit" as these will only make him defensive and less likely to reveal his true feelings and motivations. Possible reasons include fear of rejection, shame and not wanting you to feel the anger hurt and confusion that you feel now. Most likely it is a combination of all these reasons and more. It's possible that what some people would see as selfish was actually a well intended attempt to protect you, no matter how unrealistic those intentions were. It's important for you to know that the fact he didn't tell you about his crossdressing does not mean he doesn't love you. I love my parents and siblings very much but I still can not imagine revealing my feminine side to them. Finally I think your significant other needs to know that you have no intention of hurting him. He needs to understand that no matter what happens you won't violate his trust by sharing his secret with anyone. Even if he knows you love him on some level he's probably afraid that if things go bad you might use his secret to blackmail him emotionally, tell his boss or his family or hurt him in some other way. Being a crossdresser can be dangerous and there are plenty of real threats to be afraid of, he doesn't need to imagine more. Don't interpret this as a sign he doesn't love or trust you, we all think some pretty crazy things when were under stress.

Like I said before I've never been in a serious relationship so take what I say with a grain of salt. I hope some of what I said proves to be at least a little bit helpful and I hope the best for your relationship

Robin.