Feeling Dysphoric at a Wedding

[Guest EmmaPark94]

Hi, friends,

I recently went to a wedding. I already felt more dysphoric than usual, wearing a suit. Nothing remotely feminine about my attire at all. So I was feeling pretty self-conscious -- a sinking feeling inside me, like I don't belong anywhere. I feel alone. I want to curl up into a little ball and roll myself into a dark cardboard box in the corner, no one decoding myself with their eyes and judging me and not having to look at me.

Then came the bride -- and a mixture of extreme dysphoria and jealousy and awe and happiness came over me. I honestly have not seen a more beautiful dress in my life. I couldn't look away. But every time I looked, those feelings came back. I probably sound crazy, but that's how it was.

But the two were very happy, and I'm very happy for them too.

[Charlize]

The last time i was in public as a male i was in a suit. It was unfortunately for a family funeral. I was uncomfortable but it was certainly not about me. Your time will come dear. You too are beautiful.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Cyndee]

Hi Emma your not alone, Meg is right weddings can be so "genderized" and triggering. They can be certainly full of ritual.

Our band was hired to play a wedding reception party weekend before last, beautiful place, wonderful people, but it was not about me, I stayed in the shadows, until it was our time to play, I could not wait to finish the gig and go home.

The last wedding I was actually in, was about 8 years ago, I was asked to wear a color coordinated tux, OMG, that was the last time I ever wore a "man suit". Ironically the girl I was paired up with in the procession was named "Cynthia". But gosh did I ever feel out of place, dyshporic, hid it well, suffered in silence. When I see pictures of that wedding and me in that awful suit, I looked so ugggg, so much what is NOT me, might as well be 2 completely different people. I did it for my friends, they are really good people, it was not about me.

That's great Emma, you did it for them that's what matters....

Hugs

Cyndi -

[Guest ashleynikole]

I totally get what you mean. In March of this year, I attended my brother's wedding and had to done some man clothes when I'm used to wearing androgynous or feminine clothes. I was miserable but I thought I hid it well. I tried to let the other parts of my personality out full bore. However, my father and his girlfriend were in attendance and she apparently saw right through me. When they came and visited us this past Father's day and I could totally be myself all weekend, she commented how much happier I looked compared to the wedding.

I wanna get married some day as my true self and when I do, I'm gonna find the most gorgeous white lace and satin dress on the planet. But I do know what you felt and you are not alone in your feelings. This is very normal for us who get dysphoric, to have a trigger that just sends us into a spiral of depression and anxiety. Try to find the things that bring you out of it and allow yourself to recover nicely from this event. You'll do fine. Just hang in there.

God bless

Ashley

[Guest Kendra K]

I completely understand Emma. Weddings for me are one of the worst things. I never wear suits at weddings, which would make me feel worse, but seeing the bride, bridesmaids, and other women in dresses really is hard.

[Guest LauraJen]

I have a wedding very shortly as well and I am dreading it for the exact same reasons. Usually I avoid occasions like these at all costs, but there is no escape this time. There will be a disco at the end as well. Usually during these things I get super jealous of the girls dancing away and having fun in their pretty dresses, and then I look at myself in a smart male outfit, as per expectations of my parents and everyone else there. How much I would give to enjoy these things in the correct gender role.

I am just grateful for the opportunity to wear a dress of my own when I get home from it, though it feels like small consolation.