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Hello From An Advisor


jacob82b

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Oh no, being born without the ability to create children is not a sin! I didn't mean to say that!

Genesis 1:28 and 9:1 both give us the commandment to have children:

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

So if you are able, you do have a duty to have children. But if you cannot, well, then you just can't. You won't be put to death, Sally!

Jacob

Jacob,

I want you to think about this very carefully, because one of the arguments against transsexuality is the thought that "God made a mistake and that doesn't happen".

OK, I don't believe that God makes mistakes either but we see birth defects of all kinds everyday and correct as many of them as we can.

Men and Women are supposed to have children but some are born incapable - they are not sinners.

So if some people are born with brains that do not match their bodies shouldn't we correct this 'birth defect' for want of a better word?

The problem with following any religious dogma without questioning is the simple fact that the stories in the most recent of religions (I'm sorry to be excluding Scientologists here) are over 200 years old for Mormons, over 700 for Islamics, 2000 for Christians and over 5000 for Jews.

Only in the case of the latest religions were any of the accounts written at the time of the events - only the letters in the New Testament were written and preserved from an original witness and even then translated and edited to 'fit' the needs of the times.

Unless you are holding a copy of 'Dianetics' in your hand the book has been edited and translated and abridged by so many different people that it is hard to imagine what the original content was.

I am not saying that any of the 'changes' that occurred in any of these books were necessarily even intentional much less malicious, but the fact is - in translations, interpretation takes place.

Read a King James Version and an New International Version of the Holy Bible and see how many differences you find.

They are minor but some do change the impression that you get from the reading.

Please just think about these things and do remember that Martin Luther was a heretic.

Love, peace and understanding,

Sally

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Guest Zack L
Oh no, being born without the ability to create children is not a sin! I didn't mean to say that!

Genesis 1:28 and 9:1 both give us the commandment to have children:

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

So if you are able, you do have a duty to have children. But if you cannot, well, then you just can't. You won't be put to death, Sally!

Jacob

...What about overpopulation? I don't think it's such a good idea that anyone who can make babies SHOULD make them. We already have tons of people, kids, starving in Africa.

And now off the topic of religion and onto Tim, if I were in her position, I would only come to someone from the church as a near final resort before suicide. It's likely that she knows you wouldn't be accepting but has no where else at all to turn, and so has come to you as a last ditch attempt to keep herself alive, as I see it. If that's the case, you rejecting her or breaking her trust could push her over the edge. Just throwing that out there, please be careful.

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Guest Elizabeth K

Lot of great discussion here - I wasn't going to join in BUT

'Mothers are supposed to have children" and nurture them?

My first wife died in childbirth. I took her place and nurtured my surviving daughter [from this childbirth] to age five, when I remarried and had some help. I was acting male at the time. I also have acted as her father during this time period. I would have even breast fed her if I had been capable, either gender. I had no help.

What does the church have to say about that? Which role was right and which was wrong?

And now I have discovered I am female, which role was right and which role was wrong at that time?

I am confused! Where was the sin?

Lizzy

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Overpopulation? Does not exist. Our world is fully capable of holding many more people. The people who are starving in Africa is the unfortunate effect of corrupt governments in poor lands.

Anyway, as one member of this site has pointed out to me in a private message, this post is not generating much help for me or Tim. Instead, I am receiving criticism of my religion. I would not have expected this from such a tolerant group of people, but I suppose I was wrong.

As I have previously stated, I do not believe being born into the wrong body is a sin. My church does not believe this either. If the person in question is truly transgender, the church will understand. I have received confirmation of this. So for Tim, evidence will need to be found that confirms he truly has a female spirit, but in a male body.

I believe the only way to attempt this is to contact a gender therapist. Since Tim is under 18, should I tell his parents? Many of you have said that I should not, but how else will he be able to see a therapist? I believe it is possible for him to wait, because he is still very happy and active with his friends. I do not believe he is thinking about suicide, or is anywhere near that point.

Thank you all for the help you have provided.

Jacob

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Overpopulation? Does not exist. Our world is fully capable of holding many more people. The people who are starving in Africa is the unfortunate effect of corrupt governments in poor lands.

I have always been aware of that fact.

Anyway, as one member of this site has pointed out to me in a private message, this post is not generating much help for me or Tim. Instead, I am receiving criticism of my religion. I would not have expected this from such a tolerant group of people, but I suppose I was wrong.

You have to forgive us for being overly defensive, I know that I was at less than my Christian best in dismissing your interests and reading my own fears into them.

As I have previously stated, I do not believe being born into the wrong body is a sin. My church does not believe this either. If the person in question is truly transgender, the church will understand. I have received confirmation of this. So for Tim, evidence will need to be found that confirms he truly has a female spirit, but in a male body.

I believe the only way to attempt this is to contact a gender therapist. Since Tim is under 18, should I tell his parents? Many of you have said that I should not, but how else will he be able to see a therapist? I believe it is possible for him to wait, because he is still very happy and active with his friends. I do not believe he is thinking about suicide, or is anywhere near that point.

I don't think that you should be the one to talk to Tim's parents alone, I think that you should talk to Tim and see if he is ready to go to his parents with you. If so then you can help locate a gender therapist, if not please watch him closely, sometimes the happiest people on the surface are the most depressed - I know that from my own experiences, no one knew that I was unhappy or transsexual for over 57 years - we can be very good at appearing to be exactly what you expect.

Thank you all for the help you have provided.

Thank you for helping Tim and putting up with the backlash from the persicution that we are used to, we really should have known better and given you more of a chance, for that I am sorry and I for one will be much more tolerant in the future. I never did believe in doing something to someone because someone else had done it to me and I see that I had a part in that and I will be ever vigilant against it.

Best of luck to you and to Tim, you will both be in my prayers,

Asking for your forgivness,

Sally

Jacob

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Guest Sakura_Stingray

i dont mean to drag this out longer then what it has but.....i have been a catholic, christian, babtist, buhhdist, and a morman....i never liked what the bibal had to say....man translated it to suit their own needs, and in that i took myself out of religion entirely......even took myself out of autheism because the goals are near the same.......but i have one question about your bible and not to critisize.....if clothing was the same during the time the bibal was made for both sex's......since both male and female wore a dress....isnt it abit contradicting itself? or was that a part when pilgrems or some sort addedthat law to the bibal to seek domenance over woman or viceversa?......and yes i have never read the bibal of any kind.

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Guest Christy.dancer

Sigh..... I'm really like the WRONG person to get into this dialog... but I'm gonna anyway, cuz MAYBE I know where "Tim's" head is at.

First, I'm curious, what denomination are you?... that's not really important, but I'm curious.

SECOND... I've been attenting my own church off-and-on since I was born (ok, mostly "off" the past couple of years), I've participated in some youth group activities, Sunday School, summer camp, etc... and I can't really tell you 99% of what our denomination's doctrines are (I'm Episcopalian). I strongly doubt Tim came to you thinking he was committing or had urges to commit something that your denomination views as a sin. He came to you, in all probability, cuz as his youth leader, you've probably built up a huge amount of trust with Tim and the rest of the kids, and they figure they can come to you as their counselor, therapist, or what-ever and you'll help them find comfort. I'm pretty sure that telling Tim that what s/he feels inside is viewed (or will lead to something that's viewed) as a sin by your denomination is NOT going to be very comforting.

I once asked MY youth minister why we had so many denominations of Christianity. He told me that God spoke to different people in different ways. The sort of "intellectual" Christianity preached by the Episcopal Church probably wouldn't fit well with an illiterate beggar woman in inner-city New York, and vice-versa. Now, as it happens, my denomination is pretty light on its list of "sins" -- we're currently hung-up on the whole homosexuality thing, but basically speaking, we're pretty easy going about most stuff. On the other hand, other denominations seem to have HUGE lists of "Thou shalt nots...". I guess some folks need that, and others don't.

Hey.... old joke. Why don't methodists make love standing up? Cuz someone might see them and think they're dancing.

ANYWAY.... Timmy needs counseling by someone who can approach his/her transgender issues from a different perspective than "it's going to lead you into sin, so stop it!". If that means that Tim needs to find his/her path to God in some other denomination, that's really not the end of the world, is it?

YOU have a tough role here, fella. You can't break Tim's trust and go to his parents, but by the same token, you're probably not the person to be counseling him, and he needs someone who is w-a-a-a-a-a-a-y more familiar with these issues, and from a clinical perspective rather than a religious one.

My suggestion to Tim? S/he needs some real, live counseling outside his church.

My suggestion to you? Pray.

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Guest michelle.butterfly
So for Tim, evidence will need to be found that confirms he truly has a female spirit, but in a male body.

I believe the only way to attempt this is to contact a gender therapist. Since Tim is under 18, should I tell his parents?

Hi Jacob!

Big big hugs to you, this is great news and I'm so glad to hear it.

In my opinion the right way to handle this at this point would be to encourage this individual to tell the parents, with your support and perhaps the support of those with whom you have looked into the matter. Having looked into it and found what you have, I think you have done an amazing service to him/her and by offering to be present to help explain the beliefs of the church you will be doing another.

If he/she is reluctant to be the one to tell, then I think you could offer to set up a meeting with the parents to discuss it with them ahead of time, although I would think that would be additional unnecessary stress. Either way, I do think you should get his/her permission prior to telling the parents, and given that your Church is willing to accept the possibility of having been placed in a body opposite of one's true gender this should be a lot easier to convince him/her of the benefits of going ahead and telling.

Thank you so much for sticking with us, I know you feel attacked but please understand that many of our dealings with various Churches have consisted of betrayal and intolerance, and that the response you have received likely represents a reaction to all those experiences rather than anything about you or your Church particularly. I have to commend you again, I believe you have really done the right thing in this case and I wish I could give you a real hug but I'll just settle for (hugs hugs). :)

With love,

Michelle

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Guest Amanda L Richards

Hello Jacob.

I saw you first post and I was rather surprised about a member of a church organization coming to our site or any resource to try to understand this naturally occurring phenomena in the world since the beginning of time. I didn't have time to respond to it so when I checked back this morning, I was again surprised to find that it appears that your second post of

14.March sort of swayed abit from the indication of the first.

By this I mean that I see that you have forgotten this poor soul in view of consulting with "other advisors"

I am neither psychologist nor trusted figure of authority, but in my experience I have always known that when someone came to me with a really sensitive personal issue, and I was never given permission to converse with anyone else outside of our discussion, then that discussion would, as do many now that I hold onto, will go to my grave unless it sways in to an area beyond my experiences or knowledge. Then I suggest going to a counsellor.

This person came to you in trust and confidence. I know that since I came from a heavily steeped family background in religion, so I know what type of mentality this poor soul has purely by virtue of the upbringing and exposure from family and church. Becauase of the possibility of persucution, then there most definitely is to be fear of that. That means that this dear soul is expecting that you not discuss this with anybody else. This is what earning trust and maintaining it is all about.

You made the right decision to come here for support but you swayed off course when you said that you wanted all the opinions of the pro and ANTI groups. At this point I would say without a doubt that you have forgotten about this poor soul as an individual and her feelings.

This begs the question, what was or is the motivation for going to the advisors, and to include the ANTI opinions, especially when you know the percentage of an opinion in favour of trying to live or think other than she really feels. MOre along the lines of how everybody else feels comfortable seeing her the way they want to see her and not how she sees and feels herself to be.

I don't mean to be harsh, but did it not occurr to you that she has heard enough negative comments in her life not to mention the negative experience of NOT KNOWING, OR NOT KNOWING HERSELF because the rest of society has wallowed in ignorance about this subject and CAN NOT, OR WILL NOT offer any reasonable explanation, or truthful one for that matter.

This girl doesn't want to hear any more negative comments from anyone. ESPECIALLY from anti groups. Your first priority should be to her and her welfare of mind and soul.

It would occur to me that perhaps despite church or other organizations, one in such a position should go to places of authority (those with knowledge and experience in this matter, those trying to help people understand this, I.E psychologists, gender specialists.) rather than picking up the political white washing tool of throwing everything into the pot so that noone can make sense out of it. All this serves to do is exclude the "INDIVUDUALS" feelings and further alienate them from not only society, but themselves as well.

If you really want to help her, then place yourself in her position and think to yourelf. "If this were me, would I want anyone to tell anybody else without me being ready to do so, Would I want to hear someone COERCE me into thinking something other than what I am feeling? If I trust this person, do I want them to betray my trust?

When it comes to one human being, an individual, no organization is an authority, only another human being with a heart and a mind that thinks independantly of any ruling body, or doctrine. No organization has any business in an individuals life unless they are causing destruction to themselves or others. IN this case, she is only asking questions and wants answers just like any other human being who is becoming aware of oneself.

At the end of the day, this girl has to live with herself and in the body that she has. This is tough enough without someone giving wrong dirrections, or advice. This ONLY leads to further confusion which leads to a host of other problems.

The ultimate decisions to go in a direction of life is always up to the individual and not an organization or another person giving the wrong advice. None of you have to live in her body and mind and soul.

BAsically what you should do is just listen, and if the conversation steps into an area you are not familiar with, then recommend a direction to go in as an OPTION "FOR HER TO CHOSE". I.E going to a counsellor, pointing out that this Forum exists. That is what a true friend or at least someone who is truly concerned about anothers welfare would do. Provide a few options for them to go in search of for themselves.

If you still want to help her, then you have been given a start here with some very stark statistics, and a couple of good links to start "you" on your education of this fellow human being in need of help. YOU then can pass this information onto her and allow her tomake her own decisions.

Trust me this girl is not going to be the last one you will ever come across, there will be more, and you are better off just learning about it now and take that with you as an experience that will serve you with knowledge in the future.

I hope that made sense.

Amanda LR

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Guest Elizabeth K

:mellow: Well - this topic was good, as everyone it seems (not LITERALLY everyone) had a chance to discuss and cuss.

:rolleyes: As a moderator I do recall Laura has asked that all topics on religion and politics be associated with gender dysphoric issues, and this topic and the replys usually have, but not always.

;) I personally feel it is very wrong to censor a public forum, and these replies and counter-replies are mainly tasteful and non-attacking.

:o However, I do wish to ask people to refrain from becoming too caught up in the subject of "religion" here - this is actually the INTRODUCTIONS Forum. There is SPIRITUALLITY Forum where the direction this Topic is heading - where this type of discussion is more suited.

;) If there are other opinions on this from moderators or from the administration, I welcome them.

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Guest Zabrak

I already posted I think thats ENOUGH talk about religion. If anyone wants to keep talking about religion I can pull some posts from here and make them into a new topic in the SPIRITUALLITY Forum for everyone to post in. :)

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  • Root Admin
:mellow: Well - this topic was good, as everyone it seems (not LITERALLY everyone) had a chance to discuss and cuss.

:rolleyes: As a moderator I do recall Laura has asked that all topics on religion and politics be associated with gender dysphoric issues, and this topic and the replys usually have, but not always.

;) I personally feel it is very wrong to censor a public forum, and these replies and counter-replies are mainly tasteful and non-attacking.

:o However, I do wish to ask people to refrain from becoming too caught up in the subject of "religion" here - this is actually the INTRODUCTIONS Forum. There is SPIRITUALLITY Forum where the direction this Topic is heading - where this type of discussion is more suited.

;) If there are other opinions on this from moderators or from the administration, I welcome them.

Spot on, Liz. Let's stick to the orriginal topic, folks. Jacob came here looking for advice on how to advise a teen transgendered person. Let us keep our answers to that topic. Many of us have had bad experiences with various religious factions but we should not be comparing Jacob to these extreme religionists. I don't perceive Jacob as the enemy.

If anyone wants to discuss religious doctrines, you should follow Zabrak's suggestion and start a separate thread in the Spirituality forum.

MaryEllen

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All apologies accepted. And forgiveness is given to anyone who asked, and everyone who did not ask as well. I find it interesting that after I pointed out that the replies here were wandering off, there are another four posts from moderators saying the same thing.

Elizabeth, discuss and cuss? I know I did not cuss. If you mean replying in anger or rage, I was not doing that either. I was just trying to get to conversation back to where it needed to be.

Amanda, when I said anti groups, I was not referring to hate groups, but those that disagree that you are truly born into the wrong body. The reason was for the most accurate and unbiased information. If I only came here, I would have an biased result.

One question I have is this: why is a therapist the best option? I read in another part of this site that some of the users here believe that transsexualism should not be included in the DSM. If so, and thus it is no kind of mental problem, why is a psychologist the person to be seen? Why is a psychologist needed for a non-mental issue?

Anyway, back to Tim. Tim and I are actually good friends. I am his advisor, but we have spent a lot of time together over the past few years, and have been on several camping trips. I also know his family and his parents well. I think I will talk to his father tonight, and perhaps let him in on it. I have not talked to Tim about telling him, but I think it might be best. As I observed in the "coming out" forum, I think I will test the water with his father, but I am pretty sure about how he will take it.

Thanks again.

Jacob

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Guest Zack L

I personally don't believe it should be in the DSM as it isn't a mental disorder, however, a letter from a therapist is the only way to get hormone therapy, and later on surgery. A shrink is the only way to start physical transition, and it also can be helpful when trying to make parents see sense. Also they can give a letter that keeps us out of trouble when using the correct restroom in case we're read and have management called. Also, a shrink can help with issues that are caused by being trans -- depression, anxiety and the like. I think I've covered the basic reasons, anyone have more to add?

If you plan to tell the father, tell Tim you're going to do so. If you don't you'll lose her trust. =/

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Guest StrandedOutThere
One question I have is this: why is a therapist the best option? I read in another part of this site that some of the users here believe that transsexualism should not be included in the DSM. If so, and thus it is no kind of mental problem, why is a psychologist the person to be seen? Why is a psychologist needed for a non-mental issue?

I think I can offer some insight on this. Psychologists are "helping professionals" rather than doctors you only see when you are sick. I think the idea that you should only talk to a professional if something is "wrong" with you is a bad way of looking at it. Psychologists are a good resource if you need help with an interpersonal conflict, life decision, stressful time, or difficult adjustment period...anything like that. Sometimes just talking to a sympathetic impartial person is a good way to work through things. You need not have a "mental issue". I think viewing psychologists as doctors for crazy people is not useful or constructive. It's better to think of them as wellness counselors or consultants.

Also, a lot of psychologists also don't believe that Gender Identity Disorder should be included in the DSM. If you meet and talk to enough people who "meet the criteria for GID", you'll find that most of us are pretty well-adjusted, down to earth folk.

Anyway, back to Tim. Tim and I are actually good friends. I am his advisor, but we have spent a lot of time together over the past few years, and have been on several camping trips. I also know his family and his parents well. I think I will talk to his father tonight, and perhaps let him in on it. I have not talked to Tim about telling him, but I think it might be best. As I observed in the "coming out" forum, I think I will test the water with his father, but I am pretty sure about how he will take it.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaah...whoa there, fella. I think telling Tim's dad without talking to Tim first is way bad and pretty disrespectful, especially if you were told about this stuff in confidence. NOT COOL. Coming out to people is a personal decision and should be done on one's own time. If Tim specifically asks you to talk to the parentals, then I'd say to go for it. However, it doesn't sound like that's happened. I mean, even if you know the family well, you don't really know how they'll take it. It's nearly impossible to judge those kinds of things. If you are really a good friend, you might consider backing down and letting your friend deal with stuff on their own time. At most, I'd talk to Tim about the possibility of seeing a counselor and then talk to Tim's parents about that. (I'm avoiding gendered pronouns here because I wasn't sure what was appropriate)

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  • Root Admin

Hello Jacob,

I fervently hope that you did not go behind Tim's back and talk to her parents with out her knowledge. Think of how Tim will feel at your betrayal of her confidence. Do you think that she will still want to be friends with you after such an act? Do you think that she will ever confide in you again?

You seem to think that you know how Tim's father will take this news. What if you are wrong and he goes ballistic. Do you know how devastated Tim will be? That her life will be a living hell from this point on. There's a 50 50 chance that this will happen. Are you willing to take a chance that this young person will be scarred for life and that you were the cause of it?

I hope and pray that it will go well but I fear that it will not.

Several of us have suggested that you give Tim the URL of this site so she can join and have interaction with her peers. You seem to be deliberately avoiding this. Why!!! Do you think that we will contaminate her mind and turn her into a disgusting freak? Jacob, I can assure you that we are not freaks and perverts. We are ordinary people who were born with a birth defect. Nothing more, nothing less.

Jacob, do the right thing. Prove to Tim that you are indeed her friend, not her Judas Iscariot.

MaryEllen

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I have not told her father yet, but I would not call it stabbing Tim in the back. His parents are responsible for him. They are in charge of raising him. Don't they have a right to know about these things? What exactly do you mean by a betrayal of his confidence? You are referring to the confidence that he needed to tell me about this? How would I be betraying him by telling his father? I would think that would help him. His father is really the one to be involved in these personal matters. I think it would be easier and less stressful for him, if his father knew about it, and came to him, instead of Tim having to put up with the anxiety of having to come and tell his father. But you all see this differently?

Anyway, that is how I think of the situation. Can you explain how you view it? Perhaps give me better insight so I can understand, and perhaps think the same way you do.

Jacob

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Guest mia 1

Jacob think you are the authority figure..the confessor so to speak the confidentiality between an adviser and his "group member'..

I am assuming you are a lay pastor a youth pastor and the conversation you had with Tim should not be divulged to any one unless there is danger to life and limb. Clearly there is not.

If you say anything to Dad there could be a law suit against you and the church you are affiliated with..trust me in this I am not a layer but hacve studied as a paraleagal.....Mia

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Guest Zack L

...Put yourself in her shoes. Imagine, for a moment, that you are transgender. You grew up feeling distanced from everyone around you because you realized at a young age that who you really are wouldn't be accepted. After a long time of thinking and worrying, you tell ONE person your biggest secret. Because after years of trying to force yourself to be someone you aren't you just can't do it anymore. You tell a person you trust a lot, who you know would never tell anyone, because that's what friends are for. How would you feel if the person you confided in told another person? Hurt, betrayed, and untrusting.

Does that help? I wasn't able to think of an appropriate metaphor to relate it to something a cisgendered person would think. Just really try to place yourself in her shoes, and feel what she would feel.

Not to mention the fact that, no matter what you think the Father will say, how you think he'll react, you cannot be sure.

This isn't your secret to tell. She isn't a danger to herself or anyone else, you have no right or reason to break her faith in you.

She came to you over her parents. What she wants is a friend, and someone to go to for advice. Be there, it's the best thing you can do, and what she wants you to do.

I agree with Mary Ellen -- support of people who have been through the same things as her would be good for her. You can look around the site: when someone comes asking if they're trans or not none of us can ever answer that, we tell them to figure that out themselves, because that's the only thing you CAN do. This is also an extremely safe site, every post is moderated before people can view it.

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Guest Ashlee
I have not told her father yet, but I would not call it stabbing Tim in the back. His parents are responsible for him. They are in charge of raising him. Don't they have a right to know about these things? What exactly do you mean by a betrayal of his confidence? You are referring to the confidence that he needed to tell me about this? How would I be betraying him by telling his father? I would think that would help him. His father is really the one to be involved in these personal matters. I think it would be easier and less stressful for him, if his father knew about it, and came to him, instead of Tim having to put up with the anxiety of having to come and tell his father. But you all see this differently?

Anyway, that is how I think of the situation. Can you explain how you view it? Perhaps give me better insight so I can understand, and perhaps think the same way you do.

Jacob

Do they have the right to know - probably. Do YOU have the right to tell them, unless she is suicidal or threatening harm because of this, no, you don't.

IF - - BIG IF HERE - she said it was OK for you to tell them, go ahead. IF she told you this in confidence, you should not tell them.

You said it in your post,

I would think that would help him
by you saying "I think", puts doubt even in your mind that the help would be there. You don't KNOW that the parents would be of any help at all. It could be just the opposite and be detrimental to her.

PLEASE, unless she has told you to talk to her parents about this, keep it between you and her.

Ashlee

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Guest StrandedOutThere
I have not told her father yet, but I would not call it stabbing Tim in the back. His parents are responsible for him. They are in charge of raising him. Don't they have a right to know about these things? What exactly do you mean by a betrayal of his confidence? You are referring to the confidence that he needed to tell me about this? How would I be betraying him by telling his father? I would think that would help him. His father is really the one to be involved in these personal matters. I think it would be easier and less stressful for him, if his father knew about it, and came to him, instead of Tim having to put up with the anxiety of having to come and tell his father. But you all see this differently?

Anyway, that is how I think of the situation. Can you explain how you view it? Perhaps give me better insight so I can understand, and perhaps think the same way you do.

Jacob

Yes, Tim's parents are responsible for zir well being. However, just having certain kinds of feelings isn't something to run and go tell them about. Personal information such as this isn't yours to share. It belongs to Tim. If Tim asks for your help, then offer it. If you were told in confidence (meaning that Tim confided in you. "Confide" literally means "reveal in private"), it is your duty to keep quiet. It probably took a lot for Tim to be able to gather the courage to talk to you. That's probably a sign that ze trusts you.

It seems like you are misunderstanding the meaning and impact of the feelings and thoughts Tim has shared with you. They don't change the person Tim is inside or the person you know. The presence of these thoughts don't necessarily require "treatment" or "help" unless they are a clear source of distress. In coming out to you, did Tim express distress, any desire for self-harm, or ask for help of any kind? I mean, pardon me if I'm oversensitive, but the overall tone of some of your posts suggests that you believe Tim's feelings of being transgendered are a cause for concern to the extent that they should be dealt with by authority figures. I mean, you said you went to other advisors and asked what to do. Like...you've got to "deal" with it? This isn't the same thing as if Tim had said "I like to touch small children inappropriately". That would be an example of something that should be out in the open immediately. Being transgendered isn't even in the same category. I don't even think of it as a problem, not in and of itself. The problems don't come about until people condemn us for being who we are.

The right thing for you to do would be to do nothing unless asked. If you really are Tim's friend and advisor, you should go to Tim and ask how ze would like you to proceed. There really aren't any other answers or correct courses of action besides that.

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Jacob.

Why will you not answer my question of giving the URL of this website to Tim

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I am not a paid advisor. I was asked to join the advisors, and I did. I think some of you may not understand my position. I am not like a Catholic priest or a school counselor. I am not for the confession of sins, or anything in that league. I am a youth leader, but we tend to use the term "advisor", because we want the youth to get experience and lead themselves.

Mia, I am sorry, but I doubt that a lawsuit could get filed. Who would file and it, and how? What law would I have broken? As it is my own actions, I believe it would be more proper to file it against me, not the church. That would no be quite as comforting, but I still do not believe that it could happen. Can you explain?

Tim came to me and asked if his thoughts and feelings were normal and if they were alright to have. He said that he had desires to have a female body and wear feminine clothes. He stated that he felt more comfortable and enjoyed himself better while chatting with other girls, not boys. I do not believe that he was trying to confide in me, but was only looking for advice about whether or not it was okay in the church, and what he should do about his thoughts.

I did ask him why he didn't tell his father, and said that he was afraid that it would wreck their relationship. Tim has a fairly masculine persona, and he does not want his father to treat him like a wimp. I believe that his father could give him better guidance than I can. We just need to make sure that there is communication between the two of them, and I do not believe that Tim wants to start this communication.

Jacob

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