How to come out?

[Guest]

Wow, it's been over a year since I could log into this site... By show of hands, who remembers me? ... I don't see anything

Anyway, a lot's happened since I last logged in (duh), but right now I want to ask something I'm sure has been asked a bajillion times already: How do I come out to everyone?

I'm sick of hiding who I am. I just want to be Ariana. My parents already know, and my mom says she doesn't agree with it, but she'll never cut me out of her life. She's more worried about my safety than anything. My dad, however, is furious. He even said he doesn't want me coming to "his" church anymore (which, ironically, is against the Bible's teachings; anyone is allowed in church). I see my mom's family reacting somewhat like she did, some better and some worse, but I'm scared of what will happen with my dad's side. They've already tried cutting one of my cousins out of their lives because she came out as gay (but she's also done a lot of bad stuff, as well, so that might be part of the reason). I don't want to lose my family over this.

So my question is how do I come out in a way that my family members won't think I'm "rebelling against God"? I'm still Christian myself, but according to my dad, we "worship different Gods because his wouldn't allow transsexuals to be a thing." And how do I work up the courage to actually come out?

Sorry if this seems scattered and unorganized, but I have a million thoughts going through my head right now.

PS- In my dad's defense, he may be trans/homophobic, but I still love him. I can't help it. From his point of view, I'm going to Hell because of this, and that thought scares him. He's mad, but in a weird way, I think he just doesn't want to see me suffer eternally.

[Carolyn Marie]

Ariana, there isn't one best way to come out, which I'm sure you realize. I'm not religious, so I won't venture into that very much. I will suggest that you talk in your letters or e-mails or texts, or face to face (however you plan on approaching family and friends) that you address that issue head on. Explain how you think God feels about this, what it means to you to keep God in your life, and why you don't think you're turning your back on your religion. Then your family can decide if you're right or wrong, but at least you will have it out there.

It's never easy, and its always a crap shoot, but it will be what it is, and there is only so much you can control. Be honest, be willing to accept questions, be willing to have a dialogue, and give folks space to figure it out for themselves. That's all you can really do. I wish you all the luck in the world.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest April63]

Hey Ariana,

I remember you! And I think a lot has been happening for all of us. Welcome back!

Fortunately, my parents were more accepting than yours when I cam eout to them. I'm not sure how my extended family will take it; so far, I haven't told them. My grandparents, especially one of them, are more conservative, so I they're the only ones that I'm really concerned about. I like what Carolyn said, and I think you could try to ease into the discussion by building off of what you know they do believe and showing how you fit into that framework.

I'm glad you're doing well,

April

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I always was under the impression that God made the LGBT spectrum because he loves diversity. Ironic, isn't it?

...We can't judge God based on his followers though.

Your situation and mine are reversed. I did much better with my dad then my mom. The latter I think is still in denial. The former "Loves and supports me, but will never like it" It was certainly much different then I thought it would be! I told my mom outright whereas I wrote my dad a handwritten letter, so that says quite a bit on how concerned for my safety I was in each circumstance.

If you are confronted by the religious stick, I've devised a few counters that I have yet to try admittedly.

"Does God not love everyone including the LGBT spectrum? What about non-white people?"

"I'm not rebelling against God. He made me like this for a reason. Is he not perfect?"

"Would God have made me like this if he didn't know I would transition? Is God not in the past, present, and future?"

Obviously safety can be an issue, especially with parents. I implore you to use your best judgement and make safety first. Don't poke the sleeping lion if you don't have a quick escape route.

Carolyn really sets the bar high, so not much else I can really say that will differ from what she said, except:

Don't resent others for taking their time accepting it. Don't be shameful; do what you need to do to be happy - I had trouble with this (and to a certain extent I still do) in the beginning. In the end, it's their happiness or yours. Which will you choose?

Transition is a lot to take in, and it will likely be the hardest (and most painful) thing you ever do in your life. Just take things one day at a time. Be yourself, honest, and don't let anyone stand in your way.

FYI, I wasn't here a year ago, so it's nice to meet you

Kayla <3

[Guest LesleyAnne]

Well Ariana,

I remember you, we became friends when I first came out to my wife back in April of last year. I always visited your profile since it gives the date of your last log in.......May, 2014

I admit I was worried about you..... you never know what has happened to someone when they disappear for over a year, and one has the tendency to fear the worst. I especially worry about young people who are coming out and being true to themselves, and the fears, and resistance they experience. So I'm very glad to see you back alive, and well.

The last time you and I talked I had just come out to my wife after 44 years of marriage. Well a lot of water under that bridge, and now my entire family and a lot of my friends now know. Some positive, and some not so positive. I think that's to be expected.

Now as far as your dad.........Like Carolyn Marie I'm not religious. I was raised a Catholic so it's not like I wasn't exposed to religion, so lets just say time has changed the way I feel about it, and what I believe.

Now that being said, my wife on the other hand is religious, she is on Facebook, and on Facebook she has a feed from a site called the "Christian Left". The reason I bring this up to you is they can go breast for tat on bible quotes concerning prejudices that some of the so called "true believers" throw at us. My wife started reading their feed when I came out to her, since she was also of the mind set (in the beginning) that I would be headed to eternal condemnation (I didn't used the word I wanted to since I think the software police would have changed it anyway).

Still there are those that will never come to understand, they believe what they want, so all one can do is to dismiss them as best we can, not let them get to us, and go forward with our lives, being true to ourselves.

You've got a lot of life ahead of you..........live it!

Welcome Home!

LesleyAnne

[Guest Mickey]

The anti-LGBT message that way too many churches preach these days is one that does a great deal of harm. My Bible tells me that "Love does no harm" and that "God is love". And ancient Israel recognized 6 different genders. They were accepted and everything. And if one digs into the original languages and words used in scripture they can clearly see where a lot of things have been mistranslated in the modern versions of the Bible that we have today. A true follower of Christ will prayerfully study these things and the Holy Spirit will show them that loving acceptance is the Godly way.

[Guest Aka_Kitsune]

Thank you all for your support. I'm terribly sorry this reply took so long, but I'm not always sure what to say in situations like these. And with things like this, I don't think "Thank you" is quite enough.

Anyway, I'll take what you said and try to apply it to how I come out (and how I live, for that matter). It will take a lot of time for me, I suffer from mild social anxiety enough as it is.

Another thing for me to do is work up the courage to actually come out. I want to so badly, and I'm probably closer to doing it than I've ever been, but there's still a tiny bit of fear still holding me back. I've lost enough family as it is (from other circumstances), I don't want to lose more.

Sorry this is short compared to your guys' replies, I'm really bad at conversations like these And thank you all again, this means a lot to me.

[Guest Raya]

I found it very helpful to talk to a pastor at an accepting church. Also online you may want to look up Paula Stone Williams, she is a pastor who transitioned.

My opinion is God loves me, always has, always will. God is sooooo much bigger than the boxes people keep trying to use.