5 questions about being transgender

[Guest Faith gibson]

http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/questions-trans-people-have/

I found this article very good at least from the point of view that it addressed so many things I have been feeling and more importantly, saying it was alright to have those feelings. I've always found it very stressful, firstly, being so ashamed of the way I felt about myself and how I must look to so many people in society. But also, I have had many doubts over the last year or two about how the rest of the trans* community was seeing me. I still struggle with it, this article hasn't eliminated my fears but it has helped me start to understand and question some things.

I was also reading a passage in a Kate Bornstein book last night 'Gender Outlaws' where someone talked about how some trans people validated their own being trans by putting others down. Those weren't the exact words but the meaning I took from it. I think that has happened to me in the past and it has been taking me a long time to recover from it.

Thankfully, there are many people here in this forum that offer nothing but support. When you have felt ashamed and have questioned your validity though, even with good support, it can take a long time to feel good about things again.

I am who I am and I am beginner no care less and less about how others view me. I can't change who I am at this point, I can only seek ways to make my life richer and fullfilling.

Love Faith.

[jeanniesauve']

Great Article,Faith...so true,so true.I'm sorry you were hurt by others with the same struggles....I can't imagine their own personal unhappiness,from day to day.I feel very much as you do...If I heard a slight breeze I'd panic!I admire your strength and commitment to your real self.I draw some of these strengths from sisters like you.I support you and 'am happy for this wonderful place you are in now!As the Article points out...these are all part and parcel,normal reactions for gals like us.Not caring what others think,say or do is harder than just words!Thankyou for this info...I made ..."available space" for these perceptions and emotions we have of ourselves.I don't know of anyone or anything that can give us the validation we seek....except ourselves!

Love jeannie

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Shame is a social thing and the only cure is to find people who accept you so you can discount the rest

as being unimportant in how you think about yourself. Self hate is another version of the same as if

its a failure on our part not to follow the social norms. This is all learned stuff. Look at the TG

kids who run around saying "I'm not a boy, I'm a girl" and care less what anyone else thinks. I think

getting back to that point is half the battle. In the community, with most with female brain parts and

hormones, your going to get drama! Even us crossdressers go from passive aggressive guys to snide

little prises or what think women are when we dress.

[Charlize]

i am glad you shared this Faith. Perhaps this should be required reading for all of us. I will read it several times as it speaks to my experience so well.

Hugs,

Charlize

[MarcieMarie12]

I would have to say that for me at least getting over the shame part is what took me so long to come to terms with it.

[Guest Alicia Rose]

I've been struggling with this a lot for a long time. I've always told myself to trust myself and I understand that if I question myself, like we all have, that doesn't mean I am wrong or lying. The first question in that article "Am I really trans? What if I'm making this up?" is something I've been asking recently and have awhile ago. I understand that it's totally normal to ask that question but at times it makes me feel like I am wrong. What if I am wrong?

I'm having such a rough time accepting myself enough to actually come out and begin my transition, and I technically could live my life as my birth gender. I mean.. I am healthy and able to work, pay bills, etc. Just emotionally, I'm not there. Not one ounce of that life sounds worth it. I'm so ashamed that I feel this way. I am unhappy with myself. I'm disappointed with life and I'm jealous that others can enjoy things for what it is.

All of those questions resonate with my thoughts.

My brother had an unfair life. His life was out of his control and was knowingly only going to end up one way. Short. It is because of that, I find it hard to cut mine short. That would be unfair---but I'm unhappy in every way. Still, I push forward for him. My life, some how, some way, will become something.

"For me, it was trauma that delayed my realizations around my gender. For others, they didn’t know “transgender” was even a thing and never thought to question their assigned gender. And for some, their safety was at stake if they tried to explore their gender." (From Question #2)

In 2007 my brother passed away. Around that time I started not caring about anything and got heavy into online gaming, then in 2008 I discovered what Transgender meant through people I meant in those games. I started to question myself because nothing really felt right for me. Then in 2009 my mother passed away. Around that time my cat (of 6yrs) passed too, in my hands. So sometimes I ask myself.. what if I'm trying to cope with the loss? Trying to escape my entire life that feels empty and alone. Not being who I am, which makes me happy. Or maybe trying to transition sounds too scary and I fear further pain... being rejected.. not good enough.. embarrassed.. and more alone.

I have many reasons why I feel honest about myself with my gender identity, and it makes me feel hopeful and happy. Something is stopping me though and I've never really been able to accept whatever that is and try.

[tracy_j]

Yes I found it a good article as well!

I have asked those questions and still do but I have never felt shame.

I often wonder about how trans I am and to some extent whether I am as the dysporia has waned of late but I am presuming that has happened because I have progressed such that I have responded to it.

I do sometimes wonder here on Lauras as I know I am not at present transitioning as far as many so do feel a little false at times. I then see how I am living and get confused as I am regarded by many as MTF transexual rather than male. It's a complicated life but I am happier

Tracy

[Guest Faith gibson]

Hi Tracy,

I just have to say that you are not false at all and should never feel that way. As you probably know, and I'm finding out, everyone is different and their needs are different and because one person decides that a complete transition is right for them, it doesn't mean that you are not as valid as they are because you decide not to.

Faith

[Guest]

Hi Tracy,

I just have to say that you are not false at all and should never feel that way. As you probably know, and I'm finding out, everyone is different and their needs are different and because one person decides that a complete transition is right for them, it doesn't mean that you are not as valid as they are because you decide not to.

Faith

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[bobbisue]

Excellent article we live with shame and fear but have done no wrong it is society that has done wrong yet we pay the price of being ourselfs

bobbisue

[tracy_j]

Thank you Faith

I know what you say is true and I am usually confident so I just carry on but you can't stop feelings. I am prone to depression so such thoughts are not unusual

Tracy x