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coming out difference between mother and father


Raven1981

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Hello All:

 

So I wanted to share and also ask questions that I have noticed with myself and even watching YouTube that there is a difference between coming out to your mother vs. coming out to your father.  I have noticed in myself and watched on YouTube that it seems easier to come out to your mother and it is a lot more understanding and even the mother then comes out and says how they have known or had a feeling.  But then have noticed it is either hard to come out to your father or the father does not accept. 

 

Why is it easier to come out your mother than your father?

 

Thank You

 

Amy

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  • Forum Moderator

Well I can understand that Amy as, although I have never come out as such to my mother or father due to their problems more than anything (my mother has had a stroke so poor memory and my father, when he was alive, had dementia), my father looked at me strangely and was obviously not understanding, but my mother did accept where I was going. That aside, the way I see it - I have found that women are far more understanding than men (almost totally). They also are far more ready to learn and tend to ask questions. Men virtually never do. It is probably that women are far more emotional and attune to people's feelings better. Men often aquire a hard outer shell and inherently have difficulty showing their true feelings or expressing themselves in a caring way.Men often have a blinkered view as they fight their way through life, and often strive to bring up their brood in the same way. They see themselves as being the disciplinarian in the family.

 

Tracy

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I came out to both at the same time. My dad took it better than my mom. I wonder if that was part of the problem. But in any event things have settled into a new normal with them. It is not the same as before, but not sure if that is because my brothers are very busy with kids, or don't know how to interact with me anymore.

 

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I also came out to both at the same time.  I think my dad was more surprised and it has been harder for him as I was the only son.  My mother has been wonderful.  I don't have any specific advise as our relationship with our parents are all differing.   Best of luck.

 

Jani

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Hello All:

 

Thanks for the grate advise.  My mom and dad are divorced and I came out to my mom and stepdad at the same time and they are both supportive of me and they are glad that I am happy and can even see a bounce in my step and me smiling for the first time.  They can also see how since coming out that I am no longer stuttering.  So it was making me think that all this time with me stuttering and keeping quite on who I am actually are related.

 

I am scared to come out to my dad and stepmom since I am his only son and he will no longer have a son.  But since I am on HRT now, he will find out one way when I start to show signs.

 

Thank you all

 

Amy

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Amy hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  You're correct that he will learn sooner or later so best to present it to them on your terms.  

 

Jani

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Guest Rachel Gia

Both my parents are passed now and my Mom dealt with it in her own way as still does my brother.

If we want to be compassionate beings it might be our jobs to accept that this kind of news is a lot to process.

Some of the people I have come out to in the last year clammed up a bit but came around eventually , some quickly and some slowly.

With my brother I just avoid the topic in emails.

I have not told him that I am on hrt or about my very recent surgery and he has never revealed what the doctor told him that finally motivated him to stop drinking.

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Hello All:

 

So I went yo visit my mom and stepdad.  I am very excited how supportive they are with me.  However I have not yet been dressed yet as my true self for my mom and so they have not changed their pronouns.  I have not started showing signs yet other than they have noticed my weight loss and the fact that I am not stuttering any more

 

Thank You

 

Amy

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Very good Amy.  Hopefully your mom will be accepting and change pronouns and all once you present as your self to her.  

 

Jani

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello Everyone.

 

So I came out to my stepmom and she took it very well.  It was not how I imaged it since she lives with my dad in California and I am in Phoenix.  But I ended up coming out to her over Facebook and she is helping me on how to come out to my dad.  She did say that my dad wants me to be happy.  She saw my pictures of me on Facebook now as Amy and can tell that I am happy and so much more content.

 

But thank you everyone and will let you know how it goes coming out to my dad.

 

Thank You

 

Amy

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Amy this is great news for you!  It doesn't sound like it was too hard at all.  It sounds like your dad will be fine with the news too. 

 

Jani

   

 

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I have the perfect plan for me being in Phoenix and my dad in California.  I saw this on youtube, so I am looking at a custom bakery to make a cake and to have it delivered to my dad with a letter on top.  Hope this goes well

 

Thank You

 

Amy

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17 hours ago, Amy LeBlanc said:

Hello Everyone.

 

So I came out to my stepmom and she took it very well.  It was not how I imaged it since she lives with my dad in California and I am in Phoenix.  But I ended up coming out to her over Facebook and she is helping me on how to come out to my dad.  She did say that my dad wants me to be happy.  She saw my pictures of me on Facebook now as Amy and can tell that I am happy and so much more content.

 

But thank you everyone and will let you know how it goes coming out to my dad.

 

Thank You

 

Amy

That's so good to hear, Amy! :) I'm glad she's taking it so well. Best of luck with coming out to your dad

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The cake sounds fun, Amy. I never thought of doing something like that, and I love it! Thinking of you and sending good luck wishes your way!

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Thank you everyone.  I am happy to have more support.  Plus I came out to more friends and I am glad that my friends are true friends no matter what.

 

Lots of love

 

Amy

IMG_20180414_142441.jpg

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     Congrats girl I am glad it is going well I hope your dad is as accepting as the rest of your family and friends 

 

     Bobbbisue:)

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Hello All:

 

So I just had my most scariest coming out moment that turned out better than what I thought.  I finally came out to my dad.  I mailed him a very good book to use as a reference and a resource which is the same book that my therapist referred to me.  My dad said that he still loves me and he supports my decision.  This was the hardest for me to come out and I was so scared and shaking.  My dad then let me know that he had a feeling about me epically how I was distance and how just all of a sudden my stuttering cleared up out of the blue.  

 

I am prepared to answer any question he will have.  I know that this is a big surprise to him.  So I am waiting for him to get a grasp on this.

 

Thank You

 

Amy

1501578619791.jpg

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My heart's out to you today, Amy! 

My dad was by far the toughest person to come out to. Like yours, my dad was supportive, but he didn't really ask any questions at the time. What's been wonderful, and what I wish for you, is that he's become super supportive and much more empathetic and interested about it than I'd expected. 

It is a big surprise, but it sounds like he loves you a lot and that's a great starting point.

Hugs,
Julie

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  • Forum Moderator

That's wonderful news Amy.  Just don't over whelm him with data!  Go on living your normal life and stay in touch with a regular call to your dad.  

 

Jani

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Thank you all.  It was the scariest moments I have been through now.  I am giving my dad some time, but will wait a little before calling him.

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