Coming out to my Family

[MJM]

Hello,

 

It was a year and a half ago that i posted an introduction here. I was a little shy, so I haven’t posted since, but I did get a lot of wonderful responses and would love to thank everyone for the affirmation. 

 

So to cut to the chase - I have just turned 21, am living and also moving to a new location with family, and with that new start I feel like now is the best time to come out as trans and seek professional guidance. And the first step is of course coming out family... but the problem is I don’t know how!

 

So how did you guys do it? I know what to say - that I’ve always felt like a girl since I could remember, that I never felt right in my own body, all that... but I’m struggling to find the right way to say it.

 

Im also worried for them. My mom and dad will probably not believe me at first (I’ve always been very secretive in my life) but I’m not sure it will be too much of a problem. But my younger brother (who’s entering high school this fall) it might hurt him since he’s young and has always viewed me as his big brother.

 

Since this may become reality in this month even I definitely need some help and support. How should I go about this - based on all of your experiences?

 

- M.J.M.

[tracy_j]

I think things vary very greatly. How do your family view you anyway? Your feeling like a girl could have come across to them in subtle ways. Often mothers especially notice things in their children and so are sometimes less surprised when things come out. If you are close to your mother you could gently probe and see how she reacts. Don't worry too much about your brother, unless he is really opinionated. As he is living in an environment in which he is more likely to come across different viewpoints he may be more amenable to change.

 

My opinion is to take this gently and see how it goes, rather than to worry about deadlines. Don't forget that the rest of the family will be stressed anyway due to the change of home and school. Don't make assumptions about people. That is one way in which misunderstandings and resultant conflicts arise.

 

Tracy

[Charlize]

Perhaps you might consider telling your parents that you have an issue and would like therapy. My therapist helped me a great deal in being able to communicate with my loved ones.  

There are many posts dealing with this problem in the coming out forum.  I may help for you to glance at some of these issues from the past.  All of us know our own situation best but seeing similarities and how others have dealt with their situations can help.

Remember you are not alone in this struggle. 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Kirsten]

It’s a difficult step. Telling that first real person. But it’s not as difficult to do as you think. Once you get that “transgender” piece out it all seems to go well. Like you said you already know most of what you’re going to tell them. You just need to get it started. 

For me I just said it. “So I have something I would like to talk to you about. I’m transgender.” Then from there I went into the rest. The whys. The how longs. How much I’ve thought about it. Etc.... but once that second sentence came out the hard part was done. 

There are a lot of difficult and scary things that will come up. Every one of them makes the next a little bit easier. 

??Kirsten

[MJM]

Thanks to all three of you! I just came out today, and wow it’s a relief!!!

 

So after being kind of stressed out about it for a while, my parents could tell and asked me what was wrong. I let it all out this evening, and they were completely fine with it. They are supportive of me seeking counseling, and though they want me to honestly consider what will best help me, they are fine with whatever decision I make.

 

21 years of weight is lifted from my shoulders- I really owe you guys for the advice and encouragement!

[Jani]

Great news MJM!  Parents have a way of understanding their children, no matter their age so I'm not surprised they knew something was up.  I've previously been a private person, but I realized I wear my heart on my sleeve more than I admit.  It's a big give away!  

 

Relieving yourself of that weight is certainly euphoric!  Enjoy the moment.   Seeking counseling to help sort things out will be a good step forward.   I hope you connect with a good counselor that will guide and assist you as you need.   Please don't wait so long for your next posts!

 

Jani