The die has been cast...

[SugarMagnolia]

Last February I itold my boss and her boss about being transgender. They've been very supportive, but I had not given them a timeline for my social transition at work and we'd not rolled anything out to my co-workers except for 3 that I'd told individually. So, I've been sort of stuck in limbo where I've socially transitioned everywhere except at work. That was getting old and I had been thinking a lot about pushing forward.

I did that today. I sent an email to my boss and her boss and let them know that I'm ready to move ahead. It's a small tech startup with only about 25 people in the whole company including executives. That' makes it easy to tell everyone, but slightly challenging in that we don't have a real HR department and none of the management team have ever done this before. Of course, neither have I for that matter. ?

 

Anyway, I was pleased to find out that they'd been researching sample transition plans and policies, so they've done a fair amount of homework. And most of the execs have worked for big multinationals and understand the importance of inclusive policies. In fact, their existing employee handbook and harassment policy are already very supportive, so that's great. So, now we just start working on a plan that works for me and for the company. It feels good.

The only concerns I have are the extent to which my relationships with my closest co-workers (all male) may change and getting a wardrobe together. I'm not really worried about their reactions, just about having them become more distant. I wonder if I'll feel as welcome going for coffee or out to lunch with them as I have in the past? And the clothes thing isn't too bad, we're pretty casual, but I would like to fit in with my boss and the only other woman in the office. They dress a bit sharper than the guys do and I don't want to let the side down. 

So, there it is I've rolled the dice and just have to wait to see how they land. It feels awfully good to have finally made that commitment. ❤️?

Julie

[AsTheCrow]

That's so exciting! You should be super proud of yourself!

 

I hope it's an easy process for you. Keep us posted!

[SugarMagnolia]

Thanks, Jay!

I've been incredibly blessed that my transition up to this point has been pretty smooth. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will continue, regardless I'll post updates as I go through things. Sharing, reading others' experiences and getting support and feedback on mine keeps me going!

[DenimAndLace]

The company I worked for at the time of my transition had about twice as many employees.  After I was kinda "forced out" by my bosses, I got encouraging notes from about a half dozen of my co-workers, one confessed to she is gay, one confessed their husband is bi and one shared that he was raised by two women.  Oh, and I got a "sermon" from an evangelical christian co-worker.  It was a warm welcoming into the silent minority.  After the dust settled though, I was no longer one of the guys and not fully accepted by the women either.  I'm indifferent about the whole thing now but still I hope it goes well for you SugarMagnolia

[SugarMagnolia]

I hope it goes well, too. Our office its literally across the street from the Sacramento LGBT center, so if it doesn't work out well here, I don't know where it will ?

On a positive note, I just had a brief meeting with my boss's boss (VP of Engineering). He shared that the CFO/COO is in the loop now and very supportive. The VP of Engineering also mentioned that he's not only supportive, but also personally impressed by anyone with the strength to follow their own path to happiness. I'm paraphrasing, but essentially he was letting me know that on a personal, non-manager level he was with me. 

[Jani]

Julie I wish you all the best in this next phase.  It appears things will go smoothly from management's reaction.  It's interesting that they were proactive and did some homework.  Good for them, and you.  

 

You might find some of your co-workers are more distant, but only because they've never been in this situation before.  If your boss's lead is anything I am sure everyone will come around.  As to idle chit chat, some may feel you want to girl talk and so they won't know how to speak with you.  Be you and set the tone that your work persona is still the same type of person, just appearing differently. 

 

As far as dressing, I would stick to a business casual look (slacks & tops); avoiding the hyper-fem styles and materials.  This would hopefully thread the needle between the "crew" and the "office".  I'm sure the guys will expect you to dress differently than you do now, but in the same vain.  

 

All in all, this is great news.  Congratulations.

Jani

[Charlize]

It sounds like things are going very smoothly.  I do remember that fear of having relationships change with the males in my life.

They have to some extent and sometimes seemingly more than others.  I am no less happy i transitioned.  Things do change but then again that is to be expected and over time embraced.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[SugarMagnolia]

Just now, Jani said:

As far as dressing, I would stick to a business casual look (slacks & tops); avoiding the hyper-fem styles and materials.  This would hopefully thread the needle between the "crew" and the "office".  I'm sure the guys will expect you to dress differently than you do now, but in the same vain.  

 

Yep. It's an office of software engineers, including both me and my boss, and I'm taking my cues from my boss. She mainly wears slacks/jeans and tops with an occasional sweater or jacket and a statement necklace from time to time. I don't think matching the style will be a problem, just building up a little bit more of a work wardrobe (more tops, more trousers and more shoes) so that I don't feel like I'm wearing the same thing every week. Luckily we work from home two days a week, so I only need to manage 3 outfits every week. 

And I imagine it was an unintentional auto-correct typo, but I LOVE the use of "same vain" in this context. If it was intentional than you are my pun hero! ?

[SugarMagnolia]

Just now, Charlize said:

It sounds like things are going very smoothly.  I do remember that fear of having relationships change with the males in my life.

They have to some extent and sometimes seemingly more than others.  I am no less happy i transitioned.  Things do change but then again that is to be expected and over time embraced.

That's good to hear, Charlize! It's a workplace, so I don't expect to find my best friends there, but I do have a really nice easy friendly relationship with 3 or 4 of my fellow software engineers. There are only two other women in the office one of whom is my boss. She is friendly and supportive, but she needs to maintain a certain professional distance in her role as a manager. I get along really well with the other gal in the office which is great, but one female friend will be a very different dynamic than a friendly group guys.

I suppose that's it really: I'm slightly mourning what I'm sure will be my exit from the boys club. I'd like to think that won't happen, but I suspect it probably will. Oh well, we have to break a few eggs to make omelettes! ?‍???

[Kirsten]

Congrats Julie! That’s great and I know you’ve been waiting for a while. 

As far as reactions, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. My work location has about 200 people and my guess is that 15 are female. And of them only 1 works with me. The rest are male construction workers. I haven’t noticed anyone being distant at all. Obviously out of a group this big there are outliers that I simply don’t get along with, transition or not, but even they have been very courteous. The people I have close relationships with have stayed close and really just don’t care. 

I will say I have gotten a lot, and I mean a lot of questions ranging from very normal to completely inappropriate. And it really seems to drag out. Every time I work 1-1 with someone new the questions start coming. But honestly I really like answering. It’s a way to educate people that otherwise have no idea. I’ve even learned some about myself by answering. 

Good luck with your new freedom! It’s a great feeling to be done hiding everywhere. And I’m sure you’ll really enjoy it!

Kirsten

[Timber Wolf]

Congratulations!

 

Lots of love,

Timber wolf?

[Jani]

I can't say my pun was intentional, as sometimes I hit send before proofreading and the pesky auto correct catches me off guard.  Yes we can be a little vain at times!!
 

Jani

[SugarMagnolia]

Welp, getting closer. Just found out today that they've reviewed their policies and feel that what was in there already covered everything, which is what I'd thought. So, now we just need to come finish the written transition plan and pick a date.

 

I'm thinking of making the public announcement at the end of the week and coming in on a Monday as me. I'm a little anxious still, but looking forward to it. ❤️

[Jani]

Things like this are always anxiety inducing, but you will be fine.  As you've read from many of us here, any stress will pass!   Have a great weekend and don't stress out!

Jani

[Kylie]

Julie, 

How exciting! I work for a HUGE organization that is made up of multiple hospitals/physician offices/speciality practices. I work at the largest hospital of the network. My hospital has well over 2 thousand employees, with about 1 thousand patient beds. So I was only focused on my ICU as disclosing. Since I disclosed I have found everyone to be extremely supportive and asking all sorts of questions, both appropriate and inappropriate-- but nonetheless I answer. I am so excited for you that you will be able to be yourself. I haven't started the physical transition yet, but everyone knows it is in the works.

 

I wish you all the best!

 

Kylie

[Annie]

This is great news, Julie! I am so happy for you!?

[Julie J]

Julie, your news is amazing! I'm so happy for you. My son went through university a few years ago and is great friends with a group of software engineers (he's an accountant) and they are all very liberal, forward thinking individuals. I am hopefull your co-workers are of the same sort of mindset... Enjoy being you in your everyday, every way life! Congratulations. I can't stop smiling! ?

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J 

[Cyndee]

That's great news Julie, you're getting closer. I hope it all goes well for you in the coming weeks. It's exciting, but after all the hoopla dies down, you can get back to work. It's been over 5 years for me since I came out at work and have to say it's made a wonderful difference.

 

Hugs

 

Cyndi -

[SugarMagnolia]

D-Day is today.

Sometime today, probably this afternoon, we'll have a meeting to announce my work transition. Tomorrow, I'll be full time...it feels like this has been coming in slow motion for a REALLY long time and it's hard to believe that today is the day. 

I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a few butterflies, but overall I'm SO looking forward to this step. I know it's the right time and the right thing to do. 

I'll probably post some thoughts over the next day or two to help me process, and to share for others that are contemplating the same thing or going through it. Wish me luck!

[Charlize]

Best of luck at work.  I'm sure you have butterflies but hopefully their wings will lift you to the hights of living as yourself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

[Jani]

My thoughts are with you today Julie.  You'll do fine and tomorrow will be the start of something great.  

 

Hugs, Jani

[Julie J]

Congratulations Julie! It is so liberating to be able to declare, "This is me! I am Julie!" (the other Julie ☺️) and get on with the business of living life well. I'm so happy for you and I hope everything goes smoothly. 

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J 

[SugarMagnolia]

I am Julie [the other one]
Hear me roar
And I'm too out to ignore
Please try to use my new name and my new pronouns

Hmmmm...doesn't quite have the same ring as the original, does it?

 

[Annie]

Julie, I'm so excited for you. I hope everything goes well!

[Julie J]

It's sounds wonderful Julie and for us Julies it sounds way more powerful than the original! Woohoo... You go girl! 

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J