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D-Day

Julie J

By Julie J,
in Coming Out

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Julie J Beryllium Member

Julie J

Posted
Posted

Hi everyone. Yesterday my wife and I had a talk after we spent some time driving around looking for apartment buildings that might meet my needs and standards. Basically my nearly 30 year marriage is finished. I'm not happy with the way things have been torn apart because I have to transition but sometimes things work out for the better. My wife and I decided I should tell my 27 year old son about my being transgender and that I plan to medically transition from male to female. This was fine by me as I was ready to tell him a few months ago but held off for household peace. So, today was D-Day... Disclosure Day. 

I took my son to breakfast and then we came back to the house. He's been out on his own since 2014 and never knew I was transgender or had anything feminine about me. I told him I had something to tell him, and I didn't know how to say it, so I would just come right out and say it. Then I said, I'm transgender. He said uhhuh... I asked if he knew what transgender meant? He said, uhhuh... I said I was going to transition from male to female. He said, uhhuh... and reached out and took my hand gently but firmly, in his. I love you is all he said as tears flowed down his cheeks. I love you too, I replied as tears rolled down my face. I will always love you no matter what, he said to me... I then told him that my marriage, after nearly 30 years, was over and I was looking for an apartment to move to so I can transition full time. He told me he was so sorry that I was in so much emotional pain and that no matter which gender I was, I was still the same person at my core, and he didn't care if I was male or female, he would always love me. It was unconditional acceptance. There was no pause to consider. No hesitation. Just unconditional acceptance and love. I have never been prouder of my son, of the compassionate, caring man he has become. I just had to share this wonderful news with this amazing community of caring, supportive transgender persons with whom I have been sharing my early transition experiences with. Thank you all for your support and encouragement as I continue my journey of transition. It's been a very emotional day for me and this is an amazing plus for my transition story. Be good to yourself and each other. 

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J 

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Carolyn Marie Platinum Member

Carolyn Marie

Posted
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Posted

Julie, I am so very happy for you.  You do indeed have a wonderful son, and have every right to be proud.  It is a shame that your marriage is ending, but if you and your wife can manage to remain friendly and civil towards each other, that will be a good thing.  Best of luck moving forward.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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Julie J Beryllium Member

Julie J

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Thanks Carolyn Marie. I believe my wife and I can remain friends. There is going to be a period of adjustment, obviously, but I believe we will successfully navigate the stormy weather to calmer waters and smooth sailing afterwards. This is a journey and I definitely have a positive attitude as I go forward through this ever evolving adventure we all call transition. 

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J 

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Charlize Rhodium Member

Charlize

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Posted

When i first came out to my son he seemed fine with it.  Unfortunately as he saw me as myself he turned away quickly and couldn't look at me.  For a long period i spoke to his back as he tried to adjust.  Time has helped a great deal.  I know my transition affected both my son and my wife but time has smoothed any hurts i may have caused and both seem to enjoy the smile and happiness i now have in my life.

 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Julie J Beryllium Member

Julie J

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I'm so glad to hear things have worked out for you Charlize. I my experience turns out to be as positive over all. I am truly blessed with a remarkable son. He is 6'2 and BIG... a gentle giant. He gives amazing hugs. ?

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J 

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Jani Iridium Member

Jani

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Julie I'm sorry to hear your marriage is coming apart.  I hope you and your wife can remain friends and enjoy your family together.  Your son sounds wonderful.  

Jani

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BrandiBri Ruthenium Member

BrandiBri

Posted
Posted

Julie, tears came to my eyes as I read your post. tears both of sadness because of your marriage falling apart, but tears of happiness because of your sons reaction to this news. I do hope that you and your wife can be friends.

 

Brandi

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Julie J Beryllium Member

Julie J

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Posted

I believe that after a fashion and a period of adjustment my relationship with my wife will be friendly, probably even better than it's been over the nearly 30 years of marriage. Thanks for the thoughtful encouragement of your remarks Jani and Brandi. I'm doing well. ?

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J 

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Julie J Beryllium Member

Julie J

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Well, I am about to move on to D-Day, part 2. I am going to compose an email for my 8 remaining siblings to let them know that I am transgender and will be medically transitioning from male to female. I've chosen to do this via email so I can let everyone know at the same time. I'll keep you posted on how things turn out.

After I am finished there I will have to deal with letting my wife's family know. It's going to be an interesting week, to say the least! 

Hugs & Smiles ?

Julie J 

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Jani Iridium Member

Jani

Posted
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Take a deep breath and jump into it.  You'll be fine.  I think you're right about your relationship with your wife.  Time will tell.  I'm hoping she will see your sons interaction with you and come to a better acceptance.

 

Hugs, Jani

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SugarMagnolia Germanium Member

SugarMagnolia

Posted
Posted

Oh, my goodness, Julie. This is quite a week for you. I'm glad to hear things went so well with your son and that you and your wife are finding ways to maintain your friendship. That's what my wife and I are trying to do as well. So far, so good.

I hope the rest of your week goes well. Be good to yourself this week, too!

Julie

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Kirsten Ruthenium Member

Kirsten

Posted
Posted

Well cried again. Lol. That is so wonderful about your son! I can only imagine how proud you must have felt when he told you that. ❤️❤️

I think you have been preparing for what has happened with your wife. And it’s great to see that you still have a positive outlook on your future together. This journey surely changes many relationships. But change isn’t necessarily bad. Just different. I hope things go well with your siblings and wife’s family too. My thoughts will be with you. 

Kirsten 

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Julie J Beryllium Member

Julie J

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Jani, Julie (the other Julie - LOL) and Kirsten... Thanks for your comments and support! I'm so happy about my son but there is soooo much more work ahead! I keep hoping for the best but I prepare for the worst, which as we all know can be the result of all of this... I mourn for the suffering, lonely ladies and gents out there that are not having the same good fortune as me. Please know this site, and all the support here can raise us from those depths of that dark sadness with the love and respect. I am so grateful for each and every one who has reached out to encourage and support me in my journey. 

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J 

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Jani Iridium Member

Jani

Posted
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Posted

I know there is a ton of work to do and the road may be rough at times.  We're here for you.

 

Hugs, Jani

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Julie J Beryllium Member

Julie J

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Well, I applied for an apartment and if I am approved I get it on October 15th. Unfortunately I'll be away at Fantasia Fair in Provincetown, MA. Fortunately my wife is willing to get the keys to the new place (if I'm approved - I don't forsee any issues with that) and being such an organized person, will have stocked the place with towels, linens, dishes, cutlery, pots and pans etc. etc. etc. 

I get back into town on the 21st, then I get busy arranging furniture delivery and stuff. 

When I went to view the apartment and fill out the application I was dealing with an absolute angel of a building superintendent. She was engaging and friendly and I felt very comfortable with talking to her. I was in male mode, and after all the paperwork was done, I swallowed and told her I needed to tell her why I needed the apartment, because I wanted to be upfront and honest. I don't know if that is the best of plans but I felt the need to say something. I asked if she knew anything about transgendered persons and she told me there was a MtoF transwoman in the building who was only 19 years old and had been badly bullied and beaten in high school. Then I told her I was transgender and was going to transition from male to female. This was the reason my marriage had broken down and I now needed a new place to live. I started crying and was assured there was no issue with my being transgender and she told me that I would be her new big sister. I told her my name would be Julie Michelle and she said that was a beautiful name and was the name she had given to her daughter. I thanked her for being so accepting and cried a bit more.. I was soooo relieved and I really don't think it will cause me to be denied. I'll know for sure in a day or two but I am VERY optimistic. 

Hugs & Smiles 

Julie J ?

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