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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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Cyndee.  A beautiful place to stroll. I had my middle son and grandson here over the weekend. It was nice. Today off to VA for Speech. then to the dentist this afternoon. Hoping to get some relief from the pain I have been having. Then sometime today I need to put an alternator in my 85 Crown Vic. Temps supposed to be 40s.

 

Coffee is nice and warming. Tastes good. Have a great day everybody.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

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Good morning!

After a week or more of nightmarish Windows fixes, restores, reboots, etc my two workstations are (knock on wood) up and running again. Whew, what an ordeal.

I finished my coffee (Peet's French Roast) and am thinking about jumping in the hot tub. It's a dreary cold day out there.

I've got a group therapy meeting this afternoon, hoping that goes well.

My gender therapist fussed at me for not maintaining connections to support systems. Meaning this forum here. Because in short, I've become more and more isolated as time passes, to the point where I have little contact with other people and virtually no friends.

So I guess I have to start checking in more often. But it would be nice to have some friends who would hug me, look me in the eyes and talk with me now and again.

So I'm a little sad and lonely today. Some days it feels like it's just me alone talking to the walls.

TA

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Morning all I just got off the bus and I sat next to New Kid (The kid I like) and he held my hand again today. He is so adorable and really hyper that he kept stumbling on his words haha. 

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36 minutes ago, TammyAnne said:

My gender therapist fussed at me for not maintaining connections to support systems. Meaning this forum here. Because in short, I've become more and more isolated as time passes, to the point where I have little contact with other people and virtually no friends.

So I guess I have to start checking in more often. But it would be nice to have some friends who would hug me, look me in the eyes and talk with me now and again.

So I'm a little sad and lonely today. Some days it feels like it's just me alone talking to the walls.

You are not alone in this.  My GT has said the same things for the same reasons. I have yet to meet anyone that is trans in my area.  The one meeting I tried to attend was just starting and it ended up being just me and my therapist.  So we had some pizza and chatted for 1.5 hours.  Hey free therapy with pizza , whatcha gonna do.  LOL

However I too do not connect with many people even way before I had these struggles.  My guys friends were only during the "Hobby" months.  A couple times in the Fall for hunting, winter for ice fishing and a few times in summer for golf.  We go months sometimes without contact.  Its less now.  So I understand the need for human contact in regards to our transitions.  No girl to girl talks and definitely no hugging.  It wears you down too.  This forum is my only vent to be who I am and just chat as a women and post my help or opinions for the women I am.  Its refreshing but it does not come with hugs.  My marriage is still someplace in the grey area with acceptance but still being viewed as the "husband" not the women I am.  

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41 minutes ago, Aidan5 said:

Morning all I just got off the bus and I sat next to New Kid (The kid I like) and he held my hand again today. He is so adorable and really hyper that he kept stumbling on his words haha. 

He probably is nervous too.  Be patient and just be his friend and things will progress.  Hand holding is big though so good on you!

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1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

You are not alone in this.  My GT has said the same things for the same reasons. I have yet to meet anyone that is trans in my area.  The one meeting I tried to attend was just starting and it ended up being just me and my therapist.  So we had some pizza and chatted for 1.5 hours.  Hey free therapy with pizza , whatcha gonna do.  LOL

However I too do not connect with many people even way before I had these struggles.  My guys friends were only during the "Hobby" months.  A couple times in the Fall for hunting, winter for ice fishing and a few times in summer for golf.  We go months sometimes without contact.  Its less now.  So I understand the need for human contact in regards to our transitions.  No girl to girl talks and definitely no hugging.  It wears you down too.  This forum is my only vent to be who I am and just chat as a women and post my help or opinions for the women I am.  Its refreshing but it does not come with hugs.  My marriage is still someplace in the grey area with acceptance but still being viewed as the "husband" not the women I am.  

My isolation also goes back through most of my life.

It's nice to know I'm not alone, but it's not something I wish on anyone.

I really do talk to the walls. I wonder sometimes if I need to be locked up.

TA

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1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

He probably is nervous too.  Be patient and just be his friend and things will progress.  Hand holding is big though so good on you!

She's right.

Holding your hand is a brave step.

Patience is going to get you there!

TA

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2 hours ago, Aidan5 said:

Morning all I just got off the bus and I sat next to New Kid (The kid I like) and he held my hand again today. He is so adorable and really hyper that he kept stumbling on his words haha. 

 

OMG so cute! I'm glad you get to have moments like this. They're truly precious and the sort of thing that makes life worth living. You'll have to let us know if he's a decent kisser. ?

 

2 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

Good morning!

After a week or more of nightmarish Windows fixes, restores, reboots, etc my two workstations are (knock on wood) up and running again. Whew, what an ordeal.

I finished my coffee (Peet's French Roast) and am thinking about jumping in the hot tub. It's a dreary cold day out there.

I've got a group therapy meeting this afternoon, hoping that goes well.

My gender therapist fussed at me for not maintaining connections to support systems. Meaning this forum here. Because in short, I've become more and more isolated as time passes, to the point where I have little contact with other people and virtually no friends.

So I guess I have to start checking in more often. But it would be nice to have some friends who would hug me, look me in the eyes and talk with me now and again.

So I'm a little sad and lonely today. Some days it feels like it's just me alone talking to the walls.

TA

 

I think to some extent this happens to a lot of artists. Maybe not people who perform in groups, but those of us that quietly brew magic in a cave. I make it a point to get out and interact with people every day. I have my gym time and friends I talk to while I'm working out and I have a once-a-week thing with friends. Socializing doesn't happen magically, you've got to go out and connect with people before you go completely feral and forget what words are. Nobody's going to want to be your friend when you get to the point of just licking people and peeing on their shoes to say hello.

 

I know that's hard for introverts. It's harder still when you're trans and worried about people being all judgmental. It's even harder when you remember that you need to wear pants in public (and who made up THAT stupid rule). You still need to do it though. Meetup is a good resource to connect to people with similar interests. We've got a few LGBT+ groups around here. My therapist keeps trying to get me to join her choir. Failing that, you could volunteer at a charity and meet people that way.

 

Besides, you need to go out and live some life so it can inspire your art. ?

 

Hugs!

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36 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

OMG so cute! I'm glad you get to have moments like this. They're truly precious and the sort of thing that makes life worth living. You'll have to let us know if he's a decent kisser. ?

ACK! You sound like my mom!!! Great now my face is red in the middle of class!!

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36 minutes ago, Aidan5 said:

ACK! You sound like my mom!!! Great now my face is red in the middle of class!!

 

I regret nothing!

 

Hugs!

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2 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

My isolation also goes back through most of my life.

@TammyAnne if I recall you spend summers in Maine?  Have you considered consolidating to one area that may serve all your needs?  

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TammyAnn, We need to get together once I get that position in Springfield I am wanting. Same with you Shawna. I do want to travel more. I do want to go to new england. Maybe shoot some golfs as long as I can bring my shotgun.  LOL.

 

You are lucky to even have friends, my only one is my wife. You all know that story. So I may be losing that friend too. My two best friends are in Memphis and New Jersey. Neither one knows of me being trans. Well really now one knows that I am but a select few.

 

I do keep thinking of coming out to my friend in Jersey but am scared to.

 

Kymmie

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40 minutes ago, KymmieL said:

Maybe shoot some golfs as long as I can bring my shotgun.  LOL.

I've got one you can borrow. Its a new Benelli Ventri 12 ga.  Very smooth.

I prefer my Big Bertha LD 5* custom driver and Callaway clubs though.  LOL

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7 hours ago, Jani said:

@TammyAnne if I recall you spend summers in Maine?  Have you considered consolidating to one area that may serve all your needs?  

It's a thought.

But I'd really have to relocate to Maine.

Although the West coast is also appealing. I spent 3 years in San Francisco.

TA

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5 hours ago, KymmieL said:

TammyAnn, We need to get together once I get that position in Springfield I am wanting. Same with you Shawna. I do want to travel more. I do want to go to new england. Maybe shoot some golfs as long as I can bring my shotgun.  LOL.

 

You are lucky to even have friends, my only one is my wife. You all know that story. So I may be losing that friend too. My two best friends are in Memphis and New Jersey. Neither one knows of me being trans. Well really now one knows that I am but a select few.

 

I do keep thinking of coming out to my friend in Jersey but am scared to.

 

Kymmie

I'd like that.

And could use an adventure for a change.

 

Jackie, that's funny about the pants, since I tend to spend much of my studio time in a t-shirt and panties.

 

TA

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Grumble grumble grumble ?. My vacations over and I now have to return to the evil j-word. ? At least I got my coffee, so maybe I will survive the day. More snow in the forecast for the next couple of days but not a whole lot. Hope everyone has a wonderful day 

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Hi everyone 

 

I’ve had my coffee, a Seattle’s Best dark roast.

 

i have never had an easy time making friends.  Whether it was my school years or as an adult.  I never seemed to have more than one male friend and never did things with any of them.  I have never been a sports person and any hobbies I had were things I did alone or with family.  I never knew why until recently.  Some things I did I felt I shouldn’t be doing but I couldn’t help myself.

 

i also suffered from depression but wouldn’t admit it or seek help.  Things finally got so bad I had no choice.  
 

now I understand my life and it’s clear to me what my “problem “ was.  I am getting help.  First from a counselor and now a psychiatrist.  My GP has been very helpful.  And I have an endocrinologist who has me on hrt.  
 

my biggest regret is that I didn’t know or understand about transgender when I was younger because I missed the chance to be the girls that I envy.

 

I do have a friend that will soon have bottom surgery and she introduced me to a support group I like but can’t get to every month as it’s over 2 hours away.

 

Hope you all have a great day.

 

Willow

 

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1 hour ago, Willow said:

my biggest regret is that I didn’t know or understand about transgender when I was younger because I missed the chance to be the girls that I envy.

Same!  I lament the loss of all those potential girly years.  But we did what we did within the best of our knowledge and abilities.

I'm happy to be on my journey and feeling better every day.

 

Well today was a great day for a nice long commute and hot coffee.  No poor weather so the drive was nice and quick.  If 1.5 hours can be viewed as quick but it wasn't white knuckle driving like most mornings have been.  

I hope everyone has a safe and great day!

 

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1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Same!  I lament the loss of all those potential girly years.  But we did what we did within the best of our knowledge and abilities.

I'm happy to be on my journey and feeling better every day.

 

Well today was a great day for a nice long commute and hot coffee.  No poor weather so the drive was nice and quick.  If 1.5 hours can be viewed as quick but it wasn't white knuckle driving like most mornings have been.  

I hope everyone has a safe and great day!

 

Me too!

I had repressed all of that to the extent that I didn't understand myself or my feelings. I wish I could have had the opportunity to get onto this path pre-puberty. It would have made a huge difference in my life.

But if wishes were fishes...

All we've got to work with is now. I will make the best of it and try to steer a path that works for me.

TA

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Today was coming out more today and it was time.When I was 15,I questioned myself if I was really a woman from the inside and knew the answer was yes.So far good at work and even with my wife Nikki.My mom and 3 younger sisters,did take it good.I knew I wanted to go farther sometime later in my life.Did start seeing a therapist last month and decided to do this transition with no hormones,surgically.Even went to my first consultation today having a body contouring surgery,ffs and breast augmentation.Good news it's going to happen on March 2nd changing my life around in a good way.Nikki is going to be there for support,has always said she has liked me as Adrianna more.I turn 41 next month and want to see family and friends see me as male before I become Adrianna for good. 

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Mmmm. Coffee this morning on a cold morning.

AdriannaB congratulations on the scheduled surgery. Sounds like you're getting all set!

I'm going to go disappear into the studio sometime this weekend, hoping to get some work done. But I'll have to bundle up! It's too cold for just t-shirt and panties.

TA

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Im having one of those moody days again.  I seem to be experiencing the ups and downs a lot more lately with no cause to feel either way really.  I try to tell myself its the HRT but I realize I still have unresolved issues too.  Good thing for therapy.

My day is going well and I plan to go get my hair cut back to my male style after work.  It makes me sad I need to do this but it will be better for a wig that I just ordered.

Plus my wife will stop bugging me to do something with my shabby hair.  LOL

 

I hope everyone else has a great day!

 

 

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Well, I started to experience hot flashes yesterday. That should be fun for the next three weeks. Mood is still pretty stable despite the lack of my HRT. So far I still feel like myself and there's only been one person I nearly mauled to death. You were absolutely right @ShawnaLeigh, the "unit" woke back up towards the middle of the second week. That's given me dysphoric moments in the dead of night or early morning. It's just a good thing I didn't get rid of my gaff panties. Otherwise I'd be mortified to go to the gym. I'm also retaining every ounce of fluid I drink.

I'm dressing in easily removable layers just in case. It's cold as heck here so I've been wearing a tank top under a light sweater under a sweatshirt. I can strip out of that easily enough until the moment passes. I mentioned it to some girl friends and they just laughed at me. I probably deserved it.

 

I got to work out with Rey all morning today. I learned a lot and there's a lot more to absorb, but I'm a little closer to reaching my fitness goals. I'd say I was going to be sore tomorrow, but I'm sore NOW. I can't skip tomorrow though, we're learning about arms.

 

I've discovered caffeine-free tea. That was something I never thought I'd enjoy. I never liked the stuff before, but my body keeps reminding me that my taste buds and sense of smell are more sensitive now. There are things that I used to enjoy that I can't really eat anymore and more subtle flavors that I'm starting to really enjoy. Fortunately, I'll try just about anything you put in front of me if it smells edible and I like to try new recipes. Susan doesn't especially like when I make fancy food, but she's willing to tolerate my hobbies much the same way as I try not to mock her when she's watching reality TV. Although "Say Yes to the Dress" is fun as a team sport. Susan and I will spend the whole episode second-guessing the bride. I can't imagine watching it alone though.

 

Planning to get in a writing day today. I'll have TransPulse up in another window so I can keep doing mod stuff, but it's time I got serious about wrapping this project up.

 

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

You were absolutely right @ShawnaLeigh, the "unit" woke back up towards the middle of the second week. That's given me dysphoric moments in the dead of night or early morning. It's just a good thing I didn't get rid of my gaff panties. Otherwise I'd be mortified to go to the gym.

Yes I told you it would happen.  It was not a welcome thing for me either.  Quite the opposite. 

I will pray for you to you know who.  

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38 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I will pray for you to you know who.

 

My surgeon? I've got just a hair over one more week. Well, a shade under two... Eh, eleven days.

 

Hugs!

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    • MaeBe
      1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   The observation is through a certain lens, because people do things differently doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. Honestly, a lot of the conservative rhetoric is morphing desires of people to be treated with respect and social equity to be tantamount to the absolution of the family, heterosexuality, etc. Also, being quiet and trying to blend in doesn't change anything. Show me a social change that benefits a minority or marginalized group that didn't need to be loud.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.   Trump will appoint people to do this, like Roger Severino (who was appointed before, who has a record of anti-LGBTQ+ actions), he need not do anything beyond this. His people are ready to push this agenda forward. While the conservative right rails about bureaucracy, they intend to weaponize it. There is no question. They don't want to simplify government, they simply want to fire everyone and bring in conservative "warriors" (their rhetoric). Does America survive 4 year cycles of purge/cronyism?   6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   OK, but this seems like every other time CRT comes up with conservatives...completely out of the blue. I think it's reference is mostly just to spark outrage from the base. Definitely food thought for a different thread, though.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   What is the war on the nuclear family? I searched online and couldn't find much other than reasons why people aren't getting married as much or having kids (that wasn't a propaganda from Heritage or opinions pieces from the right that paint with really broad strokes). Easy things to see: the upward mobility and agency of women, the massive cost of rearing children, general negative attitudes about the future, male insecurity, etc. None of this equates to a war on the nuclear family, but I guess if you look at it as "men should be breadwinners and women must get married for financial support and extend the male family line (and to promote "National Greatness") I could see the decline of marriage as a sign of the collapse of a titled system and, if I was a beneficiary of that system or believe that to NOT be tilted, be aggrieved.   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted.   "It might be different if you just give it a chance", unlike all the other legislation that's out there targeting LGBTQ+ from the right, these are going to be different? First it will be trans rights, then it will be gay marriage, and then what? Women's suffrage?   I get it, we may have different compasses, but it's not hard to see that there's no place for queer people in the conservative worldview. There seems to be a consistent insistence that "America was and is no longer Great", as if the 1950s were the pinnacle of society, completely ignoring how great America still is and can continue to be--without having to regress society to the low standards of its patriarchal yesteryears.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
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    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think I have read everything the Southern Baptists have to say on transgender, and it helped convince me they are dead wrong on these issues.  They can be nice people.  I would never join an SBC church.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You come across as a thoughtful, sweet, interesting and pleasant person.    There are parts of this country, and more so the world, where evangelicals experience a great deal of finger wagging.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been an interesting experience being in a marriage in a Christian faith community, yet being intersex/trans.  I stay pretty quiet, and most have kind of accepted that I'm just the strange, harmless exception.  "Oh, that's just Jen.  Jen is...different."  I define success as being a person most folks just overlook. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I live in an area with a lot of Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, etc...  We've experienced our share of finger-wagging, as the "standard interpretation" of Scripture in the USA is that the Bible only approves of "one man, one woman" marriage.  My faith community is mostly accepted here, but that has taken time and effort.  It can be tough at times to continue to engage with culture and the broader population, and avoid the temptation to huddle up behind walls like a cult.    Tolerance only goes so far.  At one point, my husband was asked to run for sheriff.  He declined, partly because an elected official with four wives would have a REALLY tough time.  (Of course, making way less than his current salary wasn't an option either). 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      My bone structure is far more female than male.  I can't throw like a guy, which has been observed by guys numerous times, and moving like a woman is more natural.  It just is.  I'm not going out of my way to act in a fem. way, as you say, but I am letting go of some of the 'I am not going to move like that because I am a guy' stuff I have defensively developed.  The other breaks through anyway - there were numerous looks from people at work when I would use gestures that are forbidden to men, or say something spontaneously no guy would ever say.   At one point, maybe a year or more ago, I said it was unfair for people to think they were dealing with a man when they were actually dealing with a woman.    Girl here.  'What is a woman' is a topic for another day.
    • Willow
      Mom, I’m home!  What’s for lunch?   Leftover pizza .   ok.    Not exactly our conversation but there is truth in the answer.     @KymmieLsorry you are sick. Feel better soon.   Girl mode, boy mode no mode, not us. Nothing functional for either of us.   anyone here have or had a 10 year old (plus or minus) Caddy, Lincoln or Chrysler?  How was it?  Lots of repairs?  Comfortable seats? Anything positive or negative about it?  I need to replace my 2004 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer, it’s eating $100 dollar bills and needs a couple of thousand dollars worth of work and that doesn’t even fix the check engine code.  Obviously, it isn’t worth putting that kind of money into a 20 year old car with a 174 thousand miles.   Willow
    • Ashley0616
      Oversized pink shirt, pink and black sports bra
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think you mean the worst possible interpretation of 2025 situation.  Keep in mind that there are those who will distort and downright lie about anything coming from conservatives - I have seen it time and time again.  It's one of the reasons I want to read the thing slowly and carefully.  They want you to be very, very afraid. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Here is where the expectation is that the stereotypical evangelical comes in finger wagging, disapproving and condemning.    Not gonna do that.   You have to work these things out.  Transgender issues put a whole different spin on everything and God understands what we are going through. I have enough trouble over here.  :)
    • Ivy
      You do you. You seem to be in a safe place if we end up with a 2025 situation.  But a lot of us are not.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, my marriage is different.  I'm actually part of a multi-partner marriage.  Like you see in the Book of Genesis.  My husband has four wives...and me.  I was kind of an accident, as our community sets the "reasonable maximum" at four wives, but that's a long story.  Plural marriage is approved in my faith community, with the exception of spiritual leaders, as described in 1 Timothy 3.  We believe that anything that isn't specifically prohibited is permitted.    The purpose of marriage is for people to work together, demonstrate the love of God, and to have children.  My faith believes in exponential reproduction - big families with lots of kids, both as a blessing and with the intention of using the size of our population for political ends.  Being intersex/trans and unable to bear children, I wouldn't have been a good candidate to be somebody's only spouse (the majority of our community tends toward traditional couple marriage).  Since my husband has other partners, I don't have to worry about the childbearing aspect, and I help out with raising our family's kids.  I'm a "bonus parent."    I'm not 100% open about my intersex/trans nature, although my community's leaders are aware of me.  Being transgender isn't condemned, but it is seen as a health problem derived from an imperfect, fallen world and an environment polluted with chemicals.  Since I'm married, I have a safe place to be, and I can live how I need to live.    I firmly believe the advice given in 1 Corinthians 7.  We don't totally own our bodies.  God gets a say, as I believe He created us to be male or female, not something outside the binary.  I don't think that transition without discussion with partners is OK....again, we don't totally own ourselves.  When I started to figure myself out, that was actually the main thing on my mind - will my partners accept me?  How will my position in the family change?  Since my partners don't really have a problem with the mild version of transition that I wanted to do, it has all been good. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Indeed.  While it seems like the majority of LGBTQ+ folks vote for Democrat candidates, not everybody drinks the Kool-Aid.  I'm a registered Independent, since I vote for individuals rather than party.  One of my trans friends is very pro-Trump - wears her MAGA hat and everything.  I find it interesting to see the reactions she gets... folks aren't always as tolerant as they claim to be.  Even on this forum, you get some real flak from Democrat voters....many will insist that the California way is the only way.    In my opinion, "Project 2025" isn't the real problem.  Check out UN "Agenda 2030."   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      While Biden may be more friendly to trans folks, I'm not a single-issue voter.  I just can't choose a Democrat candidate, as I believe their actions will destroy my community and way of life.  Biden just announced that he wants to significantly increase capital gains taxes.  Maybe he intends to "tax the rich" but that is going to affect everything from land sales to grocery prices to the cost of electricity and even folks' retirement savings, as most companies make a large amount of their profits through investing in the market.  It is absolute lunacy to think that increased cost or reduced profits won't be passed on to the rest of us.  Things are going to get way worse at this rate.    Mostly, I vote in elections for state and local issues, as the national government is about as pleasant as a Porta-Potty in July.  So, either I'll do a write-in vote for president, or I'll check the box for Trump.  Anything but Biden.     
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