Coming out in the Bible belt

[KC]

When anticipating coming out to Christian family or somewhat Christian family, do any of you think it's a good idea to come out after you have already started HRT? For the simple fact, they know you are serious in case they try to talk you out of it. Any opinions??

[Charlize]

I came out to almost everyone prior to starting HRT.  It seemed perhaps the most difficult part of my journey and i somehow had a real need to be honest after hiding throughout my life.  How your journey unfolds is yours to live.  In then long run much of what we fear most isn't as bad as we had though or maybe it is because wounds do heal in time.

Best of luck.  Let us know how it goes.  Sharing here helped me and hopefully you will find the same.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

I suppose it comes down to the individual as to how they will react.  My family and friends are christian and I have experienced nothing but acceptance.  

 

Jani

[Jennifer75]

Nothing is really easy. I have not come out, only to my lesbian friend that really didn't take it as well as I hoped. She still refers to me

using my male name. But for me my plan is to start HRT and during HRT I will come out before the really serious changes starts. I am hoping to get a bit mental courage from HRT with all the female feelings that comes up inside my head.

Hope all goes well for you too! We are in the same boat.

 

Hugs,

Jen

*I think I will go with Jen (leaning towards it in my Name thread) 

[MicahKj]

i wouldn't recommend beginning HRT at all while living under their roof(if you are) or in any house they own/rent out. and possibly not telling them until after completing college, if they're paying for it.

i wouldn't be the one to know if they're the type to throw a tantrum over your transition, but the chance of unexpected homelessness/inability to finish courses/get a job is probably a lot more hindering towards continuing hormones than the occasional argument is to starting them. in the end they have no say in it, words are just words. but there are probably a few things they could do to physically make things more difficult for you if they're caught off guard by it enough to lash out.

[KC]

10 hours ago, Charlize said:

I came out to almost everyone prior to starting HRT.  It seemed perhaps the most difficult part of my journey and i somehow had a real need to be honest after hiding throughout my life.  How your journey unfolds is yours to live.  In then long run much of what we fear most isn't as bad as we had though or maybe it is because wounds do heal in time.

Best of luck.  Let us know how it goes.  Sharing here helped me and hopefully you will find the same.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

I have found a lot of comfort here already. Lots of good advice... This site is the best resource I have found. You are right and I will definitely post an update soon!

 

Cheers,

KC

[KC]

7 hours ago, Jani said:

I suppose it comes down to the individual as to how they will react.  My family and friends are christian and I have experienced nothing but acceptance.  

 

Jani

To are exactly right Jani,

 

I am more stressed out about coming out to the rest of my family than I am anything else about this process. I am scared to the point that it's making me sick! I guess I just need to rip off the band-aid! Lol

 

KC

[KC]

7 hours ago, Jennifer75 said:

Nothing is really easy. I have not come out, only to my lesbian friend that really didn't take it as well as I hoped. She still refers to me

using my male name. But for me my plan is to start HRT and during HRT I will come out before the really serious changes starts. I am hoping to get a bit mental courage from HRT with all the female feelings that comes up inside my head.

Hope all goes well for you too! We are in the same boat.

 

Hugs,

Jen

*I think I will go with Jen (leaning towards it in my Name thread) 

Well then I shall call you Jen! Please keep me updated with you. I would like to know how it all goes being as that we are in the same boat. Lol I will do the same as well. I think my plan is to start HRT as well. Some of my folks are the kind that may try to talk me out of it. I'm most concerned about my mom's and grandmother's reactions. I hate to think about it but I believe they will be devastated and that kills me but I can't live like this anymore! Over the years, I have become more and more discussed when I look in the mirror. That's a bad feeling! The older I've gotten, the more it's affecting my self-esteem and numerous other things.

 

How it goes well for you!

KC

[KC]

5 hours ago, MicahKj said:

i wouldn't recommend beginning HRT at all while living under their roof(if you are) or in any house they own/rent out. and possibly not telling them until after completing college, if they're paying for it.

i wouldn't be the one to know if they're the type to throw a tantrum over your transition, but the chance of unexpected homelessness/inability to finish courses/get a job is probably a lot more hindering towards continuing hormones than the occasional argument is to starting them. in the end they have no say in it, words are just words. but there are probably a few things they could do to physically make things more difficult for you if they're caught off guard by it enough to lash out.

I'm not under their roof nor are they supporting me financially. It's just a really difficult situation. When I came out as a lesbian back in high school, my mom had a terrible reaction. It hurt me to hurt her but what could I do? I had been sneaking around with an older girl for about a year and my mom found a 5 page, very detailed letter that she had written me. It was BAD to say the least. Things are different now and I am a few weeks away from 30. Friends have come and gone over the years, now I only have 1 and of course my family. If I don't have them and their support, I will be devastated!

 

Thanks for the advice,

KC

[Jani]

7 minutes ago, KC said:

I am more stressed out about coming out to the rest of my family than I am anything else about this process

I agree.  This was the most stress inducing part for me.  But you got to do it eventually so you can move forward.   Otherwise you always will have that cloud hanging over your head.  

 

I would take a moment and write a letter spelling out what you want to say, how you feel, and what you want from them.  Whether you give the letter to your family members (individually) or memorize the points and deliver it verbally face to face, you will have collected your thoughts and not miss any important points you want to communicate.  You want them to understand and be on "your side" but ultimately this is about you and your happiness. 

 

All my best,

Jani 

[Jennifer75]

18 hours ago, KC said:

Well then I shall call you Jen! Please keep me updated with you. I would like to know how it all goes being as that we are in the same boat. Lol I will do the same as well. I think my plan is to start HRT as well. Some of my folks are the kind that may try to talk me out of it. I'm most concerned about my mom's and grandmother's reactions. I hate to think about it but I believe they will be devastated and that kills me but I can't live like this anymore! Over the years, I have become more and more discussed when I look in the mirror. That's a bad feeling! The older I've gotten, the more it's affecting my self-esteem and numerous other things.

 

How it goes well for you!

KC

I feel exactly the way you do about the road ahead. I am afraid of telling everyone just because some would try to stop the process. Once it has begun I feel a lot safer. And when I am over the first HRT threshold then everything will be calmer just because I have begun with it. No stoping then.

[KC]

4 hours ago, Jennifer75 said:

I feel exactly the way you do about the road ahead. I am afraid of telling everyone just because some would try to stop the process. Once it has begun I feel a lot safer. And when I am over the first HRT threshold then everything will be calmer just because I have begun with it. No stoping then.

That is how I feel also. I have told my aunt and she thinks the same thing. She also offered to "brake the ice" for me which I thought was very comforting but at the same time, she shouldn't have to catch the blunt of it. That's not fair, is it? Should I let her open up that conversation with them? I also agree with Jani about writing letters to them. I moved to a different town than where my family is for a job so I don't get to see them as often as I would like to do I thought a letter would be a good idea. I have gotten opinions from people here and I've done lots of research and I have come to the conclusion that only you know how your family and loved ones will react and there is no way of knowing someones reactions until you tell them. My aunt was very supportive and even my wife's kids dad and step mom were even supportive. I was shocked! I'm getting closer and closer to starting the physical process and the closer I get, the more nervous I get. Not because of MY changes but because of the reactions of those that I care about. I'm ready, been ready but the fear of their reaction has held me back for so long and I'm so afraid of his they will react. Only time will tell...