Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

A Predicament


FalknerNessa98

Recommended Posts

 I go by Loren. I am 22 years old, I would say I'm bi, but when I'm in girl mode. The only thing that's on my mind is -penis-. Anyway I've been dressing for some time now going out and all that. Back in August I was seeing this girl for a while but we both decided to end it, and since then I've been feeling lonely. So I decided to go out en femme and I met a guy who is very interested in people who cross-dress and we've been going out together since. it's been casual so far and we have had sex but as of lately he's been hellbent on trying to convince me into living with him as a fem 24/7, a part of me really really wants to. But there's also a part of me that's still attracted to women and wants to give dating them another shot. It's a whole lot right now and I really don't know what to do and it's been killing me what do you guys think? Should I give it a try or not?

 

Regular me:

32754279_240797883340428_3812347176772698112_n.jpg.5a9baa222fcc8c0d7ccfba24094d35c6.jpg

 

Fem me:

DoUAp0sUwAAJep6.thumb.jpg.b36b233b4195906208fbd8677648d539.jpg

Link to comment

I go by Loren. I am 22 years old, I would say I'm bi, but when I'm in girl mode. The only thing that's on my mind is -penis-. Anyway I've been dressing for some time now going out and all that. Back in August I was seeing this girl for a while but we both decided to end it, and since then I've been feeling lonely. So I decided to go out en femme and I met a guy who is very interested in people who cross-dress and we've been going out together since. it's been casual so far and we have had sex but as of lately he's been hellbent on trying to convince me into living with him as a fem 24/7, a part of me really really wants to. But there's also a part of me that's still attracted to women and wants to give dating them another shot. It's a whole lot right now and I really don't know what to do and it's been killing me what do you guys think? Should I give it a try or not?

 

Not exactly sure what your male name is, Lauren i will use for the sake of this reply.

 

lauren I see you have a dilemma on your hands.   I don't actually know you, apart from what you have wrote in your introduction.  I think your first line pretty well wrapped up for your orientation, as you confessed you only have one thing on your mind word started with the letter "P".  Obviously relationships and commitment are never easy, even more so when not being sure of your own persuasion,  the thing is in your case confession of your interest in the "P" word says to me that you have discovered your true sexuality, however you maybe either living in denial of the truth, or realise your sexuality and cannot accept it, or the thought of a life long commitment with whoever and whatever might scare you.  Either way the answer here is same as it usually is and that simply is to follow your preferences and follow your heart,  even if the thought of getting commited scares you, surely the prospect of living your whole life on your own must certainly be more scary.   Take a stand outside of your proverbial box and recollect how you felt about having a female partner, also with how you felt with your Male partner, did either relationships tick more boxes of your needs than the other..if so follow it.   Even maybe if it's your male partner.  Lifes too long to be spent alone.  (Quote)  Read the signs (from the film) final destination!   maybe, you'll find your true heart and find your true final destination ok.     I wish you well, and I hope I have not come over blunt to you... maybe a bit of a jolt was needed in order to get your thoughts moving in order to resolve your dilemma.

 

Warm Regards

 

Melissa

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Loren, unless you are desperate to find a place to live i would spend a little more time dating this man prior to moving in.  At this point if you have never slept with each other that move seems premature.  

Please don't forget there is a big difference between occasionally crossdressing and being a woman full time.  The decision is larger than a relationship so consider carefully.

Sharing here hopefully will help.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Hi Loren,  As a parent, I will offer some parental advice.  "Interested in cross dressers", and "hellbent", are two serious red flags for me.  It sounds like he is older than you are. What does this man like about you, other than crossdressing?  Why is he so hellbent (i.e. controlling) on you moving in with him and living fem full time?  Does he love you for the person that you are, or are you merely a sex toy to satisfy his crossdressing fetish? This could become very dangerous for you very fast. Personally, I would run as fast as possible from this controlling person. Take all the time you need to explore your sexuality with people close to your own age and support yourself so that you are not vulnerable to predators. Just my 2 parental cents.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Loren, all the advice given here so far should be taken seriously to heart.  There are so many variables left out in this introduction, that any other advice promoting you to move in would be lunacy.  One of the few major concerns, would be your current living conditions.  If you move in and it doesn't work out, where does this leave you?  Can you afford to set yourself up in a new place or will you be forced to move in with parents or friends.  As mentioned by others, there's so much more to living with a person than just the sex.  It's tough enough to commit to one person let alone one gender if you're still unsure and questioning your sexual preference.  You mentioned you're bi so the big question would be,..are you ready for a commitment on some level with this man and forego exploring the other side of yourself?  Another big question is...how accommodating is he about you and your way of life.  I'm talking about several things here.  Your hanging out with your friends at his place.  Will he allow you to bring all of your "stuff", your friends, and treat you as an equal?  Is he going to bring in lovers to your relationship and if he does, how are you feeling about that?  Is he the jealous type?  I don't have much information to answer any of this.  But it really doesn't matter because these are all thing you'll have to decide before making such a move.  I, myself, would stay squarely on the side of caution based on what you've presented here.

 

Just my 2¢,

Susan R?

Link to comment
13 hours ago, FalknerNessa98 said:

 I go by Loren. I am 22 years old, I would say I'm bi, but when I'm in girl mode. The only thing that's on my mind is -penis-. Anyway I've been dressing for some time now going out and all that. Back in August I was seeing this girl for a while but we both decided to end it, and since then I've been feeling lonely. So I decided to go out en femme and I met a guy who is very interested in people who cross-dress and we've been going out together since. it's been casual so far and we have had sex but as of lately he's been hellbent on trying to convince me into living with him as a fem 24/7, a part of me really really wants to. But there's also a part of me that's still attracted to women and wants to give dating them another shot. It's a whole lot right now and I really don't know what to do and it's been killing me what do you guys think? Should I give it a try or not?

 

Regular me:

32754279_240797883340428_3812347176772698112_n.jpg.5a9baa222fcc8c0d7ccfba24094d35c6.jpg

 

Fem me:

DoUAp0sUwAAJep6.thumb.jpg.b36b233b4195906208fbd8677648d539.jpg 

 

EDIT: I realized that there are some things I have left out so I'm going to give a little more context, for starters he's two years older than me and the longest I've ever spent with him was a month. I can see myself dating him long term, like I said I was seeing this girl and we both decided we weren't  the right fit. Fast forward to September, some time has past and I've gotten lonely and I decide to go out dancing en femme with a couple of my friends and he came up to us, noticed me and we began talking. I told him everything about a week after we first met, he told me he had a thing for cross-dressers and that I was very attractive, we've been seeing each other casually since.

Link to comment

The one thing I would say is that you should want to live full time. Not do it because someone wants you to. That’s where regrets come from. And also unless you can live for yourself on your own and be happy it’s hard to know what you really want. Living with people is messy and difficult. Add learning how to live female into that and it’s a lot to deal with learn about and handle. 

Id think real long and hard about this situation if I were you. Going from xdressing male to full time female is a difficult process to say the least. One you will need real support with.  Not drama. Or issues. Or stupid crap. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 103 Guests (See full list)

    • AllieJ
    • MaeBe
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • FelixThePickleMan
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,067
    • Most Online
      8,356

    autumn hill
    Newest Member
    autumn hill
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Caridad
      Caridad
    2. Certbunnie
      Certbunnie
      (25 years old)
    3. EstherElle
      EstherElle
      (43 years old)
    4. Juliet
      Juliet
      (43 years old)
    5. MelissaAndProudOfIt
      MelissaAndProudOfIt
      (59 years old)
  • Posts

    • Adrianna Danielle
      This neighbor's friend,luckily my health insurance covered it.Luckily my vehicles,house and shop are smoke free.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      @VickySGV    Good point.  There are websites full of porn and fantasies related to cross dressing, trans stories, etc., and people might easily think those are written by TG types and accurately describe TG folk.
    • VickySGV
      No one has mentioned the Adult Entertainment Industry aka the Pornography Industry which for too long was the ONLY source of information about us for the general public.  I actually realized what I was from an XX Rated publication that I snuck behind a comic book at the neighborhood convenience / liquor store.  The person in the article told of her feelings up until and through GCS which I identified with completely, but then went on to the sob story of a marriage crashing when her knowing husband went to a new job and they found out she was Trans on a security check and threatened the husband with legal action unless he divorced her ---  yada yada!!   On that note she decided her  life was ruined. --    Other problems in the Porn Press are of course the "Morality" and it is there that child endangerment stories for actual mental illness types  comes in.  Also in that media they emphasize the Fetishistic Cross Dresser classification which is an actual addiction situation and is a harmful process addiction of sex that is as terrible as Drug and Alcohol Addiction can be.  The pornographic issues and sources of information are readily available in the opening pages of a Google Search while actual Trans information is about page 200 on the engine.   A recent misadventure I had that shows how acceptable I am as my True Self is that a man who claimed to be a church elder (minister??) told me how he had never come up with legitimate information   on Trans People and actual Trans Children and he went on to brag about what he did find that was morally damning by looking for the  information.  He continued to go into detail about other pornographic sources and how nasty they were. I asked him then why HE, a MINISTER kept looking at the Porn.  He replied to me that he kept up with it to warn his congregation of the true evils he had seen so he could minister to them.  Happily for me a friend of mine came along so I could  break away from the guy who was after my soul.  (He did not read me as Trans, whew!!)
    • Ashley0616
      Just like anything else that is new it's always the thing that people fear of. People are typically afraid of change. Even something as simple as new procedure at work or the population growing. Typically just have the mindset of it's not broken then don't fix it type of attitude. The world is progressing and they need to accept that or they will eventually be left behind. A good example after WW II women working in the workforce things didn't go well at all due to a lot of butting heads. There are still even people now that think women are only meant for housework and raising babies. 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      I've actually seen a lot of people who at least tolerate the LGB and not the T. There's also some of the gay/lesbian population that, unfortunately, alienate trans people away from other parts of the community.   To me, the biggest block is probably the lack of formal exposure. If people aren't taught about LGBT they will, just like any other topic, come to misunderstandings and more. Besides, how can most LGBT people figure out that they are such if they don't know it exists? I know that, personally, I didn't realize I was a guy rather than just someone who wanted to be a guy until I was introduced to trans as a concept 
    • Ashley0616
      You're welcome. I wanted to post something new that I haven't posted yet.   
    • Ashley0616
      That's a lot of weight congratulations. I was almost about to become a K9 handler in the Air Force back in 2006 but I found out that once you get promoted to E7 you lose your dog. You can get it at E4 as long as they need them but it is usually E5. If you don't understand military jargon, I'll help you out. I didn't want to join the Marines because I actually like to be treated better. I was Security Forces and performed security, law enforcement and everything you could think of such as convoying, fire fights, search pit just to name some. It also helped that I had family that was Air Force and I went through Air Force Junior Reserves Officer Training Corps so I knew the basics of Air Force already. That's awesome that you have goals in life. I hope you get it. 
    • Davie
      Not sure what category I'd call this—don't care—I like American music. Any American. Thanks, @Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      @FelixThePickleManTrust me I know the feeling. I didn't have the guts to come out that young. It wasn't well known back then. I knew I felt completely wrong. I knew for sure my parents weren't going to help me so I hid it all. It hurt a lot to live a lie. I always pretended to be the female that I was dating. I prayed and cried every night. It's not easy because bullying has always been around and the teachers didn't really care about that stuff back then.    You can make it through this. I would like to help you out just like I have with previous members. It's going to be up to you if you would like it. It's not going to happen overnight I can promise you that. For every negative thing or comment it typically needs double the number for positive things to feel better about yourself. You unfortunately are living with your parents which they are getting used to you coming out too. Sometimes coming out you're going to lose a lot of support. I lost over 40 family members but I'm happier than what I was. I still look at the mirror and still have my issues which is typical because we know our own faults and short comings. You have to value yourself. There isn't going to be an easy life. We all face many obstacles and it's harder for the ones that have something else to deal with.   We aren't in the same boat as some people are in yachts, cruise ships, and so on. There are perks and cons to each one. The best thing is to find something that you are great at and focus on that while trying to improve on the little things. Some have rituals everyday such as a new Bible verse that is related to what you are going through or a poem there are many poems for everything. 
    • Mmindy
      G'day @Vivelacors   Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums, I hope you find this place as informative and helpful as I do.   Best wishes, stay positive, and safe,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Tonight we will split a thick cut ribeye steak grilled outside, along with fresh asparagus shoots, apple sauce, and fresh cucumber salad. The steak has already been seasoned, wrapped in butcher paper resting to room temperature. The cucumber salad is blended and resting in the refrigerator.   Tomorrow's dinner will be Chicken drumsticks (skin on) that are already marinating in Zesty Italian dressing. Tomorrow I will smoke the drumsticks with apple-wood smoke, before crisping them up on the grill. We'll also have grilling beans, and garlic mashed potatoes.   The outside kitchen is now open.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • missyjo
      red n black cotton n lace top...long flared jeans n 4 inch wedges hugs
    • MaeBe
      Clutching of pearls because people that don’t “align with society” party to excess is part of the problem, not a symptom of one. Cis-het folks are out there airing their sexuality, reveling in their debauchery, and displaying general anti-social behaviors all the time but aren’t reacted to in the same manner.   The most important T in this conversation is Time. As long as there is not a fascist, violent, crackdown on LGBTQ+ people, our exposure to society (at least in Western society) will continue to move it towards our acceptance.
    • Ashley0616
      Chicken drumsticks by the air fryer. 
    • MaeBe
      I have three within a two block walk! You'd think I was in Seattle already! The one I have always gone to is the quintessential "local coffee shop" though; local artist's works on the wall, drinks named after customers and local geography, and it's run down just enough to feel homey. Also, I can bring my 20oz coffee mug in and get it filled for the price of a small! :D
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...