choice

[Susan]

Hello all. Not sure if this is the right place for this but I have been thinking about somethings and choices I might have to make. The main choice is what gender would I want to date or have a relationship with. I have had feelings to date a guy but am scared because of the problems it could cause, but I have also want to be with a woman because it seems like women understand transgender people. Any advise anyone? Thanks and hugs! 

[VickySGV]

My suggestion is to look at the person you want to date without letting their Birth Assigned gender get in your way of seeing the person.  Two of my Trans friends got married to each other on New Years Eve.  Both had their problems on the dating scene going all ways around with cis women or cis men.  I am so super thrilled because they had given up on the whole thing of marriage and dating.  It was at that point where their shared love of motorcycling kicked in and they began riding 120 miles one way to see hook up for just riding.  One of them is retired, and the other will be in 5 months from 40 years of school teaching.  Moral of the story is to give up figuring out which gender to date, and take a good person into your life without making any rules on it.

[Kirsten]

I agree. You expect people to see you as you. So you should do the same. If it happens to be a cis guy or girl then so be it. If it’s a trans person or whomever go for it. Just find a person. A person you love and care about. None of the rest will matter when you do. 

[Tessa]

It’s weird to find the people that will accept you and the ones who won’t. I am not fully transitioned but I live being the girl. I love the idea of cuddling and being desired. In my failed marriage I was ignored and ridiculed down to that my wife at the time tried to change my body. I’m naturally skinny and she made me these awuful drinks to try to make me bigger. She would throw away any clothing she didn’t like on me. Tell me I was the woman in our relationship and that time that hurt. She would not have relations with me and anything that went wrong was my fault. Living under this broke me and took away any self identity I had. 

 

I share that to say that love is accepting the person for who they are and not trying to change them. So finding the right person is to find someone that accepts you as you. Unfortunately I stayed in my marriage for 13 years and had 3 children with this woman. She used me to get through college and become a nurse than dropped me and left me homeless. 

 

I dug deep deep in myself and journaled everyday and still do. I took up new hobbies in life like coloring, writing, and reading. I threw away the old clothes and now I have a mix of woman’s and men’s clothes. I love doing my nails and wearing diamond rings and looking beautiful! 

 

Someone once told me you have to date yourself. I have done that! I enjoy expressing who I am inside regardless of what people see. I am sometimes mistaken as gay which if I was would be fine but I’m trans. It’s ok if they do. They don’t know who I am. 

 

I dont go out in all woman’s clothes but I do wear panties everyday and try to wear bright men’s clothes. I only wear my dresses and mini skirts privately and I have one person that will let me dress up and not judge. I only do this at my apartment with him. He understands me but we will never be in a relationship. 

 

I dont even know if anyone will read this or respond but my advice is to find that one person that lets you be who you are and accepts your faults and failures as you accept there’s. 

 

What makes someone beautiful is when someone does this. They add value to your life. If only I could someday be loved that much! I want someone to hold me and tell me they love me I don’t get that. 

 

I love my children and they are what is most important to me. I live now a lonely life but find a few friends on the way. I long for a relationship of true worth. 

 

Inside I know I’m a woman and when I let Tessa out I am so confident. I have a lot of hurt in my life but everyday I’m washing it off me and finding new skin! 

 

I found some real nice girlfriends at work and guy friends. Until that special someone comes I will continue to date myself and stay the beautiful woman that I am! 

 

Love and kisses

 

Tessa❤️??

[Zoey]

My advice would be to go at it without a gender preference Susan.  I've dated both, they both have ups and downs to them.  Personally I have found men nicer because like Tessa I want all the attention and cuddles lol.  At the same time, if I had kept those filters up I never would have given my partner a chance and she ended up being the ying to my yang, someone whom I share absolute trust and understanding with.  I shudder to think where I would be if I had closed that door on myself.

 

Just now, Tessa said:

Until that special someone comes I will continue to date myself and stay the beautiful woman that I am!

 

Inspiring story Tessa, I hope you find that someone that sees your true value and strength :)