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BrendaOlivia

Holding back

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BrendaOlivia

 Emotions are running high today. Everything is going along good. I am having a tough time of how to tell the family including my wife that I am transitioning. I want to stand out and shout “I am a woman“.  It’s not fear of what others will think. Frankly, at my age, I don’t care what others outside think about my transitioning. If they can’t accept  it, it is their problem, not mine. My problem is I don’t want to hurt anybody in my family. I have been husband, father and grandfather for so long that I don’t know how they will accept me.  Again I’m at the point where it has to be. I don’t  know the right time to tell each and everyone, but I’m sure I’ll know then. I am so blessed that I found this forum. Everyone on here has been so nice and has given wonderful advice. I will keep you posted as to how my coming out goes.

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Charlize

I think one of the reasons i had for not coming out was the desire to not hurt or upset anyone.  That was certainly one of the issues i discussed with my gender therapist.  Those discussions were crustal for me and i certainly recommend that kind of discussion for everyone who is considering transition.  

My wife and i have survived as have my relations with immediate and most of my more distant family.  For me coming out was a mixture of fear, pain and ecstasy and the fear and pain were to a great extent due to the anticipation of the reactions of others.

Your not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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BrendaOlivia

 Thank you Charlize. This is why I love to talk to everyone here. So forthright and genuinely caring. I know soon I will have to take that giant step. I discussed it with my transgender therapist and he said I will know when the time is right and not to blindly rush to it.

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BrendaOlivia

 And on a lighter note, when I get all through this transition, if I can look anything like the face that Face Ad made me look,  I will be the happiest girl on the planet! 

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QuestioningAmber

I have reached a point where I am not sure I want to transition fully yet or not and I think it is partially fear of what it means. My wife's therapist actually gave her some interesting good advise today. She reminded my wife that I am the one driving, and as I take a step forward, all she will be able to do is be there right behind me. I have gotten great advise here to remember this isn't a short race, take your time and enjoy the experience.

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BrendaOlivia

Thank you for your words. And I agree to take my time. For me, I’ve known since around five years old that I was different and had no choice but accept being male. That was years ago and I strongly feel that this is the time for me. I have been a faithful husband for 43 years and father. But I want to go through the rest of my years as who I know I am. Moving forward is where I’m at. No going backwards at all.

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Jani

I can understand your situation as I was in the same place as you.  I had figured regardless of what happened I needed the peace of being of being who I was.  Despite thinking it wouldn't matter what the others thought, it did to me.  I was at a point of no return so I jumped off and started my journey.  I am all the things you are, long time married, grandparent, etc.  Think carefully as you alone know your family and friends.  With the help of my therapist I moved on and am happy today.  With careful consideration and planning you will be too.

 

Jani 

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BrendaOlivia

Thanks Jani. Great advice. 😊

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BrendaOlivia
Posted (edited)

UPDATE! 

 Everything is going along so well. I have many more sessions of electrolysis to go through still. Not one of my favorite things LOL. I had laser done on my legs and arms.  So wonderful to be smooth all over. And I finally came out to my wife. It went much better than I had expected.  She’s known for many years that something was different with me but did not want to push. We have a long road to climb. Little steps to let everybody else know.  I have decided I am going to have voice feminization surgery. I have a consultation set up for September. I will also go through voice therapy. I also have talk to them about female facial surgery.  A blessing for all of this is that most of these are covered by my insurance. It feels so good to have this weight off my shoulders. I am not in a hurry to have the reassignment surgery. I want to get all of the other things done first and then I will get the surgery done to complete this transition.

Edited by Charlize
to fix an issue noted by member

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BrendaOlivia
Just now, Charley Price said:

Transition. Crazy phone. Did not realize that it put transformation instead of transition until after I posted.

 Oh yes, and one more thing, we both discussed my new name. I like the one she picked. 

Brenda Olivia

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Ellora

Wow! Congratulations! So much good news! Im very happy for you!! Ive always liked the name Brenda, i have not heard that name in along time! I had a very good childhood friend with the name Brenda. 

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BrendaOlivia

Thank you Ellora.  I had a name that I liked, but she brought up Brenda and it just stuck.  The more I said Brenda out loud, the more I liked it. 

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Jani

You will never get to enjoying electrolysis, except for maybe the results!  

 

Be advised that a huge part of the voice surgery recovery is vocal therapy.  Start by practicing now by moving your voice up into your throat, from your chest.  Its hard at first but then gets easier.  

 

Cheers, Jani

 

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BrendaOlivia
12 hours ago, Jani said:

You will never get to enjoying electrolysis, except for maybe the results!  

 

Be advised that a huge part of the voice surgery recovery is vocal therapy.  Start by practicing now by moving your voice up into your throat, from your chest.  Its hard at first but then gets easier.  

 

Cheers, Jani

 

Yes Jani, I know.  Being a professional singer most of my adult life, I know how important it is to train the voice. Once the surgery gets my pitch, then with therapy I will be able to work with it to get it where it should be. 

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