Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Remote worker. How do I talk to my boss?


Krisvm

Recommended Posts

Hey all, 

 

I work remotely in general but occasionally travel out to meet clients. I would like to talk to my boss about my gender identity and the issues of presentation but I honestly don't know where to start? 

 

Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this? 

Link to comment
  • Admin

Kris, I would start by finding out if the company has any policies or guidelines on workplace transition.  Before talking with your boss, its important to find out what your rights are.  You don't need to smack him/her in the face with it, but if there are policies, it will be important to know them.

 

Does your company have an HR, or are you dealing only with the boss?  How has your relationship been with him/her?  If good, then I would just be up front about it and let him/her know what's on your mind, and maybe provide a timeline on when you plan to transition, if you haven't already?  It's hard to make a lot of suggestions when I don't know any details about your work situation.

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

Okay thanks. I am on good terms with my boss and we do have a HR department. Do you think then it is best to contact HR to ask about policies first? 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

The answer may depend on the size of your employer.  If your boss and HR are in the same office then perhaps you should speak to the boss first.  Otherwise i would speak to HR as they may be better informed of company policies.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

They are in the same building although on different floors. It's medium sized employer, about 100-150 people across different offices.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

In that case if i were talking to someone i would talk to HR first simply because they know company policy and you will need to speak to them anyway if you change your legal name.  That being said you know your situation far better than i do.  Regardless of your decision best wishes for the results,].

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

One point I can think of is that the type of boss you have is somewhat relevant. I know where I worked my boss was the 'keep things close and in the department type'. He did not like things going elsewhere without he was fully aware first. It proved no problem at all as far as I went (very feminine looks with medium, very obvious, makeup) and I never spoke to HR as I was not transitioning fully and worked in a very accepting workplace, but I think things would have been more strained if I had gone elsewhere first.  Our policies were easily accessible online though so less of a problem. Managers like to think they have control!

 

Tracy

Link to comment

Thank you all. I spoke to my direct manager, not this specifically but asked if I had a personal question I wanted to understand company policy on who is best to speak to, and they told me to contact HR and set up an appointment so have emailed them and see how it goes.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

That sounds like a perfect solution!

A big step.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I agree, keeping everyone in the loop.

 

Tracy

Link to comment

To update, I have a call with HR on this later today. A bit nervous but will let you all know how it goes.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good luck!  Hopefully you will have a reason to like your employer even more.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Just came off the call. They said they are happy to support me in anyway they can but they don't have any specific policy built in. As such they are going away to do some research and reach out to other colleagues to see if they can work out the best way forward.

On my side, does anyone have any links to good resources on transitioning to work at all? Would be good to read what other companies or people have as best practice so I know what might need to be discussed if anything is missing?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Very good Kris.  Hopefully they will follow through and all will be well! 

 

Cheers, Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good luck! I don't know how well it will relate to your job but I have a general link here which gives a flavour of things in the NHS.  It, and the links from it, may be a help.

https://www.nhsemployers.org/retention-and-staff-experience/diversity-and-inclusion/policy-and-guidance/sexual-orientation

 

Private companies do not usually publish their policies online (as far as I know) but NHS trust and probably local government documents are likely to be available. A quick look found this for Newcastle:

http://www.newcastle-hospitals.org.uk/downloads/policies/Personnel/GenderTransitionatWorkPolicy201808.pdf

 

I had a little look and found some info which private companies give but it would take a bit of searching to find details specific to gender, but may exist although maybe only in large companies. I did come across a council document though:

 

https://wolverhampton.moderngov.co.uk/documents/s36286/Appendix - Transgender Guidance Notes.pdf

 

Tracy

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you all for all this, I passed it on and some other stuff I got from other people.

 

I had my meeting now with my manager which was supportive but they are going to go away to have a think about this as they don't have much experience on how to approach this either.

 

One thing they keep asking me is how I want to approach this. Which is fine in some areas and I am glad, but also in others I have no idea how to approach it so I hope they can come up with some ideas.

Link to comment
  • Admin

That's good news, Kris.  Is there something in particular that is worrying them or has them confused?  Maybe we can be of assistance to you and them.

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

The main issue is how to tell people about it. Inside the company I am fine with whatever, sending out an email to say I am called Kris and use "they\them" pronouns is good. It is how to approach it with clients outside the agency I work with. Should they be told or do I just keep transitioning and deal with any fall out afterwards as I become more and more feminine? 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

So after talking all the options over with my boss here is the plan:

1. After I go on holiday next week in the first team meeting my boss will be announced I am transitioning, I will go by Kris now and use they/them from now on

2. IT will during this time change my email alias and display name to match

3. Clients will be informed of the change in a short formal email from the client managers

4. If there are any issues from anyone these will dealt with by HR

 

So will all be happening soon. Very excited to finally have it all out in the open. 

Link to comment

It sounds like that you have a solid plan with your boss and HR Team. I would be excited too.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Just wanted to update everything seems to have gone great. Everyone at work has been really supportive and supercareful to start calling me Kris and using my correct pronouns. Made me very happy!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

It sounds like you're working with a great, accepting group of fellow employees.  Wonderful news.  Enjoy.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 162 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • SamC
    • Mmindy
    • MaeBe
    • Ivy
    • Jordyn1215225
    • Ashley0616
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Timber Wolf
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      Congratulations to the mom and family @Ivy on the addition of another child.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      Congrats to you and yours!
    • Ashley0616
      YAY! Congratulations on a granddaughter!
    • Ashley0616
      I recommend CarComplaints.com | Car Problems, Car Complaints, & Repair/Recall Information. A lot of good information
    • LucyF
      I've got Spironolactone ___mg and Evorel ___mcg Patches (2 a week) going up to ___mg after 4 weeks 
    • Ivy
      Got a new Granddaughter this morning.  Mother and child (and father) are doing fine. This makes 7 granddaughters and one grandson.  I have 2 sons and 6 daughters myself.  And then I  switched teams.  I think this stuff runs in the family. Another hard day for the patriarchy.
    • Ivy
      Like @MaeBe pointed out, Trump won't do these things personally.  I doubt that he actually gives a rat's a$$ himself.  But he is the foot in the door for the others.   I don't really see this.  Personally, I am all in favor of "traditional" families.  I raised my own kids this way and it can work fine.  But I think we need to allow for other variations as well.   One thing working against this now is how hard it is for a single breadwinner to support a family.  Many people (I know some) would prefer "traditional" if they could actually afford it.  Like I mentioned, we raised our family with this model, but we were always right at the poverty level.   I was a "conservative evangelical" for most of my life, actually.  So I do understand this.  Admittedly, I no longer consider myself one. I have family members still in this camp.  Some tolerate me, one actually rejects me.  I assure you the rejection is on her side, not mine.  But, I understand she believes what she is doing is right - 'sa pity though. I mean no insult toward anyone on this forum.  You're free to disagree with me.  Many people do.   This is a pretty complex one.  Socialism takes many forms, many of which we accept without even realizing it.  "Classism" does exist, for what it's worth.  Always has, probably always will.  But I don't feel like that is a subject for this forum.   As for the election, it's shaping up to be another one of those "hold your nose" deals.
    • Ivy
      Just some exerts regarding subjects of interest to me.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  In my early teens I trained myself out of a few things that I now wish I hadn't.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I was thinking in particular of BLM, who years ago had a 'What We Believe' section that sounded like they were at war with the nuclear family.   I tried to find it. Nope.  Of interest https://www.politifact.com/article/2020/aug/28/ask-politifact-does-black-lives-matter-aim-destroy/   My time is limited and I will try to answer as I can.
    • Ivy
      Well, I suppose it is possible that they don't actually plan on doing what they say.  I'm not too sure I want to take that chance.  But I kinda expect to find out.  Yet, perhaps you're right and it's all just talk.  And anyway, my state GOP is giving me enough to worry about anyway. I remember a time when being "woke" just meant you were paying attention.  Now it means you are the antichrist. I just don't want the government "protecting" me from my personal "delusions."
    • MaeBe
      1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   The observation is through a certain lens, because people do things differently doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. Honestly, a lot of the conservative rhetoric is morphing desires of people to be treated with respect and social equity to be tantamount to the absolution of the family, heterosexuality, etc. Also, being quiet and trying to blend in doesn't change anything. Show me a social change that benefits a minority or marginalized group that didn't need to be loud.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.   Trump will appoint people to do this, like Roger Severino (who was appointed before, who has a record of anti-LGBTQ+ actions), he need not do anything beyond this. His people are ready to push this agenda forward. While the conservative right rails about bureaucracy, they intend to weaponize it. There is no question. They don't want to simplify government, they simply want to fire everyone and bring in conservative "warriors" (their rhetoric). Does America survive 4 year cycles of purge/cronyism?   6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   OK, but this seems like every other time CRT comes up with conservatives...completely out of the blue. I think it's reference is mostly just to spark outrage from the base. Definitely food thought for a different thread, though.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   What is the war on the nuclear family? I searched online and couldn't find much other than reasons why people aren't getting married as much or having kids (that wasn't a propaganda from Heritage or opinions pieces from the right that paint with really broad strokes). Easy things to see: the upward mobility and agency of women, the massive cost of rearing children, general negative attitudes about the future, male insecurity, etc. None of this equates to a war on the nuclear family, but I guess if you look at it as "men should be breadwinners and women must get married for financial support and extend the male family line (and to promote "National Greatness") I could see the decline of marriage as a sign of the collapse of a titled system and, if I was a beneficiary of that system or believe that to NOT be tilted, be aggrieved.   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted.   "It might be different if you just give it a chance", unlike all the other legislation that's out there targeting LGBTQ+ from the right, these are going to be different? First it will be trans rights, then it will be gay marriage, and then what? Women's suffrage?   I get it, we may have different compasses, but it's not hard to see that there's no place for queer people in the conservative worldview. There seems to be a consistent insistence that "America was and is no longer Great", as if the 1950s were the pinnacle of society, completely ignoring how great America still is and can continue to be--without having to regress society to the low standards of its patriarchal yesteryears.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Cadillac parts are pretty expensive, so repairing them costs more.  But they don't seem to break down more than other makes.  Lots of Lincoln models use Ford cars as a base, so you can get parts that aren't much more expensive.    My family has had good luck with "Panther platform" cars.  Ford Crown Victoria, Mercury Marquis, Lincoln Towncar or Continental.  4.6 V8 and 5.0 V8.  Reasonable fuel economy, and fairly durable.  Our county sheriff's office was running Chargers and SUV's for a while, but has gone back to older Crown Victorias for ease of maintenance.  GF rebuilds them here.  But they are getting more scarce, since the newest ones were made in 2011.    1992-1997 years were different than the later years.  1998-2001 they did some changes, and apparently the best years are 2003 to 2011.  Check Craigslist, and also government auctions.  GF has gotten a lot of them at auction, and they can be had in rough-but-running shape for around $1,000.  Ones in great shape can be found in the $5,000+ range.  Good for 200,000 miles without significant rebuilding.  Go through engine and transmission and electrical systems, and they go half a million.    Some Chrysler models are OK.  The 300 mostly has the same engines as the Charger and Challenger, so parts availability is pretty good.  But they tend to get timing issues.  The older Chrysler Sebring convertibles were pretty reliable, sometimes going 200,000 miles without tons of problems, although after that they were pretty much worn out. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think I have read everything the Southern Baptists have to say on transgender, and it helped convince me they are dead wrong on these issues.  They can be nice people.  I would never join an SBC church.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You come across as a thoughtful, sweet, interesting and pleasant person.    There are parts of this country, and more so the world, where evangelicals experience a great deal of finger wagging.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...