Ways to strengthen myself for bad reactions

[Krisvm]

Talking to my gender therapist one thing we have discussed is I tend to get upset with myself when other people get upset with me, even if I know they are in the wrong. As such we are going to work on ways to strengthen myself before coming out to my family.

 

However I wondered what other people do. How have other people prepared themselves for possible bad reactions for coming out to there family and what have they done to get through if they have had bad reactions?

[Timber Wolf]

I've found self confidence to be the most important thing. For that, we need to work at understanding ourselves better for who we are. The better we understand who we are, the less likely we are to wilt under the expectations of family, friends, and society. Self understanding gives us strength and confidence.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ?

[Ellora]

Hi! Strengthening your confidence is very important. I can be up and down, cause I to do not want o upset others. 

In a situation where you need to “stick up for yourself,” try to think of what a close friend or loved one might do or say to “stick up for you.” Think of yourself sticking up for a close friend and or a loved one, and what you what do and say. Use that energy you might have for them. 

A week or so ago, the subject of my kids being in the Pride parade came up between me and my father. He had a typical religious homophobic response. Long story short, I told him that my daughter , his granddaughter was gay, and if he had a problem with that, he had a problem with my daughter, and if he had a problem with my daughter, he had a problem with Me. He did a 180 and said it was all ok, and apologized. 

I probably wouldn’t have been so stern with my father if I wasn’t stepping up for my daughter, but it sure as heck did the trick. I’m going to use that energy if this ever happens again. Cause We, you, everyone is worth it. 

A while ago, I got tired of people, aholes, friends that were aholes, dumping their crap on me, whether it was at work or elsewhere, I stopped taking their bad moods or issues with me. I would think, Nope don’t want it, you can keep your horrible mood, cause I don’t want it. I feel better when I don’t keep the crap. So, don’t keep the crap.

Stand up for yourself. Be your best friend. If they cannot accept you, then that’s on Them. You choose what you want to take. If they cannot understand or “deal with it,” then move on. Tell them you would love to talk about it if they want to be more civil or educated. There is no argument to be had here. 

Best of luck with your journey! 

[Charlize]

It is probably quite normal to be upset by the negative reactions of others especially if its folks with whom we are close.

When i finally came out i guess i had gotten to a tipping point.  I felt I knew who i was.  I couldn't hide it any more or mask my feelings in part through substance abuse.  I tried to let go of my fear and let a power greater than myself take over.  I guess i simply figured that regardless of the consequences it was time to be myself.  It wasn't self confidence but more a matter of the knowledge of needing to move on my path and understanding i would have to accept the results.  .

Please know others have walked this path.  I was told by one of the older mods here "we've got your back".   Maybe that helped me find the acceptance i needed.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize