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Miss Bunny

Why am I 8 years old?

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Miss Bunny

This subject causes me distress. I'm confused, and I am not happy about it.

 

Where was I before 2012? Why was he here and not me. Is he really gone? I want him to be gone.

 

Why don't I have a past?

 

Why do I feel like a child?

 

Nothing bothers me more than feeling like an abandoned child. I'm lonely, there's no one here. My bio parents are dead now. My family lives in Ottawa, I only see them for 5 days over Christmas.

Otherwise it's just me and my teddy bear Frank. I tell people he's my husband. I don't care if that sounds kooky. He's all I have when I feel lonely.

 

How can I be so incredibly skilled, and so highly educated, and still emotionally a child.

 

I'm crying as I post this, because I'm upset.

 

I don't want to pretend to be 'small', it's not funny to me.

 

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MaryMary

I'm french so maybe there's some things in your post that escape me but I would suggest (if you don't already do it) to try and hang out with your local trans/LGBT community. Sometimes you can find incredible people there and maybe even an adoptive family of sorts. I know it doesn't replace anybody and I would never pretend it does but I've heard many trans persons who've been rejected by their family find incredible communities all around the world so maybe it's an option?

 

If I understand what you are saying I can certainly relate. I'm dealing with issues related to gender dysphoria and being trans since I was very young and I did miss many important steps in life because I was not able to really socialize, was victim of intimidation and all around rejected. I don't know my sexual orientation, I've been depressed and or suicidal for a long time in my life and never had the mind to plan any future, etc etc. So, in a way, I do feel like you, like I don't have a past, like I've missed out. I've seen many psychologists to help me deal with it and if you can it can help a lot, personnaly I think it's a great thing to do. I think that it's never too late to build on that feeling. In a way, the past starts 1 miliseconds ago so each moment you spend in the moment, in the present, you build memories and thus that past you don't have. Since I've made my coming out I've done maybe really cool things and in a way I built teenage years and a real puberty out of life scraps, lol

 

I don't know if what I said help or not but you are not alone, we are here to help the best we can. Personnaly I love people here :) I read all your post and I hope for the best for you. I'm sending you positive energy,

 

 take care :)

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Miss Bunny

Thanks for your thoughts Mary. I was born in Quebec by the way. I'm from Lachine.

 

I have a sort of adoptive dad, he's English. We've met. He's 2 years older than me physically. But he looks after me in a way.

I attend PFLAG meetings in town, but I usually feel out of sync with the adults in the room. I often listen in while sitting aside colouring.

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MaryMary

Lachine? great :) I'm really bad at colouring so I'm not doing that but I often stand out when I'm with other adults too, lol Mainly because since I spent 20 years of my life in depression / suicidal I don't have any real ambitions, I don't like to judge other people, I often am really in the present, I am trans, I have red hairs, I don't have any sexual orientation (and thus not making any comments or have any conversation related to that) and finally often talk about any subject and adapt what the other people like. But I do think many many adults feel out of sync. It's a feeling people often express to me IRL.

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Alex C

Hey Bunny..Yeah like yourself  I find myself under stress at meeting. I am  a lot older then you. I am 56 even do" AND I AM NOT BRAGGING" I look mid 30. However, I always feel WAY out place at LGBT meeting. I go to my friends bar but I kinda try to avoid any glances or looks, because I always feel I am being judge...I know my GT helps so maybe finding Therapist that you like and take it from there...FYI I have a stuff Cocker Spaniel name Glodie who I call my BF...Be safe, be proud and kick ass

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Miss Bunny

Thanks for your input Alex.

 

I sometimes wonder, what am I actually supposed to feel like (age wise). My birth certificate says I'm supposed to feel 58.

 

What does 58 feel like?

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Abi
On 2/21/2020 at 10:46 PM, Miss Bunny said:

What does 58 feel like?

I imagine it should feel any way you would like it to feel.

On 2/21/2020 at 1:55 PM, Miss Bunny said:

I don't want to pretend to be 'small', it's not funny to me.

Is it ok if I ask what you mean? It's ok if not.

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