Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

My Brother!


HollyElizabeth

Recommended Posts

I know my brother has only known about my transition for about a week, but come on. Today was the first day he actually saw me dressed, but was the comment to my mother really necessary? He saw me leave the house and he went in and told my mom that I shouldn't wear that stuff out because people wouldn't understand. Mom told him that I've been going out dressed for weeks. He won't say anything directly to me, but he only feels he can talk to my mom.

 

Anyone have anyone like that. LOL

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, HollyNoel said:

He won't say anything directly to me, but he only feels he can talk to my mom.

 

Anyone have anyone like that. LOL

Yes, HollyNoel...My oldest daughter was very much like this. I mentioned it awhile ago on a older thread. I came out to her and she was with her other 2 daughters. My oldest say to my sisters, “I can accept she wants to be a woman but it’s just so weird!” All of them are over 30 now and you’d think they’d have developed some empathy by then.

 

I have to give her credit now though. She is changing slowly despite having a hubby who is anti LGBTQ+. She recently came over with my 9 year old grandson and she was very supportive when we discussed my upcoming surgeries. Sometimes it takes a couple years to come to terms with your dad becoming a woman.

 

I bet in time you’ll find a little more acceptance and with any luck affirmation from your brother. Sometimes when others start slowly accepting you, family and friends see this accepting of you and begin to understand that not everyone agrees with societal ‘norms’ and rethink things for themselves.  Sometimes they don’t and you realize that they’re always going to be a little immature about the whole thing.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Some of us have repressed and hidden who we are for a very long time, even to ourselves. It is not surprising that someone who is cis would have no understanding of this. So far I am out only to a select few.

 

My daughters didn't blink an eye. My wife's best friend also accepted immediately. My wife took a while, and I don't even plan to socially transition as I am non binary. What is in my pants will be known by very few.

 

It took multiple conversations, but the Pastor at my bible belt conservative church has accepted it. It has even changed his preaching. With his help, I intend to change the minds of some of our congregation. We just changed the mind of one I thought couldn't possibly be won over last Sunday. He was vocally anti LGBT. There are some who will never accept.

 

Society has ingrained so many that this is not normal or is wrong. Give it time and some more communication. Your brother might come around. I agree with Susan. Sometimes getting part of your family or one of your friends who is supportive can help bring them around.

 

Hugs,

Mike

Link to comment

Thank you girls, I really don't mind him not want to talk directly to me, not really, saves the fights for other things more important. I just wish he could feel comfortable enough to come to me so I could address his concerns and/or questions. I'm not going to take his head off over his not understanding whats happening to me at the moment. I can't even fault him for the feelings he has right now, I realize that as hard as this is for me, it's just as hard for everyone else. All I can ask of anyone is just a bit of understanding and for them to be able to come to me so I can at least talk to them and try to explain whats going on in my head. Turns out that as much of a pain in the butt they were when we were little, they are still a giant pain as adults. lol

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Confused1 said:

 

It took multiple conversations, but the Pastor at my bible belt conservative church has accepted it. It has even changed his preaching. With his help, I intend to change the minds of some of our congregation. We just changed the mind of one I thought couldn't possibly be won over last Sunday. He was vocally anti LGBT.

 

This is seriously amazing, wonderful, and incredibly encouraging to hear! All I can say is: Amen!!! :) The Fab Five would be proud! (Yes, I'm a hopeless fan ;) )

 

@HollyNoel: That's an unfortunate situation to have to deal with. (BTW, I'm super happy for your newfound experiences of passing, and a little bit envious, too :)) As for your family, the only consolation I can think to offer is this:

 

Trans people often spend a lot of time researching and learning about the concept of transgender before ever even reaching out to a support group like this, let alone "coming out" to friends and family. But our cis-gendered loved ones have likely never had reason to research and learn about trans-ness at all until we suddenly spring it on them when we come out. All of of sudden, that throws them straight into the deep end of a swimming pool they were never prepared for in the first place, so it's only natural they will have a difficult time adjusting, and will inevitably make mistakes. They're trying to adjust and make sense of things, much like we did, but they're doing it in only a mere moment, or mere days/weeks, whereas many of us have already spent months or years learning about trans-ness and acclimating ourselves to it.

 

So even though, no doubt, yours can be an excruciating limbo for a trans person to find themself in in the meantime, I think it's worthwhile to remember that most of our cis-gendered loved ones are much, much bigger novices to trans-ness than any of us are. It's a very sudden shock to them, unlike the gradual lifelong progression many of us have dealt with. It will take them time, and they will inevitably make mistakes as they frantically try to learn which way is up. The best we can do to help them adjust to this new revelation about us is to give them the same patience and understanding we hope to receive from them, and also, if/whenever they're willing, our guidance in acclimating to this world of transgender that's even newer, and less familiar, to them than it is to us. Even though they may be shocked, if they're true, genuine friends/family, then they're also going to be terribly worried for you, and protective of you in the only, perhaps uninformed, ways they know how.

 

In your case, from what you describe, it doesn't sound to me like your brother is against you, or bigoted, or anything remotely like that. It sounds to me like he genuinely cares for you and your well-being, and is simply too caught-off-guard, and still too much of a novice to the transgender world to know how best to react and how best to help you and deal with his instinct to keep you safe.

 

So hang in there, it sounds like you have good, caring family already - it's just going to take some time for the the dust settle. In the meantime, any guidance they're willing to accept from you will help, so be willing and ready to offer it.

 

Link to comment

Thank you Heathick. All I can offer him at this point is the time he needs to accept the real me. And as far as I'm concerned, he can have as much as he wants or needs. You can't rush someone through this, they have to go at their own speed. I know he will eventually come around. Oh crap, I got to get ready for my hormone doctors appointment. Takes me forever to do my face. lol. On the upside, the nurses at my other doctors office say I do a good job with my makeup. I'm glad, I don't want to look like a clown. lol.

 

Wish me luck ladies.. Hug Holly!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 120 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Ashley0616
    • Susie
    • Rebecca Y
    • Maddee
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      Just some exerts regarding subjects of interest to me.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  In my early teens I trained myself out of a few things that I now wish I hadn't.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I was thinking in particular of BLM, who years ago had a 'What We Believe' section that sounded like they were at war with the nuclear family.   I tried to find it. Nope.  Of interest https://www.politifact.com/article/2020/aug/28/ask-politifact-does-black-lives-matter-aim-destroy/   My time is limited and I will try to answer as I can.
    • Ivy
      Well, I suppose it is possible that they don't actually plan on doing what they say.  I'm not too sure I want to take that chance.  But I kinda expect to find out.  Yet, perhaps you're right and it's all just talk.  And anyway, my state GOP is giving me enough to worry about anyway. I remember a time when being "woke" just meant you were paying attention.  Now it means you are the antichrist. I just don't want the government "protecting" me from my personal "delusions."
    • MaeBe
      1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   The observation is through a certain lens, because people do things differently doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. Honestly, a lot of the conservative rhetoric is morphing desires of people to be treated with respect and social equity to be tantamount to the absolution of the family, heterosexuality, etc. Also, being quiet and trying to blend in doesn't change anything. Show me a social change that benefits a minority or marginalized group that didn't need to be loud.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.   Trump will appoint people to do this, like Roger Severino (who was appointed before, who has a record of anti-LGBTQ+ actions), he need not do anything beyond this. His people are ready to push this agenda forward. While the conservative right rails about bureaucracy, they intend to weaponize it. There is no question. They don't want to simplify government, they simply want to fire everyone and bring in conservative "warriors" (their rhetoric). Does America survive 4 year cycles of purge/cronyism?   6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   OK, but this seems like every other time CRT comes up with conservatives...completely out of the blue. I think it's reference is mostly just to spark outrage from the base. Definitely food thought for a different thread, though.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   What is the war on the nuclear family? I searched online and couldn't find much other than reasons why people aren't getting married as much or having kids (that wasn't a propaganda from Heritage or opinions pieces from the right that paint with really broad strokes). Easy things to see: the upward mobility and agency of women, the massive cost of rearing children, general negative attitudes about the future, male insecurity, etc. None of this equates to a war on the nuclear family, but I guess if you look at it as "men should be breadwinners and women must get married for financial support and extend the male family line (and to promote "National Greatness") I could see the decline of marriage as a sign of the collapse of a titled system and, if I was a beneficiary of that system or believe that to NOT be tilted, be aggrieved.   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted.   "It might be different if you just give it a chance", unlike all the other legislation that's out there targeting LGBTQ+ from the right, these are going to be different? First it will be trans rights, then it will be gay marriage, and then what? Women's suffrage?   I get it, we may have different compasses, but it's not hard to see that there's no place for queer people in the conservative worldview. There seems to be a consistent insistence that "America was and is no longer Great", as if the 1950s were the pinnacle of society, completely ignoring how great America still is and can continue to be--without having to regress society to the low standards of its patriarchal yesteryears.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Cadillac parts are pretty expensive, so repairing them costs more.  But they don't seem to break down more than other makes.  Lots of Lincoln models use Ford cars as a base, so you can get parts that aren't much more expensive.    My family has had good luck with "Panther platform" cars.  Ford Crown Victoria, Mercury Marquis, Lincoln Towncar or Continental.  4.6 V8 and 5.0 V8.  Reasonable fuel economy, and fairly durable.  Our county sheriff's office was running Chargers and SUV's for a while, but has gone back to older Crown Victorias for ease of maintenance.  GF rebuilds them here.  But they are getting more scarce, since the newest ones were made in 2011.    1992-1997 years were different than the later years.  1998-2001 they did some changes, and apparently the best years are 2003 to 2011.  Check Craigslist, and also government auctions.  GF has gotten a lot of them at auction, and they can be had in rough-but-running shape for around $1,000.  Ones in great shape can be found in the $5,000+ range.  Good for 200,000 miles without significant rebuilding.  Go through engine and transmission and electrical systems, and they go half a million.    Some Chrysler models are OK.  The 300 mostly has the same engines as the Charger and Challenger, so parts availability is pretty good.  But they tend to get timing issues.  The older Chrysler Sebring convertibles were pretty reliable, sometimes going 200,000 miles without tons of problems, although after that they were pretty much worn out. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think I have read everything the Southern Baptists have to say on transgender, and it helped convince me they are dead wrong on these issues.  They can be nice people.  I would never join an SBC church.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You come across as a thoughtful, sweet, interesting and pleasant person.    There are parts of this country, and more so the world, where evangelicals experience a great deal of finger wagging.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been an interesting experience being in a marriage in a Christian faith community, yet being intersex/trans.  I stay pretty quiet, and most have kind of accepted that I'm just the strange, harmless exception.  "Oh, that's just Jen.  Jen is...different."  I define success as being a person most folks just overlook. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I live in an area with a lot of Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, etc...  We've experienced our share of finger-wagging, as the "standard interpretation" of Scripture in the USA is that the Bible only approves of "one man, one woman" marriage.  My faith community is mostly accepted here, but that has taken time and effort.  It can be tough at times to continue to engage with culture and the broader population, and avoid the temptation to huddle up behind walls like a cult.    Tolerance only goes so far.  At one point, my husband was asked to run for sheriff.  He declined, partly because an elected official with four wives would have a REALLY tough time.  (Of course, making way less than his current salary wasn't an option either). 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      My bone structure is far more female than male.  I can't throw like a guy, which has been observed by guys numerous times, and moving like a woman is more natural.  It just is.  I'm not going out of my way to act in a fem. way, as you say, but I am letting go of some of the 'I am not going to move like that because I am a guy' stuff I have defensively developed.  The other breaks through anyway - there were numerous looks from people at work when I would use gestures that are forbidden to men, or say something spontaneously no guy would ever say.   At one point, maybe a year or more ago, I said it was unfair for people to think they were dealing with a man when they were actually dealing with a woman.    Girl here.  'What is a woman' is a topic for another day.
    • Willow
      Mom, I’m home!  What’s for lunch?   Leftover pizza .   ok.    Not exactly our conversation but there is truth in the answer.     @KymmieLsorry you are sick. Feel better soon.   Girl mode, boy mode no mode, not us. Nothing functional for either of us.   anyone here have or had a 10 year old (plus or minus) Caddy, Lincoln or Chrysler?  How was it?  Lots of repairs?  Comfortable seats? Anything positive or negative about it?  I need to replace my 2004 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer, it’s eating $100 dollar bills and needs a couple of thousand dollars worth of work and that doesn’t even fix the check engine code.  Obviously, it isn’t worth putting that kind of money into a 20 year old car with a 174 thousand miles.   Willow
    • Ashley0616
      Oversized pink shirt, pink and black sports bra
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think you mean the worst possible interpretation of 2025 situation.  Keep in mind that there are those who will distort and downright lie about anything coming from conservatives - I have seen it time and time again.  It's one of the reasons I want to read the thing slowly and carefully.  They want you to be very, very afraid. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Here is where the expectation is that the stereotypical evangelical comes in finger wagging, disapproving and condemning.    Not gonna do that.   You have to work these things out.  Transgender issues put a whole different spin on everything and God understands what we are going through. I have enough trouble over here.  :)
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...