Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

My Brother!


HollyNoel

Recommended Posts

I know my brother has only known about my transition for about a week, but come on. Today was the first day he actually saw me dressed, but was the comment to my mother really necessary? He saw me leave the house and he went in and told my mom that I shouldn't wear that stuff out because people wouldn't understand. Mom told him that I've been going out dressed for weeks. He won't say anything directly to me, but he only feels he can talk to my mom.

 

Anyone have anyone like that. LOL

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, HollyNoel said:

He won't say anything directly to me, but he only feels he can talk to my mom.

 

Anyone have anyone like that. LOL

Yes, HollyNoel...My oldest daughter was very much like this. I mentioned it awhile ago on a older thread. I came out to her and she was with her other 2 daughters. My oldest say to my sisters, “I can accept she wants to be a woman but it’s just so weird!” All of them are over 30 now and you’d think they’d have developed some empathy by then.

 

I have to give her credit now though. She is changing slowly despite having a hubby who is anti LGBTQ+. She recently came over with my 9 year old grandson and she was very supportive when we discussed my upcoming surgeries. Sometimes it takes a couple years to come to terms with your dad becoming a woman.

 

I bet in time you’ll find a little more acceptance and with any luck affirmation from your brother. Sometimes when others start slowly accepting you, family and friends see this accepting of you and begin to understand that not everyone agrees with societal ‘norms’ and rethink things for themselves.  Sometimes they don’t and you realize that they’re always going to be a little immature about the whole thing.

 

My Best,

Susan R🌷

Link to post

Some of us have repressed and hidden who we are for a very long time, even to ourselves. It is not surprising that someone who is cis would have no understanding of this. So far I am out only to a select few.

 

My daughters didn't blink an eye. My wife's best friend also accepted immediately. My wife took a while, and I don't even plan to socially transition as I am non binary. What is in my pants will be known by very few.

 

It took multiple conversations, but the Pastor at my bible belt conservative church has accepted it. It has even changed his preaching. With his help, I intend to change the minds of some of our congregation. We just changed the mind of one I thought couldn't possibly be won over last Sunday. He was vocally anti LGBT. There are some who will never accept.

 

Society has ingrained so many that this is not normal or is wrong. Give it time and some more communication. Your brother might come around. I agree with Susan. Sometimes getting part of your family or one of your friends who is supportive can help bring them around.

 

Hugs,

Mike

Link to post

Thank you girls, I really don't mind him not want to talk directly to me, not really, saves the fights for other things more important. I just wish he could feel comfortable enough to come to me so I could address his concerns and/or questions. I'm not going to take his head off over his not understanding whats happening to me at the moment. I can't even fault him for the feelings he has right now, I realize that as hard as this is for me, it's just as hard for everyone else. All I can ask of anyone is just a bit of understanding and for them to be able to come to me so I can at least talk to them and try to explain whats going on in my head. Turns out that as much of a pain in the butt they were when we were little, they are still a giant pain as adults. lol

Link to post
Heather Nicole
2 hours ago, Confused1 said:

 

It took multiple conversations, but the Pastor at my bible belt conservative church has accepted it. It has even changed his preaching. With his help, I intend to change the minds of some of our congregation. We just changed the mind of one I thought couldn't possibly be won over last Sunday. He was vocally anti LGBT.

 

This is seriously amazing, wonderful, and incredibly encouraging to hear! All I can say is: Amen!!! :) The Fab Five would be proud! (Yes, I'm a hopeless fan ;) )

 

@HollyNoel: That's an unfortunate situation to have to deal with. (BTW, I'm super happy for your newfound experiences of passing, and a little bit envious, too :)) As for your family, the only consolation I can think to offer is this:

 

Trans people often spend a lot of time researching and learning about the concept of transgender before ever even reaching out to a support group like this, let alone "coming out" to friends and family. But our cis-gendered loved ones have likely never had reason to research and learn about trans-ness at all until we suddenly spring it on them when we come out. All of of sudden, that throws them straight into the deep end of a swimming pool they were never prepared for in the first place, so it's only natural they will have a difficult time adjusting, and will inevitably make mistakes. They're trying to adjust and make sense of things, much like we did, but they're doing it in only a mere moment, or mere days/weeks, whereas many of us have already spent months or years learning about trans-ness and acclimating ourselves to it.

 

So even though, no doubt, yours can be an excruciating limbo for a trans person to find themself in in the meantime, I think it's worthwhile to remember that most of our cis-gendered loved ones are much, much bigger novices to trans-ness than any of us are. It's a very sudden shock to them, unlike the gradual lifelong progression many of us have dealt with. It will take them time, and they will inevitably make mistakes as they frantically try to learn which way is up. The best we can do to help them adjust to this new revelation about us is to give them the same patience and understanding we hope to receive from them, and also, if/whenever they're willing, our guidance in acclimating to this world of transgender that's even newer, and less familiar, to them than it is to us. Even though they may be shocked, if they're true, genuine friends/family, then they're also going to be terribly worried for you, and protective of you in the only, perhaps uninformed, ways they know how.

 

In your case, from what you describe, it doesn't sound to me like your brother is against you, or bigoted, or anything remotely like that. It sounds to me like he genuinely cares for you and your well-being, and is simply too caught-off-guard, and still too much of a novice to the transgender world to know how best to react and how best to help you and deal with his instinct to keep you safe.

 

So hang in there, it sounds like you have good, caring family already - it's just going to take some time for the the dust settle. In the meantime, any guidance they're willing to accept from you will help, so be willing and ready to offer it.

 

Link to post

Thank you Heathick. All I can offer him at this point is the time he needs to accept the real me. And as far as I'm concerned, he can have as much as he wants or needs. You can't rush someone through this, they have to go at their own speed. I know he will eventually come around. Oh crap, I got to get ready for my hormone doctors appointment. Takes me forever to do my face. lol. On the upside, the nurses at my other doctors office say I do a good job with my makeup. I'm glad, I don't want to look like a clown. lol.

 

Wish me luck ladies.. Hug Holly!

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   13 Members, 0 Anonymous, 89 Guests (See full list)

    • Heather Nicole
    • Ann W
    • Billy
    • QuestioningAmber
    • Cyndee
    • VickySGV
    • Jandi
    • sparky
    • Alexx21
    • Shay
    • ElizabethStar
    • Niamh
    • DeeDee
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,288
    • Total Posts
      660,873
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,569
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Danusia
    Newest Member
    Danusia
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      Shame is a tough one to crack since it is actually fear of what others would think or how we may injure them.  Other people will say you hurt them, but then be unable to say how you did it if pressed for an answer.  In reality the "hurt" was more in your imagination of the hurt to them.  Females dressing in more masculine attire really are no big deal except in isolated areas where "propriety" passions run high, and clothing is considered uniforms.  Ease your way into your masculine presentation with a new hair cut (no beards or mustaches yet), and easing in more male mannerisms over time simply make the behaviors YOURS to own in comfort.  Don't do it all at once will help. 
    • Jandi
      Yeah, this is pretty much what I did.  It was scary at first, but I lived through it.  Now it's just routine. I think the shame aspect was my internalized transphobia - which is a real thing.
    • Shay
      MISPRINT above - I now see the light   I looked in the mirror and I didn't like the person I saw - but now - thank goodness - I am seeing the light and the light is helping me see the real me.................................
    • Heather Nicole
      For me, it doesn't seem quite as strong as it appears to be for you, and I'd be terrified of the nausea, morning sickness, labor pains, etc. But I definitely do feel much the same way about it as you (and also for nursing, too), and I know there others here who do as well. Doesn't help that a much younger co-worker of mine is pregnant and my sister just had her second arrival this year.
    • Shay
      Good Choice @QuestioningAmber one I found today that speaks to me is an old song I never thought of as trans ....   I looked in the mirror and didn't like who I saw but not I see the light   Patto-Jones-Wright I looked into the mirror and it poisoned my mind twice It left me both time crippled And it tossed my fate like dice I looked into the mirror and the devil smiled both times My flesh was sold with no feelings With no reason or rhyme The smile on my face gave way to my feeling But only time was there to tell Somewhere in space my thoughts are still reeling The miror looked through hell And damned me where I fell You mistreated the boxer You held his spirit down (Yes she did, yes she did, yes she did, yes she did) You colored his reflection 'Cause you didn't like his sound But now my head is clearing And I'm startin' to see the light (see the light, see the light, see the light, see the light) Now I'm lookin' to the mirror And I don't know if it's day or night The smile on my face gave way to my feeling But only time was there to tell Somewhere in space my thoughts are still reeling The miror looked through hell And damned me where I fell See the light, see the light, see the light, see the light...
    • Jandi
      I was always so jealous of my ex when I watched her nursing. Welcome, Danusia
    • Heather Nicole
      I groggily misread "awkward" as "award".   "Awkward" makes a lot more sense!  
    • VickySGV
      She is actually higher here than president, the RED QUEEN is more like it.  (Bows low!!)   Imaginations and passions are running higher this year than any I can remember, and the internet and isolation has given rise to false information False Events Appearing Real (FEAR).  The same events carefully communicated by one person will be wholly acceptable to many more people than just an "inner circle" of policy and direction, but the same entire set of actions communicated poorly and only to "trusted disciples" from a different person will be condemned.  This will be my only post in this topic. It was a good topic though, and with the staff we have will be kept in social bounds.
    • QuestioningAmber
      So I recently decided to watch Frozen 2, and a few songs spoke to me to anybody going through a transformation. One in particular speaks to me today: Show Yourself.  
    • Danusia
      I know what it means to be confused about not being able to get pregnant, this is my problem. Sometimes I dream that I'm carrying one child in my belly and the other, already born, I'm nursing, feeding, etc. And we are "waiting for daddy's return to home after work". Sometimes I dream that I'm in the skin of my friend who already has two children, and the third is on the way. I dream that I am her and I give birth at home, a supportive husband is by my side and the midwife instructs me how to breathe and push the baby. For me, making a joke of it all is a pretty good strategy for dealing with unrealistic desires, but I understand that it might be indigestible to someone else. About the environment - I know the current US president is anti-transgender, it is rather similar in my country, but there is no full consequence here.    
    • Jackie C.
      Personally, I just gritted my teeth, pulled on my big-girl panties and went for it. The fear of exposure and shame went away after a few public outings where nobody so much as raised an eyebrow in my direction. I was pretty indifferent to my male persona's appearance. I simply did not care. Not so with appearing as a woman. I color-coordinate my gym outfits. Nobody cares about my gym outfits, but I still put together a coordinated look to go sweat in. It's like night and day.   The point being that going out as yourself is kind of a rite of passage. There's always some fear in the beginning. I have a friend who likened us to vampires because we only come out at night and shy away from bright lights. With practice though, comes confidence. Take the plunge!   Hugs!
    • MiloR
      Hi everyone ! Ok, so... I think I have a question, which might be quite simple, but the anwser to it may not be so. How to deal with feelings of shame regarding gender ? It's just something that I struggle with a lot, and even if I tell myself that I musn't be ashamed to think I'm probably a guy, knowing it and feeling it really are different stories. And I think my shame is blocking me from acknowledging what I feel most comfortable with in being and in the way I want to present. Because for example I feel sad when I dress as a woman, but so embarrassed when I dress as a man because some part of me tells me it's inappropriate or even dangerous... And so, experimenting and presenting myself as who I want to be gets cloaked by my fears and some kind of stupid conviction that it's somehow "bad" and that I'm not normal... So if you had any advice for me to feel a bit better about myself (also to have a clearer idea of who I am without constantly judging if what I do is good/bad), or tell me how you managed to let go of that specific fear of not being normal or anything, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm aware shame must be a common feeling, but you know, if you had any tricks... I think I could see better who I am rather than who I'm taught to be.
    • Shay
      @Jackie C. Better awkward poking then finding problem.
    • Shay
      Just kidding words of wisdom Cyndee
    • Jackie C.
      You are most welcome. We live to serve.   You have to be careful with some of those jokes. I know plenty of transwomen who get torn up by the fact they can't get pregnant and plenty more that have been conditioned to think that's there's something wrong with them. I live in the US. The environment for us here... could be better. 😜   Again, welcome to Transpulse. I look forward to getting to know you better.   Hugs!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...