My Brother!

[HollyElizabeth]

I know my brother has only known about my transition for about a week, but come on. Today was the first day he actually saw me dressed, but was the comment to my mother really necessary? He saw me leave the house and he went in and told my mom that I shouldn't wear that stuff out because people wouldn't understand. Mom told him that I've been going out dressed for weeks. He won't say anything directly to me, but he only feels he can talk to my mom.

 

Anyone have anyone like that. LOL

[Susan R]

3 hours ago, HollyNoel said:

He won't say anything directly to me, but he only feels he can talk to my mom.

 

Anyone have anyone like that. LOL

Yes, HollyNoel...My oldest daughter was very much like this. I mentioned it awhile ago on a older thread. I came out to her and she was with her other 2 daughters. My oldest say to my sisters, “I can accept she wants to be a woman but it’s just so weird!” All of them are over 30 now and you’d think they’d have developed some empathy by then.

 

I have to give her credit now though. She is changing slowly despite having a hubby who is anti LGBTQ+. She recently came over with my 9 year old grandson and she was very supportive when we discussed my upcoming surgeries. Sometimes it takes a couple years to come to terms with your dad becoming a woman.

 

I bet in time you’ll find a little more acceptance and with any luck affirmation from your brother. Sometimes when others start slowly accepting you, family and friends see this accepting of you and begin to understand that not everyone agrees with societal ‘norms’ and rethink things for themselves.  Sometimes they don’t and you realize that they’re always going to be a little immature about the whole thing.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[Confused1]

Some of us have repressed and hidden who we are for a very long time, even to ourselves. It is not surprising that someone who is cis would have no understanding of this. So far I am out only to a select few.

 

My daughters didn't blink an eye. My wife's best friend also accepted immediately. My wife took a while, and I don't even plan to socially transition as I am non binary. What is in my pants will be known by very few.

 

It took multiple conversations, but the Pastor at my bible belt conservative church has accepted it. It has even changed his preaching. With his help, I intend to change the minds of some of our congregation. We just changed the mind of one I thought couldn't possibly be won over last Sunday. He was vocally anti LGBT. There are some who will never accept.

 

Society has ingrained so many that this is not normal or is wrong. Give it time and some more communication. Your brother might come around. I agree with Susan. Sometimes getting part of your family or one of your friends who is supportive can help bring them around.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[HollyElizabeth]

Thank you girls, I really don't mind him not want to talk directly to me, not really, saves the fights for other things more important. I just wish he could feel comfortable enough to come to me so I could address his concerns and/or questions. I'm not going to take his head off over his not understanding whats happening to me at the moment. I can't even fault him for the feelings he has right now, I realize that as hard as this is for me, it's just as hard for everyone else. All I can ask of anyone is just a bit of understanding and for them to be able to come to me so I can at least talk to them and try to explain whats going on in my head. Turns out that as much of a pain in the butt they were when we were little, they are still a giant pain as adults. lol

[Heather Nicole]

2 hours ago, Confused1 said:

 

It took multiple conversations, but the Pastor at my bible belt conservative church has accepted it. It has even changed his preaching. With his help, I intend to change the minds of some of our congregation. We just changed the mind of one I thought couldn't possibly be won over last Sunday. He was vocally anti LGBT.

 

This is seriously amazing, wonderful, and incredibly encouraging to hear! All I can say is: Amen!!! The Fab Five would be proud! (Yes, I'm a hopeless fan )

 

@HollyNoel: That's an unfortunate situation to have to deal with. (BTW, I'm super happy for your newfound experiences of passing, and a little bit envious, too ) As for your family, the only consolation I can think to offer is this:

 

Trans people often spend a lot of time researching and learning about the concept of transgender before ever even reaching out to a support group like this, let alone "coming out" to friends and family. But our cis-gendered loved ones have likely never had reason to research and learn about trans-ness at all until we suddenly spring it on them when we come out. All of of sudden, that throws them straight into the deep end of a swimming pool they were never prepared for in the first place, so it's only natural they will have a difficult time adjusting, and will inevitably make mistakes. They're trying to adjust and make sense of things, much like we did, but they're doing it in only a mere moment, or mere days/weeks, whereas many of us have already spent months or years learning about trans-ness and acclimating ourselves to it.

 

So even though, no doubt, yours can be an excruciating limbo for a trans person to find themself in in the meantime, I think it's worthwhile to remember that most of our cis-gendered loved ones are much, much bigger novices to trans-ness than any of us are. It's a very sudden shock to them, unlike the gradual lifelong progression many of us have dealt with. It will take them time, and they will inevitably make mistakes as they frantically try to learn which way is up. The best we can do to help them adjust to this new revelation about us is to give them the same patience and understanding we hope to receive from them, and also, if/whenever they're willing, our guidance in acclimating to this world of transgender that's even newer, and less familiar, to them than it is to us. Even though they may be shocked, if they're true, genuine friends/family, then they're also going to be terribly worried for you, and protective of you in the only, perhaps uninformed, ways they know how.

 

In your case, from what you describe, it doesn't sound to me like your brother is against you, or bigoted, or anything remotely like that. It sounds to me like he genuinely cares for you and your well-being, and is simply too caught-off-guard, and still too much of a novice to the transgender world to know how best to react and how best to help you and deal with his instinct to keep you safe.

 

So hang in there, it sounds like you have good, caring family already - it's just going to take some time for the the dust settle. In the meantime, any guidance they're willing to accept from you will help, so be willing and ready to offer it.

 

[HollyElizabeth]

Thank you Heathick. All I can offer him at this point is the time he needs to accept the real me. And as far as I'm concerned, he can have as much as he wants or needs. You can't rush someone through this, they have to go at their own speed. I know he will eventually come around. Oh crap, I got to get ready for my hormone doctors appointment. Takes me forever to do my face. lol. On the upside, the nurses at my other doctors office say I do a good job with my makeup. I'm glad, I don't want to look like a clown. lol.

 

Wish me luck ladies.. Hug Holly!