Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Comfort Food


K.S.S

Recommended Posts

Hi, so this is pretty uncomfortable for me, talking about food, because it brings up a lot about my father. During my childhood my mother always had between 2 and 4 jobs, so she wasn't really home to see it and we didn't really tell her because we didn't know it was strange behavior. Of course she isn't stupid and confronted him when I started gaining a lot of weight at only age 2. She did her best trying to keep that stuff out of the house by my father had a "secret" cash flow and he would use it to get his own things at the downtown IGA / CVS store.

So, my father would be left with just me because my (half)brother moved out/ ran away and my sister had just started preschool. He would just give me candy because I "needed something to do."

As I got older, of course I was overweight so when he was angry with me he'd call me things like "ugly pig". When I got my first pair of glasses I became a dumb/ugly/fat librarian. It always seemed to make him laugh. Around my 14th birthday, we kicked him out and moved, but the damage was kind of done.

Now I feel like I use food to pass the time AND when I'm upset but when I'm really hungry, (enough that I feel sick) I can't get myself to eat anything. I tell myself not to snack all the time but I still do about every other day. It doesn't help that no matter how often I explain that I'm struggling with my self control, the people I live with (my sister and her fiance) still pack the house with junk food. 

I don't know what to do. If I start paying for therapy I'll never be able to afford my own place, and I'm not even sure where I'd go if I did leave. It feels like I don't matter enough to make the effort, I mean if my sister doesn't care why should I? 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Oh sweetie. Big hugs.

 

Take it a day at a time. I used to be 299.8 pounds. I never QUITE crested into 300+ territory, but I was headed that way. I'm down to 188.6 as of my last GYN appointment.

 

So, here's what I did to slim down:

 

  • Get Active: This one sucks. Not going to lie. I'm still kicking the rust off after two years. I'm going to get to where I want to be, physically but it's going to take time. You have to keep working at it. On the plus side, it gets easier as you go. PRO TIP: Find someone who knows what they're doing to teach you. I started with $20 and a video I purchased from Amazon. I couldn't do the whole thing at first, but I got there. Now I train with my friend Ray. She used to compete when she was younger.
  • Watch Your Calories: My phone came pre-loaded with an app that I can use to track calories in/calories out and where I'm getting those calories from. No matter what health problems you might have, your body still has to obey the laws of thermodynamics. Cut down on carbs. Load up on proteins. The protein helps you to feel full and your body can't stockpile it the way it can hoard fats and carbs.
  • Drink Plenty of Liquids: When you feel hungry, drink a glass of water (or two) first. It's easy. It's cheap. It's healthy. A ridiculous number of Americans have a weak thirst reflex. Our bodies tell us we're hungry when we're really thirsty.
  • Keep At It: This one is super important. You need to keep working at it. At least four days a week. Don't give up.

OK, now here's where I cheated a little: When I started, I paid for a four week course of laser liposuction. It's cool lasers and vibration and was pretty affordable (~$200). I did that because I knew that if I didn't see results, I'd give up and I really didn't want to give up. I couldn't get healthy for deadname, but I could do it for Jackie.

 

Now, i didn't give up junk food, I'm just careful about it. Once in a while, I'll have a bag of chips (personal size, we're not talking about a family bag), a cookie, or I'll share a bowl of ice cream with my spouse. Maybe even a slice of cheesecake. However, it's not every day and I plan for it. If it doesn't fit into my allotted carb/fat/protein ration for the day, I don't eat it. Period.

 

See if you can get a friend to help you. I was alone when I started, but I much prefer working out with friends. Best of luck sweetie! Wish you lived closer, I could be your exercise buddy.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

What Jackie C. said, plus: oatmeal cookies! Make oatmeal cookies with about 1/3 less sugar than called for the in recipe. High-fiber desserts are not junk food. :)

 

Eat a lot early in the day so you don't get to that sick-hungry point.

 

You can't control what your housemates bring into the house, so you'll have to be the super hero and figure out how to address what you don't like about your eating habits. When you were a toddler you didn't have a choice. You have choices now.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

I couldn't get healthy for deadname, but I could do it for Jackie.

K.S.S.  It is never easy and straight forward, I grew up in a poor household with 4 sisters where bread was the main accessory to every meal, food was a reward, a comfort and something to make me feel better.  Since I started questioning I have also realised that it is an easy excuse for me to sabotage myself too - I can't dress as DeeDee because I'm fat and will look ridiculous.

Jackie is right in making a glass of water your very first go to, but the exercise is the key ingredient.

 

Her quote above has been the big reason for my own motivation.

 

I used a couch to 5km app last year to start getting in shape for a summer dress I really, REALLY want to fit into - and I did the first week 3 times before I could complete it, eventually in February this year I did a 13mile nigt time hill run, just before the Covid lockdown and I managed it easily. After not doing anything for 6 months. I started the app again last month, but then signed up for a charity fundraiser to motivate myself and am walking, jogging or cycling 5km every day this month to raise money for disadvantaged or abused children.  Although it hurts the exercise also helps, mentally completing these little goals will give you the same literal high you get from eating junk and you will notice your walking speed increasing and your recovery times improving. Find something you like to do and just do it.  I still binge sometimes, I'm still overweight, but I'm changing my habits and that will help long term - it is a marathon not a sprint.

 

You could also ask the others in the house to encourage you, by at least hiding the sweet things if they won't buy less. Or going out with you.

3 hours ago, K.S.S said:

It feels like I don't matter enough to make the effort

You are absolutely 100% worth the effort. Never let anyone (even your inner voice) tell you otherwise.

Link to comment

You are worth the effort don't ever forget that and welcome to the forum.

Dealing with weight is different for everybody but One thing I could suggest is don't lay all the blame on your Father OK?

Letting go of who to blame is the beginning or your dealing with it.

My gain was due to medication in the beginning but I just gave up and didn't care how fat I got. So that was on me.

I am trying to gain control myself so I know how that feels.

I  deal with compulsive over eating disorder and do binge eating at times so my weight has been a problem for the last 8 years.

Its been especially hard during this quarantine and I am the heaviest I have ever been now, my self control is very weak so I need to work on that.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 111 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Ashley0616
    • Ivy
    • Karen Carey
    • LucyF
    • SamC
    • Mmindy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • LucyF
      I've got Spironolactone 100mg and Evorel 50mcg Patches (2 a week) going up to 100mg after 4 weeks 
    • Ivy
      Got a new Granddaughter this morning.  Mother and child (and father) are doing fine. This makes 7 granddaughters and one grandson.  I have 2 sons and 6 daughters myself.  And then I  switched teams.  I think this stuff runs in the family. Another hard day for the patriarchy.
    • Ivy
      Like @MaeBe pointed out, Trump won't do these things personally.  I doubt that he actually gives a rat's a$$ himself.  But he is the foot in the door for the others.   I don't really see this.  Personally, I am all in favor of "traditional" families.  I raised my own kids this way and it can work fine.  But I think we need to allow for other variations as well.   One thing working against this now is how hard it is for a single breadwinner to support a family.  Many people (I know some) would prefer "traditional" if they could actually afford it.  Like I mentioned, we raised our family with this model, but we were always right at the poverty level.   I was a "conservative evangelical" for most of my life, actually.  So I do understand this.  Admittedly, I no longer consider myself one. I have family members still in this camp.  Some tolerate me, one actually rejects me.  I assure you the rejection is on her side, not mine.  But, I understand she believes what she is doing is right - 'sa pity though. I mean no insult toward anyone on this forum.  You're free to disagree with me.  Many people do.   This is a pretty complex one.  Socialism takes many forms, many of which we accept without even realizing it.  "Classism" does exist, for what it's worth.  Always has, probably always will.  But I don't feel like that is a subject for this forum.   As for the election, it's shaping up to be another one of those "hold your nose" deals.
    • Ivy
      Just some exerts regarding subjects of interest to me.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  In my early teens I trained myself out of a few things that I now wish I hadn't.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I was thinking in particular of BLM, who years ago had a 'What We Believe' section that sounded like they were at war with the nuclear family.   I tried to find it. Nope.  Of interest https://www.politifact.com/article/2020/aug/28/ask-politifact-does-black-lives-matter-aim-destroy/   My time is limited and I will try to answer as I can.
    • Ivy
      Well, I suppose it is possible that they don't actually plan on doing what they say.  I'm not too sure I want to take that chance.  But I kinda expect to find out.  Yet, perhaps you're right and it's all just talk.  And anyway, my state GOP is giving me enough to worry about anyway. I remember a time when being "woke" just meant you were paying attention.  Now it means you are the antichrist. I just don't want the government "protecting" me from my personal "delusions."
    • MaeBe
      1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   The observation is through a certain lens, because people do things differently doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. Honestly, a lot of the conservative rhetoric is morphing desires of people to be treated with respect and social equity to be tantamount to the absolution of the family, heterosexuality, etc. Also, being quiet and trying to blend in doesn't change anything. Show me a social change that benefits a minority or marginalized group that didn't need to be loud.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.   Trump will appoint people to do this, like Roger Severino (who was appointed before, who has a record of anti-LGBTQ+ actions), he need not do anything beyond this. His people are ready to push this agenda forward. While the conservative right rails about bureaucracy, they intend to weaponize it. There is no question. They don't want to simplify government, they simply want to fire everyone and bring in conservative "warriors" (their rhetoric). Does America survive 4 year cycles of purge/cronyism?   6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   OK, but this seems like every other time CRT comes up with conservatives...completely out of the blue. I think it's reference is mostly just to spark outrage from the base. Definitely food thought for a different thread, though.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   What is the war on the nuclear family? I searched online and couldn't find much other than reasons why people aren't getting married as much or having kids (that wasn't a propaganda from Heritage or opinions pieces from the right that paint with really broad strokes). Easy things to see: the upward mobility and agency of women, the massive cost of rearing children, general negative attitudes about the future, male insecurity, etc. None of this equates to a war on the nuclear family, but I guess if you look at it as "men should be breadwinners and women must get married for financial support and extend the male family line (and to promote "National Greatness") I could see the decline of marriage as a sign of the collapse of a titled system and, if I was a beneficiary of that system or believe that to NOT be tilted, be aggrieved.   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted.   "It might be different if you just give it a chance", unlike all the other legislation that's out there targeting LGBTQ+ from the right, these are going to be different? First it will be trans rights, then it will be gay marriage, and then what? Women's suffrage?   I get it, we may have different compasses, but it's not hard to see that there's no place for queer people in the conservative worldview. There seems to be a consistent insistence that "America was and is no longer Great", as if the 1950s were the pinnacle of society, completely ignoring how great America still is and can continue to be--without having to regress society to the low standards of its patriarchal yesteryears.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Cadillac parts are pretty expensive, so repairing them costs more.  But they don't seem to break down more than other makes.  Lots of Lincoln models use Ford cars as a base, so you can get parts that aren't much more expensive.    My family has had good luck with "Panther platform" cars.  Ford Crown Victoria, Mercury Marquis, Lincoln Towncar or Continental.  4.6 V8 and 5.0 V8.  Reasonable fuel economy, and fairly durable.  Our county sheriff's office was running Chargers and SUV's for a while, but has gone back to older Crown Victorias for ease of maintenance.  GF rebuilds them here.  But they are getting more scarce, since the newest ones were made in 2011.    1992-1997 years were different than the later years.  1998-2001 they did some changes, and apparently the best years are 2003 to 2011.  Check Craigslist, and also government auctions.  GF has gotten a lot of them at auction, and they can be had in rough-but-running shape for around $1,000.  Ones in great shape can be found in the $5,000+ range.  Good for 200,000 miles without significant rebuilding.  Go through engine and transmission and electrical systems, and they go half a million.    Some Chrysler models are OK.  The 300 mostly has the same engines as the Charger and Challenger, so parts availability is pretty good.  But they tend to get timing issues.  The older Chrysler Sebring convertibles were pretty reliable, sometimes going 200,000 miles without tons of problems, although after that they were pretty much worn out. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think I have read everything the Southern Baptists have to say on transgender, and it helped convince me they are dead wrong on these issues.  They can be nice people.  I would never join an SBC church.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You come across as a thoughtful, sweet, interesting and pleasant person.    There are parts of this country, and more so the world, where evangelicals experience a great deal of finger wagging.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been an interesting experience being in a marriage in a Christian faith community, yet being intersex/trans.  I stay pretty quiet, and most have kind of accepted that I'm just the strange, harmless exception.  "Oh, that's just Jen.  Jen is...different."  I define success as being a person most folks just overlook. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I live in an area with a lot of Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, etc...  We've experienced our share of finger-wagging, as the "standard interpretation" of Scripture in the USA is that the Bible only approves of "one man, one woman" marriage.  My faith community is mostly accepted here, but that has taken time and effort.  It can be tough at times to continue to engage with culture and the broader population, and avoid the temptation to huddle up behind walls like a cult.    Tolerance only goes so far.  At one point, my husband was asked to run for sheriff.  He declined, partly because an elected official with four wives would have a REALLY tough time.  (Of course, making way less than his current salary wasn't an option either). 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      My bone structure is far more female than male.  I can't throw like a guy, which has been observed by guys numerous times, and moving like a woman is more natural.  It just is.  I'm not going out of my way to act in a fem. way, as you say, but I am letting go of some of the 'I am not going to move like that because I am a guy' stuff I have defensively developed.  The other breaks through anyway - there were numerous looks from people at work when I would use gestures that are forbidden to men, or say something spontaneously no guy would ever say.   At one point, maybe a year or more ago, I said it was unfair for people to think they were dealing with a man when they were actually dealing with a woman.    Girl here.  'What is a woman' is a topic for another day.
    • Willow
      Mom, I’m home!  What’s for lunch?   Leftover pizza .   ok.    Not exactly our conversation but there is truth in the answer.     @KymmieLsorry you are sick. Feel better soon.   Girl mode, boy mode no mode, not us. Nothing functional for either of us.   anyone here have or had a 10 year old (plus or minus) Caddy, Lincoln or Chrysler?  How was it?  Lots of repairs?  Comfortable seats? Anything positive or negative about it?  I need to replace my 2004 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer, it’s eating $100 dollar bills and needs a couple of thousand dollars worth of work and that doesn’t even fix the check engine code.  Obviously, it isn’t worth putting that kind of money into a 20 year old car with a 174 thousand miles.   Willow
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...