My pronouns and name

[Emily michelle]

Before we know it thanksgiving will be here. We always go to my sisters house which is a mile away luckily. Anyway it will be the first year for Emily. Most everyone knows about me but only that I am transgender. I kind of shyed away because I could tell my sister wasn’t comfortable with me. These are also very conservative people. Anyway I’m growing increasingly apprehensive about my deadname, so I’m trying to figure out how to tell these people what my name and pronouns are. I know I will still be deadnamed but I don’t know if I should try to tell everyone or just deal with being deadnamed. My sister was the second person I ever came out to back in January back then she seemed supportive. She has yet to ask my name or pronouns. My parents will be there and that could be interesting because I don’t talk to them anymore because of somethings my mom has said. I’m excited for the holidays as it will be my first as who I really am but it is nerve wrecking 

[VickySGV]

About the ONLY thing you can do, based on my own and others experience, is to take the initiative and tell them either in person or by mail what your name IS and how you will be presenting.  A Holiday Letter with a good picture of you in it throws out the necessary information and if you get any feedback that is negative, you have time to make up your mind as to what you will do.  Do not put yourself into physical or emotional harm's way.  75% acceptance is not a good thing if the 25% are going to control things in a deadly way. 

One of the most uplifting things I have found since I came out is the Trans and other LGBQ people create Chosen Families very readily, and there will be groups like that near you to join for the holidays if your Blood Family falls through on the acceptance thing. 

[KathyLauren]

I agree with Vicky.  We ask others to treat us with respect, so it is only fair to treat them with respect.  Showing up with a new name, new pronouns, and a new presentation, with no warning is a recipe for disaster. 

 

I would give them some advance warning.  "Looking forward to Thanksgiving with everyone.  I just want to let you know that I will be coming as my new identity.  My new name is Emily, and I go by she/her pronouns."  Then, they can prepare themselves, and you can judge their reactions ahead of time.

[Emily michelle]

It is probably a good idea to tell people before hand. I should really talk to my sister first since she is hosting it. If she is comfortable with it then I can work on letting everyone else know.

[VickySGV]

5 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

I should really talk to my sister first since she is hosting it. If she is comfortable with it then I can work on letting everyone else know.

 

Good call.

[AmberM]

@Emily michelle I think you brought about a great question. I am having a similar debate with going down to see family that to my mom said they were accepting. I wasn't going to jump to wearing anything overly effeminate, most likely would end up being more androgynous, but I would also not want to have he/him pronouns used and would prefer the gender neutral. I think I will take the advice that you got from Vicky and Kathy and talk or communicate the preference to using gender neutral language.

[Emily michelle]

I don’t really plan on dressing very effeminate (even though I would love to haha). Everyone always dresses pretty low key anyway, so I don’t want to overdo it. I will already have enough attention. Dressing up will just bring up even more attention.

[AmberM]

That's probably a good idea Emily, going with something more low key like everybody else should help you mesh in better with everybody else. Plus, who doesn't want to be comfy and casual for a holiday get together anyways

[Emily michelle]

Comfort is the main reason after eating all of that food. I’m kind of excited about it but really nervous at the same time. I will have two of my biggest supporters there, so that should help. That has created a rift with my sister though because I’d rather spend time with them. Then spend time with my sister.