Things You Do When You Was Younger

[Flint]

hey. Last night i was thinking.....How i was when i was younger. I dont remeber much that is good. But i do remeber some things quite well. like when i was younger i used to tell other kids that my mum and dad got me mixed up at birth and thats why i was named *Birthname* cause they was mixed up and thought i was a girl when i'm actually boy. I used to fantasise about doing something really simple...I know this sounds sad/odd/ insane and all that but i used to fantasise about something as simple as peeing stood up! lol. And i find it really weird that i did this now but i used to stuff tissues in my underwear...lol....I dunno what it did exactly......it wasn't exactly knoticable. I kinda...well i guess i just wanted to have the feeling of having something down there. so anways...Was wondering what things people did wehen they were younger that was probably a clue to their gender identity?

MB

(ps I was Matty_on_Wheels)

[Guest mr_marc]

Baring in mind i was like four, i used to scream the house down if i got made to wear a skirt or dress lol.

And wanted my hair short, apparently i tried cutting it a few times.

Also hated barbies and dolls but loved cars and had the fascination with always having a flat chest and cried when i found out id soon have boobies

[Guest Sergei]

Also hated barbies and dolls but loved cars and had the fascination with always having a flat chest and cried when i found out id soon have boobies

Ha ha, at the age of 11 when puberty hit I just thought I was getting really fit. I thought they were pecs at first. lol I was disappointed when they kept going though!

[Guest matthew41]

Matthias,

Nice choice of name by the way.

I wasn't gender confused as a kid I knew I was male. I felt normal and thought everyone else had the problem of mistaking me for a girl. At 5 I had my grandmother cut my hair short and was proud to start kindergarten this way. I refused to wear dresses. On the playground I announced I was a boy if questioned. With my allowance money, I went to garage sales and bought tonka trucks and action figures. My first bike was a boys bike by my insistence, I wouldn't be caught dead on a girls bike. I didn't know I was female bodied until a friends mother put him and me in the bath tub after a very muddy afternoon of playing football when I was 6. It took me years to recognize that I had a gender identity problem. When puberty approached I held out hope that I was suffering from a rare genetic problem which would correct itself and allow me to go through male puberty but my hopes were dashed. As a teen I sometimes wrapped my chest flat and used my moms eyeliner to draw a beard on my face. This was as close as I could get to looking right in the mirror back then.

Matt

[Guest brandt]

as a kid i hated wearing the dresses or just hearing it or seeing it. i would whine and cry out loud and yell out "i want to wear pants!" i still had to wear the dress and it sucked. i always looked at myself in the mirror without my shirt. my little fantasy of being a very musculo man lol. when puberty hit i was wondering why my chest started to get bigger and then i found out i was getting boobs . it wasn't a very pleasant. also as a kid i wanted my hair cut so bad but i never could cuz my mom wouldnt let me. i played with my brothers toys and stole his cloths. it made me feel better =] lol. but my mom said that it was wrong. i always wanted to be the father when i played house. but my friends looked at me kinda weird and just made me the sister and im like . so yeah.

[princecharmless]

Ditto most of what's already been said: attempting to pee standing up, screaming blue murder and thumping my poor parents when they tried to get me into a party dress, tights as well (they won). Wondering why couldn't they see me as I do, trying on my dad's clothes not mum's like my sister did etc. Luckily my parents got me boy's toys - they had to or I'd not have played with anything, just built forts out of our books. I didn't want to play with the girls, and the boys wouldnt play with me. I remember being stopped playing football and made to play netball, still can't see why me kicking a ball about was so disturbing to folks. I loved my air pistol and little knives. Loathed being called a tomboy.

I also had hope I had some sort of disorder, in the way Matthew 41 described, then came puberty - crunch. Did anyone else imagine they were in fact intersex, or had the missing bits trapped inside?

[Guest Darrel]

Haha! Who hasn't tried to pee standing up? I had actually figured out how to do it (and drank lots of water to pee more). The only reason I stopped was because I was afraid urine going in places it shouldn't go would be harmful.

I always told my parents they had cursed me.

I would also always role-play boy characters. Never girls.

[Guest brandt]

I would also always role-play boy characters. Never girls.

i would also do that too. i hated playing the role of female characters. i would always lock myself in my room and i would always role play with different characters. for instance, being superman, or a hero that saves the girl, or a sly super agent. those little boy fantasies. man those were the good times lol.

[Flint]

I remeber asking mum if i was gonna grow boobs. she didn't actually answer. i remeber her just looking at me and then looking away. and me thinking it was a question i should never have asked. then when they did start to grow at first i was like "I dont want these" then i started crying cause of them. Then i found a discovery of...periods.....and cried for days. at first i thought there was something seriously wrong. caus ei was bleeding and something was serioulsy wrong. i shouldn't be having perids i'm a boy!!! i rememver that day to well............

I did tend to choose all the male roles. My friends never really batted an eye lid at first they did. and occasnaily they'd be like "Play a girl for a change" but i refused.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I refused to wear dresses, skirts, tights, or anything else similar as soon as I was made aware of my own clothing decisions. I was always dominant, pushy, and loud and didn't want to submit to anyone. I always gravitated toward the male characters - if they played Sleeping Beauty I'd want to be the prince... most of my costumes were unisex or masculine (Knuckles the Echidna, an eagle, a ninja, a knight, et cetera). I never wore makeup or wanted it even when I was informed I eventually would. I'd never play with dolls, even when they were given to me - once I took my doll and beat it against the walls until its head came off. I always played with boys when I was younger until they ostracized me. I learned as much as I could about the male anatomy and fantasized about having it. I became extremely depressed when I learned I was growing the breasts and tried to convince my mom to buy a bra early in the naive hope it would push them down... I wanted to play the male roles in everything.

Even though I went through a period that I hid it, I still allowed my masculinity to come out in minor/inobtrusive ways - for example, my debating skills were my equivalent of fighting.

[Guest Huff]

Cool topic... one I've been thinking about recently, since I came out to the fossils (my parents) about a month ago and they're just a little bit hysterical about the transitioning idea...

Let's see... my mother (who happens to have majored in fashion design) tells me that I used to tear hair ribbons out of my head by the age of 6 months. My first baby shoes were superman shoes. I used to wear my dad's shoes and ties when I was two. I tried shaving my chin like my daddy did when I was 5 or so. I always played male roles in 'let's pretend' games. I tried stuffing toilet paper in my underwear to be a more realistic 'daddy' once when I was 6 or 7... my parents were extremely angry so I never tried that again. My favorite christmas gift of all time was GI Joe pants. When I was 9 or 10, I used to take my sisters' barbies, decapitate them, and treat them to their own private barbie jacouzie in the toilet just to stir things up like any big brother would do. I was forced to wear a dress to school once a week, so I would sneak my army hat in my backpack to wear it at recess. Recess time I spent either fighting with other boys or playing tag or football or baseball with them. My very first career goal in early grade school was to become a baseball player for the Chicago Cubs, but I knew I'd need to have a sex change and that seemed like a perfectly logical plan to me... my uncle with whom I shared this aspiration of me told me "girls can be whatever they want, you don't need to have an operation". When I was 6, I informed my mother that I did not want to have breasts... to which she replied "well, now you've gone and cursed yourself".... and, as it turns out, I am actually the most well-endowed of all my sisters (go figure). I didn't actually start the whole female cycle thing until I was 15... my 15th birthday, actually. I think it was the worst day of my life because it meant that I wasn't going to wake up and be a boy someday. I spent the last 10 years since then trying to be my own kind of woman... and it didn't work very well, in fact it was, for the most part, exactly like I'd imagine hell to be.

MK

[Guest AmeobaBoy]

I wasn't very aware of gender at all as a kid, my family being rather lax in instilling gender roles (and also absent for the most part as both my parents worked). I do remember going with my mother to buy my school uniform for kindergarden (yes, we had uniforms--this was Asia) and I wanted the one with shorts because they were more comfy to run around in. I got the one-piece dress instead, but that didn't bug me beyond initial disappointment.

I played with the boys, until I got put into a single-sex school. There, I roleplayed male characters more often than female characters in pretend games. I was branded a tomboy early into my schooling years, which at first confused me, then became just another word I used to describe myself. I had a few girl toys when I was kindergarden age, but never really got interested in playing with dolls or makeup. I got one of those toy makeup stands as a birthday present once, and was clueless as to how I was going to get any enjoyment out of it. My parents had my hair cut short somewhere in first or second grade (I don't recall their reasoning for it) but after that was when I started getting mistaken for a boy and being called tomboy more and more. I even got mistaken for a boy whilst wearing a girl's school uniform--how that happened or what that guy was thinking I have no idea. It never bugged me the same way it did my mother.

[Guest Dillon]

Great Topic .. Just had to join up so I could reply. For the first time I could actually relate to everyone's growing up stories.

Hated wearing anything feminine (much to Mom's dismay). Ripped the bows, and clips out of my hair (till I got it cut short). Screamed bloody murder one birthday since I was forced to wear a new party dress -- did not come out of the room till I changed to jeans. Very upset when I started to develop breasts since I could go around topless outside anymore. Froze one winter since I refused to use a pink blanket on my bed.

Always played with the boys, even convined one guy during camp I was a guy till someone who knew me ratted me out. Only played with boys toys, boys bikes, and loved boys clothes. Parents quickly began buying me gender nuetral / boys stuff when I refused to play with anything else. Even in Kindergarden I played with the trucks and blocks .. interesting notes on my report cards about this 'concern' from the teacher. Always role played the males (Dad, brother) and dressed in guy's costumes for halloween: fighter pilot, pirate, Frito bandito (remember that guy?), army, you name it.

Used things to my advantage as I grew up .. hey I got to shower with the girls and watch them dress in the locker rooms. Devastated when I got my period .. also about all the emotional crap that I now had to deal with. Liked being the little tough kid better. Loved being called boy, son as a kid and still like the sir now and then when they see me from the back. Still can shoot the breeze with guys of all ages and sizes better than chat with any woman I know. Still feel like girly girls are off limit and real foreign territory to me.

[MaryEllen]

Hello Dillon and AmeobaBoy,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thanks to you both for sharing your experiences with us.

MaryEllen

[Guest Sakura_Stingray]

i dnt know if i would relate to anyone on this topic...but i grew up with four female cousins, one mother, one grandma, and an aunt....only male person around was my uncle and he mostly worked.....so i played games like dressup, house, and a few other things....i think when they seperated me from them and went to a school in a different town i extracted myself from everything and ever since then i only manage to keep one friend only.....i dont know though...but i do miss those fun days.....my cousins and i would play a game everyso often on who has the slimmest legs that gives the softest giggle.....i would always lose because mine didnt have that ability...-sighs- old times

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

Used things to my advantage as I grew up .. hey I got to shower with the girls and watch them dress in the locker rooms.

Ha, I have to admit I was the same way (although I'm pansexual and anyone can appeal to me in the right circumstances, I prefer female-bodied/feminine people).

I always find it funny how they would say that transpeople shouldn't be allowed in the "opposite sex" bathroom because we'd ogle the kids in there - guess what, that happens all the time for us if we're heterosexual.

[Guest CharlieRose]

i dnt know if i would relate to anyone on this topic...but i grew up with four female cousins, one mother, one grandma, and an aunt....only male person around was my uncle and he mostly worked.....so i played games like dressup, house, and a few other things....

Yeah, I had very little, if any hints about my gender when I was young. When I got to be about seven or eight, I started loathing dresses.... But they were pretty ugly dresses my family wanted me to wear. When I was in first grade and there was this one girl who went around asking every girl "Are you a girly girl or a tomboy?" I said I was a tomboy. I didn't play any sports, but I definitely wasn't a girly girl.

I also looked forward to going through puberty... I dunno, that may have been because I wanted to be older. (It was actually almost an obsession for me. I NEEDED to be older) When I started to grow breasts, I can remember messing with them, squeezing them together to get the tiniest amount of cleavage and being proud of the fact I had and stuff.

It wasn't until later that I started de-identifying with them. Social conditioning is a rather powerful thing.

[Guest Cal]

Yeah, I had very little, if any hints about my gender when I was young. When I got to be about seven or eight, I started loathing dresses.... But they were pretty ugly dresses my family wanted me to wear. When I was in first grade and there was this one girl who went around asking every girl "Are you a girly girl or a tomboy?" I said I was a tomboy. I didn't play any sports, but I definitely wasn't a girly girl.

I also looked forward to going through puberty... I dunno, that may have been because I wanted to be older. (It was actually almost an obsession for me. I NEEDED to be older) When I started to grow breasts, I can remember messing with them, squeezing them together to get the tiniest amount of cleavage and being proud of the fact I had and stuff.

It wasn't until later that I started de-identifying with them. Social conditioning is a rather powerful thing.

I got my hair cut very short when I was three. When I had to wear a dress to my uncle's wedding at four, I screamed and cried. That was the last time my parents made me wear a dress. I was friends with all boys until middle school. I ALWAYS roleplayed a guy character in games. It never even occured to me to be a girl character. I went by a boyish name - Kirby - in fourth and fifth grade, but sadly it didn't stick into middle school. When I started getting boobs, I hated them, and used to squash them down with my hands all the time. I guess my though was if I abused them enough, maybe they'd stop growing.

[Guest Marco]

i remeber truly believing that i was a boy and that my parents were dressing me in dresses because they wanted a daughter so much. i think i was maybe four when i found out that physically i was*shudder* female. i would always throw tantrums and refuse to leave the house when they put me in a dress.

at school i had all male friends, i played every sport, and i refused to play female characters in school plays. i would always stuff my pants with tissue or socks. once i actually used the jock strap i wore for hockey. i refused to play on female sports teams and ended up giving up several sports because the league refused to let me play with guys. i always got kicked out of bathrooms and changerooms and had to spend time in the office calling my mom to explain to the principal that i was a girl. when i was really young i refused to wear a girls bathing suit and i got kicked out of swimming lessons for not wearing a shirt. from the time i hit puberty i truly believed that breasts were evil and should die. i was probably more masculine than most of my male friends. i played hockey and football, i loved target shooting, and from the earliest age i can remeber despising girly games and wanting to play soccer in the mud with my friends.

[Guest RootsRadicals]

I used to run around shirtless before puberty. So Amazing I miss those days.

Third grade I told everyone my boy thing got chopped off because my parents wanted a girl. When I realized my dad wanted a SON I got MAJORLY upset especially when he said "Is it so wrong that I wanted a son?"

It was so obvious. I definately wasn't another little girl, I was a little boy.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I used to run around shirtless before puberty. So Amazing I miss those days.

Third grade I told everyone my boy thing got chopped off because my parents wanted a girl. When I realized my dad wanted a SON I got MAJORLY upset especially when he said "Is it so wrong that I wanted a son?"

It was so obvious. I definately wasn't another little girl, I was a little boy.

I wasn't allowed to be shirtless. I protested it though. I complained to my parents that there was no law against it. They still refused.

And my dad would always call us "his girls", which always peed me off even when I was little. Made me want to punch him, although then I didn't clearly know why. I would often say "I'm not your little girl" to him.

And whenever someone called me something masculine (dude, buddy, pal, bro, guy) it always sounded better than the feminine equivalent to me (gal, girlfriend, sis, girl) but I was often afraid to ask to be called it.

This is probably very anecdotal, but I rarely drew myself as a human. It would often be an animal that I drew myself as, because I identified with them more than I identified with my own body. I even pretended to be a cat for the first year in kindergarten.

[Guest brandt]

ah i remember. i would always go shirtless before pueberty. i would go shirtless and look in the mirror and my room. wished i was a muscle man. i would flex and everything. i came out of the shower once. and i lived around 3 brothers and one sister. and i came out of the bathroom. and i didnt cover my upper body. but then my sister comes out of her room and tells me to put up my towel and she pulls it up for me. i was mad at her. on the way back i pulled it back down. it felt good.

[Guest Katie-Louise]

I used to play with barbie dolls and cross dress when I was little. My earliest memory was when I was four I put on my mom's make up on but I done it wrong I made a big circle around my lips instead my mom laughed but the way my dad looked at me I don't even want to remember. Another memory was at school playing with barbie dolls with girls at school. I used to get my moms clothes and wear them in secret. When I was about 13 I was with some girls in my street and I told them to give me a manicure lol and they did and then that look which my dad gave me again. I have many memories and dreams which gave me clues to my gender identity.

[Guest mr_marc]

Think when i was about 8 or 10 i got in a fight with a boy and he legged it and i remember saying

'i wish i was a boy so he'd leave me alone'

And i asked my mum and dad to call me trevor or something when i was about 5 lol.

[Flint]

I asked the teacher in year 1 at school to call me Steven igot the name steven cause someone in my class was called Steven and i thought he was cool. she though i was just playin so she actually went along with it at first and called me Steven teh other kids didn't care cause they probably didn;t even remeber my name anyways .and even if they did tehy probably just thought i was playing. Eventually the teahcer stopped calling out steven in the register...I got annoyed....but she didn't carry on..