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Muffin Jokes.. Oh Yes Lots Of Them


Guest ShannonA23

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Guest Steven22

Everyone needs good clean no so funny jokes. Why you ask? I shall tell. Because one of these days you will be surrounded by people you don't know at a place you have never been to and it will be awkward. Nothing breaks the ice like a bad clean joke (I used them so much its now a joke to tell a joke).

here it goes

2 muffins are in the oven. one turns to the other and says "Gosh darned its hot in here" the other muffin replies "holy crap a talking muffin!"

What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing because muffins cant talk.

2 Muffins walk into a bar, the bartender says we dont accept your dough here.

Enjoy

-Lauren

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Guest julia_d

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.

She stands next to the barber chair eating a cake, while her dad gets his haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says, "sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."

"I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get boobs too."

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Guest julia_d

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I`ll turn into a beautiful muffin".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful muffin, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a muffin, I`ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I`ve told you I`m a beautiful muffin, that I`ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won`t you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I`m an engineer. I don`t have time to eat a muffin, but a talking frog, now that`s cool."

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Joanna Phipps
2 muffins are in the oven. one turns to the other and says "Gosh darned its hot in here" the other muffin replies "holy crap a talking muffin!"

-Lauren

The cook looked into the oven and said "Silence, Ill keeel you ", but then he was a bone head giggles

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Guest Joanna Phipps
What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing because muffins cant talk.

Any response I could think of probably would include something about toppings and wouldnt be pg13

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Guest Steven22
Any response I could think of probably would include something about toppings and wouldnt be pg13

Grrrrr now I have to hear it, on the other hand I might be sorry lol

-Lauren

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 months later...
Guest uscgvet

You are standing directly in the doorway of a room. The room is large and empty, except that Gina Lollabrigida (remember?) is standing facing you, naked, with her back against the wall opposite you.

You take one giant step which covers half the distance between you and her. Then you take another step covering half the distance remaining. You keep on taking steps each covering half the distance remaining between you and Gina. Will you ever reach her?

A mathematician says, "No."

But an engineer says, "You'll get close enough for all practical purposes."

(My father, who just died, told that joke often. He was a renowned research mathematician - but there's me and my brother!)

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  • 3 months later...
Guest 91curiouskitten

Steven I think I stole the joke o.o" my dad told it to me I diddnt think it was, well you undertsand my thinking process or lack thereoff x.x Sorry T.T -hugs- x.x and yes I do genuinely feel bad x_x

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    • VickySGV
      I am not going to laugh at this one although I want to.  We have had some school districts here in California try the same shenanigan against our state laws. (Same result as in this case, State law supervenes local law.    I have an idea though, put skates on the county honcho and make him race against all the women in the organization doing the suing there.  I think most of the Cis women would beat the liver out of him, now what is fair?   
    • Carolyn Marie
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    • Carolyn Marie
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    • VickySGV
      PM any or several of the Moderators or Administrators if you want to have something changed due to spelling errors, or if you simply want to have an entire post deleted.  We do not allow members to edit their own posts since there are some items we restrict from being posted.  Those things are in the Community Rules and if a Staff member has removed something because of the rules we do not want it coming back.  https://www.transgenderpulse.com/community-rules/   Use the PM system to contact us and include a link to the post you want changed.
    • Ashley0616
      you're welcome. I tagged one for you and hopefully will respond soon.
    • Ladypcnj
      Oh okay, thanks Ashley 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      No only moderators and admin can edit and delete posts.
    • Ashley0616
      Do I ever feel? There isn't a single minute that goes by that I feel that way. I have such a strong hate for what I have that there isn't a word out there for it.
    • Ladypcnj
      Are members allowed to edit or delete their post? I can't delete or remove my post if there are misspelled words.
    • Ashley0616
      I already tried that. Either too old like 60's and 70's or married. Not many people who would want to date a trans woman in dead red Mississippi. Maybe once things calm down just get a Mustang GT and just give up on it. Both are going to bring joy and pain. At least I could learn and share my love of cars with my kids when they get that old. I wouldn't even know what to do if someone said they wanted me. I would've already been thinking in my mind they are just going to ghost me so what's the point. I just don't know what to do anymore. I tried putting myself out there online and out in person. I haven't tried a bar yet although that's probably a bad idea. Maybe just to experience it again. I haven't been to one since 2013. The only problem I see is I'm not a night owl for sure. I go to bed at 8-830. My expectations were just that I wouldn't get rejected last. I have been able to handle a good bit of it but this one really hurt. I guess that's what happens when you have some hopes and expectations. It's not like I have another friend IRL to talk about this. She is my only one. I wished I didn't put myself out there.
    • VickySGV
      As one who had to deal with the Porn/Adult Entertainment business as commercial, taxpaying businesses on a professional level, I can say that they are in it for money and the highest percentage of their income comes from ultra conservative areas where adequate Medical and Mental Health Profession and University Science instruction on Trans issues are banned.    It makes me wonder how much porn literature is hidden behind the 13 Bibles and Bible Study guides on some people's family bookshelves. 
    • FelixThePickleMan
      Do you ever feel trapped in a body that doesn't feel like yours?  
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      Well that didn't go well. She said she is intentionally single. When will I just stop thinking about putting myself out there. It really hurt but rejection and getting ghosted is just my second language apparently. The one person I have told all my dark secrets and didn't run off. At least we are friends. I'm happy only when I'm sleeping and that is it because things actually go my way from time to time. Just another wonderful day of me. SMDH!
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