Ericag Has Come Out To His Wife

[Guest EricaG]

I have just had the scariest night of my life. I could not stand it any more deceiving my wife as to my CD habits. I have to thank all who have read my initial posts and encouraged me into admitting my other life to her. She was a little taken aback but assured me that she still loved me and really wanted some time to digest everything that I had told her. I would appreciate any and all information about my CD habits that are available so that I can help her understand where I am. I have felt so comfortable becoming a member of this site that I am confidente that I will have the support from others to help with her to cope with her feelings.

Love and Kisses

Erica

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Erica,

OMG! First I am so sorry that I missed your post!! Gosh, there are so many posts going on, I sometimes miss one that is really important!!

Sweetheart, I really know how scared you were!!! I am glad to hear that you wife is accepting!! Whew!! that is a big hurdle!!

OK where do we go from here? Well for starters, your wife and yourself should read the attachments below.

http://wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf

I would also suggest that you (and maybe with your wife) see a gender therapist to help sort out questions you may have.

I encourage your wife to join too. Laura's has an SO forum for partners of transgendered people. She would have to have her own account here.

You know we are here for you!!!

Love

Brenda

[Carolyn Marie]

Erica, that's fantastic news! I'm so happy for you. I'm facing my own coming out soon

so its great to hear of your success. It gives me renewed confidence.

Please do as Brenda suggests and at least invite her to join the S.O. support group. It

may take a while until she's ready, but at least she will know we're here to welcome

her when she is.

Best of luck to you, Honey.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest *Elizabeth Anne*]

MAJOR step!

I know there are guidelines posted at other sites. All I can add is this:

(1) Its not something you can quit, she needs to know that early - ask for her help in managing your cross dressing so she feels comfortable with what you do. She will be concerned as to how others see 'her' as well as to how they see you.

(2) DON"T go crazy and out to everyone. Take it very slowly. It may be you and your wife may be the only ones who ever need to know (other than possibly a therapist).

(3) Don't give her more information than she can absorb. SMALL BITES! You have been like you are forever - everything is NEW to her.

(4) Be rather subdued - you will feel now you can finally express yourself - do it gradually and in a tasteful manner. And realize you have just added a natal woman to your cross dressing experiences. Use her advice on how to be gender appropriate - BUT appropriate for your age, your body shape and the circumstances where you dress (weather for example). DO NOT be angry if she doesn't want to see you dressed - some wives take that stance.

(5) Realize much of what you do may have fetish overtones (super high heels for example - fishnet stockings) and work through her with that. She may or not appreciate that part of your dressing

(6) DON't push a female name and pronouns on her. That may or MAY NOT ever come to be. Work with her on her comfort zones.

(7) NEVER wear her things.

(8) Tell her you LOVE HER for her support! And PROVE IT everyday!

[Guest EricaG]

Hi Erica,

OMG! First I am so sorry that I missed your post!! Gosh, there are so many posts going on, I sometimes miss one that is really important!!

Sweetheart, I really know how scared you were!!! I am glad to hear that you wife is accepting!! Whew!! that is a big hurdle!!

OK where do we go from here? Well for starters, your wife and yourself should read the attachments below.

http://wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf

I would also suggest that you (and maybe with your wife) see a gender therapist to help sort out questions you may have.

I encourage your wife to join too. Laura's has an SO forum for partners of transgendered people. She would have to have her own account here.

You know we are here for you!!!

Love

Brenda

Hi Brenda

There is no need to apologize it feels so wonderful to have that first hurdle over and we will see from here, I have a feeling it won't be long before she sorts it all out and we will take it slow.

I am so glad to know that everyone here is so supportive.

Love and Kisses

Erica

[Guest EricaG]

Erica, that's fantastic news! I'm so happy for you. I'm facing my own coming out soon

so its great to hear of your success. It gives me renewed confidence.

Please do as Brenda suggests and at least invite her to join the S.O. support group. It

may take a while until she's ready, but at least she will know we're here to welcome

her when she is.

Best of luck to you, Honey.

Carolyn Marie

Carolyn Marie

I am thrilled to death that you are going to be coming out soon, I was so scared of losing her but I didn't want her to discover me telling her was much better. I am going to take this very slow so that she will feel comfortable, I am going to be very subdued and let her approach me about things. All of the posts that I received about telling her gave me the confidence to take the plunge. I am so happy that my encounter has given you a renewed confidence.

Love & Kisses

Erica

[Guest EricaG]

MAJOR step!

I know there are guidelines posted at other sites. All I can add is this:

(1) Its not something you can quit, she needs to know that early - ask for her help in managing your cross dressing so she feels comfortable with what you do. She will be concerned as to how others see 'her' as well as to how they see you.

(2) DON"T go crazy and out to everyone. Take it very slowly. It may be you and your wife may be the only ones who ever need to know (other than possibly a therapist).

(3) Don't give her more information than she can absorb. SMALL BITES! You have been like you are forever - everything is NEW to her.

(4) Be rather subdued - you will feel now you can finally express yourself - do it gradually and in a tasteful manner. And realize you have just added a natal woman to your cross dressing experiences. Use her advice on how to be gender appropriate - BUT appropriate for your age, your body shape and the circumstances where you dress (weather for example). DO NOT be angry if she doesn't want to see you dressed - some wives take that stance.

(5) Realize much of what you do may have fetish overtones (super high heels for example - fishnet stockings) and work through her with that. She may or not appreciate that part of your dressing

(6) DON't push a female name and pronouns on her. That may or MAY NOT ever come to be. Work with her on her comfort zones.

(7) NEVER wear her things.

(8) Tell her you LOVE HER for her support! And PROVE IT everyday!

Hi Elizabeth Anne,

I am meeting such wonderful people here I feel more and more at home when I come here. I want to thank you very much for this sage advice I will heed your advice and will keep looking at posts for ideas on how best to approach the many tnings that are going to come up. It is a major step but now I need to take baby steps.

Love & Kisses

Erica

[Guest Donna Jean]

Erica......

Well, Honey.....the other girls have given you plenty of sage advice.....

Not much that I can add there...

But, I do want want wish you and HER the very best of luck and Love.......

Happy for you........

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest EricaG]

Erica......

Well, Honey.....the other girls have given you plenty of sage advice.....

Not much that I can add there...

But, I do want want wish you and HER the very best of luck and Love.......

Happy for you........

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

Thank you so very much for your kind words everyone here is the nicest and I get all teary eyed when I get the kind of feedback from everyone here. It must be my feminine side bubbling up LOL

Love & Kisses

Erica

[Sally]

Congratulations Erica,

Just remember the most important bit of advice that anyone gave you was to take things slowly and give her time to digest the new information.

There is no hurry, coming out is not a race it is a delicate balancing act on a high wire - running is not a good idea.

love ya,

Sally

[Guest EricaG]

Congratulations Erica,

Just remember the most important bit of advice that anyone gave you was to take things slowly and give her time to digest the new information.

There is no hurry, coming out is not a race it is a delicate balancing act on a high wire - running is not a good idea.

love ya,

Sally

Hi Sally

I am so glad to hear from you, I am so pleased that I have found this site. You have all been so very supportive and I am not sure that I am not going to cry. I have gone for years and I am talking many floundering around with my emotions, paranoia, purging and just feeling very alone but now all of that has gone away since I have joined this forum.

I am so happy

Love & Kisses

Erica

[Guest Emeraude]

Erica,

Let me add my congratulations. And I second the cautions. I don't know if this is common, but I discovered that my wife was trying so hard to be understanding and accepting that she stretched herself too far, and then suddenly couldn't handle it. Particularly since, at the same time, I was trying to stretch out, too (more fem clothing around her). My advice is to assume she is less comfortable that she thinks and says she is, is able to handle less than she thinks and says she is. Like everyone else is saying, give it time. Just don't be surprised if there is a step backwards mixed in with the steps forward.

Also keep in mind that all of this may have a completely different set of meanings for her than it does to you. My wife, for example said, "I want to be the woman in the marriage". Counseling is an excellent suggestion, because it lets both of you explore what this means to her, as well as to you.

Again, congratulations on taking this really positive step! Best wishes for the future for you two!

--Emeraude

[Guest ChloëC]

Good for you, Erica.

It was a very scary experience for me when I did so, because like you and others, I had no idea how my wife would respond to my secret. I have gone slowly and so far we both have been able to deal with it. I will say that it certainly reduced my stress factor. She knows and I only do it on occasion and never blatently. And we have brought some of it into our personal times.

I certainly can't say what's right for others, because situations and people are different. I kept it a secret in my first marriage which didn't last, while this one has. I don't know if that's a reason but I'm sure getting it out rather than trying to keep it hidden has been for the better.

My best to both of you.

[Guest EricaG]

Good for you, Erica.

It was a very scary experience for me when I did so, because like you and others, I had no idea how my wife would respond to my secret. I have gone slowly and so far we both have been able to deal with it. I will say that it certainly reduced my stress factor. She knows and I only do it on occasion and never blatently. And we have brought some of it into our personal times.

I certainly can't say what's right for others, because situations and people are different. I kept it a secret in my first marriage which didn't last, while this one has. I don't know if that's a reason but I'm sure getting it out rather than trying to keep it hidden has been for the better.

My best to both of you.

Hi Chloe

It so nice to hear from you everyone here has been just fantastic, I am still a little shy and have mostly been searching the forums trying to get more insight into how others feel and how they cope with their issues. I am being very patient and have made sure that I have let my wife cope with her feelings while she is trying to adjust to the fact that I have this feminine side. I know that she loves me immensely and I would be devastated if we broke up. The more I read the posts the more confident I am that it will all work out.

TTFN

Love & Kisses

Erica

[Guest Emily H]

Congratulations Erica! I know how hard it is to come out to somebody, since I came out to my mom very recently, but it will always be different to everyone situation, and once again, congratulations on taking this big step!

The first day or so might seem different. There might be silences or conversations that, might seem odd or like yyou guys are just avoiding the topic. It seemed that way with me and my mom, but actually, now nothing feels weird. Its been about three days, our lives are both like they used to be, only now my mom knows.

If your wife does not bring up the topic herself in, oh, maybe five days, bring it up with her. Maybe ask about shopping, or ask if she's interested in giving you some advice or borrowing one of your outfits. but don't' ask her what she has been thinking, it might pressure her, or she might feel pressured anyway. I am going to ask my mom about shopping in a about maybe a day or so. I need to get out shopping as soon as possible, before Steven spends the last of the money on new toys for his computer or Xbox . he's very considerate though, hopeful he'll understand and remember I still need some more bras .

Great job, and good luck!

~Andrea

[Guest jaymie]

Congratulations hon, it really is nice to be able to tell the one you love and have them be accepting (luckily for me I have a a great girlfriend who supports me). I hope it carries on and she will continue to be supportive. If only everyone knew how helpful a little acceptance and support actually was....

Hugs

Jaymie

[Guest EricaG]

Congratulations Erica! I know how hard it is to come out to somebody, since I came out to my mom very recently, but it will always be different to everyone situation, and once again, congratulations on taking this big step!

The first day or so might seem different. There might be silences or conversations that, might seem odd or like yyou guys are just avoiding the topic. It seemed that way with me and my mom, but actually, now nothing feels weird. Its been about three days, our lives are both like they used to be, only now my mom knows.

If your wife does not bring up the topic herself in, oh, maybe five days, bring it up with her. Maybe ask about shopping, or ask if she's interested in giving you some advice or borrowing one of your outfits. but don't' ask her what she has been thinking, it might pressure her, or she might feel pressured anyway. I am going to ask my mom about shopping in a about maybe a day or so. I need to get out shopping as soon as possible, before Steven spends the last of the money on new toys for his computer or Xbox . he's very considerate though, hopeful he'll understand and remember I still need some more bras .

Great job, and good luck!

~Andrea

Hi Andrea

I really appreciate your suggestions and feel very confident that she will respond in a positive manner. I am trying not to put any pressure on her for a reaction, she loves me very much and I know that the will initiate a dialog and we can go from there. I know in my heart that she will not hide from my revaluation and will realize that this part of who I am and will find what she needs to be able to reconcile this in her mind. I would really like to thank you for your advice and encouragement.

Love & Kisses

Erica

[Guest EricaG]

Congratulations hon, it really is nice to be able to tell the one you love and have them be accepting (luckily for me I have a a great girlfriend who supports me). I hope it carries on and she will continue to be supportive. If only everyone knew how helpful a little acceptance and support actually was....

Hugs

Jaymie

Hi Jamie

It was so nice of you to drop by. Everyone here has been so nice I really love being here and have meet the most supportive group of individuals. I was a lurker for a little while I am kind of shy and I had to work up the courage to signup. The more I read the posts the more that I knew it was the right thing for me. It also gave me the confidence to come out to my wife. Without all the wonderful guys and gals on this site things might have ended differently.

Love & Kisses

Erica

[Guest rachael1]

Hi Erica,

Congratulations on successfully coming out to your wife, I know how hard that must have been for you.

When I came out to my wife her reaction was quite negative and we both went through some really tough times for a couple of months afterwards.

She is a lot more accepting now and I believe our relationship is much better than before as there is no longer any secrets between us. Well at least from my end anyway.

Emeraude has some good advice about not pushing the boundaries too far. I think this is a classic mistake a lot of us make as we get caught up in the whole business of being accepted by our partner and want to rush things way too fast for them. I pushed the boundaries with my wife and it backfired on me bigtime. I now take things a lot slower and I don't obsess about my TG nature with her like I used to as it was making her feel uncomfortable and causing a certain amount of friction to develop.

Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to chat as it sounds like we may have a bit in common.

Hugs

Rachael

[Guest mia 1]

Congrats on the conversation, a very tough thing for our spouses to digest.

She does love you and it will be hard to adjust.

My suggestion,talk more see if she would like to see your underwear first,,then later on let her know you are wearing panties under your "male mode" clothes and then maybe knee highs under your socks...let her feel her way through your cross dressing "Outing' set the pace slowly...

Go from there and wait to see if she suggests somekind of "showing or a "shopping trip"if there is no progression from your honey,,nudge her in the direction you want to go.....Mia

[Guest Donna Jean]

Erica.......

Honey, I just have to say that a couple of the pluses of a talk like that with her reduces the stress a lot.

For instance: the sneaking......God, how I hated that feeling like a criminal all of the time....

The awkwardness of getting caught while dressed is now gone and that also relieves that stress!

Also it's a chance for you to become closer with intimate talks about the subject...

I think that it all should be taken slowly,, though....see if she will bring it up once she digests it all....

Good luck , Sweetheart.....

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest EricaG]

Congrats on the conversation, a very tough thing for our spouses to digest.

She does love you and it will be hard to adjust.

My suggestion,talk more see if she would like to see your underwear first,,then later on let her know you are wearing panties under your "male mode" clothes and then maybe knee highs under your socks...let her feel her way through your cross dressing "Outing' set the pace slowly...

Go from there and wait to see if she suggests somekind of "showing or a "shopping trip"if there is no progression from your honey,,nudge her in the direction you want to go.....Mia

Hi Mia,

Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you I read this post yesterday but forgot where it was (Dumb & Dizzy that’s me). Today I finally managed to drag it back from all the brain sludge (now is not that a dainty word LOL). The biggest step was the coming out part the next biggest was to ask if I could put my things in my bureau. She knows what drawer everything is in but I think I need to give it a little longer before I show her my underwear. My first thought was to tell her that she could look if she wants but that is very cowardly, so I will not go there I know in my heart that at some point, her curiosity will get the better of her and she will ask me something about my cross-dressing. I know that the hardest thing for her right now is that she has no one she feels comfortable confiding in. I gave her the link to Laura’s Playground but I do not know if she has been on the site. This is very important to me so I want to make sure that I go very slowly.

Thanks for listening

Hugs & Kisses

Erica

[/color]

[Guest EricaG]

Erica.......

Honey, I just have to say that a couple of the pluses of a talk like that with her reduces the stress a lot.

For instance: the sneaking......God, how I hated that feeling like a criminal all of the time....

The awkwardness of getting caught while dressed is now gone and that also relieves that stress!

Also it's a chance for you to become closer with intimate talks about the subject...

I think that it all should be taken slowly,, though....see if she will bring it up once she digests it all....

Good luck , Sweetheart.....

Huggs

Donna Jean

Hi Donna Jean,

I was not paying attention earlier and never noticed that theses posts had gone over to another page so I missed your post. I really love taking to you not only are we very close in age but have quite a few things in common. I know deep down that she will become at ease with my female side. She has not seen me dressed as yet but the stress of being caught is gone it is a wonderful feeling. It will happen sooner or later and I’m sure she will be OK with it.

I hope you had a wonderful day, mine was just crazy, Monday’s are usually disasters for me especially after bad weather. Clients network down, a server down, it was hectic but very profitable.

Talk to you soon,

Love & Kisses

Erica

PS She just walked into my office with a glass of wine and was reading my post I'm a little apprehensive as to what she is going to say if anything I am holding my breath. God I have butterflies.

[/color]

[Guest mia 1]

Had an idea//when your panty hose or knee highs have a run or two or three and you want to throw them out, throw them in a waste basket in your office space or your rec area..if and when she empties the trash she is bound to notice, and either she will say something to you,or at the very least she will duly note the "hose'' and will say something sooner or later...

[Guest EricaG]

Had an idea//when your panty hose or knee highs have a run or two or three and you want to throw them out, throw them in a waste basket in your office space or your rec area..if and when she empties the trash she is bound to notice, and either she will say something to you,or at the very least she will duly note the "hose'' and will say something sooner or later...

Mia you are such a sweetheart and always have great advice, your idea gives me some food for thought, the only problem with your idea is that the only one that will find them is me, (she never empties the trash LOL) but it now gives me ideas as to other things that I could do to awaken her curiosity. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, you are a peach. I am not the most patient person on this planet and the suspense is killing me any and all suggestions are embraced.

Hugs & Kisses

Erica

[/color]