This Isn't My Voice?

[Guest Eth]

I've been working SO HARD on my voice, especially this past month. I want my voice SO BAD. It's THE most important thing to me. Of course, it's also the 'hardest' to obtain.

I've worked on it for maybe.. eight months-ish. Recorded and played back for about three. I've had many road blocks, but they all seemed possible to overcome. The most recent was one I posted about here, where I had a great female voice, but it sounded like I was nine years old or something. With a lot of hard work and effort, I think I've finally been able to mold a voice that is more age-appropriate, and still undeniably female.

Sounds great right? There's only one problem...

That voice isn't me.

I'm sure many of you know that feeling. You know- where you speak and it sounds all wrong? Like everything you say, isn't really coming from you, but instead from some random guy who walks in and says everything for you, in a voice that is so totally and completely alien to you?

I feel like all I've done after working for these eight months, is replace that male speaker with a female one. This voice still is not me.

There's a voice I hear in my head when I think (no I'm not hearing voices. You know what I mean). When I think, it's just words, but my mind translates that into a 'sound', so to speak. There's a voice inside of me, that sounds so perfect. It's just me. That's the voice I want to use when I speak. I should sound like that. It fits me entirely. Not just my gender, but my personality. It's me! Why can't I bring that out?

Finally, after all this work just to get where I am, I find myself at the biggest "road block" I have ever faced. I don't know how to make this voice sound like me. It sounds female. It sounds age-appropriate. It just sounds like some other woman is speaking instead of me. MY voice is still locked inside, and I have no clue how to make it work. I want to cry this is so frustrating.

Has anyone else faced this problem? How did you overcome it (if you did)? Is it possible that my body simply can't produce the voice I hear in my head? How am I supposed to deal with that? Getting my voice has been THE most important thing to me. I try to cry about it regularly, but can't even do that properly because this body does not produce tears (or at least not when or how it should). I can't believe that it isn't possible for me to get where I need to be, because if that's the case I might as well jump off a bridge.

"Passing" means nothing to me really. I know everyone here talks about it like it's wonderful and great... and I'm sure it is for those people... but it isn't for me. What's important to me is that I like myself. I don't care about how the world sees me, I care about how I see me. I want to be happy with what I see. A passable voice is no good to me if it still isn't my voice... What should I do to get my voice to come out?

I don't all my effort to be wasted only to find out my body was never capable of what I wanted anyway.

[Guest Eth]

Well, I'm working on refining it. I don't think it'll be possible to get it exactly as I hear it... But then again I've heard hormones helps slightly so maybe that'll do it. For the meantime, I am just going to try and get it to sound as close to what I want as I can. I'm going to have to refine it a lot, and practice with it until I can display all sorts of emotions and moods with it.

I'll probably have to take it out into the field soon, huh? I don't know when I'll be able to do it. My parents are the kind of people who would laugh at me if the voice is too 'cute' or just because it's girly. I don't go out and about much, and can't really, so I can't do something like that. I'm not allowed to call places, so I can't use it on the phone... Yeahhhhhhhh. I need to find a way to actually use this around people. Maybe I should just do it in front of my parents and let them get over it in their own time. It'll have to happen eventually anyway.

Here's an attachment as an example of my voice so far. Please let me know what you think. I did it like I did my last ones; read part of the first post they were on in the voice I wanted to use. So yeahh. Let me know what you think please ^^

愛 Eth

PS: I know it's not perfect, but I'm not sure how much more I can improve beyond this point just sitting in front of a computer screen with a headset.

[Guest Tammy Maher]

Eth,

I have to be honest with you here. When I read your text (this is kind of weird, but it happens with everyone's posts I read) I hear your voice. That sample you posted is not the voice I hear though. I don't know if I have a sample of what I hear around, but I'll try to find one for you to see if your target voice is anywhere close to what you want. Also I didn't realize you had such a soft voice. I like it.

(^ _^)/

Janelle

[Guest Tammy Maher]

Found it!!!!

If you combine both singers for this song you would get the voice I hear for you, but more towards the girl singers.

Janelle

[Guest nymphblossom]

I know how frustrating it is, Eth. I have been working on my voice for about six months. I was making fantastic progress for the first four and then I lost it for the next two It's only been the last few weeks that I've been able to get it back, but it's better than ever before. Remember, the human vocal tract is capable of almost an infinite number of sounds. Do you know about that guy who does all those dozens of different cartoon voices?

I'm thinking if you want to get a different voice, you need to change how you practice. Doing the same thing over and over is just going to get the same old results. Try experimenting with a totally different voice, singing along with a different artist, doing scales, the Deep Stealth exercises, practicing in a soft voice, a louder voice, tightening your belly muscles when you talk to increase the pressure in your lungs, anything as long as it's not something you've done before.

I recently discovered that I can actually control the muscles of the soft roof of my mouth at the back of my throat. Tightening them to form a highter arch has really affected the sound of my voice. I have also been experimenting with amount of air that bypasses my vocal cords. The Deep Stealth exercises call these pinched and breathy. Doing the exercises were very helpful with developing a basic female sound. Now that I am learning to control them, I can start to fine tune my voice for the sound I want.

Take a minute to listen to your old voice and the one you have been working on. You have come so far, further than many girls ever get. Be proud of what you have accomplished and let that be your motivation to continue refining it to get the sound you want.

You can do it sweetheart, I know you can

Blossom

[Guest Eth]

That's what I've been trying lately - everything that I haven't done before. However I hadn't thought about the arch thing, and I think I can do that so I will give it a shot. Thanks!

I can only get access to some of the Deep Stealth exercises. Just the ones they have out for free. I can't get their video or CDs because of my parents and stuff. My only real option is to keep working at it on my own while getting advice from everyone here who's got something they're willing to share. x_x

And to Janelle: interesting song, but the voice I'm aiming for really doesn't sound at all like that. It's probably more like... CC from Code Geass XD. Too bad she speaks in Japanese, otherwise I could try and mimic the same lines as her, LOL.

愛 Eth

[Guest Tammy Maher]

And to Janelle: interesting song, but the voice I'm aiming for really doesn't sound at all like that. It's probably more like... CC from Code Geass XD. Too bad she speaks in Japanese, otherwise I could try and mimic the same lines as her, LOL.

Oh... I'm sorry but that sounds really young even for 15. I'd thought you would've aimed a little deeper than that. Ok

(^ _^)/

Janelle