Uk Harsh Real Life Test

[Guest Stephanie]

In the UK you must live the real life test a minimum of 3 months to get HRT, 12 months for first referral for surgery and 2 years to be affirmed at your second opinion consultation meeting.

Whilst at the same time the government has allowed the NHS PCT's (Primary Care Trusts) to basically descriminate against transsexuals. This is how it works, a PCT is given a fund, it is a local kind of health committee, and my PCT will not fund a single associated procedures ie Breast Augmentation, face and body hair removal, Rhinoplasty, Facial Feminization surgery, Trachea shave.

However many PcT's do fund some if not all of them, leading to an unfair postcode lottery in healthcare provision. This means I look very male, so I get lots of abuse from I meet, even threats of violence and death threats, I cannot find work as I don't look female, so the vicious cycle continues.

No one it seems is prepared to help me out, I'll never look female, thanks to my PCT, yet I still have to dress in public to convince the programme that I'm serious. My psych knows that if I don't get my GRS there would be only one other cause of action..Suicide.

The UK NHS should be renamed RHS or Regional Health Service

Stephanie

[Guest Andrea-M]

Hi Stephanie,

I got my HRT in just over 3 months without RLT just councelling. I did not feel I could do 3 Months RLT so didn't have to, just remained andro. You are correct though the NHS (in the area of Gender Dysphoria) is a lottery and descriminatory. I had no choice but to go private.

Suicide is never the way ..... I get very low....sometimes....but still find the strength to go on because in the end , and it may be a while, i know i will be happier, happier than i have been, even though i may never come up to my expectations.

I know its expensive to go private ....but i was quite suprised when i looked into it , not as much as i thought. (http://www.transhealth.co.uk/). Check this place out.

Hugs

Andrea

[Guest Louise]

Hi Stephanie,

I started out private but I had health problems and had to stop work, so My GP refered Me to Charing Cross to continue with My treatment, I had two appointments with them and they discharged Me they said they could do nothing for Me, (I was pretty well developed by then) but I know the reason why I was with Dr Russel Reid (Psych) and they did not like him, so I rang Dr Reid and asked if He could help Me in anyway, He contacted My GP and arranged a shared care agreement with Her, I kept in touch with Dr Reid by phone and mail and saw My GP once a month and She prescribed Me with Hormone treatment on prescription (and still does), after seven years the then prescribed length of time I got My Gender Recognition, this on Medical grounds as I can't have Surgery, I have had Five Heart Attacks and also suffer from Chronic Asthma.

There are ways around things that seem insurmountable at the start, you have to persevere to get what you most desire in life, after I was refused by Charing Cross I considered ending it all but a good friend convinced Me that it would be wrong, and to keep on trying all avenues, what I most desired in life was to LIVE as a FEMALE.

Now I am doing just that, and I am ecstatic with My life.

So Stephanie don't give up keep pushing on regardless.

[Guest Stephanie Butterfield]

Well 16 months on hormones I'm still no more female than I was in February 2007, hormones are not doing anything for me. I don't have access to an endocrinologist, whats the use.

[Guest silverpetals]

i agree, the nhs system is pretty cruel. it seems almost sadistic to make someone live full-time for 3 months pre-hrt or anything, when they are at very high risk of being abused for the way they look. most therapists (if they even know what they're talking about) will bring up the "we follow the HBSoC" thing, when in fact this three month requirement isn't necessary even according to the standards of care.

The administration of hormones is not to be lightly undertaken because of their medical and social risks. Three criteria exist.

1. Age 18 years;

2. Demonstrable knowledge of what hormones medically can and cannot do and their social benefits and risks;

3. Either:

a. A documented real-life experience of at least three months prior to the administration of hormones; or

b. A period of psychotherapy of a duration specified by the mental health professional after the initial evaluation (usually a minimum of three months).

In selected circumstances, it can be acceptable to provide hormones to patients who have not fulfilled criterion 3 – for example, to facilitate the provision of monitored therapy using hormones of known quality, as an alternative to black-market or unsupervised hormone use.

i'm not sure if there would be any point in bringing this up with your doctor? i suppose, seeing as it is the nhs, it might not make much difference.

and then the waiting lists for gender therapists are even worse--there's the infamous leeds gic *4-5 years long* waiting list which is pretty scary i think.

i suppose there are always private clinics...but they tend to be *waaay* more expensive than in the u.s. and everywhere else (one thing that i found funny and kind of sad is that the albany gender clinic is cheaper than most of them)...and even then it comes back to the "two-tier healthcare" debate, is it really ethical to have nhs and private systems providing different levels of care? :S ...umm, this is sounding kind of fatalistic...i should probably stop now...

but anyway stephanie, don't give up. with the hrt thing--things will definitely get better and (probably) already have to some extent. it can just take a while, and it always takes even longer for you to see it yourself.

just please keep hanging in there if you can, someday you'll be able to look back on today smiling, i'm sure.

[Nick J]

as an FTM ( i know its different but still...) i did a one yr RLT before I got T, I've been told to come back to discuss surgery next month (which if i choose it on the NHS ill get before the end of the year)

i do however live in scotland....

EDIT : i was told not to do a one yr rlt but to think about it and consider the seriousness of being trans and HRT before being given it

.. and yes again im in scotland

[Guest Christina Hunter]

What are the differences with a MTF in scotland?

[Guest Stephanie Butterfield]

I know my feminization is not going as I had hoped for, judging from the abuse that I get. However once again I have been denied access to an endocrinologist.

21 months on hormones and I still look too male and get referred to as sir, even in my make up and a skirt and blouse. really get depressed about it.

Steph

[Guest silverpetals]

stephanie, i'm so sorry that hard times are still grinding you down. but some things are looking up; it's good that you managed to obtain your grc, after such hard work.

but it shows: nothing in your life is fated to deteriorate, nothing can suppress your personal growth or stop you from moving on and striving to make things better - like that grc.

with regard to the effects that you've seen from hrt, is it hope or expectation that disappoints you?

even after this time, hope of what you wish to achieve should still be there; hopes may fade but cannot be denied prematurely. unless you were expecting specific results within a specific time period, there is still hope - it shouldn't be abandoned before it has been given the chance to show itself.

it can take years for hrt to show its full potential - not one or two years, but many. things are still changing and will continue to change for a long time ahead.

perhaps it may help to remember that the "abuse" says nothing about you as a person or as a woman; it speaks diatribes about the callous people who subject you to it.

every time somebody intentionally tries to cause you pain, it isn't because you are wrong in any way; it's a reflection of that person's character, and the irrational bitterness that they harbour within. but it may also be that they know no better; if a person refers to you as male, it may simply be because that is what they have done in the past and have never been directly corrected. rather than a formal complaint to a bus company for example, a polite assertion to the driver that you are a woman and would appreciate it if he would acknowledge that, may have more effect.

i would have thought it official policy for the nhs to consult with an endocrinologist before prescribing you hrt. but if they still haven't made provision for you to access an endo, they are not only screwing you around pretty badly but also potentially endangering your health; perhaps it would help to point this out to them?

i hope things begin to change for the better stephanie.

take care

[Guest Stephanie Butterfield]

4 lads referred to me as a ladyboy today, I kept my dignity and walked on, but it does get me down

steph

mood depressed

[Guest julia_d]

Well that's a step forward. Much worse things to be called. You did the right thing.. I hope you held your head up and jut thought "stuff em"

When you look in the mirror you will always tend to see the old you, I see somebody who looks more like my mother than old pictures of me in my teens. That's ok with me. The changes from HRT are very subtle at first and become stronger as time goes on. That's good.. It gives us time to learn how to get it right. It takes a long time to unlearn the old habits that were programmed in over a lifetime.

I have a feeling you are overdoing it.. Too much makeup, trying too hard. I wear jeans and heel boots and a nice blouse/shirt under my old german army coat.. Rather studenty which also means I can get away with very little makeup.. and that helps because I think if groups of lads aren't sure they will tend to stay silent.

I'm suffering this postcode lottery too, stuck here in the back end of nowhere (the badlands between Wigan and St Helens) with an unhelpful GP who has transphobic staff. He's actively blocked my second referral to the psychiatrist.. all I need to go get my surgery. I have been on the short hop list for 5 years now.. and they must be thinking I died. Personally I don't mind the wait that much.. I'm 1,000,000 times more convincing than I was 5 years ago and now just pass without even having to try.

It takes time to change, in little ways at first. Very few people are lucky enough to be able to just change clothes and slap on some makeup and away they go. I had a very masculine build when I started, but over the years with exercise and changing lifestyle it has changed into something much more feminine.. even dare I say attractive. I catch men I work around sometimes giving me "that look" that they use when they see something they would like to get their hands on... such shallow things are men

So.. advice time I suppose..

Look at women around you.. How many have gone the whole hog and how many are just wearing whatever with minimal slap?

Dress appropriately for the situation. Shopping doesn't need any more than some lippy and a bit of foundation/blush if you feel naked without it. Jeans and jumper are fine too.

Shoes you can walk in. I like a bit of heel.. They make me swing my hips a little.. a more convincing gait Wear them at home all the time until they feel like your normal shoes.. because they will be.

How's your hair? Another place where observation pays dividends. Us girls take a lot of time messing with our hair.. and then forget to put any makeup on.. hahaha... check it out.. it's true. If your hair is trashed go for a wig fitting.. no money involved.. and try a few different styles.. See a completely different person in the mirror. (big confidence boost too)

Dress your age.. unless you want to look like that old hag at the bus stop wearing teenage clothes at 60.. Looks bad on a woman does that. Attracts attention.

When you go out don't get too much eye contact.. People generally aren't that observant and staring around like a frightened rabbit sets off alarms people don't know they have. Head up, eyes front and get on with your mission.

And the one that made all the difference for me... Give away, throw out or burn all those male clothes. You don't need them.. Replace them with the same in womens sizes and styles if you need say a work suit or clothes for shopping.. Same for house clothes.. You don't want anyting with a menswear label.. apart from maybe a man's shirt 5 sizes too big which you can tie or wear around the house like a jacket... XD .. Once the clothes fit the rest falls into place. Jeans/trousers instead of skirts.. at least until you feel comfortable. How many women do you see wearing a skirt these days, unless they are in a work uniform?

Hope that helps you out.. Its about being you and being comfortable.. If you are too self conscious you will never be convincing... The HRT, careful eating and targeted exercise, and some observation will do the rest.

Now go shopping girl, and while you are out and about look at the women around you and see how they do it

a little ps.. I looked at the local lesbians in the "gay" pub when I started (and went through exactly what you are going through now with street trouble by trying too hard).. They don't care too much about being feminine, but still come over as women. They make a great starting point for dress and makeup.. they aren't trying to be "Barbie" or "Ken".. just themselves.. and you might even have a good laugh with some of them.. I know I did, and made a lot of great fun friends..

[Guest Christine-Louise]

Stephanie,

I agree with what has been said, don't try too hard it is so very easy to go over the top, and get the opposite effect, I am ten years on and get full acceptance but that took nine of them, so don't get too upset just be very patient keep your head held high, and do your thing you WILL get there with time.

[Guest Stephanie Butterfield]

I have a feeling you are overdoing it.. Too much makeup, trying too hard. I wear jeans and heel boots and a nice blouse/shirt under my old german army coat.. Rather studenty which also means I can get away with very little makeup.. and that helps because I think if groups of lads aren't sure they will tend to stay silent.

I find your comments abusive and ill informed, how dare you state that I wear too much make up and that I try too hard. You don't know me, never met me, therefore you are not in the position to make such a sweeping statement.

Thanks to you, I will not return to Laura's site.

Stephanie

[Guest julia_d]

Excuse me!.. I said I have a feeling that is what you are doing, not that IS what you are doing. Takes a bit of nerve eh coming along saying "I'm getting abused on the streets" and then not listening to opinions of why that may be happening. I only have the comments from those lads to go on.. Ladyboy.. hmmm.. Skirt too short, heels too high, too much makeup looking like a drag act, prostitute or pole dancer. That's what they saw.. Where have they seen ladyboys I wonder?.. yup,, porn films.. It's a word which carries a certain image with it, and it's not a positive one..

For 2 years I lived with a post op MTF.. who was my guiding light. She was like my mother in many ways.. the quick check of makeup and mode of dress before hitting the streets.. and I learned from accepting advice.. maybe sometimes I didn't agree with it, but it always worked and the cat calls and abusive comments stopped. Even from yobs who had been abusive before and recognised me... The advice was invaluable.. the "That's too short".. so change into something else and get the.. "You look nice".. "wear this shade of lippy with that top, the red is too tarty".. all those little things that build your confidence, make you look really good and allow you to hold your head up.. topped off with the "stunning, now lets go do it" boost that puts a smile on your face ready to take on the world.

It is what I think we will all agree we did the first few times, overdoing it because we think that's what they want to see, and got a heap of abuse on the streets because of it. It takes time to pass, and the perceptions of the UK criteria are actually more strict than they are.. Living full time.. means things like legally changing your name and getting to the point where any GRS isn't going to harm..physically or mentally. They aren't just looking at the outer skin. It's the way you walk, the way you talk.. how overall you carry yourself. They look for somebody moving forward into a new role.. From the minute you walk into the building you are observed.. not just in the "interviews". They are trying to work out if you are for real and not just having some schizophrenic episode.. That's why they will do nothing much within 2 years of the death of a parent.. Have they changed that yet?.. It applied to me, but it happened while I was already on the program.

Ahh well.. I'm sorry if that is your attitude but listen up.. You won't get anywhere with the "I just started and I know everything there is to know" attitude.

I have in my previous role as secretary of a North West gender identity group seen more than a few crossdressers fail the criteria, be devastated for a while and then accept that maybe psychiatrists do know what they are talking about after all. It's a really hard path on the NHS.. but it is possible, I know lots of people who have successfully transitioned via Leicester and North Wales by that route... The really good thing about the "2 Years" and something I agree with is that it isn't set in stone.. As long as you never ever say to somebody with the power to "hire and fire" that you aren't sure, you will get there. As I said before.. They aren't looking at the clothes and makeup.. anybody can do that.. They are looking at the person inside (They don't tell you that bit) to see if transitioning is improving your life or making it worse. If you are right the depression should start to lift as you progress. They are watching for that very closely through your GP who will be filling out a progress report as soon as you leave his office... My GP was very supportive and showed me what he was writing in mine because he believed it would help my confidence to know what his assessment was. I knew I had got there when he started using "her" and "she" to the receptionists when he didn't know I was in earshot.. That took a year.

I just gave out the exact same advice my gender specialist gave me years ago about how to avoid putting myself in a dangerous situation. Gangs don't give you a few verbals around here.. They kick the living daylights out of anything which doesn't conform to their idea of normal. My gender specialist is based in a really rough part of Salford. Extra brownie points for turning up unfazed on public transport looking good and feeling confident and happy.

Now then.. One last piece of serious advice.. CALM DOWN. You are being far too highly strung. So you don't like a little bit of advice given from personal experience in good faith?... well?.. just ignore it. I do. We are all different.. and I'm glad that I am. I don't mix my words or run away either.. That's part of me being who I am.

Go on.. off you go and stamp your feet and have a tantrum.. Once it's over have a think about why you were upset by my words. You are welcome to come back and dish out some at me.. I won't mind or take offence in the least. I'm only trying to help you have a better time using my personal experience of why I had the same things happen, and what steps needed to be taken to get out of the vicious cycle of verbal abuse and depression. I've been where you are sister, and it really sucks.

Carpe Diem.

[Guest vanna]

dont take it to heart Stephanie is well known for this kind of behavior in transforums ive been on 2 others now she has left in this manor.

Yes its hard but we all bought into this one way or another. Its upto us all to make or do whatever you need to make it work instead of just the same complaining at everyone and then getting abusive. Your life is in your hands quite simply.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

i agree, the nhs system is pretty cruel. it seems almost sadistic to make someone live full-time for 3 months pre-hrt or anything, when they are at very high risk of being abused for the way they look. most therapists (if they even know what they're talking about) will bring up the "we follow the HBSoC" thing, when in fact this three month requirement isn't necessary even according to the standards of care.

The NHS isnt the only bunch that decide to chuck a person to the sharks (RLT without Hormones) my gender team decided that they wanted me to do two months; I am now in my second month on hormones but RLT w/out hormones should be illegal anywhere.

Its cruel and unusual punishment

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Just in case the move to Canada does come off, I have been doing research into what it takes for the referrals. British Columbia, if you want it under their MSP, requires a documented period of two years RLE before they will consider paying for the surgery, not only that but you have to be evaluated twice by an MSP certified counselor and shrink. Draconian yes but if you want the govt to pay for things then I guess its worth it.