My Closest Friend, Lost?

[Guest OneOutOfnOne]

There is a fascinating and beautiful girl in my life, let us call her Amelie.

Amelie and I have been friends since the seventh grade, and at various points in the past few years have we occupied one another's esteemed position of 'best friend'. So I took until last night to come out to her, even though I had already told a dozen less close friends, not sooner mostly out of fear that it would put her at some unreachable distance. She and I understand one another like no friend I've yet encountered, but I fear this may beyond her rationalities. I had hinted at my displeasure with my birth-gender in not the most subtle ways over the last months, but Amelie must not have given much pause to these hints, for when I managed the courage to say, 'I want to be a girl,' she had nothing to say, it seemed too much for her, she began to cry and I know not if it was in empathy or to mourn a perceived loss or just in overwhelmed despair, and then she asked if she could have a few days to collect her thoughts before discussing it again.

It would be prudent of me to add that we have a history. We dated for a year and a half, then didn't technically date but some things remained the same, then we hardly spoke for a year, then reverted to some quantum state of both dating and not dating. But we have always had a mutual understanding of whichever state this was.

It was inevitable that I shared these thoughts with Amelie in time - for, in truth, they are little more than thoughts at present - but I fear I was not graceful enough, and that things have permanently changed between us. And yes, mustn't all things change in time, and so on, but it worries me for that this change is beyond my control. I must be realistic, and admit that I would not be the first to have lost a best friend for having come out to them. I must polish my stone heart and prepare for the worst.

In short, I'm going to feel rather cloudy until this is settled, and though I am not often one to ask for sympathy or advice through the Internet, I would gladly accept any such friendly words extended to me.

Best regards,

Lydia

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Lydia

I think that it is good that you came out to her and I'm sure that she will come around. But when she comes back after a couple of days I would set the subject aside and just hang out with her. You know, just do the normal things the two of you did before. Let her get reaquainted with you after the big news, let her know that you'll be the same person that you have always been. Then when she's feel'n back to her old self again, start over at a slower pace. Just a little bit each week and continue hanging out with her just doing the fun stuff. It may take a while longer but I think the results will be much better.

Don't worry, being that she said that she needs a few days away isn't necessarily a bad thing.

LUV

Jean

[Sally]

Lydia,

Try to be optimistic.

Needing a few days means that she has not just dismissed you, she cares enough to take the time to evaluate what she has just learned.

If it is meant to be she will be your very best frined and if not then you can always remember the good times with great fondness.

There are no guarantees in life that say that she would always be your friend if you never changed at all.

My signature starts with the philosophy that I try to live by.

Relax and savor your memories bevause tomorrow you will make new ones to add to them.

Love ya,

Sally

[Carolyn Marie]

Lydia, Sally and Jean have said it better than I could have.

You've dealt with this issue for years, your friend, just hours. It is a lot to absorb and process.

Give her time, be ready to answer any questions she may have, because I'm sure she will have many.

And just be there to be her friend. If she cares about you, she will be there for you too.

Good luck, Hon.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest OneOutOfnOne]

Thanks, you three. I was in a bad place when I wrote that yesterday, and am feeling somewhat better now. I think I imagined a future without her friendship, and didn't like what I saw. It takes me so long to build friendships: perhaps you know what this is like? Having known my friend for nine years, how could I hope to form a closer friendship than hers in any less than nine years?

But I shall try to remain calm and simply give her time. Time will heal us all.

Thank you again,

Lydia

[Guest Kayliegh]

Lydia -

Like the other girls have said, she just needs to "comprehend” what she’s been told – It doesn’t mean that it’s the end of your relationship – more than likely, it will be a new beginning!

Wait a day or a few; I’m sure she’ll come back to you wanting to know more!

Love - Kayleigh

[Guest Edu]

Hi.

I have to say that lying to friends is quite a bad thing, so on the long term having coming out should be the best. Of course, there are always the issues of "where", "when", and "how".

What caught my attention was the 'I want to be a girl' phrase on your post. I have used phrases similar to that a few times: they may seem a nice way to make things simpler and easier to understand, but they quite backfire by creating more confussion, or missleading people. Do you really want to be a girl? Or do you simply feel that you are a girl on the inside? These are quite different things, and I think understanding the difference may be critical.

Try to say the things just how you feel them; offer to answers any question she might have; and you should, at least, be able to make her understand the issue. Whether she's willing to support you and/or accept the issue is up to her and beyond your control, but I wish you the best luck on that.

Hope this helps.

Regards,

Ethain

[Guest Leigh T]

Keep your chin up, Lydia. This is just one of those things we all have to go through and it is especially anxiety-ridden when it comes to family and best friends. If she is truly a best friend, she is just going through a period of shock and confusion. Everyone else here has confided great words or wisdom for you and I could only echo them. I'll be thinking of you and hoping things will go well for you.

Sincerely,

Leigh

[Guest OneOutOfnOne]

Ethain,

You are not the first to point out that phrase, so I ought to explain that it came with hours of context, and was the closing point of a lengthy discussion of her and my social selves, and our efforts or lack of efforts to improve society. That's another thread. I acknowledge that I gave myself a great deal of explaining to do, and would have done so that night if our conversation didn't hit a brick wall of sorts. As to whether I am a girl or whether I feel I am one on the inside, that is decidedly a grey area for me.