Told A Friend.

[Guest Adrian]

This one is of a group of friends of mine from secondary school who are not a particularly open minded bunch, but like to think they are.

Despite claiming, in a manner of speaking, that she had her suspicions, my friend then went on and on (the way she does) lecturing me about the steps I should take when, and that I should watch this, and read that, and do the other... Then starts dictating her own perceptions of what it is to be a man onto me.

Bear in mind, this is a girl who knows nothing of being trans, and actually precious little about men in general if we're being honest.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting a whole lot of enthusiasm, and I know I should be glad she still wants to know me, but quite frankly I am a very headstrong and sometimes downright stubborn guy who takes precious little advice from the people he perceives to have as little or less knowlede as himself on the subject at hand. I tend to go my own way and follow my gut, plus I keep quite a lot close to my chest. The fact that I'm biting the bullet on this one and sharing myself with people is a sign that I take this all very seriously. I resent the patronising implication that I casually decided one day that I'd quite like a sex change, thank-you-very-much. I wish she could, if not understand the matter in itself, at least trust that I understand a fair bit more than I'm getting credit for and that her influence is not especially helpful or even comforting. I'm so used to and so very sick of everybody I know considering that I make fickle decisions; I don't. I may be childlike in many ways, but that isn't one. The vast majority of the time I am perfectly able to make my own judgements on where to go with my own life, so I quite resent the uninvited interference of those who've deluded themselves into thinking they know me better than I know myself. If this is selfish, then selfish I am - but so be it, if it distances me from the prying of people who's capacity to understand is inflexable.

For now I will exersize patience, but to be frank I hold out little hope that people who immediately start reeling off all the negatives will ever re-allign their perceptions to a suitable degree.

[Guest rachael1]

Hi Adrian,

It sounds like you and your friend are both head strong.

Anyone who isn't trans can never understand what we are going through but you should take comfort that at least your friend is trying to understand and is still being loyal and remaining such. If I were you I would be happy that her opinionated manner is the biggest problem you have since you came out to her, since a lot of friends would have run away at a rate of knots.

Just my opinion anyway.

Rachael

[Carolyn Marie]

Adrian, people have sooo many misconceptions about what it means to be trans, and why

we want to transition. They think its all about sex, or mid-life crisis, or a hundred other

reasons. They don't think those things to be mean, its just such a hard concept to

come to grips with.

As Rachael said, non-TG folks will never really understand who we are and why we do what

we do. They can read up on it, even come to terms with it, but really understand? I

think not. So cut your friend a little slack, nod your head and smile when she gives

you all her "great" advice, and do what you need to do.

At least she didn't turn her back on you, as many would have done.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I know several nontrans who have told me they would love to understand whats going on with me. I cant really explain it because so much is well, you know, really understood only by those of us who walk this trail. They will never understand or appreciate what it feels like to reach into your purse or wallet and pull out your bank card knowing full well that your presentation and the name wont line up, or even with the carry letter worrying about check stops or random document checks because none of your ID lines up with how you look. Never mind the minefield that is coming out creates, worries about home, family, community, church, employment and a million other things.

Nor will they ever understand the increasing disphoria and pain that not being able to change your name causes. This is where I am, knowing I have to but having to wait until after a move back to Canada, that means another 8 months of this ID he.ll. I am lucky my pharmacist agreed to change the names on my prescriptions while still billing the insurance under the other name. They may want to know, or may think you will appreciate them better knowing that they have told you they want to understand what you are going through. It is just we don't have the words to explain the pain, disphoria, and other things that we go through. It is just one of those things you have to live to know.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Face it........

Only Trans people will ever truly understand Trans people...even the therapists that specialize in this condition don't really understand it fully...just the mechanics.....

But person to person, us Trans people can understand each other with a nod because we are of the same substance inside.

MTF-FTM ...we all have a common bond of understanding what each other is going through....

No one else could ever understand the dysphoria, mental anguish and torment that we go through!

It takes one to know one!

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Sally]

How can we possibly expect anyone who is not trans to understand us?

Just look around the forums and you will see that we do not fully understand us.

The term Transsexual gets them started of on the wrong trail and it is very difficult to change the direction of a runaway train.

I only ask for acceptance and tolerance, I have decided that understanding is just beyond reach.

Love ya,

Sally