Really Considering Coming Out To My Mom

[Guest Jessica?]

Ok, so even though my username says jessica, please call me Jade =)

Ok, so I was finally able to accept myself recently, and even though this felt like it took forreeeevvver to me, I am only 18. Now since accepting myself as some form of transsexual (almost positive a full mtf transsexual, thought I was a crossdresser for some odd years perhaps but some things didn't quite fit) at least, I have reeeaaaally wanted to tell my mom.

Thing is I'm pretty sure she would be accepting of me because I sorta "came out" when I was younger and told her I wanted to be a girl. She was ecstatic, she had always wanted a girl. I got all dressed up and ate dinner with my family. The awkward stares I got from my brothers and dad were horrible. I didn't take it any much further than that afterwards.

I am still in high school and I don't want to transition yet as I want to finish my high school years without discrimination, but there are some serious benefits for me coming out to her solely now. In my dream coming out I see myself wearing the RIGHT clothes around the house at least (only live with mom and twin brother now, other brother and dad no longer live with us cuz of divorce and brother is like 27), and a wig, and makeup! (not to mention possibly going to a gender therapist) I want to be able to not deny myself those rights another 10 months which is what I was planning on doing so that I could transition in college.

Another thing about coming out is that if I were somehow able to build off of that and work up the courage to tell my dad, I believe he would help me pay for my DREAM college (provided he understood of course, but he does have a sister who is a lesbian so it wouldn't be his first close family member to tell him something like this, although I am his "son"), Seattle University, which is a private college with a very active and accepted trans student community. Omg, I want to go there soo bad haha. It's very expensive as it is a private college though and I would need financial help from my father most likely.

If I don't come out, there is a small chance I could go to that college because of the expense, and I would have to get a huge financial aid package.

If I don't come out, I wouldn't have to deal with possibly ending up finishing up highschool through other means than going to it (online somehow or home school or maybe GED, but would call the college first to explain my situation and see if a GED would hurt my chances too greatly), if I really wanted to transition sooner, but I am hoping that being able to be me around my house at least would keep me sane.

So not really sure what I am going to do or exactly why I'm posting this haha, but could use some re assurances or advice or anything information you all want to give.

Oh ya, I would also have to explain that Gender and Sexual orientation are separate and that I'm a lesbian in that effect, no Idea how to do that because even though I know that's what I most closely identify to as of right now, it sounds crazy even to me haha.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Jade,

OK, it sounds like you have a lot going on right now. First, thing I would recommend is that you remain in school. Your best chances to get into the college of your choice is to remain in school and graduate. Coming out to your parents would be good for you when the time is right. Transitioning does not require that you put your life on hold until you have transitioned. Life continues during the process. You will go through a period of time where you have to present as male in certain contexts for a while transitioning.

Also, before you consider doing anything drastic, work with a therapist. A therapist can guide you properly through your transitioning.

Stay in school!!!

Love

Brenda