Terrible Mistakes!

[Guest viv]

Hi Julia,

Hope you took advantage of being in the second greatest city

in the world and spent a few hours at Anfield. Oh ,when I was younger ,

spending my youth on the Kop,,,,,And You"l Never Walk...........viv

[Sally]

OK, I am going to be serious now - that doesn't happen a lot so I will apologize to anyone looking for a punchline.

My biggest mistake of all times was my failure to respond or even notice when people sent me signals that they cared about me.

I did this throughput my life and it seems that it was due to not loving myself I could not love anyone else or even notice that they might have loved me - there is no telling how many good relationships I passed right by without ever even knowing.

That is a mistake that I will never make again because while I was stubbornly ignoring all signals and failing to even respond to them, this one special person would not just fade away like so many others in my past, she was determined to get me out of my depression, my loneliness and self loathing.

So I was able to avert the biggest mistake that I almost made because she just would not let me go on the way I was - my life has turned around and I am happy knowing that I can be loved, I can love myself and I can now share my love with all of you wonderful people.

I am a better person for correcting that mistake and all of you who have suffered through some of my horribly depressing poems can thank Donna Jean for her persistence, her prodding and just for being the best friend that anyone could ever have.

Now I say this with a much deeper meaning - Love ya,

Sally

[Guest julia_d]

Hi Viv.. how do you "take advantage" of Liverpool at 12.45am on your own and feeling a bit rough after sleeping on the train and facing a £40 taxi trip back home?

I went and found transport and got out of there. It's a fine city, but not alone at night a long way from home. There is every chance of getting into a very bad situation in a big city alone at night. I know well because at one time I was a Kings Cross girl.. been there.. done that.. been raped and beaten up for no other reason than being alone on the streets after dark. You must remember.. In the North West if anything bad happens to a T-girl on the streets it's OUR FAULT according to the police. So I do my best to avoid being out after about 7pm if at all possible.

4 weeks ago in Manchester was another quality experience (see the rocky horror show pic I posted).. trains delayed and cancelled meant a very scary 30 mile train ride at nearly midnight with a load of drunk football louts (both manchester clubs had home matches.. and wigan were playing stoke) and late night pubsters.. and no staff on the stations or guards on the trains. That's the test of passing.. when you have no option but to be in a potentially life threatening situation.. you can show no fear. We make these mistakes.. mine that night was accepting an invite from a couple of friends to go for a "last chance drink for xmas" .. and getting stuck because of the trains... and then arriving in a cold and dangerous wigan with the only option being a £12 taxi home.. our public transport system is a rip off around here. £12 for 5 miles.. which I'm not no way walking again.. tried it once.. far too dangerous up a deserted main road for miles and miles out into the country past the motorway junction.

Remember girls.. we are in the target demographic when we pass, let alone when you don't.

[Guest Steven22]

Playing who can get poison oak all over their body and see who can hold off getting rid of it the longest, horrible idea. on the other hand I did win and I had it for 9 days before i started getting rid of it. J/K actually i was 10 years old and didn't know what it was, and didn't tell my mom until i had it for 9 days and i got it every where, use your imagination and it was there. Very very unpleasant.

Ohhhh I forgot, 2nd if not first on that list is telling my Drill Instructor in boot camp (Marine Corps), and I quote "No", quite possibly the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. All i will say is not only did i get the initial repercussions I had watch every night from 1-3 am for the rest of my time left there, I had 10 weeks to go at that point and it was a long 10 weeks too.

[Guest viv]

Hi Viv.. how do you "take advantage" of Liverpool at 12.45am on your own and feeling a bit rough after sleeping on the train and facing a £40 taxi trip back home?

I went and found transport and got out of there. It's a fine city, but not alone at night a long way from home. There is every chance of getting into a very bad situation in a big city alone at night. I know well because at one time I was a Kings Cross girl.. been there.. done that.. been raped and beaten up for no other reason than being alone on the streets after dark. You must remember.. In the North West if anything bad happens to a T-girl on the streets it's OUR FAULT according to the police. So I do my best to avoid being out after about 7pm if at all possible.

4 weeks ago in Manchester was another quality experience (see the rocky horror show pic I posted).. trains delayed and cancelled meant a very scary 30 mile train ride at nearly midnight with a load of drunk football louts (both manchester clubs had home matches.. and wigan were playing stoke) and late night pubsters.. and no staff on the stations or guards on the trains. That's the test of passing.. when you have no option but to be in a potentially life threatening situation.. you can show no fear. We make these mistakes.. mine that night was accepting an invite from a couple of friends to go for a "last chance drink for xmas" .. and getting stuck because of the trains... and then arriving in a cold and dangerous wigan with the only option being a £12 taxi home.. our public transport system is a rip off around here. £12 for 5 miles.. which I'm not no way walking again.. tried it once.. far too dangerous up a deserted main road for miles and miles out into the country past the motorway junction.

Remember girls.. we are in the target demographic when we pass, let alone when you don't.

Oh hun,

Ive spent so many of my younger years in the "Pool I recon I picked up

some Scouse sense of humor ,re my reply to your post. Sorry you were scared

and glad you made it home safe. Got to agree though, that train journey must

have been scary . Hope your good, luv,viv

[Guest julia_d]

I wasn't scared.. not at all.. because I have no fear. It's just a North Country rule.. never be out on the streets after dark alone.. NEVER .. it's a womens rule, not a specific T rule.

When you have the 30 years experience I have and are for all purposes fully transitioned you will no doubt get it. I don't have the "bloke" option any more. I remember the walk and I remember the talk.. but that's all it is.. memories. I can't pass as a guy if I try.. I get "butch lesbian" comments when I do.

It's just a fact of life.. the north isn't a safe place for a woman out alone after midnight.. or after dark where I live. 8 rapes (or alleged rapes) within a mile of my home in the last 2 years.. and 2 murders.

I'm not frightened.. I'm careful.. there is a big difference. I live in a town where people will openly be abusive and threatening right to your face. I have been verbally abused while talking on the street to UNIFORMED POLICE!! I have had bottles thrown at me and been beaten up outside the taxi office by 5 men.. then arrested because "it was my fault" apparently? .. How does getting out of a taxi constitute "my fault"? I was held for 29 hours and then released without medical attention or being charged with anything.. during this time I was strip searched twice.. internal cavity search and left naked in a cell for 9 hours.. They released me at 3am without giving me any opportunity to dress apart from what I could throw on as they were processing the release papers... I was taken to the duty desk naked as my clothes had been placed in the property bag.. all of them.. even my underwear... 5 miles from home and 5 miles from any transport thrown out on the street basically naked in the rain.. nice eh? That's why I don't like being out after dark.

I went to the hospital and had 3 broken ribs.. concussion, a cut to my scalp needing 9 stitches where somebody hit me with a bottle (the taxi office is in an alcohol ban area) a broken toe and a dislocated wrist and 2 broken fingers.. oh yes I'm hard. I have to be.. but I learn from my experiences so I really try not to be out after dark if it is at all possible.

[Guest Amanda joan]

OMG!!!

Mistakes.....

I am not sure where to start.

Trying to be a girl when I was very young and confusiing the GGs I was playing with.

Causing girls I wanted to be friends with to think I wanted to date them when I did not.

Leading woman on by mistake when I was married, I wanted to be their friend and they thought I wanted to have sex with them.

Purging the clothes that had taken so much courage to go out and buy.

Thinking the female me could best be exemplified as a sluty teenager when I was no where near being a teenager.

Setting my transition goal to be able to pass at anytime and anywhere. This is not a logical goal for any of us.

Lieing to my Wife over and over again.

Leaving my Wife. It had to be done but, It still feels like a mistake.

Not connecting with my Son as he started to become a man.

Drinking and driving.

Drinking until I puked.

Doing drugs.

Not finishing college.

Putting all this here for everyone to read!

[Guest Kayliegh]

My biggest mistake in my life was not accepting who I am 30 years ago. Had I been honest with myself, I would have not "lived the lie" over the last 30+ years!

Hugs - Kayleigh

[Guest My_Genesis]

Not starting transition before college! I had the idea in mind that I could "suck it up" through college and then start transitioning after. Instead i let it get to the point that I became so depressed and anxiety-ridden and isolated... well I mainly isolated myself socially, in college, because after freshman year I could no longer function as a "female" in a college environment, so now I'm looking to transition and start at a new school in the fall. And in the meantime I probably will take longer than 4 years to get my degree.

My mom said I seem to try to stay all calm and collected and don't do anything about the situation til it gets really bad... but honestly I just see that as another masculinity boost for my whole I-need-to-be-as-male-as-possible ego-complex-thing

Anyway yeah at the same time I wish all the times I had, I didn't always wait for things to get worse before I did anything about it.

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

Spending 10 years depressed, going through 7 different anti depressants, and bunch of different therapies and treatments including eletro shock, doctors, psychiatrists, trying to fill the void in my life with so many other things, trying to kill myself over and over again, pushing away my wife and then my boyfriend with my depression, oh and the girl I knoew before that, we only dated for a couple of months but wow she was amazing. cutting myself, having almost no control over my blood sugar for months on end, having almost no care for my health. All because I didn't accept who I truely was, and because I thought that it was a decision that had to be made, and one that I shouldn't make until I was healthy and happy, not realising that it wasn't a decision it was just denial, and certainly seems to be the cause of my self loathing.

Oh and taking terrible care of my teeth.

[Guest Chandra]

Hello everyone,

If we never made any mistakes, we would have learned nothing.

Love Chandra