I Don't Know If I Am Ready

[Guest Melanieshaman]

I don't really dress or present femme yet, but i know, as i stated in another post that is a goal of mine this year. Anyway, My folks are coming to vist the first weekend in feb... as a matter of fact they got two rooms at a very nice hotel/b&b (not sure) in Napa for that weekend. I do wear girly underthings, and sometimes a set of pjs i wear are girly ("bombshell" tank top LMAO). So, anyway, i was considering coming out to them that weekend (inspired after watch a mini marathon or "coming out stories" on logo), but i honestly don't know if i am ready. Since i am not very girly yet, they may think it's a phase or something. Who knows, my folks have surprised me before on things. You see, they are cathoilc, and pretty devout at that. I assumed they were also republicans, etc etc.. come to find out a few years ago while discussing politics, they are dems! YAY! anyway, I am terrified that this could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. You see, i have been a bit of a vagabond most of my life (before getting togeather with my wife.

I went away to georgia to college right out of high school (for a year), then came home for 2 years, then went to school in Chicago for a year, and ended up moving there for 6. Then i ended up in Alabama for 8 months or so, moved home for a bit then southern California, and then north... back to Iowa (birth state) for 4 years with my wife, and now we are back in nor cal. I think my parents might think i am flighty, and if i tell them i am trans, they will be like well, whatever..he'll get over it.

On top of all that, I'm not even sure HOW to tell them, i mean i haven't even come out to the people i live with (wife's sisters and nephew). So, i guess i will be wrestling with that for the next couple of weeks, maybe i will go see my therapist lol

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Mel

[Guest sarah f]

It always feels good to just let it out doesn't it. I am still trying to figure out how I am going to let my family know also. My wife doesn't even know yet so you are one up on me. When you figure out how you are going to tell them let me know so the I can steal the idea. I think I am going to call my mom to let here know since she is in another state. As far as my dad goes I don't know how to tell him. I think I will wait until I have started HRT.

Good Luck with telling your parents.

Love,

Sarah F

[Carolyn Marie]

Melanie, there is no getting around the fact that coming out to loved ones is about the hardest thing

you'll ever do. You rarely can predict what the response and the outcome will be.

However, it is something you need to do sometime, and its better they find out now rather than

when you've started transitioning or presenting female full time. Kind of lessens the shock effect

if you do it before then, if you know what I mean.

There is a Coming Out forum here, and I encourage you to see what others have done and gone

through. Your idea of talking with your therapist is actually an excellent one, and you should for sure.

I wish you luck hon. Be brave, and try to get it out of the way. You will feel a sense of great relief when

you finally do it. I know I did.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest julia_d]

As an adult you don't need to explain yourself to anybody.. if you don't feel like rubbing their noses in it just yet then leave it until the day you are.

People make so much of a big deal about coming out.. I have never "come out" to anybody in my whole life.. never.. One day I changed my name and that was that.. end of story. At that point friends and relatives either put up and accepted a fact or were left by the wayside.

Why do people make such a meal of this? .. once you are an independent adult only your partner (if you have one) should really be of any concern, and if they don't know already then there isn't much of a relationship there in the first place.

Want strange? .. I was deep stealth for a very long time.. 8+ years.. only after I decided to be a little more honest did I find love which will lead to a ceremony and a lasting partnership later this year. I not only didn't lose my guy, it made us stronger because truth in a relationship is everything.. Mind you.. I didn't "come out" to him.. I just one day ran up my flag and wrote a public blog about a realisation while traveling somewhere.. and that was that as they say.

Y'see.. My consultant classes me as a fully transitioned woman.. fully.. I just still have the wrong bits which honestly I'm not that bothered about any more. Coming out and associated nonsense is actually something from LGB world.. we T's don't need to do it because what we are isn't a lifestyle choice we need to tell people about. Anybody with eyes and a brain will know what is going on as transition progresses.. so just let it happen and let them draw whatever conclusions they want from it. Then when you legally change your name they will have to put up or shut up.. that's the only choice they have.. the rest has nothing to do with anybody else.. Would you for instance "come out" to all your relatives you have a nasty STD? .. Or bad piles?? or 25 children and a gay lover? .. didn't think so.

My mother was the only member of my family left and she just changed my name in her address book.. simple as that. My retard half sister tried to show me up at her funeral.. but it's hard to show up the only living blood relative present isn't it.. hehehe. Nobody there even recognised me..

There you go.. don't make a rod for your own back.. let sleeping dogs lie until it's all done, and then maybe if you want to talk to them you can.. or just forget it and get on with YOUR life

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Melanie,

Dearheart, there is no formula to coming out. I think that before one comes out to people, they must be first relatively secure in who they are. I know that was a pretty general statement, but it does help to be secure in yourself in the event that you don't get the understanding that you expect. All I can really say to you is that try not to think about coming out. If you continue on your path as you are, you will find yourself coming out naturally. I have come out to all the members of my family, and everyone is just great!!! Some people needed some time, but eventually everyone has embraced me as transgendered When I have come out to people in my family, I never planned it, nor even thought about it. Coming out sort of just happened. Granted, what worked for me does not mean that you have to do what I have done.

I guess I would wait and see how your parents are when they arrive, and when and if the time is right, you could come out to them.

Just feel it sweetie. Try not to think about it too much

Just my thoughts hon.

Love

Brenda