Jump to content

  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Bad Jokes

Guest Superrad

By Guest Superrad,
in Jokes and Humor

Recommended Posts

Sally Gold Member

Sally

Posted
Posted

Two peanuts were walking down the street when they were confronted by a bully, he struck one making him assaulted peanut.

1st person speaking to a friend, "My dog has no nose."

The friend responds, "How does he smell?"

1st person, "Like a dog."

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

Guest Donna Jean

Posted
Posted

.

Sally......you're sick.....

My jokes are better!

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

  • If you have bird flu, you need tweetment.
  • If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment

See?

Dee Jay

Link to comment
Sally Gold Member

Sally

Posted
Posted

Albert asks Betty, "What is the difference between an orange and a mail box?"

Betty, "I don't know, what is the difference between an orange and a mail box?"

Albert, "I was going to ask you to mail a letter for me but I changed my mind."

How do you make a Maltese Cross?

Poke him in the eye.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Lizzie McTrucker

Guest Lizzie McTrucker

Posted
Posted

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The wedding wasn't much but the reception was excellent!

A hole was found in a wooden fence surrounding a nudist resort. The Police are looking into it.

A vulture was walking through the airport with two dead birds.

A flight attendant stopped him and said "Sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed."

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where's my tractor?

How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

What do you call a dinosaur that can lay down a mean musical beat?

A velocirapper

My mom said "If you keep playing with yourself, you'll go blind"

I said "But mom, I'm over here."

I'd be so petrified to date someone with a lazy eye.

I'd be afraid they're be seeing someone else.

A drunk man walks into church and goes into the confessional booth. The priest is on the other side and he's waiting for the drunk man to confess his sins and he's waiting...and waiting...and waiting. Finally the priest knocks on the partition to get the man's attention. The drunk man replies "No use knocking, pal, there's no toilet paper over here either."

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow....

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Roseate

Guest Roseate

Posted
Posted

so a duck walks up to a lemonade stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any nails

the owner says no

and the duck says good got any grapes

I like the youtube videos that go with that one ;)

Neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, barkeep says, for you, no charge.

Link to comment
Guest amanda_s

Guest amanda_s

Posted
Posted

Okay, so there are two fish in a tank, right?

So one fish says to the other,

...

How the heck are do you drive this thing?

biggrin.gif:D:D

When did Darth Vader become evil?

...

In the Sith grade.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

...

If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

You know you love them, no matter how painful they are.

BAD LOL and funny
Link to comment
Guest Robin Winter

Guest Robin Winter

Posted
Posted

so a duck walks up to a lemonade stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any nails

the owner says no

and the duck says good got any grapes

I like the youtube videos that go with that one ;)

Neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, barkeep says, for you, no charge.

Does that mean you understand the duck joke??? Could you please explain it to me?

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Maria_B

Guest Maria_B

Posted
Posted

Why are penguins never in the uk, they're afraid of Wales.

Fat penguin. Something to break the ice.

An elf and a troll walk into a bar, the dwarf bursts out laughing ''That Musta' hurt!''

A blonde and a red head meet, the redhead says ''I'm from London, you'' the blonde says ''No, I'm not from London''.

Link to comment
Guest Mycroft

Guest Mycroft

Posted
Posted

Why did the tofu cross the road?

To prove it wasn't chicken.

The bartender said "Sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light neutrinos here."

A neutrino walked into a bar.

The Hiigs-Boson walks into a church. The priest says we don't allow Higgs-Bosons in here. The Higgs-Boson says "But without me how can you have mass?"

Link to comment
Sally Gold Member

Sally

Posted
Posted

What is the difference between a folk singer and a puppy?

Eventually the puppy will stop whining.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Sally Gold Member

Sally

Posted
Posted

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, one to change the bulb and two to talk about how much better they would have done it.

How many singers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to hold the bulb while the world revolves around her.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Sally Gold Member

Sally

Posted
Posted

conjunctivitis.com

That's a site for sore eyes.

Sent from iPhone

Shouldn't that have been sent from an eyephone.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Beth Andrea

Guest Beth Andrea

Posted
Posted

so a duck walks up to a lemonade stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner says no just lemonade so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any grapes

the owner gets mad and says, If you ask about grapes again I'll nail you to a tree

so the duck leaves

next day the duck walks up to the stand and says you got any nails

the owner says no

and the duck says good got any grapes

I like the youtube videos that go with that one ;)

Neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink, barkeep says, for you, no charge.

Does that mean you understand the duck joke??? Could you please explain it to me?

A line was apparently left out in the original post...in the youtube video "nails" is changed to "glue".

The video is funny as heck, my 4month old granddaughter was fascinated by the tune and bright colors.

Link to comment
Guest Maria_B

Guest Maria_B

Posted
Posted

I had a dream I was eating a sheep, I woke up with a flock.

I had a dream I was fighting a monster, woke up to find the Tax Collector had been beaten senseless.

I had a dream I was climbing a mountain taller than Everest, turns out I was just trying to find decent DayTime TV.

Link to comment
Guest Maria_B

Guest Maria_B

Posted
Posted

A boy had homework to come to school with 2 things he heard at home and say them to the class. His dad was watching a space show, and shouted ''Take off!'' and later, his sister was watching a show on Animals, featuring a Zebra.

The next day, his teacher asks him to repeat his 2 words to the class. So he says ''Takeoff Zebra''.

Link to comment
Sally Gold Member

Sally

Posted
Posted

What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

Bison.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Sally Gold Member

Sally

Posted
Posted

So a Higgs Boson particle walks into a catholic church

A priest walks over to it and says "Hey, you're not allowed in here!" to which the particle replies,

"BUT WITHOUT ME, HOW CAN YOU HAVE MASS!!!!"

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Sally Gold Member

Sally

Posted
Posted

Why do Blind people hate to skydive?

It scares their dogs!

What is green, has eight legs and will kill you if it falls from a tree?

A Snooker Table!

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest crissy_oakley

Guest crissy_oakley

Posted
Posted

A man in a bar walks up to two ladies, who are talking with a distinct accent.

He asks them, "Are you two ladies from Ireland?"

Quite irritated, one of the women responds, "It's pronounced Wales."

So he replies, "Are you to Whales from Ireland?"

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Go to topic listing

  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 202 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • SamC
    • Betty K
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • FelixThePickleMan

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      769.8k

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,081
    • Most Online
      8,356
    brightmom
    Newest Member
    brightmom
    Joined

  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alex2022
      Alex2022
      (20 years old)
    2. cvincent
      cvincent
      (69 years old)
    3. Demorriana
      Demorriana
      (25 years old)
    4. forbiddenforest
      forbiddenforest
      (26 years old)
    5. LoganXB
      LoganXB
    View all

  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Can't Edit or Delete Post

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      you're welcome. I tagged one for you and hopefully will respond soon.
    • Ladypcnj
      Can't Edit or Delete Post

      By Ladypcnj · Posted

      Oh okay, thanks Ashley 
    • Ashley0616
      Can't Edit or Delete Post

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      @VickySGV
    • Ashley0616
      Can't Edit or Delete Post

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      No only moderators and admin can edit and delete posts.
    • Ashley0616
      Trapped

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      Do I ever feel? There isn't a single minute that goes by that I feel that way. I have such a strong hate for what I have that there isn't a word out there for it.
    • Ladypcnj
      Can't Edit or Delete Post

      By Ladypcnj · Posted

      Are members allowed to edit or delete their post? I can't delete or remove my post if there are misspelled words.
    • Ashley0616
      Ashley's Life from Start to Present

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      I already tried that. Either too old like 60's and 70's or married. Not many people who would want to date a trans woman in dead red Mississippi. Maybe once things calm down just get a Mustang GT and just give up on it. Both are going to bring joy and pain. At least I could learn and share my love of cars with my kids when they get that old. I wouldn't even know what to do if someone said they wanted me. I would've already been thinking in my mind they are just going to ghost me so what's the point. I just don't know what to do anymore. I tried putting myself out there online and out in person. I haven't tried a bar yet although that's probably a bad idea. Maybe just to experience it again. I haven't been to one since 2013. The only problem I see is I'm not a night owl for sure. I go to bed at 8-830. My expectations were just that I wouldn't get rejected last. I have been able to handle a good bit of it but this one really hurt. I guess that's what happens when you have some hopes and expectations. It's not like I have another friend IRL to talk about this. She is my only one. I wished I didn't put myself out there.
    • VickySGV
      Political candidate, who linked pedophiles with LGBTQIA+, gains preselection approval.

      By VickySGV · Posted

      As one who had to deal with the Porn/Adult Entertainment business as commercial, taxpaying businesses on a professional level, I can say that they are in it for money and the highest percentage of their income comes from ultra conservative areas where adequate Medical and Mental Health Profession and University Science instruction on Trans issues are banned.    It makes me wonder how much porn literature is hidden behind the 13 Bibles and Bible Study guides on some people's family bookshelves. 
    • FelixThePickleMan
      Trapped

      By FelixThePickleMan · Posted

      Do you ever feel trapped in a body that doesn't feel like yours?  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Ashley's Life from Start to Present

      By Abigail Genevieve · Posted

      There's the old thing of getting out and getting involved in things in the community and meeting people that way. Does your church have a food pantry? Does it have service opportunities you could plug into otherwise? You might run into someone that way. 
    • Ashley0616
      Ashley's Life from Start to Present

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      Well that didn't go well. She said she is intentionally single. When will I just stop thinking about putting myself out there. It really hurt but rejection and getting ghosted is just my second language apparently. The one person I have told all my dark secrets and didn't run off. At least we are friends. I'm happy only when I'm sleeping and that is it because things actually go my way from time to time. Just another wonderful day of me. SMDH!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Political candidate, who linked pedophiles with LGBTQIA+, gains preselection approval.

      By Abigail Genevieve · Posted

      In their minds, yes, unless it is clearly, consistently, forcefully articulated by those who represent trans people that we are not.  I'm not sure who that would be.
    • Ivy
      Political candidate, who linked pedophiles with LGBTQIA+, gains preselection approval.

      By Ivy · Posted

      So, this proves that we're all  pedophiles? I suspect that the majority of pedophiles are probably cis.   Yeah, Alexander the Great was probably queer.  What does this have to do with me needing to pee?   I am so tired of this ___.  I raised 8 kids and never molested any of them - unless you count changing diapers without closing my eyes.  Yeah… so tired.   It makes me wonder what is actually on these people's minds.  
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Good morning All. Coffees on.

      By Adrianna Danielle · Posted

      They do not sit around doing nothing.Both love doing puzzles and involved with their church
    • Ashley0616
      Good morning All. Coffees on.

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      Whew! I don't think I want to see that age unless I can still function normally although my family hasn't gotten to live that long. The oldest lived to see 80. 

  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...