How To Express A New Name Preference?

[Guest JeanVier]

Hello, everyone.

In the past month, I have decided to move from using my birth name (created by my grandmother, but female-sounding) to a shortened, masculine-androgynous form of my birth name... like going from Jacqueline to Jack. It is a viable nickname for my birth name, but it is decidedly more masculine.

I go by this new name at my college, and I "name-transitioned" by telling the professor, on the first day when they read my name from the roster, that "I go by X". Most of the people I know on campus are in my classes, and those that are not found out by my signing emails with my new name.

My question is-- how to transition names at work? I have worked in the same place for over three years, and I work with mostly older ladies who love to greet each other by "Miss ___". Some of my coworkers have nicknames, like Jen for Jennifer or Sue for Susan, but I have not seen someone move to a nickname in the entire time I have been here. Of my department, I am lower on the totem pole (as are all part-timers at my institution), so sending out a department email seems just too, too bold and attention-getting. I could start signing my emails with my new name, but that seems awkward and possibly confusing. I thought of approaching a few coworkers individually, but I encounter about twenty different people every day, so that would be most time-consuming. I am running out of ideas!

I welcome any and all suggestions with open arms. Thanks!!

-JV

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Well Jack,

I suggest the following:

1. Sign your emails as Jac, or Jacq, or Jax initially. Since they know you as Jacqueline right now. This shortened spelling will help them to transition to you. You need to ease them into your preferred name.

2. Encourage people to call you Jack instead of Jacqueline as each opportunity arises.

3. When the time is right, start signing your emails as Jack instead of Jac, Jacq, Jax.

The key to success with getting people to accept you is being infinfitely patient and slowly let them get used to very small changes in you over time. You do not want to demand that everyone call you Jack overnight. That will not work. One by one, day by day, let everyone get used to your preferred name. Be patient.

Remember, transitioning is a two way street. As you transition to yourself, other people have to transition to see you and accept you as yourself.

If you keep everyone in mind as you transition. You will be fine.

Love

Brenda

[Guest JeanVier]

Brenda,

Thank you for such detailed advice! I like the advice on taking things gradually, signing individual emails with my new name for a bit, then affirming my name choice in person. The one difference between the example change of Jacqueline to Jack and my name change (I am SO old-fashioned, I worry about posting any of my 'real' names online!) is that there is no intermediate spelling... So, I think I will jump in, start signing those emails with my new name-- which is masculine-androgynous-- for the next two weeks. I work at a college, and we have Spring Break in three weeks. I think I will start vocalising my name preference after we come back... that seems more gradual than Monday, Jacqueline and Tuesday, Jack. Gradual is good. And, if I voice my preference to a few people, the concept will spread.

Whew. I feel better. Thanks again!

-JV

[Guest angie]

I just took my chosen name and started using it regularly,

in spoken speech and when signing my name without saying

anything at the begining JV. Most didn't even notice.

Hug,

Angie

[Guest Evan_J]

Brenda = A woman with eeeeexxcellant advice.

And I personally (other places than work maybe?) just did what Angie did.

[Guest JeanVier]

Thanks for the excellent advice, everyone.

An update-- I began signing emails with my new name about two weeks ago. After we came back from Spring Break (I work at a college), I was in charge of a project for National Poetry Month. This project was aimed toward soliciting participation from students, staff, and faculty at this college-- so, I thought, why not send out an email to my department and another that works very closely with me/us (about twenty people), asking them for participation? But, ack-- how to sign the email?

I signed it with my new name!

Like Brenda said, a few people responded with my former/birth name, but several people responded without using a name. Now, I feel the ice has been broken, and I am signing my chosen name on all work emails. I feel that I have initiated the change, and now it is just a matter of time until people begin using it. It is a bit frustrating that I sign an email with one name, but people address a reply email to my old name-- but I feel certain that it is just the effect of quick reading at a busy workplace, so all is well.

Thanks, everyone!

-JV