My Plan For Coming Out To Parents

[Guest Girl Emily]

Hi all,

I have been really worried about telling my parents. I think I have settled on a plan of action.

1. Fly in and tell them in person

2. Hand them both a copy of a letter

3. Leave the house for a few days so they can read the letter and research things themselves and talk it out privately.

4. Come back and answer their questions.

5. Deal with the fallout.

6. Fly home

Much of this plan revolves around the letter that I wrote today. It ended up being 22 pages with the fist 12 single spaced. I try to explain my feelings about them and what I need from them. I explain what transgenderism is, possible causes, treatment and expected results. How I came to my decision and what my plans for transition are. My response to negative Christian argument.

The second portion of the letter contains my poetry, important quotes that talk about truth, deception and other related topics.

The last part is a copy of a letter that is written by the mother of a 17 year old mtf to her friends and family explaining the new situation that is challenging her home. I included this letter to reduce the anxiety of explaining things to the extended family. I must admit that she presents an example of unconditional love and acceptance for her emerging daughter.

I have never experienced anything but unconditional love from them both. My fears are really unfounded. I don't look forward to bringing them the distress that follows in our wake.

Huggs,

[Guest Phoebe]

Hi Emily...

I only came out to my parents about this last week. For me, I felt I wanted them aware and on my side as early as possible. I too, have received nothing but unconditional love from them and in my imagination, there was no way in my mind that I could accept that would change. And like you, I was very worried about the impact this would have on their lives.

Well, I sorta did it face to face. We currently live on separate continents, but Skype is a beautiful beautiful thing. I sorta tried to sneak around the back, talking about causes and things like that, but it still came down to that moment where I just had to say, "I want to be a woman, and I always have."

Yah, and, in my imagination, there was no other immediate reaction from them other than shock. They are entitled to that shock, I think. But my father went further than that saying, "Well, no matter what. We love you and we'll always support you." We talked a while longer and I knew it was going to be Ok.

That said... Yeah, I would give them your letter so they have something to think about for a few days and digest, because they will need it. But be sure that you tell them you'll answer anything you can, even if the answer is you don't know right now. I left them alone with it for a couple of days and then came back to talk with them again a bit. I ended up having to admit I raided my mom's underwear drawer when I was little, but it was still worth it.

I think your fear might be like mine. We don't expect rejection from our parents (though I don't have too much Christianity to bust through in the case of my parents) But we are afraid, maybe, that they won't understand. I realized in the middle of my coming out to them that I was never afraid for their love and support, it was just that I wanted them to know why it is, why it is important to me, why it happens and why it's not their fault or anything like that (look out, I believe all mothers are slightly martyrs about this sort of thing )

I guess, I think your plan is a pretty good one. Give them some web links too if they are savvy that way. But, I think, if you take as much time as you can in that first talk to talk about them and how you want them to feel and to understand, they will appreciate it. Yeah, and then, get out of the way for a day or three so they can digest.

Good luck! Gosh, I so feel like not-an-expert on these things, it's just that I did the same thing you are up to so recently. It sounds like you have good parents and I'm sure that makes all the difference.

Phoebe

[Guest Girl Emily]

Phoebe,

I feel so much better after reading what happened with your parents. I have never been able to lie to them and so when I started to deal with this honestly I stopped communication. It has been since Thanksgiving. I will call on Sunday and make plans for a week in early May to go home.

[Carolyn Marie]

I like your plan very much, Emily. After you tell them, I suggest offering to answer a few questions, or give them the option

of reading your letter first and holding their questions until after they do.

You are handling this very difficult task in a very mature, responsible and understanding manner. I'm very proud of you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Girl Emily]

Carolyn. Marie,

My parents know me as a chronic underachiever, impulsive, and unwilling to handwite a single page. So I hand wrote my 22 page letter with the intention of showing them that I am willing to do what I have refused in the past. Make a well documented, deeply investigated, and rational plan. It should add to my credibility which is less then stellar with them.

Thank you for recognizing that,

Huggs,

[Guest AlexanderG]

Emily,

the best of luck with this!!!