My Coming Out

[Guest mrgeof2m1991]

Even though I came out back in 2006 and 2008 I still wanted to share my story. Mine isn't a happy one. It's not as bad as some people but it's still not a good one. I came out in 2006. I started going by another name (but I hadn't told anyone, I only came out to myself) but I can't tell you what that is because I don't know where my journal is at the moment! xD But it was sometime before June. Then in August I came out again. To people on the residential unit that I was on (it was a mental hospital with two units where you live there for months at a time. It was like a group home but more strict). I was dating one girl from there (even though we weren't supposed to) and I told her to call me by a male name. I also told the other girls (it was an all girl unit because I wasn't allowed on the Co-Ed because of my past) to call me by the name. The staff didn't like that and told my therapist and the director. The girls were told to stop except my girlfriend at the time did it in private. It made me mad that they wouldn't allow it but I felt good that she was willing to say it. Then I asked about a nickname. I was told that nicknames were okay. One girl who was pregnant, said that I should go by Geo. It stuck. I got kicked out of that unit and was accepted into a group home. They called me Geo. Which was great. But it was only a nickname to them nothing more. It was hurtful specially when I came out. I came out to the group home before I came out to my family and friends. I told the director that I am trans and she didn't take it very well. Probably because I was living in a group home for all girls. Sometimes I wonder if it also has anything to do with her sexuality. As bad as that sounds. That's how I felt. I came out to my friends when I started buying and wearing men's clothes all the time. This was all in 2006/2007. Then in 2008, it was time to come out to my family. I took my time. I asked my mom what she would have named me if I was a boy and she said Jesse James, after her uncle. So, I did a poll. I had Geo, Jesse, and another name that I can't remember on the poll. Eventually I went with Jesse. My friends had no trouble with it at first. But some of them just couldn't bring them selves to call me Jesse James because of the outlaw. So I went back to Geo and it's been that way ever sense. My guy friends said that if I was going to be a guy then they would treat me as such. Which meant that they could beat up on me if they wanted to. Just like they did with each other. I was fine with that, even though I was scared because they are way bigger than me. xD But they called me male pronouns and Geo which was good. When I asked teachers to call me Jesse they did and then later Geo when I changed it. It was as if Stacey didn't exist anymore except at the group home and with my family. In 2008, I came out to my mom and grandmother over the phone. I DON'T RECOMMEND THIS and I wish that I never did it this way. I wish that I told them in person. I told my grandmother first. She yelled at me saying that I would never be a boy and that she would always call me Stacey. I was angry. The whole point of the conversation was supposed to be about me telling her I don't want to wear anything girly when I went over to visit for a weekend. But I said "why not just tell her?" So I did and she eventually hung up on me after yelling at me some more. Since I already had the phone, I called my mother next. She didn't take it too well. She yelled at me and said some really hurtful crap. Days went on and we talked. She ended up yelling at me a lot. And when I talked about my shorts being men's she yelled at me for it. She refused to accept it. She would sit there and tell me over the phone that I was causing her to cut and crap like that. I believed it. Which now I know it wasn't my fault. She sent nasty letters to the group home saying nasty things. I never saw them. The group home staff read ALL letters that came through so that we wouldn't be triggered. After that they made it so I couldn't talk to her. The state did that not the group home. It sucked to know that she did that. My dad found out through my grandmother and wasn't all that surprised. I had come out to him as bi and lesbian before. So it came as no surprise. He said that he kind of expected it. He doesn't call me Geo or male pronouns because there is no need for it. He has nicknames for me anyways. Now back to my mother. Turns out that the only problem she had was she thought that I wore whitey tighties. xD That's what she tells everyone. xD I don't even know HOW to put it in words. xD Anyways, she calls me Geo and tries her best with male pronouns. Sometimes she will call me "she" and "he" in the same sentence but hey she's trying. My grandmother doesn't and never will call me Geo. But I will fight that. I will show her the paperwork every time she calls me Stacey. My younger brother can't even call me Geo or brother because of her. It sucks. The rest of my siblings call me Geo and I am their brother. It feels good. One sister goes back and forth but that's okay because she tries. Anyways, I don't always come out to everyone but sometimes I do. I came out at work and they weren't allowed to call me Geo because they saw it as a nickname and crap. I guess it wasn't covered. I don't work there anymore. I moved. I have a tattoo that says F2M. So that kind of outs me in it's own if people know what it is that is. I came out at the tattoo parlor that I went to. They were so accepting! When I go to visit Colorado I will stop there again and get another one. I love it when I meet people that are accepting. It's great. Anyways, that's my coming out story. Sorry that it's so long.

[Guest Pól]

Hey Geo,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. It's great to know that even when you're going through a lot, things can still generally work out well. I'm sorry that your grandmother is so uncooperative and supportive, but it sounds like your parents are really making an effort, which is definitely something to hold on to.

Pól

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Long but full of passion and drama. You have had a hard time with all this - now we know how you are, and what you means sometimes when you post.

I think the biggest struggle trans-people have is related with their name! It seems that picking with a name and staying with it - NO CHANGING - is so much better for people to relate to us in the long run. It is so hard to pick a good name right off and stay with it.

Important lessons here.

Thank you for sharing

Elizabeth Anne

[Guest mrgeof2m1991]

Hey Geo,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. It's great to know that even when you're going through a lot, things can still generally work out well. I'm sorry that your grandmother is so uncooperative and supportive, but it sounds like your parents are really making an effort, which is definitely something to hold on to.

Pól

No problem. I was really scared to at first because it has been a few years. So, I asked my friend and he said that it would be okay and that it would be helpful to do so. So I did it. I am glad that my parents are making the effort and maybe my grandmother will turn around someday.

Long but full of passion and drama. You have had a hard time with all this - now we know how you are, and what you means sometimes when you post.

I think the biggest struggle trans-people have is related with their name! It seems that picking with a name and staying with it - NO CHANGING - is so much better for people to relate to us in the long run. It is so hard to pick a good name right off and stay with it.

Important lessons here.

Thank you for sharing

Elizabeth Anne

I didn't mean for it to be so long! xD I was writing and then I was like oh my it's long!!! xD I totally lost track.

I want to stick with Geo but I kind of want to change it. If that makes any sense at all.