Are These Appropriate To Show Parents After Coming Out

[Guest Girl Emily]

Hi all,

I am coming out to my parents in a week or so and I am looking for supporting information. I have not seen any of these but will buy a copy depending on responses. Are any of these good? TransAmerica. Better than Chocolate. Different for Girls others I am not aware of

Thanks

Huggs,

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Emily

Additional movies to consider are....

A Girl Like Me

Boys don't cry

Red without Blue

Normal

Hugs

Brenda

[Carolyn Marie]

You both have good lists. I would add "Soldiers Girl."

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Girl Emily]

I only have money for one. Which is the best choice?

Huggs,

[Guest lvmyftm]

I would leave out better than chocolate. Too much sex in it to be showing to the parents.

[Guest Pól]

Do not show your parents Boys Don't Cry. The trans person gets killed (sorry if that was a spoiler).

[Guest Girl Emily]

I read about the plot of Normal and that seems ok. not a lot of sex

Huggs,

[Guest Jewel]

Okay, the following are my opinions, and some may disagree and or even find them inflammatory. I apologize in advance.

If we're talking about movies or documentaries that might provide a positive and realistic "first exposure" and help your parents understand transsexualism and hopefully not scare the bejeezus out of them, then avoid any of these:

Boys Don't Cry

A Girl Like Me

Soldier's Girl

I think Boys Don't Cry is fantastic, Soldier's Girl is good, and a Girl Like Me is decent. However, they all have terrifying endings involving murder, either of the trans person or their loved one (sorry for the spoiler, but it's important for you to know)... your parents are going to be worried enough - I don't think you want to make their first movie exposure to the subject a tale of just how bad the dangers could be for you as a trans woman. That's best saved, IMO, for MUCH later in the discussions.

Additionally, Soldier's Girl and A Girl Like Me were cast with men playing the role of the trans woman. And men who were not very passable. It think it exacerbates the "man in a dress" misconception and the conflation of trans women and drag queens. And "Boys Don't Cry" can be problematic since so many of the critics (and even most of the folks involved in making the film) tend to cast it as a tragic story about a "lesbian pretending to be a boy" because the protagonist happened to not be on hormones or have had any surgeries. Bah.

For similar reasons (and many, many more) please, please, please avoid that horrendously bad movie "Normal." If ever there was a movie that completely gets it wrong and reinforces the "man in a dress" stereotype, this is it.

Also, although I happen to love Better Than Chocolate, and it has one of the few examples I actually enjoyed of a man playing a trans woman, I just think this isn't a great choice either. Again, it can be fun for those already "in the know" about trans issues. I love the "I'm not a intercourseing Drag Queen" number, the little trans lesbian subplot, and the great chemistry between the actor playing the trans woman and the one playing the mother of the "in the closet" lesbian. But for first exposure, the casting of a rather masculine looking man as a trans woman who has been on hormones and in therapy long enough that she's about to have SRS... just not a good way to get the discussion started. Also, most of the story is really about the lesbian couple. And includes some really hot lesbian sex. Mmmmm... while that's really nice, I'm not so sure it will be helpful when watching with your parents. I really think this movie, as much fun as it is, has a greater potential to confuse your parents than help them understand.

TransAmerica is a curious one. On the one hand, there are actually a couple of scenes with real trans women and men. On the other, they take a beautiful cis woman and go out of their way to make her look, act, dress, and sound like a rather bad crossdresser taking the very first baby steps into public. They play up all the silly stereotypes right from the beginning. The boudoir intro focusing on the "trappings" of feminity - makeup, clothes, etc... as if this were what being trans was about. The character supposedly has had FFS, electrolysis, and been on hormones and been fulltime long enough that's she's ready for SRS, yet they cake on makeup, dress her like a 60-year old school teacher, make her stumble around in heels like she's never worn them before, etc. Sorry, I just absolutely hate, hate, hate this film. I'd never want people to assume that this is representative of a typical trans woman who's already living fulltime and on the verge of having SRS. Plus I find the Bree character just plain annoying.

Different For Girls. It's okay, but not great. Again with the casting of a rather non-passable man in the role. But it's less bad than many of the others. Though I don't know if it really does a good job in explaining any trans issues.

Documentaries Worth Considering:

Red Without Blue. It's about identical twins who previous had both come out as gay to their parents. Then one of them comes out as a trans woman and begins transitioning. The main downside is that it is sometimes used as ammunition to reinforce some folks' views that transsexuality is a lifestyle choice. In particular, they may claim that since the twins would have nearly identical DNA, prenatal hormone exposure, and environmental and parental influences, then it must follow that only one of them being trans must mean that she just chose to be trans. Now I don't want to go into the reasons I think this is wrong, just be aware that some people come away from watching this documentary thinking that way.

She's A Boy I Knew. This one is especially worthwhile if you happen to identify as lesbian. It's filmed by the trans woman herself... it's good to see our stories told by us for a change.

Prodigal Sons. Less about transitioning, but it does touch quite a bit on her transition. Mostly focuses on her attempts to reconnect with her family and especially her adopted brother. Worthwhile for many of the same reasons as She's A Boy I Knew (trans woman filmmaker).

Girl Inside. Follows a younger transitioner. Fairly well done. Oh and for contrast with the above two, she's straight.

As far as fiction:

Une Autre Femme (Another Woman). I really like this french film (English subtitles). Brilliant casting... Nathalie Mann is a cis woman but very easily passes as a trans woman. There are a few details I could nitpick, but all in all the best fictional film about a trans woman that I've seen.

Ma Vie En Rose. Another french film with English subtitles. This one is more useful in the context of relating your behavior as a child to your transsexuality if you happen to have been a very obvious effeminate child.

If you're willing to wait a bit and have a way to play AVI or MP4 files for them, I'm in the process of uploading a bunch of trans-related movies to my web server for some friends of mine. I can send you a link this weekend once the uploads finish, and you can check out many of the movies and documentaries mentioned here. Alternately even if you'll have to find a regular DVD to play for them, you can at least download and watch the movies yourself and pick out whichever one you think will work best for you, then buy a copy of that one on DVD.

[Guest Donna Jean]

The movie "Normal" is the best in my opinion.....

My therapist advised me to get it and watch it with my wife....

It's about a middle aged man with kids, job, church and his realization of his transsexuality and how the entire thing unfolds...

There is no sex or embarrassing situations...

I've heard from other girls that their therapists also recommended this film...I bought it from Amazon.

Good luck, Hon!

Donna Jean

[Guest Girl Emily]

Jewel,

Thank you so much for your response. I looked at the various plots of the movies you noted. I have decided to go with "Ma Vie En Rose" Although it is more about the life of a young transsexual, it seems to address the issues that are faced by us regardless of our age. Apparently in the last scene or close to it the sister says "It only gets more difficult as you get older." If my parents can empathize with the characters in the earlier parts of the movie they will get the significance of the last line as it applies to me. The fact that the transsexual character is a young child divorces the issue from sexuality and deviant behavior. A seven year old imparts a sense of innocence to the issue that is missing in adult trans plots.

Thank you all

Huggs,

[Guest Esperanza Xochitl]

I only have money for one. Which is the best choice?

Huggs,

For the purpose of showing parents, I'd say Transamerica

[Guest JeanVier]

I know this is a late post, but, Emily, you might want to look at TransGeneration-- a documentary following two FTM individuals and two MTF individuals as they transition during college. I found it very realistic, inspiring, and courageous, and I definitely recommend it.

-JV

[Guest Leigh]

i wouldn't suggest transamerica for parents, though it is a good film.

i liked red without blue, but normal is probably good for parents.

peace&love

leigh

[Guest Nicodeme]

Honestly, I think Ma Vie en Rose would be a better film to show parents, regardless of age. It's very to-the-point and realistic and acknowledges that Ludovic is a real person, who just happens to be a transgirl.