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Guest Evan_J

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Guest AngelChild

Good I am glad that you are still breathing. I understand the depression thing. If you ever need to you can PM me any time. :) *huggles*

I dont have the coruge to stop breathing..other wise I would be long dead.

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Guest Evan_J

I dont have the coruge to stop breathing..other wise I would be long dead.

I don't think you're the first person here to feel like that.

Yeah , we kid often in this thread but certainly its as good a place as any to unload.

What's goin on?

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Guest HashBrown

I dont have the coruge to stop breathing..other wise I would be long dead.

That is a good thing love. Seriously. As I said you can ALWAYS PM me if you need to. I know I'm not a mod, but I can help. I'm going through the same thing. *huggles*

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Guest AngelChild

I don't think you're the first person here to feel like that.

Yeah , we kid often in this thread but certainly its as good a place as any to unload.

What's goin on?

I hate myself I hate my body, I hate my life, I hate having to lie to my grandma.

I hate breathing, I hate not being good enough I hate being worthless

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  • Forum Moderator

I don't think you're the first person here to feel like that.

Yeah , we kid often in this thread but certainly its as good a place as any to unload.

What's goin on?

Evan -can you PM me

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Guest HashBrown

I hate myself I hate my body, I hate my life, I hate having to lie to my grandma.

I hate breathing, I hate not being good enough I hate being worthless

You aren't worthless. Not at all.

Why do you have to lie to your grandma?

You are good enough.

*huggles* You really are!!! Seriously!!! I don't say what I don't mean!!!

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Guest AngelChild

You aren't worthless. Not at all.

Why do you have to lie to your grandma?

You are good enough.

*huggles* You really are!!! Seriously!!! I don't say what I don't mean!!!

because I promised my mother I wouldnt tell her...

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Guest HashBrown

because I promised my mother I wouldnt tell her...

Tell her what? And why promise something that's just going to hurt you in the end? You are clearly hurting from this. And I can see it. And that makes me sad. For real it does. *more huggles*

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Guest Evan_J

I hate myself I hate my body, I hate my life, I hate having to lie to my grandma.

I hate breathing, I hate not being good enough I hate being worthless

Guessin you promised not to tell about the gender ID? Is she sick or just that she's older and mom worries she won't take it well?

(you sound like you and gramma are real close)

And btw, should you feel something is too personal , you don't have to post it here, you can pm it to whoever you like and it won't get repeated here or anywhere on this forum unless you yourself bring it up.

***makes sure I say that loud enough so that even though I know y'all know to keep pms personal and respect one another you remember*****

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Guest AngelChild

Tell her what? And why promise something that's just going to hurt you in the end? You are clearly hurting from this. And I can see it. And that makes me sad. For real it does. *more huggles*

tell her everything.

My mom says it would kill my grandmother if I came out of the closet....and its killing me to stay in it

that plus I hate this body

and I hate life in general leads to wanting blood...my blood.

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Guest AngelChild

Guessin you promised not to tell about the gender ID? Is she sick or just that she's older and mom worries she won't take it well?

(you sound like you and gramma are real close)

And btw, should you feel something is too personal , you don't have to post it here, you can pm it to whoever you like and it won't get repeated here or anywhere on this forum unless you yourself bring it up.

***makes sure I say that loud enough so that even though I know y'all know to keep pms personal and respect one another you remember*****

yeah...she isnt even that old...only sixty something... but my mom is worried she wont take it well..but she cant take it worst then my mother...

and really I just wanna die... get it over with...

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yeah...she isnt even that old...only sixty something... but my mom is worried she wont take it well..but she cant take it worst then my mother...

and really I just wanna die... get it over with...

*grabs a chair and sits like this p_1695153.jpg apart from I have a hat on and look less clean shaven*

Are you sure you wanna die. Or you just want the pain to be over?

You sound like you feel trapped. And feel like death is the only way out.

But thing is we don't know what death brings. We don't know if it's truly the end. Bare that in mind for a moment.

What would you do if all this didn't matter? I mean if you could just come out to your grandma and know everything would be fine? If you could just live as that boy? What would you like to do with your life. Care to dream for a moment? Do it. Even if you feel it's unrealistic. Tell us your dreams of how you'd live as that boy you've always dreamed of being.

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  • Forum Moderator

Morning Matty-All

Do I smell coffee? I could use a cup.

If you run into the guy in the picture .............never mind. Just too tired this morning

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Guest AngelChild

I am going back to the town where my father is to visit my grandma's brother who is in the hospital with cancer....

I am scared I might run into him

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Angel you'll be okay. Just remember what I said in PM. Keep close to those that you trust. You'll be okay.

*slumps down on a bean bag*

Anyone else start to realise things and think "Woah....thats depressing that i've been blind to that all this time" ?

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  • Forum Moderator

*slumps down on a bean bag*

Anyone else start to realise things and think "Woah....thats depressing that i've been blind to that all this time" ?

No more than 3 or 4 times a day since the trans bomb dropped on me.

But it's all little stuff. How about you?

Thanks for that coffee!

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It's just dawned on me...How many people i've left behind throughout my life. I may have only been here 20 years. But with the amount of people I seem to have left behind somewhat along the line you'd think I was like 80 odd...and now...Now it's coming to a time where I'm gonna have to leave some more people behind. :( Guess it's life. :P

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Guest Evan_J

If its any consolation to you Matt, I think at a certain point we learn it wasn't about "staying" with anybody anyway. Yes we loved them , thats all good. We can miss them and its fine to have continual or current relationships but its all about what you gave each other while you were together. None of this is permanent. And so its alright that thigs within it are not.

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  • Forum Moderator

It's just dawned on me...How many people i've left behind throughout my life. I may have only been here 20 years. But with the amount of people I seem to have left behind somewhat along the line you'd think I was like 80 odd...and now...Now it's coming to a time where I'm gonna have to leave some more people behind. :( Guess it's life. :P

Life is indeed about changes. And for each person you leave behind new people are waiting to enter you life. The good thing is that you just keep increasing your memories of people you cared about as you go along and that cycle gets longer and longer. The bad new is that you have more people to miss

But I like not knowing what's next-starting new adventures too.

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Guest HashBrown

I feel sick... And I am tired... And I am running off of like 3-4 hours of sleep from last night er well this afternoon I guess you could say <_<

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I feel sick... And I am tired... And I am running off of like 3-4 hours of sleep from last night er well this afternoon I guess you could say <_<

*hugs*

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