Any Thoughts? Needing Some Help Lol

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

I find myself questioning everything about myself...

I was born a biological female and as I was growing up I always felt male...

But lately I been wanting to drop the male label...

I been feeling both at times and then randomly I feel neither...

Like I just feel like a person but like I'm not *anything*...

But for the most part I feel both...

At one point I was identifying as FTM Andro...

Which I guess wouldn't really make sense to some??

Oh well

Anyways, I was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts on this...?

[Guest Carden]

Hey,

I'm not much for advice or insight.

But, I can tell you this is normal.

I am the exact same way. Some days I feel like both, others I feel like I can't connect with either.

I also notice that I tend to jump between acting like a boy and a girl. Or even dressing like a boy or a girl.

Though, recently I have been dressing more in the middle. Lots of double takes from people trying to figure out what I am. XD Always amusing.

The only suggestions I can make are ... maybe see a therapist that can help you find yourself a bit more or at least stabilize the thoughts so that your not jumping around.

Hope I helped.

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

Hey,

I'm not much for advice or insight.

But, I can tell you this is normal.

I am the exact same way. Some days I feel like both, others I feel like I can't connect with either.

I also notice that I tend to jump between acting like a boy and a girl. Or even dressing like a boy or a girl.

Though, recently I have been dressing more in the middle. Lots of double takes from people trying to figure out what I am. XD Always amusing.

The only suggestions I can make are ... maybe see a therapist that can help you find yourself a bit more or at least stabilize the thoughts so that your not jumping around.

Hope I helped.

I am not able to see a therapist at this time but will be seeing one soon for many reasons.

I was just wondering what it would be called... Like I just don't understand... I mean like I want to be able to understand what I am going through at the moment and right now not being able to understand all that sucks and it's bringing me down...

I don't know

When it comes to dressing I dress as male always. I wear nail polish once in awhile but for the most part that's it

But I act both as well...

At least I know that I am not alone

[Guest Micha]

Gender queer sounds like it might cover what you're describing, if not androgynous. I'm still trying to understand the differences in a bunch of terms myself, let alone the experience. Reading here androgyny seems like a stop on the way to full transition, and that a lot of times people don't fully transition, so they stay somewhere in between. Anywho, androgynous sounds right to me for what you've said. I don't feel these things have to be permanent though, like you don't necessarily stay the same your whole life. You do grow and evolve from your experiences and it makes sense to me that gender identity may or may not change with you. Identity is only partially physical (and even that changes - maybe not sex without some aid, but your body in general), the rest is psychological so there's less of an anchor in that.

A therapist would be best of course, but for what my two cents are worth. . .

I don't know if I could describe my feelings as you have. I don't really feel like a girl at anytime, and I've never felt like a boy (s'pose that's what androgyny is? XD) but I know my characteristics and behaviors can be described as either masculine or feminine. So I don't really know how to describe it I guess. All I could suggest really is do what's right by you, you'll find your comfort zone and then you'll know.

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

Gender queer sounds like it might cover what you're describing, if not androgynous. I'm still trying to understand the differences in a bunch of terms myself, let alone the experience. Reading here androgyny seems like a stop on the way to full transition, and that a lot of times people don't fully transition, so they stay somewhere in between. Anywho, androgynous sounds right to me for what you've said. I don't feel these things have to be permanent though, like you don't necessarily stay the same your whole life. You do grow and evolve from your experiences and it makes sense to me that gender identity may or may not change with you. Identity is only partially physical (and even that changes - maybe not sex without some aid, but your body in general), the rest is psychological so there's less of an anchor in that.

A therapist would be best of course, but for what my two cents are worth. . .

I don't know if I could describe my feelings as you have. I don't really feel like a girl at anytime, and I've never felt like a boy (s'pose that's what androgyny is? XD) but I know my characteristics and behaviors can be described as either masculine or feminine. So I don't really know how to describe it I guess. All I could suggest really is do what's right by you, you'll find your comfort zone and then you'll know.

I just wish I knew what it was lol. I did identify as FTM and still kinda do but I can't help but feel it's wrong =/ It's just a little annoying, ya know?

I am unsure what all the names mean. I do believe that Androgyny is the feeling of both genders?

I read some on Trigender (that thread in this section...) but I totally didn't understand it... There's a lot I don't understand and I want to learn more so that I can figure out who I am...

Yeah I will be seeing one and if it's the same one that I had before than she will help me through all this. I hope o.o

What do you identify with and how are you getting through it?

Carden you too... I forgot to ask

[Guest Micha]

Andro, totally. Def not masculine, though some traits are. Not many though, just a few. There's a lot of deprograming I gotta do too, from being raised male. I have a lot of feminine traits, but not to the point where I'd call myself transexual. . .I don't want to be a woman, I'm just not much of a man. So that being somewhere in the middle, or perhaps being neither is why I identify as androgynous. I don't really know what it is to feel feminine or masculine, but I know what traits I have that can be labeled as such.

Getting through, I don't know. . .I'm not sure now how to be anymore. Kinda like I missed out on about twenty years of living and I gotta figure it all out now, while supporting a family and dealing with money and work, etc. . .maybe that's the most difficult. Trying to recondition myself to the point where I feel comfortable being me. That's a slow process. One huge thing though, after being here, is I don't feel the need to talk to anyone about it. Like, instead of announcing it to loved ones I can just be me, and let anyone think of it as they will. I'd like to wear more feminine clothes maybe, try out make up and whatnot, but other than that it's more about how I feel and act than it is how I look, or what my body is. Androgynes can get away with that I suppose, where most trans people can't. My first post here was huge to me, and after that, an issue that felt overwhelming and impossible became something I can actually feel good about. Now it's just a matter of unlearning the man training and rediscovering myself.

The self is all important. It's you, s'all you got. If you don't know yourself, you can't love yourself, and then life is hell, internally especially. I really wish I had advice, but all I got is my own limited experience and a hope that just reflecting on that can give you some insight.

I do understand the need for vocabulary to describe yourself and your feelings. It's not easy for me to just be me without knowing what "me" is, and the vocabulary helps. I'd look up gender fluid and agender too, along with gender queer. Perhaps you shift from one thing to another, then back again or on to something else. Call yourself a chameleon! ^^

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

Andro, totally. Def not masculine, though some traits are. Not many though, just a few. There's a lot of deprograming I gotta do too, from being raised male. I have a lot of feminine traits, but not to the point where I'd call myself transexual. . .I don't want to be a woman, I'm just not much of a man. So that being somewhere in the middle, or perhaps being neither is why I identify as androgynous. I don't really know what it is to feel feminine or masculine, but I know what traits I have that can be labeled as such.

Getting through, I don't know. . .I'm not sure now how to be anymore. Kinda like I missed out on about twenty years of living and I gotta figure it all out now, while supporting a family and dealing with money and work, etc. . .maybe that's the most difficult. Trying to recondition myself to the point where I feel comfortable being me. That's a slow process. One huge thing though, after being here, is I don't feel the need to talk to anyone about it. Like, instead of announcing it to loved ones I can just be me, and let anyone think of it as they will. I'd like to wear more feminine clothes maybe, try out make up and whatnot, but other than that it's more about how I feel and act than it is how I look, or what my body is. Androgynes can get away with that I suppose, where most trans people can't. My first post here was huge to me, and after that, an issue that felt overwhelming and impossible became something I can actually feel good about. Now it's just a matter of unlearning the man training and rediscovering myself.

The self is all important. It's you, s'all you got. If you don't know yourself, you can't love yourself, and then life is hell, internally especially. I really wish I had advice, but all I got is my own limited experience and a hope that just reflecting on that can give you some insight.

I do understand the need for vocabulary to describe yourself and your feelings. It's not easy for me to just be me without knowing what "me" is, and the vocabulary helps. I'd look up gender fluid and agender too, along with gender queer. Perhaps you shift from one thing to another, then back again or on to something else. Call yourself a chameleon! ^^

That sounds like a plan!!! Can someone add Chameleon to the list of genders please!! xD My new identity !!!

I just want to be able to put a label (as much as I hate them!!) on me I am struggling not only with my Gender Identity but also with my Sexuality... That's not going so well... I am "Pan" to put a label on it but I am trying to deal with other stuff around all of it as well...

I want people to see me for me as me... It's hard even for me to except.

I will most likely transition as FtM and then go from there. I can always go back to my "old" identity: FtM Andro...

It worked well and it fit me just fine

But... It's a hard thing to have to explain to other people...

Just think though... There are so many people that have to Come Out as something and in my opinion may have it worse off then the Transgender Community because they are less accepted than us... Long story and may make sense to some people as to what I am talking about without having to say it...

Anyways, I think that I went off track...

So how do you plan on "Transitioning" (and yes to me EVERYONE can transition in one way or another... )?

*hugs*

LeeAsher

[Guest Carden]

If I were to nail myself down, I would say Andro.

For the most part I feel like I am both very masculine but also very feminine.

How do I get through? I just do what i feel is right. The way I dress, the way I act, the way I feel. I don't fight any of it (I used to though).

I agree, having to explain it to others is difficult. Which is why I don't. Initially, I tried. People either got it, didn't get it because they didn't want to or didn't get it because it was too confusing to them. Also, I find it hard to explain something that I don't fully understand myself.

I am just me. XD

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

If I were to nail myself down, I would say Andro.

For the most part I feel like I am both very masculine but also very feminine.

How do I get through? I just do what i feel is right. The way I dress, the way I act, the way I feel. I don't fight any of it (I used to though).

I agree, having to explain it to others is difficult. Which is why I don't. Initially, I tried. People either got it, didn't get it because they didn't want to or didn't get it because it was too confusing to them. Also, I find it hard to explain something that I don't fully understand myself.

I am just me. XD

I am also afraid that if I even tell some people they'll be like what the heck... Because I came out as FTM...

So do you just like... act like whatever you feel? And does it come easily for you?

[Guest Carden]

Mmm. Understandable.

Essentially yes. I don't have anything holding me back anymore. At first it was difficult to act how I truly wanted to because I was afraid of what people would think of me and what the consequences would be because of that. Then I realized that my friends like me for who I am, my family loves me, and no one can change my attitude towards myself. So I stopped caring about what people thought and at first it was hard because teenagers can be unforgiving and ruthless. But within a month or so, no one cared anymore. (I shocked myself at first because I am one of the shyest people I know).

Now I am running around dying my hair crazy colours and dressing like a confused boy who likes short shorts.

Now it comes easily. Of course I am a bit on the quieter side but I just try to stay as true to myself as possible.

I hope that made sense, I am sooo tired right now that the thought came and went too fast for me to type it out properly. XD

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

Mmm. Understandable.

Essentially yes. I don't have anything holding me back anymore. At first it was difficult to act how I truly wanted to because I was afraid of what people would think of me and what the consequences would be because of that. Then I realized that my friends like me for who I am, my family loves me, and no one can change my attitude towards myself. So I stopped caring about what people thought and at first it was hard because teenagers can be unforgiving and ruthless. But within a month or so, no one cared anymore. (I shocked myself at first because I am one of the shyest people I know).

Now I am running around dying my hair crazy colours and dressing like a confused boy who likes short shorts.

Now it comes easily. Of course I am a bit on the quieter side but I just try to stay as true to myself as possible.

I hope that made sense, I am sooo tired right now that the thought came and went too fast for me to type it out properly. XD

I just act like me as best as I can... I correct people when they call me she and I say he... Although today in Chat someone called me boy and I got upset over it

I am glad that you decided to not care what other people think because they aren't worth it if they can't accept you for you

Your hair is like a bluish greenish right?

It totally made sense xD

*hugs*

[Guest Carden]

I get why you would get upset. I used to get upset about things that didn't even make sense to get upset over. I guess I am more ... numb ... about the topic now. Not in the bad way though. I just can let things slid and never think of them again. XD Which comes in handy sometimes and others it isn't so useful.

Heck yeah. Live to please yourself while still caring for others. Love it.

Yeppers. Only problem with having it blue is everytime my bangs blow in my face I go, "Ohhh, bluuue." yay for ADD. ;p

*huggles*

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

I get why you would get upset. I used to get upset about things that didn't even make sense to get upset over. I guess I am more ... numb ... about the topic now. Not in the bad way though. I just can let things slid and never think of them again. XD Which comes in handy sometimes and others it isn't so useful.

Heck yeah. Live to please yourself while still caring for others. Love it.

Yeppers. Only problem with having it blue is everytime my bangs blow in my face I go, "Ohhh, bluuue." yay for ADD. ;p

*huggles*

It's really odd the way I feel xD

I just don't understand a lot right now

I need to work on a lot right now I guess xD

I don't care what people in public think. I don't know them so who cares?

:D

Ohhhh blue LOVE it

Your welcome

*huggles*

psst I love that word btw

[Guest Carden]

I hate having the confused surreal feeling.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk about life, heavy or light. Or anything, for that matter. XD

Seven faces in one post, I think that is a record.

Huggles is a good word.

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

I hate having the confused surreal feeling.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk about life, heavy or light. Or anything, for that matter. XD

Seven faces in one post, I think that is a record.

Huggles is a good word.

Yeah.

I will when you least expect it xD Not really I am pretty predictable =/ Or so I am told xD

No way!!! I made a thread to help people with all the little icons (I have no life...) and I had to go back and delete some because I had put over the max xD

I love the word Huggles

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

I find myself questioning everything about myself...

I was born a biological female and as I was growing up I always felt male...

But lately I been wanting to drop the male label...

I been feeling both at times and then randomly I feel neither...

Like I just feel like a person but like I'm not *anything*...

But for the most part I feel both...

At one point I was identifying as FTM Andro...

Which I guess wouldn't really make sense to some??

Oh well

Anyways, I was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts on this...?

I know how you feel. I feel like a guy mostly but I wish I didn't have to deal with gender in the first place. I prefer to look like a really girly guy. I go by gender queer to people who I know well and male to people I don't know well. I don't act particularly male or particularly female. I have some feminine traits, some androgynous and some masculine traits, but mostly masculine or androgynous traits. I just wish I could do what I want and not have to put a label on what gender the action is.

[Guest Micha]

So how do you plan on "Transitioning" (and yes to me EVERYONE can transition in one way or another... )?

*hugs*

LeeAsher

Hmm. . .well, I guess I have a lot more introspection to do (which used to scare me cuz I'd get all depressed, but now it's kind of exciting). I don't know how far I'll go with appearance cuz I'll never be as cute as I want, so it seems pointless to worry about it at all. I plan on focusing on feeling and behavior, just to find my own comfort zone and call it good. ^^ Sounds simple I guess, but it's not. I just have no idea really how to go about it. Nyeh, I thought I had this figured out!

*hugsback* ^^

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

I know how you feel. I feel like a guy mostly but I wish I didn't have to deal with gender in the first place. I prefer to look like a really girly guy. I go by gender queer to people who I know well and male to people I don't know well. I don't act particularly male or particularly female. I have some feminine traits, some androgynous and some masculine traits, but mostly masculine or androgynous traits. I just wish I could do what I want and not have to put a label on what gender the action is.

I have to ask... What is Gender Queer? I hear it ALL the time but I still don't know the meaning. I have friends from my Queer Youth Center that go by that and well I was wondering for the longest time but just never had the guts to ask them

Hmm. . .well, I guess I have a lot more introspection to do (which used to scare me cuz I'd get all depressed, but now it's kind of exciting). I don't know how far I'll go with appearance cuz I'll never be as cute as I want, so it seems pointless to worry about it at all. I plan on focusing on feeling and behavior, just to find my own comfort zone and call it good. ^^ Sounds simple I guess, but it's not. I just have no idea really how to go about it. Nyeh, I thought I had this figured out!

*hugsback* ^^

I hope that you are able to figure it all out

It does seem hard to figure it out

*hugs*

[Guest Micha]

GENDER QUEER : Term which is used by some individuals whom may or may not fit on the spectrum of Trans, or be labeled as Trans, but whom identify their gender and sexual orientation to be outside the assumed norm.

From LP's definitions and terminology.

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

From LP's definitions and terminology.

Ah!!

So I think that I am a female born, male brained, gender queer

Maybe?

*hugs*

LeeAsher

[Guest Micha]

This non-binary stuff gets complicated.

[Guest Evan_J]

Andro, totally. Def not masculine, though some traits are. Not many though, just a few. There's a lot of deprograming I gotta do too, from being raised male. I have a lot of feminine traits, but not to the point where I'd call myself transexual. . .I don't want to be a woman, I'm just not much of a man. So that being somewhere in the middle, or perhaps being neither is why I identify as androgynous. I don't really know what it is to feel feminine or masculine, but I know what traits I have that can be labeled as such.

Impulsive thought that I hadda reply on:

I dunno what's "wrong" with being a feminine person who identifies as a man IF thats what you identify as? I dunno I just always see these guys who are real feminine and I think they look guys a bunch of "people" (<<I leave that for who ever wants to) would be after? I might not choose them for a person to date (cuz I like interacting with peeps girly parts ) , and I know mainstream society "craps" on such guys, but when I hear "I definately don't want to be a woman" I think "ok, well, no problem with that, but why ......I guess I image and I could be way outta line....why "avoid" just calling it being a man but really feminine?" Cuz saying its because "I'm just not much of a man" sounds like you're denying it to yourself because you've accepted some kind of judgement against your executing it up to "par". And I gotta shut now cuz I'm WAAAAY out of my field of knowledge but read that and thought what I thought.

[Guest Micha]

Impulsive thought that I hadda reply on:

I dunno what's "wrong" with being a feminine person who identifies as a man IF thats what you identify as? I dunno I just always see these guys who are real feminine and I think they look guys a bunch of "people" (<<I leave that for who ever wants to) would be after? I might not choose them for a person to date (cuz I like interacting with peeps girly parts ) , and I know mainstream society "craps" on such guys, but when I hear "I definately don't want to be a woman" I think "ok, well, no problem with that, but why ......I guess I image and I could be way outta line....why "avoid" just calling it being a man but really feminine?" Cuz saying its because "I'm just not much of a man" sounds like you're denying it to yourself because you've accepted some kind of judgement against your executing it up to "par". And I gotta shut now cuz I'm WAAAAY out of my field of knowledge but read that and thought what I thought.

Oh, no, please don't shut up. Especially not after you've confused me so! o.O

I don't physically want to be a woman. I've come to enjoy this "guy's" body. I'd like to be prettier, but it's not that big a deal, just kind of like representing externally what I feel internally, or something like that. I wouldn't change my physical sex at all, as a personal preference. Also, I don't feel I am much of a man, and I suppose that is based on preconceived standards of "manliness," the par for the course of being male.

I guess it may be as simple as being an effeminate man, and then vocabulary such as androgynous becomes kind of redundant, but I think it simplifies things, just from what I've experienced. I'm not clever enough to really clarify though. . .

I enjoy your insight, so please keep on going.

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

This non-binary stuff gets complicated.

Yup it does xD

Impulsive thought that I hadda reply on:

I dunno what's "wrong" with being a feminine person who identifies as a man IF thats what you identify as? I dunno I just always see these guys who are real feminine and I think they look guys a bunch of "people" (<<I leave that for who ever wants to) would be after? I might not choose them for a person to date (cuz I like interacting with peeps girly parts ) , and I know mainstream society "craps" on such guys, but when I hear "I definately don't want to be a woman" I think "ok, well, no problem with that, but why ......I guess I image and I could be way outta line....why "avoid" just calling it being a man but really feminine?" Cuz saying its because "I'm just not much of a man" sounds like you're denying it to yourself because you've accepted some kind of judgement against your executing it up to "par". And I gotta shut now cuz I'm WAAAAY out of my field of knowledge but read that and thought what I thought.

You confused me too Evan

[Guest Roux]

I'm so behind on my forum-checking.

The flip-flopping between genders sounds pretty much like my experience. Sometimes I feel like a female; sometimes a male. More often, I'm either a masculine female or a very feminine male. For the last year or so, I started to wonder if I was a FTM; other times I feel like a MTF who woke up in a female body and realized that hey, this isn't exactly right for me, either.

So usually I spend my time rolling around in the grey middle area of the binary, but sometimes I'll slide to either extreme end.

When I have to describe "what I am", I call myself a gender-fluid androgyne. I'm an androgyne. Whose gender moves fluidly around the spectrum. That's the least confusing term/description I could come up with--though I'm not sure that it's exactly easy to understand. Oh well. =)