At Relay For Life

[Guest Alan]

Yesterday was my first tentative attempt at trying to pass for male in public, as it was the first public event I've been to that my parents weren't also at. It was a complete shambles, mainly because of how my friends and I decided to test it. I was dragged along to someone who didn't know me, and I was mute (very girly voice) while they asked, to 'settle a bet', what sex I was. Without even looking for a second glance, he replied female, and walked away with a befuddled look on his face, as if we even needed to ask.

It was, admittedly, a bad setting. I was tired, he was tired, we all were tired. My friends were being awful, with my slight encouragement. It's just that afterward, I received the remark that 'it really is difficult to hide your figure. You'll never be able to look male.'

Was it just a bad day? Probably. Am I warping reality in annoyance? Maybe, just a sliver. Does that make this day a total failure? No, I still raised money for cancer. But did that make my RLT a complete shambles? Should I do more trying for help? I would post pictures, but I am incredibly camera-shy. However, I was wearing binding (6" Ace bandages) and baggy clothing to conceal a very feminine profile.

[Guest Cris]

Alan,

So first time out, Im sure you were nervous. Having to have someone that doesnt know you come off the cuff with what sex is he/she shouldnt be a mark of whether you are able to pass. The nervousness is a dead giveaway. in order to pass or blend in, one needs to not only look the part, but also act like they belong there.

Hope that helps

Cris

[Guest Evan_J]

Alan,

So first time out, Im sure you were nervous. Having to have someone that doesnt know you come off the cuff with what sex is he/she shouldnt be a mark of whether you are able to pass. The nervousness is a dead giveaway. in order to pass or blend in, one needs to not only look the part, but also act like they belong there.

Hope that helps

Cris

That bore repetition.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Alan...........

You're going to have many more chances to pass....

Take that one with a grain of salt and work on things.,...

I used to take it on the chin when I'd get "Sir'd" and have a good cry over it...(I'm MTF)

Rarely happens anymore....Because I've worked on my presentation and not being nervous....

We've got to act like we belong ....

It's so much in the attitude!

Donna Jean

[Sally]

The key to this little set back is in the setting - it had to make you nervous to start with and why plant the seed in the first place?

You pass best when you are not trying at all, I have no trouble and yet I look in the mirror and can not figure out what they are seeing - I just don't worry about it and go about what I want to do and most people call me ma'am.

Don't worry about this incident.

There will be other, better and even wonderful times on the way to full time.

Just take those baby steps and you will get there.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest angie]

Time on HRT will have a huge impact on how you are seen.

My exboyfriend was a very pretty,big breasted girl.Now at

two years in transition,and with chest reconstruction,is no

doubt a man.And a very handsome man at that.He was even

asked if he wanted to join a motorcyle club recently.Fear of

his birth sex being found out kept him from taking the offer.

He hasn't had bottom surgery like many of you guys,and like

many of us ladies yet.Each of us has to take those steps to

becoming our true gender.Of course there are going to be hiccups

along the way.Don't get discouraged,it will get way way better.

Keep the faith,

Angelique

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Baby steps. I pass easily now. Six months ago I usually passed. A year ago I could pass if I worked at it. When I started transition - I could never pass.

Hormone replacement makes a huge diffetence. Also as you begin to pass your attitude gets very strong. ATTITUDE is 90% anyway.

HANG IN THERE. What you and you friends did was not a good way to start. Go out on your own, just be casually passing to people you walk by. That really helps your ego!

Lizzy

[Guest Pól]

Hey Alan,

Having your mates drag you up to someone and demand they determine what sex you seem to be isn't really RLE. If you weren't trans/ gender-atypical, your friends wouldn't do that, so it's not like real life. It might be easier for you to try passing first without all your mates around. They know you as female, and even if they're not consciously trying to do this, they may be subconsciously giving out the wrong gender cues for you in how they're relating to you.

Please don't bind with Ace bandages -- you can really hurt yourself. If you have the money, get a proper binder. Check out the pinned thread in the FTM forum on binding.

Like everyone else has said, passing is at least 50% attitude.

Chin up now lad.

Pól

[Guest BeckyTG]

It was, admittedly, a bad setting. I was tired, he was tired, we all were tired. My friends were being awful, with my slight encouragement. It's just that afterward, I received the remark that 'it really is difficult to hide your figure. You'll never be able to look male.'

Was it just a bad day? Probably.

Alan,

Nobody else has said it yet, so I will. You were set up by people who are not your friends, in the true sense of the word. Either that, or they're incredibly insensitive.

It appears to me that they are trying to talk you out of the fact that you are trans., like they'd have any idea what that really is. They may think that being trans is like getting a new hairstyle...."I think I'll try____ and see how it looks." No one but us trans folk have any idea what it's really all about.

What they did and the question they asked is a complete setup, like dragging a dog around and asking people if it's a dog or a cat, "to settle a bet".

At my support group meetings, I get to see trans women of all types. The ones who are highly nervous stand out strong and the ones with tremendous confidence have a better chance at passing.

I'm just 6 months into this process (MTF) myself and I pass easily everywhere I go. I've become very confident in my appearance and ability to pass. In fact, I'm often told I'm pretty, which is a huge boost to my ego. I'm very outgoing and fun and reach out to everyone I meet.

You need to just go places dressed up. You need to get more comfortable being seen out and about. This is much easier for the FTM crowd than the MTF group. Let your confidence build slowly and don't get discouraged if you get read. I probably get read all the time, I just don't react when it happens.

Find new friends to go out in public with.

Hang in there, Dude. This isn't easy and it sure isn't fast. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Find people who inspire you and be around them. If you can't find those people, find some nice people....

Oh, I almost forgot--smile all the time. Smiles are contagious and cause people to accept you easier. Who can get upset with someone who's smiling at them?

Becky