Ftm/mtf Differences

[Guest Evan_J]

A lot of the ladies on this site refer to their 'former selves' as somewhat of a different person. There have been poems talking to male selves, talking about 'Malename' as if that person is still there and separate...

I've never really seen the guys doing this..? I was just wondering if anyone else had noticed this apparent difference I suppose.

Actually I think that may be a matter of who you've asked. I for one, in the very beginning (circa 20 years ago) VERY much thought of "myself" as two distinct ......(dunno how to word it without it sounding nutty as hell lol) "beings". "malename" and the female body. In fact at one point I wondered if I wasn't loosing it The "male me" was so distict and clear and I wanted it but "wasn't " it because I knew I was in a body that did not match that. Maybe some people are more geared to believing the definition is strongly linked to the body? Maybe that's why some people (and arguably more mtfs than ftms) are more "needing" of ALLLLL the surgeries before they can feel "finished" or that they finally have "become" who it was they saw in the beginning? Perhaps theres a background more prevailent with male born child where it gets entrenched more? Dunno. But thoughts to discuss surely

And all we want to do is get rid of one of them......

whew **knows EXACTLY what you felt

Yes, I do have the technical "knowledge" of what that sex feels like, and I do attempt to look at it to find understanding for both cis and transwomen, but I do not feel "attached " to it; (actually I remember feeling FURIOUS and ENRAGED that someone ....slighted?.....demeaned?.....disparaged? me to the point of making me have to have had it but I digress) it was never mine. I was a man put in a "woman suit". And so I got to see the view but have never felt it was rationally linked to me. For me then, I am an advocate for human treatment of women (cuz a lot of things in society actually are not human treatement for women if the treatment of men is a measure). But I don't think I can call myself a "feminist". In the beginning I thought that was the acurate title but I don't think it is. I think I'm someone who believes in fairness and justice and so extend it to women too. And that does include social fairnesses. At the same time lol yes, I am a chauvanist (though I don't think a sexist), but I was that as a teenager even.

[Guest therisa]

I have noticed the same thing as well. I think there is a less drastic change for FTM's than for MTF's. The reason for that, I think, is that it is more socially acceptable for girls to act and dress more masculine than it is for boys to act and dress feminine. Society makes it rather clear early on that to be male and masculine is a good thing and to be female and feminine is to be lesser than. Hence phrases like "play/throw like a girl" often used to make fun of little boys and get them to act the "right" gender. Being called a girl or something along those lines seems to be the worst insult for a cis male to hear. On the other hand being a tomboy or a "jock" isn't seen as a bad thing for a female born child. And then there is the social stigma that differs for FTM's and MTF's. FTM's transition can often be seen as an "upgrade" in our society that gives males privildge, wereas MTF's transition is a "downgrade" in social status or seen as being sexual motivated. Not that either transition for those reasons, but it makes sense that MTF's would be inclined to hide their true selves more than FTM's. I think its more of a survial thing for them, to not get made fun of or beat up for being feminine. If that makes any sense....too many women's/gender studies classes here.

No, it actually makes sense, but it does vary with the person.

[Guest Polly]

I actually created an auto pilot kind of ' grown up man ', having studiously learned boy from Tomboys and 50s/60s Butches and so-called masculine women .

But this is as much being a child with Autism - no sense of my hand , and being too high / wide / heavy / stretchy out ... as if my head stuck at 5 or something .

Typing this is like I am watching wondering what is happening - no recognition of participation , of ' I am doing ' which messes up everything !

I have never been a boy or man , have no concept of it ... i look at not her people with puzzlement - what are they ?

As for Her people , it's like I am waiting my turn to grow up to BE her ... sometimes like all that makes her is there , but I can't access her , can't feel me .

Like being paralysed and unfeeling .

Being perceived as a ' man ' has been nothing but trauma , and nervous , scared , child like , femm-ish Interior Designer guy with a handbag is kinda

scorned by both ' real men ' - and many women who appreciate them .

I wonder if I should be participating here as i am so otherwise .

Polly-dee