Told Mum, But... Unsure How To Proceed :s

[Guest Ev.]

Hiyas! So I came out to my Mum back on the 14th or so of last month. She was great about it and asked a few questions and so on, even brought up clothes (which I was dreading mentioning myself). Asked about when "we" should tell Dad and such, nothing decided there, Mum doesn't like keeping "secrets" though - not to say she likes to gossip or anything, just that she doesn't like keeping things from Dad. Anyhow, a few days later she and Dad go off on holidays for a week and a half, came back on tuesday.

Now nothing at all has been said about anything since, not the slightest mention of it so now I'm unsure whether I should talk to her about it as I want to do, Mum herself might just be giving me space to talk about it when I choose, or if I should wait a while longer for things to sink in with her assuming they haven't already. Been brooding over this on and off for a while and can't come to a decision one way or another so... just seeking opinions really. I want to talk to her about it so I can move on to getting some clothes, beyond which I've not given much thought to. I'm just concerned about if its too fast for her, especially given I have no wish to tell Dad anytime soon.

Its like having writers block in a way. I know the next step, clothes and stuff, I just can't get past this part yet.

~Ev.

[JJ]

Hi Ev,

Since things went well before when you talked to your mom it seems to me that your best bet would be to just casually bring it up-or as casually as you can. Say something about being excited about clothes and asking her if she had any questions now that she's had time to think about it.

As a parent myself I know that even though I would be totally accepting and supportive of my child it is not something I woud want for them. And if ignoring it made it seem to go away I'd be tempted uness I knew how futile that actually was. Plus as you said she may also be waiting for you to make the next move. To show her it is important to you.

Either way you will have been worrying needlessly. If it is something else the sooner you know and open communication the more likely you are to work it out

.

If she needs time you wil be able to tel when you bring it up or she may even tell yu so.

But don't spend your time worrying and speculating. It's just a waste of time and energy.

JohnJ

[Guest miss kindheart]

Dear Ev,

<<< hug >>>

Coming out is never easy.

From what you have said I wouldn't be surprised if your mom hasn't already told him.

I personally think the there is a common misconception that people don't know.

Truth is of you really are a girl, they have seen her many times, and already know about her.

The thing they don't know is that you truly want/need to be her.

Don't be afraid to be her, for she is beautiful

vanna

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Talk to your mum...

Find out where everything stands with her and make a plan together...

She was good at first...she'll be good now....\

Cut to the chase and talk to her....

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Yes

Talk to your mom. She will help ease it with your dad.

Clothes? I suggest that you start modest and get everyone aware you are a girl and starting to dress like you should be dressing. You have plenty od time to transition. People do best when things are gradual, I think.

Best wishes.

Lizzy

[Guest Ev.]

Hrm, well I haven't talked to her yet, not really. I did however end up agreeing to go food shopping with her earlier when I got home from therapy. I rarely, rarely agree to go. Went this time anyhow and towards the end I asked if they removed the aisle with toothbrushes and all that bathroom stuff, as I wanted lynx (). I had intended on asking her a few different times to pick up veet wax strips, never did though! This was the last aisle anyway before the checkout for us, so literally at the very end of the aisle was all the Veet products. Mum was looking for a razor so I just picked up the box of wax strips and dropped it into the cart, which she saw of course. She then took it out to look over it, not in any negative way but to see if it would be suitable as she, for some bizare reason, thought I wanted to use them on my face!

Mentioned they were for the legs and she was fine with it, didn't comment much one way or another so even though I haven't talked to her I think she's fine with it really to the point where she doesn't go "why would you want... oh! Now I remember <.<", at least usually anyway so. In a very good mood now, plus therapy was just awesome today hehe. Basically asked my therapist for an apology over some stuff, which she gave. Her response isn't what was important to me though, more so that I brought it up and asked for the apology - something I've never done before with anyone. Personal growth and all that, rooawr! ^^

Ms. Kindheart, "I wouldn't be surprised if your mom hasn't already told him", I can see why one might think that given what I wrote. My Mum however wouldn't do that, especially as I've said I'll tell him (or ask her to) at some point down the line. If I had outright said I would never tell him, she might go ahead and tell him at some point. She is very understanding of me in so much that she doesn't push me to do things before I want/am ready to, so.

Still plan on poking her someday soon about clothes though, so we'll see where that goes. I'm no longer worried about where she stands on the matter though.

~Ev. *Hugs for all* ^^;

[JJ]

I like the way you're easing down the road Ev. it sounds like your mother is a pretty cool person-you are very lucky to have that level of trust, understanding and acceptance. They are very, very rare.

And congrats on standing up for yourself to your therapist. That has to have made you feel fantastic ! Good going.

JohnJ

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Ev - you just keep getting better and better in accepting who you are and standing up for yourself. Yes - baby steps, grin - and don't back up - you will do fine!

Lizzy

[Guest Ev.]

I like the way you're easing down the road Ev.

Mmh, I'm in no rush at all really. The only time based thing really is having decided to figure all this out before returning to school or looking for work and that, as imo that would just complicate things and potentially make me quite depressed for however long. In general though I just think about the next step, not the one after that or beyond. Came out to mum which was step 1, so now I'm just gradually getting her (and myself lol) accustomed to the idea and looking towards clothes. I won't know the next step until I reach that point, really.

And yes, yes I did feel fantastic bringing the apology thing up with my therapist I truly feel like I've matured alot in the past month and a half (when I stopped dismissing the idea of wanting to be female). Therapist even mentioned that today, which was very nice and validating! I also went on a little mini-rant about this guy on the PS3 I chatted to last night lol. Love therapy.

Thank you to everyone who has posted, by the way! =)

~Ev.

[Guest Ev.]

Wheee, so I finally talked to Mum properly. She poked her head in the door earlier to ask about breakfast so I just started talking to her then, asking what she thought about this whole "issue" and if she had questions and the like. Chatted about it for an hour and a half or so. Major points being she asked about clothes and what I wanted to do about them (online shopping, her picking things up in town, whatever) and asking about my name! So I told her Evelyn, of course and... nothing! No response, no 'I like/dislike', nothing. Thats fine though, I'd prefer to hear what she thinks of the name once it sinks in a bit, rather than her immediate reaction. ^^

Apparently she doesn't really see much, about all this, aside from this beginning part. That being telling Dad and my brother, getting clothes and getting a gender therapist at some point. The other part however is X amount of time in the future where I would be full time and all that, she expressed her... concern over awkward conversations and runs in with people. Like bumping into someone she used to know in the super market and them asking how her sons are, etc. Was really nice to hear her concerns though, not to mention talking about my own. Finally feel like we're building an actual relationship that has communication, yay!

Anyways, just wanted to share.

~Ev.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Wow....that's wonderful news, Ev....

She didn't get all wild and in your face, cry or get confrontational....super...

Just be prepared for more questions when it all sinks in...but, by the sound of it ...it should be good...

Good on you, Girlfriend!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[JJ]

That is awesome news. I very happy for you.

You are so wise in the way you go about this. Building a solid relationship and a foundation for the future as you go. I'm very impressed. With this beginning the road should be a whole lot smoother for you. And what a level of acceptance your mom's question actually show because she is asking about dealing with an aspect of the reality and not questioning the reality itself. Fantastic!

Hugs

John

[Guest Ev.]

Thanks Donna, JJ

I somehow forgot to mention it but with her concerns over what to say to people she basically went "I have a daughter now" which was awesome! I told her anyway that I don't really mind if people know about me - if they need to. I have no problem talking to strangers and telling them I dropped out of school due to depression (reactions can be kinda priceless too lol) so if and when I run into someone from the past and they ask about all this, I really doubt I would have an issue with telling them. If they get all creepy or freaked out, thats there problem, not mine. ^^;

~Ev.

[JJ]

Love that attitude!

John