Coming Out Letters

[Paula ult]

Since there seems to allot of interest in coming out letters i though i would post mine from last year.

This is a letter i sent to my extended family in July of 2009, i just wanted them to know next time they saw me it could be Kevin or Paula, of course now it is Paula, each letter was personalized with the persons name, this one happened to be to my step sister, in return she sent me a beautiful card saying she accepted me, several others i have heard from and they were accepting also, there are some of my extended family i have not heard from so i do not know how they feel about this, and i personally do not care one way or the other.

Please note the analogy was gleaned from another site and modified.

Hi Barbara, since we haven’t seen or talked with each other in a long time I thought it was time to update you with what is going on in my life.

I still work for the same computer company; it will be my 30th year anniversary this December. I’m still living at the same address where I have for the past 37 years. Bob and I have dinner together three times a week and we are in several bowling leagues. There is something I need to discuss but first an analogy.

Here is an analogy that describes how I have felt all my life.

If as a very young child you went to Disney World, you would undoubtedly have run into Mickey Mouse walking down the street. To you, Mickey was real. you related to him and treated him as what you perceived him to be: a male mouse. you expected behavior consistent with what you saw. As for Mickey’s behavior, “he” has to conform to a set of rules that meet with those expectations, even if at time he feels otherwise. He must preserve the expected image enforced by others at almost all costs. He would be punished for acting in any way that you would not consider “normal”. This is true for each of us as children growing up except the expectation of acting “normal” based upon our physical being is imposed by everyone in our social environment. Now, as a child meeting Mickey, what you could not know is that inside that “shell” might have been a 57 year old female. The difference between that woman playing Mickey and me is that “she” gets to take off her outer male shell every night, for 57 years, I have not. There are things I have been doing for over a year to take off that outer shell and there will be many more changes in the years to come, if you like reading, the book “True Selves”, it pretty much explains how I felt all my life, and where I’m headed..

There is no easy way of telling you this other than saying that I have a Gender Identity Disorder (GID) and unlike the analogy where she could take off the outer shell every day I could not , I have been struggling with this my entire life from around the time I was 4 - 6 years old, over the years I would suppress these feelings but they always came back over and over again till it finally became unbearable.

In May 2008 I went to training at Sun Systems in Colorado and while there saw a woman who everyone said was in the process of changing from a man to a woman, I knew at that point there were things that I could do to change and be happy. I started seeing a therapist and in the first session my GID issues came out, when the first session was done I asked him what he thought and he said I was Transsexual, something I have known all these years.

Let me assure you this is not a mental disorder or a lifestyle choice, there has been research that shows that in those of us that are Transsexual there are changes that take place even before we are born and still developing, the body develops as male but the brain stays female. I believe god created me this way for a reason, I just don’t know what that reason is yet. Since I was born this way they can’t make my brain match the outside but they can make the outside match how I feel inside, only thing the doctors can do for me is help me transition from being male to female. There are standards in place that the therapist’s and doctors have to follow so mistakes are not made, and I have passed these. This is not something I have taken lightly, but agonized over for many months but feel it’s something I have to do to feel correct and live the rest of my life happy.

Gender Identity is what you identify as (male, female), sexual identity is who you are attracted to (male/female, male/male, female/female). I was never attracted sexually to either men or woman and discovered I was asexual. Most of the people that know me think I’m gay and I’m ok with it if that’s what they think, however it not who I am and it has not affected me being friends with them. There have been subtle clues as to the real me over the years, one you probably noticed were the earrings, this was me trying to deal with my gender issues.

Like I said earlier I have been seeing a therapist for a number of months and am currently seeing an Endocrinologist at Metro General Hospital, He’s the best in Cleveland. I have been on hormone therapy for over a year and there are a number of changes that have already taken place, all for the better, I’m happy finally, more friendly, outgoing and more talkative and others see this and comment on it. The person you know inside is not changing, I’m just doing some remodeling on the outside. Next time we meet, depending when that is, I will either present as Kevin or as Paula, my true self. Later this year I plan on going full time as Paula and early next year will do my name change along with all documentation, I will let you know when I do this so you can note the change too.

I came out to Bob back in January he is supportive and he agreed to not say anything till I was ready to tell you. My good friends, my neighbors, bank manager and all my doctors know and are accepting. As you read this the rest of the extended family should be reading it also.

I am more than willing to answer any and all question’s you might have, I also realize you might not be able to accept what I’m doing and I’m ok with that but over time you may come to understand. I’m doing this for me to feel correct and happy not for anyone else.

If you want to write or talk my information is below:

Kevin Paul A.........AKA Paula Denise A........

legally Paula since November 2009

[Guest Annaemo]

Thanks for posting this . Hope your family respected your decision.

[Guest Jean Davis]

Wonderful Paula

I especially like the referrence to Micky Mouse.

I may have to use that when I come to that point, hope you don't mind.

Thank you soo much for sharing your letter.

LUV

Jean

[Guest KimberlyF]

I especially like the referrence to Micky Mouse.

Yeah...we've always been a Disney family so I not only like it I'm gonna swipe it

Kim

[Paula ult]

When i first read the Mickey Mouse analogy i thought it explained things in a way others could relate, so i swiped it and modified it for my use, feel free to modify it for your own use.

Paula

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Totally awesome letter, Paula.....

I came out to a couple of people via e-mail, too...

I'm afraid that I wasn't as eloquent as you, but I had wonderful outcomes...

Thank you for putting it up for everyone!

Huggs

Donna Jean