Confidence

[Guest audrey michelle]

okay, i need some advice on this!

so i pretty much go out presenting as a female now. no problem because i pass...well visually. i know i look pretty and that im presenting well. but now heres my problem: i feel stuck

when i go out, i just stay with my friends and talk quietly to them. i can do a female voice quite well...but i cant on command. it comes out whenever i feel comfortable and when i meet new people then my deeper voice comes out because im shy and nervous. my friends tell me that my voice is fine as it is for a girl and its okay but i cant seem to get over this hurdle to further live my life and continue my real life test

i want to be able to go out and enjoy myself around others as in new people. i want to be able to just go to hang outs with new people and just be able to be myself and not care. but im shy and nervous and i just bail out at the last minute. how can i build up my confidence in this area?

also, when do you tell someone your situation? like when you meet someone new. how do you tell them that youre transgendered?

thank youuu

[Guest KimberlyF]

Sometimes life ends up being a big old cliche so even though I'm not anywhere near doing this I can answer. Practice. The more you do anything, the easier it gets. Plus Im sure hormones will help once you get started. they won't change your tone or anything like that, but from everything I've seen and heard they'll make you feel better about yourself and that makes you project your voice stronger and then it builds and builds.

I started the t blockers like 2 1/2 months ago and since then there have been little things about myself that have bugged the crap out of me that have simply went away. And that gives me more confidence and I come out to a few people and get stronger and so on and so on and it keeps growing.

But for right now, there are plenty of shy girls in the world so you'll be fine as you are. And you have a circle of friends so that can grow like like tentacles and keep spreading out.

Two years ago your therapist saw you as a boy and how did she see you this week? You are moving forward and everything you want will be yours.

Kim

[Guest audrey michelle]

i went out again with more of a "i dont care what you think" attitude. i went to dinner with my best friend and just talked away with her and made small talk with my waitress. i kept asking "was my voice fine?" to my best friend and she was like "yes! now stop" haha. we were referred to as "ladies" and "girls" the whole timeeee

i even did a little dancing in the streets ;] thats 4 out of 6 days that i went out presenting as a female so far this weeek

[Carolyn Marie]

Dear Audrey, it sounds like you are doing just fantastic. I don't see what you're so worried about. If your friends are saying your voice is fine, then you should believe them.

It just takes time to become totally comfortable in the world as a woman. The more you do, the better it will get, and the more your confidence

will grow. Just keep going out, and remember, if someone clocks you, so what? If they have a problem, its theirs, not yours, unless they

choose to make an issue of it. I have yet to have anyone say anything to me, and I'm sure you pass a lot better than I do.

As to when to come out to someone, I don't think you should unless there is a reason to. People you meet casually, if they take you for a

genetic girl, then leave it at that. They don't need to know your life history. If you are dating, that's another matter. I would certainly

tell the person after the 2nd or 3rd date, but you have to be really careful in those situations, as some guys get really weirded out.

I wish you all the best, Audrey. You are doing really fine.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Opal]

Wow Audrey, sounds like you are doing just fine with this! You are passing, and being accepted. You can start living your life as you were meant to live it.

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Hey, Girlfriend.....

Ya can't fool me....I heard you talk on YouTube and I KNOW that you sound like a girl!

Pfffff!

Donna Jean

[Guest audrey michelle]

.

Hey, Girlfriend.....

Ya can't fool me....I heard you talk on YouTube and I KNOW that you sound like a girl!

Pfffff!

Donna Jean

the problem with that is when i meet new people or im shy/nervous/uncomfortable, i tend to talk in my deeper, "guy" voice. so i just get all asdfghjkl; about it because i know i can do a passable voice...i just need to get over the whole timid stuff in order to use it at ease

thanks everyone for the comments though! <3

[Guest BeckyTG]

Audrey,

It's a matter of comfort and confidence. As you gain confidence, you increase comfort.

I'm getting very comfortable as me now. When Donna Jean and I went out early last Spring, she'll tell you I was very confident and I was. But I wasn't always comfortable. I'm certain it showed at times. Like you, I had some times when I presented well and other times I'd get flustered when something would happen.

I'm getting flustered a whole lot less now and it just takes practice and experience to get that way. I used to worry about getting read and that feeling would dictate how my interaction would go. If I felt I got obviously read, I'd seem to act a little different.

I've gotten over that and now I'm just me at every interaction with others. I no longer worry about getting read. If they do, they do. So what? It doesn't seem to happen very often now, at least from an obvious perspective.

So, as the commercial says, "Just Do It". It will help you and, as your comfort grows, so will your confidence. That's what helps your girl emerge into the sunlight...

Walk strong, hold your head high.

Becky

[Guest sarah f]

Audrey I know just how you feel because I have the same problem sometimes. I have a really good girl voice from what I have been told but there are times that in my mind it just isn't working. I feel like my male voice is poking through and I just can't stand it. When I have mentioned this to my therapist she said no it is fine. The same goes with my electrolysis lady and hair stylist.

What I have found that is starting to work is more and more practice doing it in front of strangers even when I am in male mode. Don't worry you will get there 100% of the time soon.

[Guest audrey michelle]

Yes, you're right. I just need to go out there and be myself and it'll all fall into place. And if they don't like it, then that reallllllly sucks for them. Thanks for the input, becky!

And that sounds like a good idea, sarah. To practice your female voice even in male mode. I'm going to start doing thaaaat

We wiill see how today goes :]

[Guest Melissa 67]

okay, i need some advice on this!

so i pretty much go out presenting as a female now. no problem because i pass...well visually. i know i look pretty and that im presenting well. but now heres my problem: i feel stuck

when i go out, i just stay with my friends and talk quietly to them. i can do a female voice quite well...but i cant on command. it comes out whenever i feel comfortable and when i meet new people then my deeper voice comes out because im shy and nervous. my friends tell me that my voice is fine as it is for a girl and its okay but i cant seem to get over this hurdle to further live my life and continue my real life test

i want to be able to go out and enjoy myself around others as in new people. i want to be able to just go to hang outs with new people and just be able to be myself and not care. but im shy and nervous and i just bail out at the last minute. how can i build up my confidence in this area?

also, when do you tell someone your situation? like when you meet someone new. how do you tell them that youre transgendered?

thank youuu

Why do you find it neccessary to tell people you're transgendered?

Melissa 67

[Guest NatalieRene]

In dating situations you tell someone for safety reasons.

[Guest audrey michelle]

Why do you find it neccessary to tell people you're transgendered?

Melissa 67

i wouldnt want to venture out and meet people and have them think im a genetic girl. and then for them to find out otherwise and feel tricked or misled or a part of a cruel joke. like i think ill be lying to the person or something like that. but i would only tell someone if it was a long friendship type of thing about to happen, not strangers

and yeah, natalie, youre right about the dating stuff. that way, the other person isnt "surprised" at whats below the belt and gets like crazy on you (God forbid)

[Guest Miss?]

I don't relate 100%, because nobody knows about this side of me, so I don't even have a girl's voice ever, however, I do know something about confidence issues. I used to lack confidence, and could never really meet people because I just suck at starting conversations. If your problem is meeting people, would it be possible for your friends to introduce you to one of their friends in a relaxed environment, like at someone's house? If you could get used to meeting people like that, and not be nervous, then maybe you could be comfortable meeting anyone anywhere? Just a thought

[Guest silentlysearching]

Audrey,

Don't forget that female voices change in tone as well. One girl that I dated a long time ago had a deeper voice then I do. Even if you get nervous and your voice goes lower, don't worry about it!

[Guest angie]

First young lady,

You are a transgender in the singular,not transgendered.

And you only tell others of your back ground when(you)

decide and feel it's appropriate.What others don't know,

sure does hurt now does it? And telling others you are a

trans can bring unwanted attention,trans phobia,and even

prejudice.So as long as you look and sound like a pretty

young woman and no one is the wiser but your friends you

are running around with,I would not say a thing.Just be

another girl out and about with her friends.

When it comes to mutual attraction with a man,that is when

you have to be honest for your saftey.Even then you can go

out on a date,and as long as you don't get,or plan to get

intimate in that first date,he doesn't have to know either.

Enjoy being treated like an attractive woman,it's a total blast.

After four years I slide by as a woman,just a woman,in about

any situation and any company.I learned not to out myself

unless I feel like it or the situation calls for it.UmHm

Hugs Little Lady,

Angie