I've Got My Sister Back

[Guest Sharah]

For the last two days I have been calling relatives to try and get my sisters phone number as it is unlisted. You see my sister and I were never close, even as kids. But over the last 15 years we have not spoken to each other except at a family wake or funeral. Well today I got her number from one of our cousins.

Tonight I called her on her cell phone, when she asnwered I said hello and had to tell her who I was. I told her I had something to tell her about something that was going on for me over the last few months. I started to stammer and the tears came. I told her that I had GID. Her reaction was total acceptance and she said, "Mom and I always knew that you had some kind of a problem. We just never knew what it was." She went on the recall eisodes of me wearing her clothes and playing with her barbie dolls when I was very young. This is stuff I don't even remember, I had it repressed so well.

I told her, through some heavy tears, that I really needed my sister back. We made plans to have dinner together and to try and reopen our relationship. We had real problems being a brother and sister, but maybe we can succeed at being mutual sisters.

[Guest Donna Jean]

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Dang...tears in my salad.....

What a beautiful thing to have happen....

And for me it's even more heartwarming, because I did the very same thing with my sister this year...we talked maybe once a year and hadn't seen each other in 25 years...

I contacted her and told her about me and now we e'mail each other almost nightly...

She is my biggest supporter...she is "Big Sis" and I am "Lil Sis"....

So, I totally understand how you must be feeling right now..

You must feel amazing....

Wonderful!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest audrey michelle]

Aw, sharah! I really enjoy reading the posts you post and I hope everything works out with you and your sister. I used to be distant with some family members too prior to coming out but once I came out, the relationships are now stronger and closer. You're going to be fine :]

[Guest Felicia Anne]

sarah, that is amazing news! i can't even imagine the joy you are feeling

[Carolyn Marie]

That is glorious news, Sharah. I am so very happy for you both. Yes, a whole new chapter in your lives opened today, and you

can't even now imagine all the wonderful and magical changes that are in store for you. You two have so much catching up to

do. You have the rest of your lives to do it in.

Mazeltov, Sharah.

Love

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Opal]

Hi Sharah,

I am sure that took exceptional courage and strength to reach out to your sister after all of these years! So glad that she was accepting initially, and hope that she continues to give you lots of support!

I wish you the very best on this.

Huggs,

Opal

[JenniferB]

After what you have gone through recently I am really happy for you. It must be a sigh of relief to have one more member of your family you can get closer to. I hope everything goes well with your sister. You need close relatives and friends to be there when needed.

Jenny

[Cyndee]

Her reaction was total acceptance and she said, "Mom and I always knew that you had some kind of a problem. We just never knew what it was." She went on the recall eisodes of me wearing her clothes and playing with her barbie dolls when I was very young. This is stuff I don't even remember, I had it repressed so well.

I told her, through some heavy tears, that I really needed my sister back. We made plans to have dinner together and to try and reopen our relationship. We had real problems being a brother and sister, but maybe we can succeed at being mutual sisters.

That's an awesome story Sharah ! I am wiping off the keyboard tear drops here now. When I spoke with my sisters a few weeks ago, they also provided some very interesting stories from their point of view, extremely valuable. My sister's comment was something like "I always knew there was something missing here". When we realize and connect with a missing or repressed part of us it creates so many possibilities and adds so much more depth to life. Enjoy and relish your new found relationship with your sister Sharah, you are already enriching your soul !

Hugs

Cindy

[Guest Sharah]

Well folks here's the update about my sister. For the last 20 years we only spoke at family events like funerals or wakes. Tonight we went to dinner together. Just as a hint of how it went we were in the restaraunt for over 2 hours. Needless to say we talked alot about alot of different things.

My sister told me things about myself in my childhood that I had completely blocked out of my memory. As she would relate a story to me I had the memory come back and was able to recall the events. I got back part of my childhood tonight.

The conversation came around to my asking her what went wrong between us? Why had she suddenly pulled away from me and my family? She told me this, "When your youngest twins were born I had thought I would be godmother to one of them. I was very disappointed to have Carole's (my wife) sister be godmother to them both. But what really caused me to pull away was one day after they were born I was visiting your wife and the babies in the hospital. I was holding one of them when your mother-in-law walked into the room. I jokingly said to your wife that I was trying to decide which one of the babies I was going to take home with me. Your mother-in-law said those babies are not part of your family, they are part of our family. After that I just couldn't bring myself to go to your house again." I never know that this event had occurred, if I had the person I was then would cut my mother-in-law a new one and blasted my wife for not interceding. All these years I havee thought that my sister pulled away for not reason and my wife has happily reinforced my thoughts when in truth my mother-in-law insulted her in an extremely hurtful way and my wife just let it happen.

When I got home I had the chance to tell two of sons what I had found out and they both were clearly angry with their grandmother. My oldest son said, "For 20 years I have been deprived of half of my family and all because grandma is a P.I.A."

My sister and I talked about my being trans and what the long term plan was. She asked very good questions and she was truly very interested in what was going to be happening to me and where in the process I saw myself going.

We ended in making a vow to get together again in the next week or so and continuing our conversation.

[Guest Donna Jean]

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Wow...........

You thought that the whole thing was something totally different from what the truth was...Amazing!

But...it's worked out now...you have the truth and you've regained a sister....how very cool!

And you already planned another get together...things will be up to speed in no time flat!

Good on you!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[JenniferB]

Isn't it amazing how often we jump to the wrong conclusions when we don't know all the information? I am really glad you have patched things up with your sister and that you and your twin sons are finding out more about your life than you should have known all along.

Just a reminder, as angry as you (and your sons) feel about your grandmother, it needs to be forgiven. Forgiven to the point where your mind won't dwell on it. I'm sure you know this already.

Jenny

[JJ]

Sharah,

This is so amazing and heartwarming. For all the difficulties and pain these past few weeks have brought you have also been given a wonderful gift in reconnecting with your sister and discovering the truth about the separation.

The grandmother who raised me was like your mother-in-law. always causing pain and dissension and covering it up. We didn't find out till after her death at 92 that she had been going to each of the members of the family and saying things like "I don't known why .....said.......I think you are a good person". We were divided by the awful things we thought we had said about one another when none of us ever said any of it. It was all her. I don't understand people who behave that way.

May you have many years of support and love with your sister and share many experiences in the future as sisters.

Hugs

John

[Guest Sharah]

Thank you all for being here. The visit with my sister was fabulous, the revelation about the falling out was only a few minutes of the two hours we spent refamiliarizing ourselves with each other.

As assimilation of the new information, well my MIL never liked me from the first time we met and I've known that all along. The real insights this has given me is to come to understand a whole lot about thing that have gone on over the last 20+ years in my marriage and my relationship with my sister. My wife has taken every opportunity to berate my sister to me. As I now think back over the years it is clear to me that the reason that my wife never said anything to her mother about the comment, nor to me either, is because she agreed with the position that her mother had taken. Now it is very clear to me that my wife has spent the last 20+ years driving a wedge between my sister and me and making sure that wedge never shook loose. My thoughts now are very different than they were just one day ago. One day ago I was guilty over the anger and hurt that my wife has been feeling over my coming out to her. She was very clear in tellng me that I had stolen 24 years of her life, well guess what folks SHE STOLE MY SISTER FROM ME OVER 20 years ago. The difference here is that I was confused and denying my self from me as well as everyone else, but she did what she did if full awareness of what she was doing adn with purpose of forethought.

Although I know that my very best approach right now is to stay out of her way and avoid any confrontations and that is my plan. My outlook has changed considerably. I no longer feel guilty I feel angry and I think how dare she put a guilt trip on me after what she has done. Nothing I have ever done can even come close to driving a wedge between two family members and causing someone to live feeling like they have been betrayed by their blood relative when none of that is true.

I know this may sound like I am in a bad place right now, but I am not. I have never seen my past so clearly as I do now. The anger I am feelng is not that overwhelming emotion of destruction, it is fully justifiable and I have it clearly in context. The anger explains a whole lot about what has transpired over that last 20 years and where I am today.

[Guest Donna Jean]

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Wow....

Sharah....a long, silent secret revealed.....

And, to think...had you known, you could of had a relationship years ago with your sister...

Glad that it's finally out...

Huggs

Donna Jean