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I Told Mom


Guest PhoebeJoan

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Guest PhoebeJoan

I was planning to give her a letter, but felt that didnt explain enough, so I practically wrote 20 pages of info out, including an FAQ :lol: Bit over the top maybe.

Well anyway, when the moment came, I found it incredibly hard. It was the bravest and most terrifying thing I have ever done in my life, and I have done lots of things. I poured my heart out, and she took it very well.

At first she was a noob on the topic, but was very eager to be there for me. After discussing it for what must have been an hour, she was actually pretty awesome about it. She is looking forward to having a daughter, and while she realises all the pain I have gone through and am yet to face, she said she would be there for me every step of the way. Now she is going to research up on the issue as much as possible. She also has the same feelings as me in regards to who is best to come out to.

It was all a mighty shock to her, but she is a social worker, so she has experience with stuff like this. Said she knew there was something bugging me, but was saddened by how long I had actually been dealing with this. The transsexual topic itself she was clueless about, but after the hour chat she had taken in everything I had said very attentively and understandingly.

Turned out I didnt even need to give her the info I had written out. I practically said the entire thing. It might be a rollercoaster in coming years, but to have the one female member of my family being so supportive is so awesome.

She even said I would look beautiful :blush:

Omg, I love you!

Relief, elation, and the realisation that im now out to a family member, so its a new world and there is no turning back. Also just realised she can help me shop now, and she is looking forward to mother-daughter bonding :)

Hope her research goes down well. I told her she may find some concerns, but that ultimately I need to go through with it.

Hugs and kisses,

Ruby

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Congrats Ruby on telling your mom,

Being a social worker, she i am sure will get up to speed pretty quickly on the subject of GID, wow... she knew something was up but was waiting for you to tell her what it was, yes this can be a hard life and others may not be as accepting as your mother, but you now have a vital member of your support team.

Paula

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi RubyJasmine,

Your story with mom has my heart swelling. Congratulations on her love and acceptance. Having this conversation increased the value tremendously vs. a letter alone, you should be proud !

I will be speaking with my Mom and coming out to her in just a few weeks, I must travel 1000 miles to see her, but feel it's worth every minute.

Hugs

Cindy -

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Ruby,

I am so very happy for you right now. How fullfilled and relieved you must feel. Your mom is one of the good ones for sure. She really loves you for who you are and want you to be happy. To have her as an ally through this journey is going to be priceless for you.

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  • Admin

Ruby, that is just wonderful news. I am so very happy for you. :D

I do hope you gave your mom a big hug, and if you didn't, there's plenty of time to make up for it.

You have a much smoother path to walk now, Ruby, with support like that. You're mother is a very special person.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Ruby, having the courage to tell your mother is a major step in the transition process. The support of your mother will be invaluable, not just for shopping but also to be there when you go though rough times.

Jenny

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Guest miss kindheart

That's great Ruby,

<<< hug >>>

She has known you for all your life, and if you truly are a girl inside, She probably already kind of knew it :)

What she probably didn't know was that you really want to be a girl :wub:

But she does now :D

Stay beautiful sweet heart -_-

:wub: vanna

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Guest PhoebeJoan

I was thrilled with her reaction. But it was shortly before a long drive home, and the conversation from my side was more a child in need. I explained myself really well, but I was in male mode, and was feeling nauseous throughout the talk. I didnt want to go too far with my coming out, I wanted to be respectful, take her a step at a time. I just needed more to talk about the issue and my experience, before completely expressing myself, as I felt too guilty to enjoy the chat. Only held hands, and didnt have a good cry either. I had to say goodbye to my other family members very shortly after, before I left to my city, so we both had to hold it together.

She didnt suspect it at all. As a man, I was basically a very good actor. My parents are also very proud of me, I am their eldest child and most successful. I hoped that pulling away the facade wasnt too devastating to her expectations, its a massive risk to take that jump. She always saw me as more caring and gentle than the other boys, so she can understand me being feminine, but it wasnt what she was expecting.

Basically, it wasnt much of a girl-talk. I felt too bad about it at the time. But hearing her talking about me being her daughter, and complimenting my more attractive features, she accepted me, not just tolerated me.

More expressive talks to come :)

The strangest feeling is that someone in your life now knows. It is comforting and scary at the same time. The cat is definitly out of the bag, so to speak. Hopefully it gives these teething stages of transition a little more momentum as well.

Next stop: Dad or 20yo younger brother. The Dad one will be absolutely terrifying. He is a good guy, but I'll need Mum sitting there with me. He might need more time to dwell on it as well, and is more likely to doubt my own diagnosis. Might need a professional opinion before going down that road.

I dont want to make him go grey overnight :D I also dont want to be the catalyst for a marriage breakdown :(

Younger brother will come round quick, he is a modern and easy-going guy. With him, I'll more have to illustrate that im the same person that still enjoys doing a lot of the same things. Ill just be his sister instead, and a happier person. He'll understand that. The main concern in his regard is the potential for an accidental leak, especially since he is friends with a lot of my friends that are still in my hometown.

Awkward times ahead. But it feels so incredible to be accepted the way I have :)

I will greet her with an eternal hug next time, to make up for last time.

Thank you for the marvelous reception girls!

Hugs

Ruby

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Guest KimberlyF

This is so very cool. Love stories like this.

Personally I'd go for the brother next. I think at 20 he should be able to understand this isn't like an ordinary rumor and you can get very hurt if he can't keep this in. I really think early on we need as many people on our side as possible and as many yes's as we can rack up. If you're unsure about your father then you could hold off on that plus if you go to him with your mother and brother on your side that might tip the scales a little too?

Kim

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest PhoebeJoan

An update

My mother came to my place for the weekend, and we hung out a bit and talked extensively on the topic. We had also ben in contact in the 2 weeks since I came out, and she has been absolutely incredible!

We have a budding mother-daughter relationship developing. We devised how I was going to come out this week and start seeking treatment. having her steadfast acceptance and support is wonderful. I even showed her a video montage of me in girl-mode, which was incredibly nervewracking for me, and her, but I wanted to help her better picture me as a girl.

Next visit, Ill be in girl mode with her a bit.

I also ordered some books off Amazon for here, which have been a great help. 'True Selves', 'Wrapped in Blue', 'Conundrum', 'Mum, I should be a girl'(?, the Evelyn one) and 'Whipping Girl'. I like the variety there.

She also see's how desperately unhappy I am. She is actually helping me through the process, pushing me to get SRS :blush: We have a little chat every day.

Also, other transsexuals in the ADF are starting to be afforded SRS. I was looking at staying on for another 8 months, saving up as much as possible, and then get out, but with this massive opportunity in my grasp, i really should take it. If I had to sign for another 6 years, that would be a big decision, but i really could get SRS quicker this way as well, plus have costs covered. Its just the public eye thing that worries me. This just bacem national news in recent days, and after all the hateful conversations I heard at work, i dont know how I could survive transitioing in the ADF.

wednesday(day off) i'll ring my chaplain to arrange a meeting, where ill reveal my gender dysphoria. he is a nice guy, so im content begining with this guy. Ill bring 'True Selves' along. I would have started seeing a gender therapist months ago, but beingin defence, you feel like you have to tread carefully. Even a few months ago, it probably meant discharge, no questions asked.

hugs

Ruby

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Guest sarah f

Ruby I am so happy you and your mom are getting along so well. She sounds really wonderful.

Good Luck with your chaplain. I hope all goes well when you let him know. Let us know how it went Ok.

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Guest Donna Jean

.

Hey, Honey......

I wasn't understanding "ADF" for a bit, but, I finally put 2+2 together and figured it out...

It sounds as if you're on a path now that will take you where you need to go...the acceptance from mom is awesome..

Continued success and smooth sailing to you!

Huggs

Donna Jean

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