At The Start

[Guest Sally G.]

Well I now have a GT. The first task I am going to work on is coming out to my partner.

My first working session with my GT is next Wednesday and I will work on some strategies for opening up to her.

My GT has already indicated that this is a good (for me it is necessary) next step.

It will also complete the third of the first three things I set out to do to when I realised that if I wanted to be heathly I need to deal with my tg status. (Joining laura's and finding a GT were the first two steps).

Aroha

Sally

[Guest JaniceW]

Sally,

This is good news. Best of luck with your GT. I know from following your posts that you did a good deal of work in selecting your GT and I hope she lives up to your expectations.

So now you've knocked off two out of the three first thigns to do, well that means you are 2/3rds of the way.

[Carolyn Marie]

Good for you, Sally.

Coming out to your S/O is a very big deal, and I'm glad you're getting advice from your G.T. on how to go about it. There's lots of

great ideas and tips from those who've gone through it in the Coming Out Forum, too.

Good luck, hon.

Carolyn Marie

[Cyndee]

Well I now have a GT. The first task I am going to work on is coming out to my partner.

My first working session with my GT is next Wednesday and I will work on some strategies for opening up to her.

My GT has already indicated that this is a good (for me it is necessary) next step.

It will also complete the third of the first three things I set out to do to when I realised that if I wanted to be heathly I need to deal with my tg status. (Joining laura's and finding a GT were the first two steps).

Aroha

Sally

Hi Sally,

You are the right track here. The S/O is along with close family are THE most important, and working with your GT should allow you to gather all the information for a "thoughtful" discussions.

Joining Laura's and reading others experiences will certainly add depth to understanding the issues involved here.

I wish you Peace on your Journey

Cindy -

[Guest Sally G.]

Well I have spent time with my GT talking through ways of bringing my gender identity up with my s/o.

Because I cannot know her reaction the amount of planning I can do is limited. The following is my general strategy:

Set a time - "I have something important I would like to talk to you about, can we do it after the kids have gone to bed?"

Stay in an assertive (or adult) space as opposed to reverting either to a child-like (submissive) or aggressive space.

Affirm my love for her and how I enjoy raising a family with her.

Answering: Why now? - Continuing to hide this is causing health problems...

And then go with the flow - see what sort of space she is in and react accordingly (give her space, answer questions etc - be there for her - I have been dealing with this for forty years, she has been dealing with it for four minutes...)

In other news - today I went out as Sally for the first time (well almost). I wore sneakers, jeans (womans) and a yellow top over a padded A-cup bra. By puting one of my male jerseys and a vest I was able to walk through the city to my GT's office and by taking the outer garments off (jersey and vest) I was able to be in fem attire while in session. This was the first time I have ever been "dressed" in front of another person. Another little step up the self-esteem and confidence ladder. Now all I need is an androgenous jersey and vest and I can be fully dressed 'en femme'. That will just leave face and hair to feminise..... (gotta leave something for later)

[Carolyn Marie]

Those are excellent plans, Sally. You and your G.T. have done a thorough job. You're right too, in that you never know exactly how

things are going to go. My only suggestion is to have a timeline of sorts ready, so you can explain when you first remember feeling

as you do, and what happened in the intervening years. That helped me keep to a nice orderly narrative when I told my s/o.

Congrats on going out as Sally. That is a big milestone, really big. Keep it going, girl. Baby steps!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Sally G.]

Came out to my wife last night.

She was upset and wanted to know why I hadn't told her at the start.

She thinks I am destroying the family.

We both had very disturbed nights sleeping (or not).

That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

She was not feeling well this morning so I helped the kids get ready for school.

Kinda scary letting her know as now someone else knows my 'secret' and I no longer have complete control over who knows (she asked if she could tell her parents and I said she could and that she could tell her sister who she is close to).

She comes for a conservative christian background and finds the whole tg thing quite stressful.

We didn't really talk - I think my revelation was quite a shock.

I see my GT later today and will further process this. Feeling a bit numb at the moment (partly from lack of sleep but also stress I think.

Aroha

Sally

[Carolyn Marie]

Dear Sally, you're wife's reaction was very typical, and now you will just need to wait and see what

she says after she digests this information.

It could go well; she may decide that you are still the person she loves, not matter the outer appearance.

Or it could go badly; she may decide that the change is more than she can bear.

You won't know right away. It takes time for her to process everything. Just give her space, and time, and

let her know that you are there to talk whenever she is ready. Communication, understanding, empathy, and

love are all important.

But you did the right thing in telling her. I know how much courage it took, and what is may cost. We are

here for you if you need us. Good luck!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[JJ]

Sally

At least it is out in the open and you can start to deal with it. Her reaction is likely to change back and forth some. And it is good that you have your therapist to help you through this difficult time.

Maybe it will help her come to terms to realize that this isn't a choice you are making but rather something you were born with and cannot change.

All the best to you. I hope you can begin to work it out.

Hugs

John

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

I really feel for you, Sally....I know how hard that is to do....

I'm sure that you are both numb...

But, as you said, it' is causing you health problems and that is just the tip of the iceberg....

She'll need some space now...and time to digest what you've told her already...

Then a longer, more in depth talk later...

Best of luck to you, Hon....

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest Sally G.]

Thanks for the support - it really does make a difference

[Guest Sally G.]

Well things are ticking along. My wife told her parents (I haven't seen them yet). Her father advised her against doing anything hasty or rash and suggested she wait at least three months to see how our relationship pans out (bless him).

She also asked me to tell my parents which I did yesterday as well as my Mum's sister and her partner (they have always indicated knowledge of and acceptance of any gender issues I may have). My father seemed ok about it - more concerned that I was doing the right thing medically (which I am). Mum took it harder but was able to confirm she did not take DES when she was pregnant with me.

My relationship with my wife is steadily improving, she is now more accepting that I have gender dysphoria and that we have things to work through. I am gradually opening up to her, especially around my emotions and feelings which I have always tended to bottle up and she tells me she really values this. She has also found the scientific literature helpful (we both work in science). I have provided the GIRES paper from 2005 as a starting point.

My worst fears about coming out have not materialised so I find myself quite relaxed and finally enjoying being honest with other people about my identity. It is not the end of the world but the start of a new journey and I can find support if I need it from people I trust (my wife, GT and cyber-friends here at Laura's).

Aroha

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Sally

We will always be here or you - you need to keep us updated anyway. I was happy to hear that things are doing better for you... keep on keeping on. GRIN

Lizzy

[Guest KimberlyF]

Sally,

I hope your wife stays in your corner. This is not an easy journey and relationships ride a roller coaster even more than usual. Things can sometimes seem to turn on a dime and go from amazing to depressing and back. I've had long conversations where in the middle I didn't think we had a chance to make it, but at the end I think we may have been closer.

Kim

[Guest Sally G.]

Kimberly your words were prophetic, my wife's mood is swinging from one extreme to another. I am working on the premise that the advice of her father was sound and that we should take at least three months before making any decisions one way or the other.

The crux is do we stay together or do we separate. last night we talked through what it would mean to separate. I stated that if we separated then I would pursue full transition to a female gender role, including any required surgeries.

If we stayed together the minimum I would require is some form of HRT and removal of most of my body hair. Everything else would be negotiable.

Last night she was basically saying that we needed to separate and this morning was 'I said some things I regret'. So the discussion continues.