Holiday Stress, One Of My Favorite Drinking Times

[Michelle 2010]

Well, it sure was for me! That Norman Rockwell world never existed for me and it was most painfully apparent at the holidays. I can't figure out Chat Rooms so I haven't been to the AA one here. My gender issues were always deeply buried at that time of year but I imagine for some here that may not be so. The biggest gender issue was kids home from school meant I had to curtail the occasional dressing up. That was the least of it though. Simply trying to live up to the idealized image of the perfect Christmas depressed me.

Maybe we should share some stories from the past or as they unfold this year instead of drinking over them. I have never started a thread like this before so don't know if it'll fly but it might help someone stay sober by trying it. I drank for over 30 years at the holidays and was scared of the first sober one. Didn't go to parties other than family necessities. Can anyone relate?

I know a couple of people who have sobriety dates between Thanksgiving and New Year. I figure it took alot of pain or embarrassment to stop at that time.

Who knows, it may be better to vent on a forum than fall from Grace by relapsing. Hiding bottles, lying about how much etc, Glad I don't do that any more BTW, the most important tip I got was to always drive myself to events, never get stuck at a party with no way out!

Hugs

Michelle

[Guest Opal]

Hi Michelle,

I attended a couple of New Year's eve parties way in the past I would just as soon forget. Once a person can get to the point that they can successfully avoid alcohol, they are empowered.

Are you having trouble logging into Chat?

Huggs,

Opal

[Michelle 2010]

Hi Michelle,

I attended a couple of New Year's eve parties way in the past I would just as soon forget. Once a person can get to the point that they can successfully avoid alcohol, they are empowered.

Are you having trouble logging into Chat?

Huggs,

Opal

No, I think I needed someone to hold my hand. I'm not a fast typist. The action is fast, and I had no idea how to navigate to a "room". After about 3 minutes of confusion, I grabbed my purse and left I'm sure the issue was "me" not the chat area.

[Guest Opal]

Yes, the Community Center gets multiple streams of conversation going, and it is impossible for me to tell who is saying what to whom.

There are a couple of ways to go to a specific room:

You can either choose which room to go to directly at the login screen (it defaults to the Community Center, but can be changed by clicking on the menu drop down button to the right)

Otherwise, login, then while in the Community Center, over on the right is the list of other rooms. Double click on the room you wish to go to, and it should take you there in a bit.

I sometimes log into the 30+ room, but infrequently due to other things going on.

Please try that sometime and see if it works for you.

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest erinanita]

Hi Michelle,

I can certainly relate to Christmas without booze. My first Christmas without booze was undoubtedly the worst one ever. It wasn't the amount of liquor that was there - it was the fact that I just couldn't get into the mood without drinking. I had to call my sponsor for a boost.

But it did get better. One day at a time I learned to get by without drinking. I never want to drink again. I love to go to parties and it is so nice to wake up in the morning and know where I was, what I said and where I parked my car last night.

I'm relatively new to the playground and being a transsexual, the last thing I expected to be discussing was my drinking. But it's something that I can never escape from. I stopped going to meetings when I began my transition so it is rather enjoyable to have a place to talk.

I hope you have better luck with the chat rooms. I rarely go there because I just can't keep up with the conversation. It's bad enough in the forums. I read a post that I want to respond to and when my post gets up, five more people have already replied.

So, Michelle, I do hope your holidays work out well without the booze.

Love,

Thtufus

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Its good to see people here that are not usually around - we so need you and your input!

The drinking can be a part of our dysphoria as it is a relatively common to THINK you can drown your depression - a depression caused by trans-issues, usually. Sometimes drinking excessively is caused because we find ourselves alone - not wanting to be confronted by our friends and family. Or the opposite, we drink because we think it loosens inhabitions and therefore eases those awkward social situations, and dull family get-togethers!.

You know all that.

What needs to be said is this, transitioning is the hardest thing you will ever do (should you chose that route). BUT! YOU CANNOT SUCCEED if you are fighting other serious problems. Drinking to excess is an extremely serious problem, even if you consider everything 'under control."

AND that isn't the 'biggie." There is a serious problem with properly metablizing the HRT drugs if you are drinking. HRT is very hard on your liver, and you should NOT be complicating that with alcohol.

{off the pulpit Lizzy - they know all that)

My best Christmas? 1976 - birth of my first child, my daughter - December 22

My worst Christmas? 1976 - death of my beloved wife - December 23

I drank heavily every Christmas thereafter - not much during the year, but BIG TIME around Christmastime for years and years after. The ENTIRE days of the holidays found me high as I could get.

Thirty-three years later I was beginning my transition - having been diagnosed the November before. I decided to NOT drink as I had started HRT on 10 December - and my doctor had warned me about the dangers. So I was sober during that sad sad sad thirty or so days.

But I made it work! A few glasses of wine since then - but no hard liquor, especially the whiskey and sweet vermoth - my choice of oblivion - usually three or four martini glasses of it, I regret to say.

Do I miss it? Yes and no, I had to totally quit - no social drinking, kinda a bummer.

But none of the women in my famly EVER drank alcohol. I am now a woman - therefore, I don't drink alcohol! I just face up to my sadness, or wait or others to lose THEIR inhibitions at a gathering, and I am better for that.

Lizzy

[Michelle 2010]

Nice to see you ladies responding! Maybe there are readers who aren't posters who can identify. Erinanita, I find it interesting that you quit attending meetings when you started transitioning. Was it fear that others wouldn't accept it or were you just too busy? I'm here because I finally did a sex 5th step with a gender therapist. I couldn't bring myself to do it with my regular sponsor. Its opened up a new world and, after a couple of months, told my sponsor all...

I was at a meeting this morning at 7am with 40 sober mostly happy AAers and shared that is a miracle that going into the holidays we're all sober and pretty happy. If there is ever a time of year to stay in today, its the holidays if they are traditionally hard to cope with, right?

The good news is that there is more than one path, as Lizzy attests too. 12 stepping is not the only path. I just couldn't do it on my own It only took me 100 tries before I realized it!!!

[Michelle 2010]

Its good to see people here that are not usually around - we so need you and your input!

The drinking can be a part of our dysphoria as it is a relatively common to THINK you can drown your depression - a depression caused by trans-issues, usually. Sometimes drinking excessively is caused because we find ourselves alone - not wanting to be confronted by our friends and family. Or the opposite, we drink because we think it loosens inhabitions and therefore eases those awkward social situations, and dull family get-togethers!.

You know all that.

What needs to be said is this, transitioning is the hardest thing you will ever do (should you chose that route). BUT! YOU CANNOT SUCCEED if you are fighting other serious problems. Drinking to excess is an extremely serious problem, even if you consider everything 'under control."

AND that isn't the 'biggie." There is a serious problem with properly metablizing the HRT drugs if you are drinking. HRT is very hard on your liver, and you should NOT be complicating that with alcohol.

{off the pulpit Lizzy - they know all that)

My best Christmas? 1976 - birth of my first child, my daughter - December 22

My worst Christmas? 1976 - death of my beloved wife - December 23

I drank heavily every Christmas thereafter - not much during the year, but BIG TIME around Christmastime for years and years after. The ENTIRE days of the holidays found me high as I could get.

Thirty-three years later I was beginning my transition - having been diagnosed the November before. I decided to NOT drink as I had started HRT on 10 December - and my doctor had warned me about the dangers. So I was sober during that sad sad sad thirty or so days.

But I made it work! A few glasses of wine since then - but no hard liquor, especially the whiskey and sweet vermoth - my choice of oblivion - usually three or four martini glasses of it, I regret to say.

Do I miss it? Yes and no, I had to totally quit - no social drinking, kinda a bummer.

But none of the women in my famly EVER drank alcohol. I am now a woman - therefore, I don't drink alcohol! I just face up to my sadness, or wait or others to lose THEIR inhibitions at a gathering, and I am better for that.

Lizzy

Ya know Lizzy, when I was drinking I always thought life had dealt me a short hand... When I went to speaker meetings I heard incredible stories such as this where people overcame pain I could only imagine. I realized that I was just a garden variety self pitying alcoholic, though admittedly one in a dress at times

You're an inspiration.

Michelle

[Guest erinanita]

Nice to see you ladies responding! Maybe there are readers who aren't posters who can identify. Erinanita, I find it interesting that you quit attending meetings when you started transitioning. Was it fear that others wouldn't accept it or were you just too busy? I'm here because I finally did a sex 5th step with a gender therapist. I couldn't bring myself to do it with my regular sponsor. Its opened up a new world and, after a couple of months, told my sponsor all...

I was at a meeting this morning at 7am with 40 sober mostly happy AAers and shared that is a miracle that going into the holidays we're all sober and pretty happy. If there is ever a time of year to stay in today, its the holidays if they are traditionally hard to cope with, right?

The good news is that there is more than one path, as Lizzy attests too. 12 stepping is not the only path. I just couldn't do it on my own It only took me 100 tries before I realized it!!!

I stopped going to meetings when I started transition because I was afraid of being ridiculed and lack of others' acceptance. I had tried to find a sponsor during that time, but after telling my story to him he almost ran out of the coffee shop. I just thought I would give it some time but now is been more than five years, so I'll just have go back.

I do really need to do a new 4th and 5th steps.

[Michelle 2010]

I stopped going to meetings when I started transition because I was afraid of being ridiculed and lack of others' acceptance. I had tried to find a sponsor during that time, but after telling my story to him he almost ran out of the coffee shop. I just thought I would give it some time but now is been more than five years, so I'll just have go back.

I do really need to do a new 4th and 5th steps.

Are you in the country or a cosmopolitan area. Florida has some cow towns that I would be hard pressed to find someone to confide in. You say its been 5 years, are you white knuckling it? If you know you need to revisit steps 4 and 5 I'm guessing your feeling a burden. I would be willing to discuss 4 and 5 and how it worked for me via pm or some such thing.

BTW, As you probably know sobriety and recovery aren't always the same. Recovery is doing the steps and having the promises come true and sobriety is not drinking.

Anyway, I hope everyone is getting into the holiday spirit.

[Guest erinanita]

BTW, As you probably know sobriety and recovery aren't always the same. Recovery is doing the steps and having the promises come true and sobriety is not drinking.

Hi Michelle,

Actually I live in a city of around a million people. There are probably about 200 groups meeting weekly here. I have done about 3 fourth steps but I never have gotten around to doing a step 5. Properly. But I've done all the other steps. (And yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds)

I am not white-knuckling it - I no longer crave alcohol.

Right around last Christmas I was having a problem with severe depression. Although I finally did get the doctor to give me some antidepressants, I felt at the time that I could have beat the problem without drugs if I returned to AA. But I didn't bother because the drugs "cured" me. The drugs also could have contributed to a condition I developed that was very similar to Alzheimer's Disease. The psych told me to get off the antidepressant. He also went through all the other drugs that I use and commented that the rest were all necessary.

I still think I need to give AA a chance. I will look up my former sponsor and talk with him if he's still around.

Thtufus

[Michelle 2010]

Well, it sure was for me! That Norman Rockwell world never existed for me and it was most painfully apparent at the holidays. I can't figure out Chat Rooms so I haven't been to the AA one here. My gender issues were always deeply buried at that time of year but I imagine for some here that may not be so. The biggest gender issue was kids home from school meant I had to curtail the occasional dressing up. That was the least of it though. Simply trying to live up to the idealized image of the perfect Christmas depressed me.

Maybe we should share some stories from the past or as they unfold this year instead of drinking over them. I have never started a thread like this before so don't know if it'll fly but it might help someone stay sober by trying it. I drank for over 30 years at the holidays and was scared of the first sober one. Didn't go to parties other than family necessities. Can anyone relate?

I know a couple of people who have sobriety dates between Thanksgiving and New Year. I figure it took alot of pain or embarrassment to stop at that time.

Who knows, it may be better to vent on a forum than fall from Grace by relapsing. Hiding bottles, lying about how much etc, Glad I don't do that any more BTW, the most important tip I got was to always drive myself to events, never get stuck at a party with no way out!

Hugs

Michelle

Gee, look what I found!!! An old thread I started last November and... It'll be Christmas before we know it right? What a haaaard time to get sober, imho. I always had to wait till the holidays were over, BUT...if someone is thinking about this being the year to really do it, I'm thinking September or October is better than November or December for several reasons, such as: Fewer angry boyfriends, girlfriends, and spouses do to our poor behavior; fewer Dui's breaking up the holidays; office parties where we're not feeling like climbing into the punch bowel because reality is so edgy, we won't have to pretend we like egg nogg just to get the rum...

I know I always felt like an egg ready to crack when i quit drinking.

Today I don't have to live that way, thank god!

So if you think this is the year to really do it, might want to start now so the edge is off by the time the holidays roll in. And if you try and it just doesn't work, I can tell you those crazy 12 step recovery folks get pretty wild at the holidays!

Best wishes!

Michelle

[VickySGV]

Never too early to start planning for the holidays.

I have less than a month to go for three years on this trip up out of relapse, but hey, the steps upward got me on to my full self realization, and to my referral for hormones two and a half years ago, it was a wonderful holiday present to myself.

[Michelle 2010]

Yeah, so you got sober in October huh? Avoid the post holiday rush!

My pattern was always to swear I'd control it during the holidays....FAIL, then

Swear I'd quit after the college championship game in early January....FAIL

then Swear I'd quit after the Super Bowl....FAIL

then give up ....and continue drinking for another year...

Hey..it is what it is... or rather was what it was....

But the good news is I don't have to do that anymore

Hugs,

Michelle

[Michelle 2010]

Last post was September of this year, when I resurrected this thread from a year ago. And now it really is the holidays... And what a gift it is to be sober going into them. Its the night before Thanksgiving and I'm sober and joining friends for an 8:30 pm meeting, not because I need the meeting to be sober tonight but because friends ask me to help keep a new meeting going.

Every year while drinking I always thought how Christmas and Thanksgiving was never the Norman Rockwell experience I thought it should be and it always depressed me. Tomorrow I will have Turkey and stuffing with 350 people, sober alcoholics and their families...some happy and content and some hoping that one day they too can be happy and content. But each knows that if they follow the path laid down by those that preceded them into sobriety and a new way of life, they too will have that chance at happiness.

So if your holiday reality is the way mine was for so many years, a disconnect between "what is and what oughta be...", and you are medicating that disconnect with drugs or alcohol to get through it...I just want you to know that there is an alternative, and it is a phone call away, and it isn't necessary to wait till after the Super Bowl like I always tried to do!!!

Best wishes to those still suffering

Michelle

[Guest John Chiv]

Michelle,

This is a very important message. I am glad you resurrected this thread. Have a great, sober Thanksgiving. And enjoy it with the pride in your determination and will.

John

[Guest pumpsara]

Drinking is normal but drinking alcohol for some is not, so try placing some type of non alcoholic drink in your hand first. Try showing up with your favorite coffee flavor drink in your hand regardless what other are drinking and stick to it

[Guest Eliza_S]

Some things are pretty timeless, I guess. I come from the Alanon side, but because of my experiences with a person who absolutely shouldn't drink and has had a lot of trouble battling it, I have a great deal of difficulty still with alcohol. I stopped keeping it in the house at all, and even 6 years later I still only have a little hard cider and perhaps a bottle of wine.

Loudly boozy parties make me feel sick at my stomach. I realize that perhaps the people there can handle their drinking, but it still makes me want to leave.

New Year's Eve is the really hard one for me. At least with Thanksgiving and Christmas in our family the emphasis is on food and gifts and companionship. New Year's Eve is about partying and drinking. A few times I've had a "no alcohol allowed" board game party. We play a number of the complex board games such as Ticket to Ride and drinking really is a detriment when you need to think. Plus I guess if you say ahead of time that there won't be alcohol in the house you only get the people who don't find it the centerpiece of a celebration.

The last two years, though, I've been to an AA Alkathon for New Year's Eve and just had the happiest New Year's celebrations of my life. So many people laughing and talking without a drink in their hand. It's very relaxing. Of course, there are a few people white-knuckling it, but the old timers make an effort to turn out to set the tone of the party. Do other people have Alkathons in their area? We have one for Thanksgiving, one for Christmas, and one for New Year's. As I said, I find the first two are not so alcohol-oriented, so I don't have personal experience, but I know that our area continues to hold them so I expect they are much needed.

[Charlize]

My home group sponsors an alkathon on Thanksgiving, Christmas eve day, Christmas, News year eve day and New years day. We keep speakers meeting going all day. For me though the most fun is cooking. We did over 65 turkeys and lots of corn beef as well as all the condiments. There is food all day and evening. News years night there is also a dance done by another meeting in town. For service it can't be beat! It was the first time i actually saw you could have more fun sober than drunk. It is quite a scene.

This will be my first year as Charlie but many of the folks have already met me. I spend as much time there as i can but this year will be doing a family meal for my cousins at our house as well. Its a good thing i'm sober! I'm glad to hear that Eliza has one as well. NJ rocks!

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Eliza_S]

LOL, Charlie. When it comes to AA and AlAnon, Jersey really does rock. I get cranky if I have to drive more than 5 miles to a meeting. I think there's one within 5 miles of my home every day of the week, and 2 within easy reach on Saturday and Sunday.

[Michelle 2010]

Well, it sure was for me! That Norman Rockwell world never existed for me and it was most painfully apparent at the holidays. I can't figure out Chat Rooms so I haven't been to the AA one here. My gender issues were always deeply buried at that time of year but I imagine for some here that may not be so. The biggest gender issue was kids home from school meant I had to curtail the occasional dressing up. That was the least of it though. Simply trying to live up to the idealized image of the perfect Christmas depressed me.

Maybe we should share some stories from the past or as they unfold this year instead of drinking over them. I have never started a thread like this before so don't know if it'll fly but it might help someone stay sober by trying it. I drank for over 30 years at the holidays and was scared of the first sober one. Didn't go to parties other than family necessities. Can anyone relate?

I know a couple of people who have sobriety dates between Thanksgiving and New Year. I figure it took alot of pain or embarrassment to stop at that time.

Who knows, it may be better to vent on a forum than fall from Grace by relapsing. Hiding bottles, lying about how much etc, Glad I don't do that any more BTW, the most important tip I got was to always drive myself to events, never get stuck at a party with no way out!

Hugs

Michelle

So this is Christmas #3 for me here at Laura's Playground... Amazing,huh? My Christmases still aren't Norman Rockwell Paintings and I still havent had a drink.

One of the things I hadn't posted as a survival technique that I learned in AA was about... Expectations. almost every time I am disappointed or in pain about situations or peoples behavior it is due to having expectations which aren't being met. Sometimes the expectations are unrealistic, and maybe other times are just surprisingly unmet. Eiither way, the fewer expectations, the less pain at the holidays. For me, this does not mean I don't have standards or values, rather just that I try to accept things and people the way they are. My life will never be a Norman Rockwell Christmas, and sometimes that hurts... but if I don't build the holiday up to be something it is not, it reduces the pain.

My life is considerably different than in December 2011 and everything that is good is based on staying sober and not drinking. I t would all disappear if I tried to medicate my way through the holidays. I am out to my son, and at a new church and to all friends today. All the love and respect would disappear if I relapsed and became the person I was before. Love and respect is based on engaging in Loveable and Respectworthy Behavior, right? If my behavior returned to what it was before I would not be loveable and respectable... Many choices exist if I am sober, nothing is possible if i am active in my addiction... Many personal challenges exist but today I am worthy of love and respect so that is not one of the issues.

Merry Christmas all!

Michelle

[Michelle 2010]

So, another year roles by... Today at a meeting someone talked about a suicide last week. The holidays sure can be hard... This is my first holiday season in 36 years without my former wife as part of it. Being trans and alcoholic can be tough, no? Particularly if the family is strained due to our transgender issues...

The good news is I haven't had to drink over it. For those with a soul sickness who are facing tough holidays with glass or bottle in hand, might I suggest there is a solution and you never need to feel alone again. My gratitude to AA is stronger than ever. With three+ years here, I have seen how folks can become lost... or consumed by fear, not knowing what to do or which way to turn. AA is a navigation system, like a GPS, for how to deal with life on life's terms. I no longer need to self medicate with substances in order to "endure" the holidays, divorce, financial setbacks, etc.....if I follow the path illuminated by those around me, who are on similar spiritual journeys..

It may be hard to concede to our innermost selves that the substance abuse problem is winning the war, but the solution is far preferable to the downhill slide that accompanies losing ground and watching hope vanish.....

My solution to the divorce was to surround myself with friends, rather than drinking to ease the pain. I always wanted more friends, and in Recovery i learned how to get them.... Turns out the best way to have friends is to be a friend Thanksgiving dinner was for eight and Christmas dinner will be for 12.... Its good to be sober today.

Hugs

Michelle

[Charlize]

"It may be hard to concede to our innermost selves that the substance abuse problem is winning the war, but the solution is far preferable to the downhill slide that accompanies losing ground and watching hope vanish….."

​It took me years to find out that my "medicine" was the problem. The solution after discovering the problem came over time with the help of others. I could never have gotten sober without your help. I still need to remember how little power i have when confronting my addiction. Friends, here, in the rooms of AA and throughout my life give me a reason to find joy in my life. Isolation alone can cause me to get lost in my own mind. Living a life of fantasy and forgetting that life is to live.

Thank you for being there in the holiday season. We we are the santa's for each other and hopefully can spread the joy we have found in sobriety.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Michelle 2010]

Btw charlie, this is the year that I followed your path and started taking in non-lgbt meetings as my true self. Like you, I have been accepted in meetings and, if judged at all, it is for the content of my character, not the packaging that surrounds it.

It is indeed good to be sober today and a blessing to have you and the others in recovery here at Laura's as part of my life.

Michelle

[Guest Rhy]

Nice thread! I am very happy to be sober and have some friends to spend the holiday season with. Snowing here in NY and will be all day. So i am staying in.

Holidays were tough in early sobriety but i was fortunate enough to live in areas where they had plenty of alkathons. i spent many a before dinner and post-dinner sitting in meetings. The holidays have gotten easier when it comes to not drinking.

The depression of not having family during this time of year is pretty horrible. Unlike the AA i got sober in AA in NY is less like a family. people don't really pull you in. So most of the time i go to meetings on Holidays and then the movies.

One thing I was taught in AA and is always good to remember is that everyday, no matter what the name, is just that a day and nothing more. We stay sober one day at a time.

This Christmas if the weather allows I'll be at the alkathon.

Rhyrus