My...predicament

[Guest Whitenail]

Hello everyone!

Recently this week I was talking to a friend of mine (who's male btw) and in private he said some things to me which got a few mixed reactions (mostly jumping for joy on the inside and expressing concern and logical thinking on the outside). He came out that as a kid he used to cross-dress, that was nice as what I did in my childhood went without "fixing" by my parents (though they were smart enough to not let me go out in public in the dresses, high heels and dolls I loved so much, possibly for the genuine threat of the twisted people out there), then he said to me that he would love to go out dressed as a girl. I greatly admired his confidence and after I asked some more questions it turned out that he was perfectly happy being a male and despite some...less-than-pleasant terminology (he does go on 4chan alot) he had respect for transsexuals in general. I wanted to continue the conversation with him but we don't have much private time at school, so all throughout this week I've been asking him to log onto MSN (he STILL hasn't...>.>) so we coudl talk further as I knew then and there that outing myself to him would be a major step forward that wouldn't result in dissaproval (most likely) and wouldn't be leaked to others.

So with my situation in mind I have a few questions:

1-How do I convince him that I really need to talk to him over MSN (just for the privacy) and he needs to commit to having the conversation?

2-What do you think I should say?

[Guest KimberlyF]

If you are 100% sure this isn't a set up of some kind just tell him you'd really like to talk to him outside of school, maybe exchange e-mails and start slow or if he wants try MSN? You don't have to go really fast. It would move quickly anyway.

What to say? Just start to slowly unravel the onion that is you. Or you could jump right in. It's hard to say. You have to see which way the conversation seems to be going I guess? Did you mention that you also dressed when you were younger? Start small and work your way up? Go into feelings maybe that are a bit different without labels yet. Don't really know...there are no real right or wrong ways for these things to play out.

Kim

[Carolyn Marie]

It seems like a good situation, hon. I suggest telling him that you have something really important, and really personal to talk to him about, and that the Internet is the best way to have privacy (I have my own doubts about that).

As far as what to say, why not link his cross dressing to your being TS and go from there? Tell him that you and he have something in common, but your issues are more involved, and more complicated, but also very similar. Explain that you both come under the umbrella of being transgendered, and then explain the differences between cross dressing and being TS.

I think there is a good chance that the two of you can share so much and become so much closer. I wish you luck.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Paula ult]

Not to burst your bubble, but I think you need to be cautious, how good or close of a friend is he, is he someone you hang out with or is he someone you only see at school once in awhile, if it is once in awhile he may be trying to to get dirt on you to spread around, if you do not go out on dates with girls he may think you are gay and is trying to find out, that is what most in school thought of me, the trans thing usually does not cross their mind.

Then again maybe he sees things in you that he sees in himself and just wants a friend. either way error on the side of caution, as is said many times once the genie is out of the bottle you can not put him back in.

Paula

[Guest Whitenail]

Ah, so many people to respond to and so much happiness for all the kind words and re-assurance

Did you mention that you also dressed when you were younger? Kim

One of the key things he said was "I wore dresses when I was younger" (or something along those lines), so in a re-assuring kind of way I said it was okay and that "I wore dresses and played with dolls when I was younger".

Not to burst your bubble, but I think you need to be cautious, how good or close of a friend is he, is he someone you hang out with or is he someone you only see at school once in awhile, if it is once in awhile he may be trying to to get dirt on you to spread around, if you do not go out on dates with girls he may think you are gay and is trying to find out, that is what most in school thought of me, the trans thing usually does not cross their mind.

Then again maybe he sees things in you that he sees in himself and just wants a friend. either way error on the side of caution, as is said many times once the genie is out of the bottle you can not put him back in.

Paula

You make a very good point there, I've always been very cautious about what I do in relation to my dysphoria (who I tell, my secrecy, just now mum came into the room unexpectedly and I had to quickly minimize this page and get onto something else) and it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if people would do things like that.

However we've been good friends for many years, my school's all male and is fine with homosexuality and really I don't care about not being able to go back with him. My own mother yes, but to a trusting friend who could relate to what I'm going through I've got to tell someone and not feel like I have to instantly deny it afterwards...I've got to.