Dad Now Knows.

[Guest Ev.]

Hiyas! So I don't come on here much anymore, kind of educated myself about all the stuff I needed to know at the time and then just sorta lingered for a bit. I come back to read topics every so often however, rarely log in and post responses though. I was doing that earlier when Mum came in to say goodnight and to tell me she talked to Dad about the whole gender thing. So for the curious, previous topic Clicky, didn't feel it proper to ressurrect that so.

Anyhoo, about a month ago I think I realized myself that I would never get around to telling Dad about my gender issues. Why? Simply because I don't care enough, and given I strongly think/thought his response would be pretty much ignoring it all (doesn't like to talk about things remotely connected to feelings *rolls eyes*). So I told Mum after that she could tell him whenever she wanted. Just that I'd like to be informed before she does or a short while after to allow me to judge Dad's reactions, or lack thereof.

So like 20min ago she comes in and says she told Dad this morning before I even got up, neglecting to mention this to me all day even though we've been in the same room alone on quite a few occasions. So I got all annoyed at her for not telling me sooner. I now have to think back to everything Dad said all day, but thats then in retrospect and me looking for differences that what he is usually like and it just doesn't work out well. :/

I'll now never have the opportunity to note if he was looking at me in a different way or looked somewhat uncomfortable or anything like that, with him just having found out about all this. Bleh! I'm more annoyed at Mum not telling me till now then I am at missing how Dad reacted but whatever... Now I'm not sure if the attempt Dad made earlier to talk to me was a sort of 'get her talking before bringing it up' thing or just one of his random, mostly disinterested attempts at making conversation. I can't look back on it and view it objectively like I would have been able to in the moment.

Unrelated to coming out, for those curious how I've been since last time I was talking, I was super happy for about two months but then depression came back. Mum, after me nagging a bit, finally got around to sending me some money on Paypal so I could buy clothes. She wasn't putting it off, just had to sort out stuff at the bank and whatnot which took a while. Anyway, by time I finally got the money I was on a slippery slope into depression land already, so I no longer could be bothered with getting clothes - even though I know I still want them, I just can't connect with that desire. Sooo just trying to sort through depression in therapy, again.

~Ev. :|

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Ev

I am glad to see you again I think that your parents are trying to reach you and talk to you. I think that they are trying to be receptive to you. If I were you, I would take this opportunity to express how you truly see yourself and hopefully all of you can communicate more closely.

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed again. Is it possible that you feeling of isolation from your parents is contributing to your depression?

It sounds to me that your parents know more than you realize. Maybe this would be a good time to have a serious talk with them.

Love

Brenda

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome back, Ev.

Yeah, I tend to agree with Brenda. Why wait for your dad to react, or try to figure out if he is or he isn't? Just sit him down,

tell him you know your mom talked to him about you being trans, and ask him what he thinks.

Sometimes the direct approach works best. That's the way I would like my kid to behave.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Ev.]

I just find it really hard to talk to him about anything, serious or not. Mum I can talk to fine, relative to how easily I can talk to others anyway. Dad though is just so... bleh. Very hard to explain how he has been the past decade or two (my knowledge) in words. Dad doesn't do heart to hearts or big serious conversations and theres never been much to connect to with him so, even though we live in the same house, I barely know him and he barely knows me.

Depression though, sure the lack of connection might be contributing to my depression certainly. I don't think its a large part of it though, more one of those straws that eventually brake the camal's back. Today he was the same as always anyway, talking about random stuff that was on the radio though in a slightly more friendly way (that may be my imagination though xD). So at least he isn't all angry/crazy/freaking out over it, so thats good.

Think I'll come out to my brother later when he's back from work, just so everyone in the immediate family would know. Could turn out to be a very interesting Christmas at least...

~Ev.

[Guest Ev.]

Wheee! I'm out to the whole family now (immediate family, anyways) and not one went all crazy about it! Mum is awesome, if a bit uncertain, about it and my brother is basically 'do whatever makes you happy' mentality which is awesome. Haven't a clue what Dad thinks about it, and likely won't anytime soon, but he seems more or less the same as always if slightly more friendly or something. Can't quite place my finger on the subtle change. Probalby just a weight of his shoulders, now knowing whats wrong. Or so my current thinking goes.

Brenda, seems you were more right than I suspected! Having been outed to my Dad back on Wednesday (like an hour before bed, so really Thursday : and now having come out to my brother last night at around 2am while he was supposed to be sleeping before work, I am in a much better mood today. I wouldn't agree with the isolation part of your comment/suggestion as much as maybe simply that now I be more myself around them, to varying degrees.

I have noticed though I have a really hard time opening up about this stuff to my brother, while I could talk to Mum about it even if awkwardly. I felt a bit meh about his reaction at first, as he went all guy mode/logistical/"suggestive" about how and what I should do, annoying! The thing is most points I actually agree on, I just can't bring myself to let him know that hehe. Don't want to be seen as doing what others want me to, or following "friendly advice" and such as far as family is concerned. Other issue that though, at least I now know more consciously about it so might work with it a bit in therapy. On his way back upstairs from brushing his teeth though he came back in to basically say that I should do whatever makes me happy. So that redeemed the whole situation in my eyes. ^^

Awesome mood at the moment though. I even started drawing again which I like never do. Funnily enough my ability to get anatomy right has sky rocketed since last time I tried drawing girls - this with no practice! Most likely just a fluke but I find it amusing all the same. ^^;

I basically lay down by the fire to draw and ended up with a 'future me' I guess, very unintentionally. Originally the hair was up in a bun with those chopstick/whatever in them and the face quite oriental. I do the clothes and stuff then end up changing the head entirely and now it looks a lot like myself, hair wise at least, just longer.

Mum came in to say goodnight and I showed her the picture which led onto me asking if she was going to get me jeans for Christmas (as this year I've decided not to tell her what I want, aside from one game I really want, so she has to think of stuff to get me herself!). She didn't say "yes" but it was kinda obvious she was thinking "she wants jeans! YES, I know at least one thing to get now!". She then suggested that I draw the type of jeans I'd like, given I had started drawing again. So I just held the picture out again for her to look at, this time more analytically. Its so obvious she doesn't really above of how low the waist is, though I don't consider it all that low. Different generations and all, I guess. Anyways, she didn't complain so at least if I do end up getting jeans they should be relatively to my liking.

Mums also combining Christmas and my birthday, as she didn't get me anything for that (back in July) as I had changed my mind about getting a phone and never told her what I wanted instead. Soo, now I hooopefully will be getting a good bit of clothes at least. I'm hoping for other stuff like jewellery or one of those giant teddy bears (though I know I won't get that without asking : but I don't want to tell them what I want. Has the potential to be the best Christmas ever for me though, trying not to be overly optimistic though as it probably won't be all that great. Better than most years at least, finally being myself. ^^

Ooh, the tee I had drawn in the picture had RAWR! on it (couldn't think of anything else*coughs*) so Mum was peering at it while asking what it was, so I told her and she looks at me in this very what-the-f* sort of way which was so awesome. Anyways! I'm just randomly gushing now so... yush, bed time. Nighty night to who so ever reads this relatively soon. :b

~Ev.

[Guest KimberlyF]

I'm glad things seem to be going well at home. It's always a relief when you tell anyone and they don't go off running into the streets.

Kim