Daddy's Little Girl

[Guest NatashaJade]

Well, I am his youngest and, even though he doesn't know it yet, his daughter. So...

"Congratulations, Dad! You have a girl!"

I'm not quite sure how well that will go over. My brother seems to think that I should never tell him. Perhaps I should just keep a few of the old guy outfits around for visits with the family. They don't really need to know. Right, bro?

Okay, so I'm not going to follow that little bit of his advice. I somehow think I'd rather be rejected than live that lie. Although being rejected by my father is one of the worst psychological blows I could possibly face. Believe it or not, in my 20's he met with me and my therapist (not my GT, obviously) twice a week for two months to work on our issues with each other. We mostly learned how to communicate and I forgave him for all the wrongs done to me in the past (perceived and real) and he gained a better understanding of me at the time. So he isn't completely disengaged from me as a parent. He isn't religious and he's a libertarian, so that would lead me to to believe that there is a possibility that he won't reject me. There's always a possibility.

Why bring this up now? Well, he and my step-mother are dropping in for a quick visit this weekend (surprised us with it yesterday...must deep clean the house today so that we don't get dirty looks for the damage that two kids, two dogs, four cats and two fish have done...it's mostly a dust issue...we don't dust enough. In Phoenix, it's a losing battle because the moment after you dust, there's a new layer of dust) to see the kids for Hanukkah and, I guess, see us. We haven't seen them for a few months, so I guess it will be nice.

But I always stress when I see him and I really shouldn't, but it happens. And I've obviously seen him since I started HRT, but he hasn't said anything and they hardly ever comment on things like piercings or hair. If it bothers them, they will silently judge me or make one little crack and that will be the end of it. For some reason, though, perhaps because I'm a little sick or my defenses are down because I'm exhausted from the semester, auditions for the musical and trying to edit my novel for submission to agents and my MFA advisor...for some reason I've been having massive flare-ups of my dysphoria. And I know why it's happening and I hate that I cannot control it at all. And I could blame my dad for it, but that's ridiculous. I haven't given him the chance to be a part of this and I have made assumptions about him which are probably just as untrue as the assumptions I made about others I have come out to so far. I want to apologize to him for not trusting him, but I guess my fear right now is too great because I still won't be coming out just yet.

I think I'll wait until my mother comes to L.A. in February and come out to them all at once.

That will be fun...

xoxo

Natasha

[Cyndee]

I'm not quite sure how well that will go over. My brother seems to think that I should never tell him. Perhaps I should just keep a few of the old guy outfits around for visits with the family. They don't really need to know. Right, bro?

Natasha

Thanks for sharing Natasha this. You obviously have much trust in your brother.

I sometimes wonder about coming out to Father, what it means, and how much would be gained or lost. Everyone's parent child relationships are unique, and no set answer applies. Timing seems an important factor.

In my case I trust my sisters, they are my allies.

Best to you

Cindy -

[Guest NatashaJade]

Thanks for sharing Natasha this. You obviously have much trust in your brother.

Well, Cindy, I trusted him enough to come out to him, but he's not as supportive and basically wants me to retreat into the closet and not think too much about it...or at least not talk about it with him. He's become something of a concern troll...

I don't think he'll be happy in February when I make formal family announcements. At that point, it will be "official"...but I suppose then he'll be able to gossip with my other family folk about it.

xoxo

Natasha

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

My dad passed away 10 years ago....

I'm really not sure how he would of taken me coming out to him.....

But, I'd sure to of liked to have had the opportunity..

Donna Jean

[Guest KimberlyF]

The Liberterian thing doesnt mean much one way or the other. They usually think laws about what people do in their own lives are oversteps by the Gov but that doesn't mean they champion all causes in their personal life.

But I wonder about my dad too. Hes the first I'm coming out to in my immediate family and if I can't get him on my side I'm in for a lot of trouble.

Kim

[Carolyn Marie]

Natasha, I do agree that you should come out to him, even if it goes awry and you end up hurt.

Why? Because its important that parents know, that they are given a choice whether to support you or not.

You need to have that closure, whether its good or bad. At least then you can say you tried your best.

How your parents react is something you can't control, but whether you tell them or not is within your control.

They deserve the chance to respond. It's only fair.

My parents died many years ago. I wish I had had a chance to tell them, and now I never can. I think my mother

would have been supportive; I'm not sure about my dad. I visited their graves and told them there. It wasn't

enough.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest NatashaJade]

They deserve the chance to respond. It's only fair.

Oh, I agree, Carolyn. The fact is, during my summer break next year, I intend to try RLE for two months and that will require everyone I know outside of work to know what I am doing. On top of which, I am at the point where I have to work on myself as much as possible without the stress that comes with being closeted from my family. They either will or wont accept me and I'll deal with it when that time comes.

That being said, I am still going to wait until February, after the holidays have passed because I don't want the month of December to revolve around Natasha (at least in my family...). Yes, I, I am an Aries and require the spotlight as much as possible, but I do try to avoid being the center of family drama when I can help it (but I'm really not very good at that, either). But I'll let the holidays be the holidays for now.

love

Natasha

[JJ]

Your decision to wait till February when you are prepared rather than rushed into a revelation by an unexpected visit seems well thought out. I know how tempting it is to get it done and over with but that also risks casting a pall over this special time of the year for the whole family. At the least it would add stress. It may even be a relief to them to understand things that may have been puzzling them.

I never had the chance to tell my parents but they had always know I was troubled at heart and I believe the news would have actually been a relief to them because they would at last understand and know that it wasn't some failure on their part that was at the heart of my lifelong struggle to be comfortable in my own skin and fit in.

May you have a happy visit with your family and find enjoyment in it regardless of the mode you are in!

Hugs

John

[Guest sarah f]

Natasha good luck this weekend. I know it is the right thing to do to wait until after the holidays but just know you will feel the urge to tell him while he is there. Each time I see my dad that urge is there but the fear of rejection and the holidays being here make me think twice about it.

I hope it is a wonderful visit for you and your family.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Honey

Advice from an old gray mare? Just be yurself. If you don't make a big deal out of it - it will seem what you are doing is right, especially that it is right for you. So be androgynous. Explain that you have always had a condition called gender dysphoria. Exlpain it is NOT about sexual orientation nor about a life-style choice.

It's worth a try - being honest and all. It is likely you will tell him eventually anyway.

Lizzy

[Guest NatashaJade]

So be androgynous.

Oh, my. The funny thing is that when I am in "male" mode, I am hardly even androgynous anymore. Not that anyone really notices. I was in a meeting today and thought I'd try to "man up" a bit and just couldn't find it in me (and I teach acting!).

But people who are self-centered have a hard time noticing others, so I'll be okay.

xoxo

Natasha